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8 reviews, 13 stories
Like A Friend (Snowman (Slick, Droog))
deep seeded hunger
Deep-seated.
You do a good job at conveying the brutality between the two while still keeping the part where it's a relationship.
Midnight Crew: Play Problem Sleuth (Team Sleuth, Midnight Crew, Snowman)
This is one of those good ideas that just starts drifting away in execution. It skips more and more sections as time goes on, and since the MC's getting to the same general place as Team PS, just seeing where it ends isn't particularly interesting.
And naturally, Snowman gets a weird cameo as HD. She can teleport! If she can't because she's in HD's role, I'd expect her to at least be reacting to that based on who she is, instead of as a generic character who just doesn't want to be stuck in her room.
Also, like I said, cameo. She appears only once so far, even though HD is one of the playable characters.
Calvin: Summon a T-REX IN AN F-14 (PS, Calvin (Tavros, Terezi, Hobbes))
This is adorable. Particularly the Spaceman Spiff part with equally improvising Terezi and their shared willingness to forget everything for a grubcake break. I'd love to see just Calvin and Terezi chewing scenery together.
I don't see why you made him thirteen years old in this, though. He's acting exactly like six year old Calvin, and it's both weird to think he wouldn't change at all when he's more than twice that age or that any thirteen year old would still be seriously considering the idea aliens shot the lamp as a good excuse. By that age, I'd expect him to have gotten better at making his flights of fancy sound believable, or else make them so elaborate his mother can't even follow them.
The best fanfiction (PS(SS))
A lot of the parts are good parody lines but they don't add up to a good whole. This feels rushed even considering it's deliberate badfic.
The Goddamn Miracle of Life (SS, PS, DD (HB, CD, Snowman))
The only complete babyfic we've got for Intermission fandom, and it's the crack pairing. I feel like this sums up everything I hate about PS/SS.
This is done decently on a technical level, but it...well, interestingly enough the word I'd usually use here is neuters Slick. The entire thing skates along in romcomville. Slick's refusal to realize she's pregnant just comes off as her seeming unusually dumb instead of that she's really in denial, in part because of another issue, the fact she accepts it way too easily (and of course doesn't even consider an abortion because Slick could never kill an innocent life!), and Snowman's there just to be galpals, seriously, Snowman doesn't even take the time for a bit of gloating she just jumps into yay babies mode (and no sign of them being in any relationship, of course), and near the end Slick gets in touch with her feminine side and goes shopping with Snowman because that's what girls do!
Oh, and Droog is randomly dating PI. I never knew how much gay Droog would start to grate but for god's sake he carries smut of naked grey women.
It ends in the miracle of childbirth (preceded by Slick running through every. Fucking. Last. Labor. Cliché.) because if there's one person who wouldn't say "fuck this, just cut the damn things out" it is obviously Slick. And if there's one person the hospital wouldn't want to drug unconscious for a birth, it's obviously Slick. So instead we have hilarious antics where the nurses refuse to help because she's scary.
It's just so damn frustrating. The whole point of a crack plot is to see the characters reacting to it. Instead they're being warped to fit the plot, which by itself is just a string of overdone cliches.
Midnight Casino (PS (AD, PI))
This is pretty rambly and slow-paced. You spend this whole chapter just having Sleuth tell us what's already happened and that he's going after the Midnight Crew, and then there's some chatter as he goes and gets the two other detectives that doesn't seem to serve any point but to fill space.
Submerged Lotus (GPI (PI))
Anywhere I Lay My Head (PS (SS))
PS and SS have a fight and then PS goes to the bar in the hopes to hear SS playing and then he does and he sings a song and PS thinks it means they're broken up for good and wants to leave because he's so sad SS doesn't love him and then SS says no the song was about how I love you and then they make out.
That's the summary I would make up if I was mocking how PS/SS is a bunch of OOC sappy cliches only I can't because that is honest to god the fic.
Be the Handmaid (Aradiacester (Condesc, Lord English, Aradia))
Oh this is looking lovely. The past/future conversation is a thing of brilliance - you manage to make both of them distinct even as they're the same person, and the actual content is terrifying and depressing but the dialogue manages to keep the same quirky voice as Aradia.
