farla

its_a_fake is awesome. It's devoted to how the carpet leak is obviously fake. They start about three hundred posts in. I'm reading through it now.

The best part is they make all sorts of really good points, but forget that the actual books are not, in fact, better written than reasonable fanfic. So you have people saying the names are ludicrous, this line or that is just unbelievably bad, this makes no SENSE and all that, and it's all entirely true, yes, yet unfortunately not proof Rowling didn't write it.

As/S shipping is hysterical, though.

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From:

ember-reignited.livejournal.com

As/S? I've heard that term thrown around, but I don't know what it means.

From:

farla.livejournal.com

Gah, how to say this...

It's after the two new characters mentioned in the last chapter. "As" referring to that one with the OMG WTF WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? double name.

It's mainly chosen because the pairing name is considered...appropriate for the book. And possibly as a "Fuck you Jo, we've got a new slash pairing you can't touch" thing.

From:

ember-reignited.livejournal.com

Ah. I haven't finished reading yet (I can't bring myself to - it's getting so awful!), but I'm spoiled enough to know who you're talking about.

Do you really think Remus/Tonks was about that? That's always seemed a bit conspiracy theorist, but I don't know an awful lot about the real Jo.

Hey, Farla? You know what you said about only people who are insane and/or evil liking Harry Potter? I was thinking: maybe that's faulty cause and effect. Because I know for a fact that my brain wasn't this this addled twenty-four hours ago. I'll swear up-and-down. Ahaha, I wonder if this is what it feels like to be drunk.

From:

farla.livejournal.com

Do you really think Remus/Tonks was about that? That's always seemed a bit conspiracy theorist, but I don't know an awful lot about the real Jo.

You ask this after the 7th book involves Sirius' room covered in muggle pinup girls.

As someone who could not give a damn about shipping, oh yeah, she was killing it, burying it, then digging it up and giving it a few more thwacks with the shovel for good measure.

A recap:

Book Three:

Rowling: "Embraced like brothers"

Shippers: "Ooh!" *slash*

Rowling: "OMG WTF NO."

Book Five:

Sirius: AH! Drapery! *ded*

Lupin: Eh.

Harry: OMG he's dead!!!

Lupin: Seriously, eh.

Harry: HE'S DEAD!!!

Lupin: What part of "eh" is confusing you?

Book Six:

Tonks: *sad* *doggie patronius*

Snape: Let me emphasize how all relationships are het here by suggesting it's because you loved Sirius, who so totally would have done you because he's not gay, and who I can easily assume was in a relationship with you.

Tonks: Sirius? Huh? Oh, yeah, that guy. No, I'm emo with unrequited love for Lupin.

Lupin: I am totally not gay and in love with you. The only reason we were not together is that I worried about danger. For you, person who I am totally in love with and is female.

Sirius: Why is my godson who I knew for like five minutes the only one upset I'm dead?

Lupin: BECAUSE WE'RE NOT GAY.

Book Seven:

Sirius' room: I has hot muggle pinups. OF GIRLS. Because Sirius liked GIRLS, you see. So much he bought muggle posters of girls and used magic to permanently attach them to his walls. Because he likes looking at GIRLS. A LOT. And has throughout his entire life. GIRLS.

Lupin: Sirius? Huh, yeah, he's dead or whatever. More to the point, TONKS! We're married because I'm not gay. And we have a kid, because I'm not gay and we had lots of sex. With Tonks. Hey, she's a shapechanger so...

Tonks: My shapechanging powers are crap.

Lupin: Which is great because I'm not gay and want to have sex with women only.

Later...

Lupin: *ded*

Tonks: *ded*

Baby: WTF? They didn't even die on camera.

Much later...

Baby, now grown up: I'm snogging a girl. Because I'm NOT GAY.

(See also: Harmonians = Voldemort! "I love Hermione like a sister, seriously, I would never ever ever even think of that, I mean like ew, what's wrong with you!")

From:

purplekitte.livejournal.com

I don't really mind the "like a sister" line because I just saw it as Harry reassuring his totally and completely platonic best friend that his girlfriend hadn't been cheating on him with him.

One of my friends came to the conclusion: Voldemort dececrated Lupin and Tonks' marriage bed. We did the math. They were having sex on Dumbledore's grave for her to be pregnant that early but not any earlier.

From:

farla.livejournal.com

See, Harmonians are easily the most insane fan contingency, and she got a ton of shit from them post-book six. They were also some of her more vocal mockers, and people loudly proclaiming they were going to write a "real" book six because hers was so wrong. (A good number of them also repeated the Sirius/Lupin mistake of saying it was obviously canon and that she'd written it deliberately, which is a large part of what made her mad at that ship.)

Seen in this light, it's hard not to wonder if she had an ulterior motive in setting up for Harry to proclaim he is not, has never been and will never even think of Hermione in anything resembling that way. Especially on the heels of making Voldemort's horcrux a Harry/Hermione shipper.

I don't actually mind the scene. It was a touch heavy handed, but not a big deal and legitimate characterization. It's just I think the real reason it was included was that she was trying to disprove the shippers.

And yes, the logistics of Tonk's pregnancy are a mess. Even if someone can get the numbers to work out, she'd still have been pregnant for much of the time she was fighting Voldemort, and heading into the final battle not long after giving birth. But having a kid emphasizes how Lupin is NOT GAY, so there's a kid.

From:

ember-reignited.livejournal.com

Ah. Yeah, that seems pretty conclusive.

Tonks: My shapechanging powers are crap.

Really? I didn't quite catch the death of that particular fandom favorite. Was it in there?

See also: Harmonians = Voldemort!

Yeah, I got that. I actually put it into my notes *points to LJ*, though I attributed it more to my brain getting bored with the I'm-Preying-On-Your-Dreams-and-Fears angle (honestly, aren't there already three things that do that in this world?) and wandered off until it hit upon, "Oooh, fandom joke! Shiny!" Now that I'm aware how evil JK can be, I'm rethinking that.

From:

ember-reignited.livejournal.com

And apparently, my brain also wandered off in the middle of that sentence. It seems to be making a habit of that. Rargh, lack of parallelism!

From:

farla.livejournal.com

Tonk's shapechanging is just pretty much ignored throughout the book. It's like Rowling wanted everyone to forget about that part.

Now that I'm aware how evil JK can be, I'm rethinking that.

Yeah. To me, the deal sealer was that Harry's phrasing was done to make it completely impossible to write the pairing at any point, because he retroactively defined his relationship for the past six books as being like a sister. It isn't that he likes Ginny, it's that it's inconcievable he's ever like Hermione that way, and impossible he ever did at a previous point. (Remember, the Sirius/Lupin shippers reacted to the death by writing a lot of fanfic set at an earlier point, or wrote stories that veered off from canon before the death occurred. I don't think it was coincidence she made sure to prevent both this time.)And then she followed it up with a "Come on, wasn't it obvious? You'd have to be, like, a moron to even be considering it."

And understand, Rowling is really aware of fanfic. If she wrote something that makes a pairing impossible, she was probably doing it deliberately, because she knows people like alternative pairings.