I really don't think white text was a good idea, though. It doesn't add anything and it's just an inconvenience. Personally I just turned off creator's style entirely when I ran into it.
Chapter 4: Every ending is also a beginning.
Oh, that's clever. The lack of the demon should have been a clue.
You do great job with with both the character voices and the stylistic quirks - there's a lot that feels like Homestuck here without just shoehorning in memes. And I'm surprised and happy at what a good ending this manages, given how awful canon is to the character.
I really do with you weren't using white, though. If you wanted to give her a weird voice, something like green would have been better.
Promises (HB, CD (DD, SS))
I like this, but your formatting needs work. It's a lot easier to read if you have a space between paragraphs, and you need to make sure to start a new paragraph every time someone new speaks. Right now you've got dialogue clumped together, which makes it a lot harder to keep track of who's saying what.
In Which the Hegemonic Brute Is An Excellent Can Opener (CD (SS, DD, HB))
Hotel Boxcars (SS, HB)
My Midnight Crew RP group has the best jokes.
People really need to learn that just because it happened in RP doesn't make it good.
Minor Glitches (MOC, HB (CD, MOC))
This really doesn't seem complete. It feels like something that should be part of a larger story, where it could be leading somewhere.
One of the minor irritants of the category - writing about male canons with nothing but male OCs as well.
Snowman (Slick, Droog)
Team Sleuth, Midnight Crew, Snowman
PS, Calvin (Tavros, Terezi, Hobbes)
PS(SS)
SS, PS, DD (HB, CD, Snowman)
PS (AD, PI)
GPI (PI)
PS (SS)
Aradiacester (Condesc, Lord English, Aradia)
HB, CD (DD, SS)
CD (SS, DD, HB)
SS, HB
MOC, HB (CD, MOC)
Three of thirteen.
deep seeded hunger
Deep-seated.
You do a good job at conveying the brutality between the two while still keeping the part where it's a relationship.
Midnight Crew: Play Problem Sleuth (Team Sleuth, Midnight Crew, Snowman)
This is one of those good ideas that just starts drifting away in execution. It skips more and more sections as time goes on, and since the MC's getting to the same general place as Team PS, just seeing where it ends isn't particularly interesting.
And naturally, Snowman gets a weird cameo as HD. She can teleport! If she can't because she's in HD's role, I'd expect her to at least be reacting to that based on who she is, instead of as a generic character who just doesn't want to be stuck in her room.
Also, like I said, cameo. She appears only once so far, even though HD is one of the playable characters.
Calvin: Summon a T-REX IN AN F-14 (PS, Calvin (Tavros, Terezi, Hobbes))
This is adorable. Particularly the Spaceman Spiff part with equally improvising Terezi and their shared willingness to forget everything for a grubcake break. I'd love to see just Calvin and Terezi chewing scenery together.
I don't see why you made him thirteen years old in this, though. He's acting exactly like six year old Calvin, and it's both weird to think he wouldn't change at all when he's more than twice that age or that any thirteen year old would still be seriously considering the idea aliens shot the lamp as a good excuse. By that age, I'd expect him to have gotten better at making his flights of fancy sound believable, or else make them so elaborate his mother can't even follow them.
The best fanfiction (PS(SS))
A lot of the parts are good parody lines but they don't add up to a good whole. This feels rushed even considering it's deliberate badfic.
The Goddamn Miracle of Life (SS, PS, DD (HB, CD, Snowman))
The only complete babyfic we've got for Intermission fandom, and it's the crack pairing. I feel like this sums up everything I hate about PS/SS.
This is done decently on a technical level, but it...well, interestingly enough the word I'd usually use here is neuters Slick. The entire thing skates along in romcomville. Slick's refusal to realize she's pregnant just comes off as her seeming unusually dumb instead of that she's really in denial, in part because of another issue, the fact she accepts it way too easily (and of course doesn't even consider an abortion because Slick could never kill an innocent life!), and Snowman's there just to be galpals, seriously, Snowman doesn't even take the time for a bit of gloating she just jumps into yay babies mode (and no sign of them being in any relationship, of course), and near the end Slick gets in touch with her feminine side and goes shopping with Snowman because that's what girls do!
Oh, and Droog is randomly dating PI. I never knew how much gay Droog would start to grate but for god's sake he carries smut of naked grey women.
It ends in the miracle of childbirth (preceded by Slick running through every. Fucking. Last. Labor. Cliché.) because if there's one person who wouldn't say "fuck this, just cut the damn things out" it is obviously Slick. And if there's one person the hospital wouldn't want to drug unconscious for a birth, it's obviously Slick. So instead we have hilarious antics where the nurses refuse to help because she's scary.
It's just so damn frustrating. The whole point of a crack plot is to see the characters reacting to it. Instead they're being warped to fit the plot, which by itself is just a string of overdone cliches.
Midnight Casino (PS (AD, PI))
This is pretty rambly and slow-paced. You spend this whole chapter just having Sleuth tell us what's already happened and that he's going after the Midnight Crew, and then there's some chatter as he goes and gets the two other detectives that doesn't seem to serve any point but to fill space.
Submerged Lotus (GPI (PI))
Anywhere I Lay My Head (PS (SS))
PS and SS have a fight and then PS goes to the bar in the hopes to hear SS playing and then he does and he sings a song and PS thinks it means they're broken up for good and wants to leave because he's so sad SS doesn't love him and then SS says no the song was about how I love you and then they make out.
That's the summary I would make up if I was mocking how PS/SS is a bunch of OOC sappy cliches only I can't because that is honest to god the fic.
Be the Handmaid (Aradiacester (Condesc, Lord English, Aradia))
Oh this is looking lovely. The past/future conversation is a thing of brilliance - you manage to make both of them distinct even as they're the same person, and the actual content is terrifying and depressing but the dialogue manages to keep the same quirky voice as Aradia.
I really don't think white text was a good idea, though. It doesn't add anything and it's just an inconvenience. Personally I just turned off creator's style entirely when I ran into it.
Chapter 4: Every ending is also a beginning.
Oh, that's clever. The lack of the demon should have been a clue.
You do great job with with both the character voices and the stylistic quirks - there's a lot that feels like Homestuck here without just shoehorning in memes. And I'm surprised and happy at what a good ending this manages, given how awful canon is to the character.
I really do with you weren't using white, though. If you wanted to give her a weird voice, something like green would have been better.
Promises (HB, CD (DD, SS))
I like this, but your formatting needs work. It's a lot easier to read if you have a space between paragraphs, and you need to make sure to start a new paragraph every time someone new speaks. Right now you've got dialogue clumped together, which makes it a lot harder to keep track of who's saying what.
In Which the Hegemonic Brute Is An Excellent Can Opener (CD (SS, DD, HB))
Hotel Boxcars (SS, HB)
My Midnight Crew RP group has the best jokes.
People really need to learn that just because it happened in RP doesn't make it good.
Minor Glitches (MOC, HB (CD, MOC))
This really doesn't seem complete. It feels like something that should be part of a larger story, where it could be leading somewhere.
One of the minor irritants of the category - writing about male canons with nothing but male OCs as well.
Snowman (Slick, Droog)
Team Sleuth, Midnight Crew, Snowman
PS, Calvin (Tavros, Terezi, Hobbes)
PS(SS)
SS, PS, DD (HB, CD, Snowman)
PS (AD, PI)
GPI (PI)
PS (SS)
Aradiacester (Condesc, Lord English, Aradia)
HB, CD (DD, SS)
CD (SS, DD, HB)
SS, HB
MOC, HB (CD, MOC)
Three of thirteen.
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I can guess the likely answer, but do you know if there's any particular reason why Boxcars/PM? Or is it the same as why Droog/PM?
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They seem to think that Boxcars is a giant doofy teddybear they would like to cuddle with, and PM is their stand-in for that cuddling. I kind of wish more people would take the same tack as this chick whose existence I was alluding to on Tumblr and just write Mary Sues.
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And oh my that is a lovely fic. If I ever finish with the Archive stuff I'm going to have to go back to the FFN category.
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I'm also continually amused that Rag Doll has inspired no less than four other writers to make "similar" fic and the only one that isn't painfully embarrassing is the graphic smut piece.