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Catching Fire Bonus, Part 2
Jul. 1st, 2011 11:59 pmLast time on Farla explains why your English degree is worthless, a guy with an English degree proved they will hand those suckers out to anyone.
( Unlocking ‘The Hunger Games’: The Surface, Moral, Allegorical, and Sublime Meanings )
( Unlocking ‘The Hunger Games’: The Surface, Moral, Allegorical, and Sublime Meanings )
Catching Fire Bonus, Part 1
Jun. 30th, 2011 11:58 pmIn which Farla takes a break from insulting a published author in order to make insult a published literary critic.
Back in the misty depths of three months ago, I mentioned in my Hunger Games conclusion that I'd skimmed looked over some of the internets (but not many) to see what other people were saying. While I was generally disdainful, one piece cried out for to be torn apart. Unfortunately, it hinged on Catching Fire, so I had to get through that book first.
And here we are.
( Do you know why no one believes an English degree is a real degree? It's because of this guy. )
And we're done...with part one.
But we have barely begun to plumb the depths of this madness.
Back in the misty depths of three months ago, I mentioned in my Hunger Games conclusion that I'd skimmed looked over some of the internets (but not many) to see what other people were saying. While I was generally disdainful, one piece cried out for to be torn apart. Unfortunately, it hinged on Catching Fire, so I had to get through that book first.
And here we are.
( Do you know why no one believes an English degree is a real degree? It's because of this guy. )
And we're done...with part one.
But we have barely begun to plumb the depths of this madness.
The mary sue bullshit is still going on. Let me sum up:
Group A: I have deep-seated issues about criticism of any kind! Let me list things that, hypothetically, people could criticize in a way that is unfair. This means all criticism is invalid and meaningless and done to crush the souls of little children. Therefore the term is meaningless bullying.
Group B: Hey, you're totally right, we used to use that as an excuse to crush the souls of little children. When we saw badfic, we'd attack the writer for writing a sue just because it was badly written, even though there was nothing actually wrong with the character. This can't be because we were assholes, so obviously everyone else ever has this same motivation. Therefore the term is meaningless bullying.
Group C: I, too, have deep-seated issues, but mine are with confidence! When I was having my personal crisis, it took the form of not writing because I was worried people would call it a sue. This was clearly not a sign I have anxiety issues that could have taken the form of any self-confidence crisis but because the term mary sue just naturally triggers hyperventilating and days worth of sobbing. Therefore the term is meaningless bullying.
Group D: OMG I know nothing about this, but if people say it makes them stop writing, clearly it's just bullying and making people stop writing, unlike criticizing any other aspect of their story. Therefore the term is meaningless bullying.
Group E: FEMINISM. Let me list cool female characters! All of them are considered sues, because I say so. Therefore the term is meaningless bullying.
Group F: But, uh, that's not what the term means. Furthermore many of the male characters you're saying would get called sues if they were girls are in fact already considered sues.
Group A-E: Yes it is, because that's how it's being used. By us. Which proves it's a a bad term whose meaning has been stretched beyond usability. Also you're a misogynist bully for not agreeing with us. FEMINISM.
Group A: I have deep-seated issues about criticism of any kind! Let me list things that, hypothetically, people could criticize in a way that is unfair. This means all criticism is invalid and meaningless and done to crush the souls of little children. Therefore the term is meaningless bullying.
Group B: Hey, you're totally right, we used to use that as an excuse to crush the souls of little children. When we saw badfic, we'd attack the writer for writing a sue just because it was badly written, even though there was nothing actually wrong with the character. This can't be because we were assholes, so obviously everyone else ever has this same motivation. Therefore the term is meaningless bullying.
Group C: I, too, have deep-seated issues, but mine are with confidence! When I was having my personal crisis, it took the form of not writing because I was worried people would call it a sue. This was clearly not a sign I have anxiety issues that could have taken the form of any self-confidence crisis but because the term mary sue just naturally triggers hyperventilating and days worth of sobbing. Therefore the term is meaningless bullying.
Group D: OMG I know nothing about this, but if people say it makes them stop writing, clearly it's just bullying and making people stop writing, unlike criticizing any other aspect of their story. Therefore the term is meaningless bullying.
Group E: FEMINISM. Let me list cool female characters! All of them are considered sues, because I say so. Therefore the term is meaningless bullying.
Group F: But, uh, that's not what the term means. Furthermore many of the male characters you're saying would get called sues if they were girls are in fact already considered sues.
Group A-E: Yes it is, because that's how it's being used. By us. Which proves it's a a bad term whose meaning has been stretched beyond usability. Also you're a misogynist bully for not agreeing with us. FEMINISM.
The Lj-sphere has got stupid again
Apr. 12th, 2010 01:12 amIt's mindboggling.
There is actually debate, still going on, about if Aooo should allow original works. In a reprisal of the "omfg how can my hits counter be higher than my comments!!!!!" stupidity, one point brought up in all seriousness is WHAT IF THE ORIGINAL STUFF DROWNS OUT THE FANFIC OMG OMG OMG. Hey guys, remember back before Fictionpress, how there was totally way more original stuff being written, and how it was impossible to find fanfic? Because original fiction will totally dominate that oppressed minority, fandom. Kind of like how all that gen on Aooo is just making it impossible to find anything shippy.
If you check out the debate, you may be momentarily fooled into thinking there is a decent argument to be raised that they want to focus on fanfic. This will last until you realize what they're defining as fanfic. So fanfic = a thing you do in groups on Lj.
I think my favorite part is how jaw-droppingly stupid the entire concept is. If you're trying to get people to take fanfic seriously as writing, of course you should make sure to keep it in its own ghetto! Of course you should make sure that any author who doesn't approve should never be let near your precious archive, because that'll sure help change their minds! Of course making sure authors can't post both fanfic and original works will convince everyone that fanfic is a legitimate form of writing and not something people do because they're unoriginal hacks! Of course making a huge deal of the distinction between the two is the best idea ever if you're trying to make people think fanfic deserves to be treated as actual writing.
Meanwhile, in another, related corner, the fuckwittery with sues is back again, now with even more misogyny accusations. Remember, everyone: if it was a guy doing it, you wouldn't mind. Really. The term mary sue exists only to SHAME AND OPPRESS WOMEN. Because women are such horrible writers we have to applaud any attempts they make lest their delicate souls be crushed under the terrible burden of standards. Just because they're bad characters doesn't mean you should say that! God, don't you know anything?
There is actually debate, still going on, about if Aooo should allow original works. In a reprisal of the "omfg how can my hits counter be higher than my comments!!!!!" stupidity, one point brought up in all seriousness is WHAT IF THE ORIGINAL STUFF DROWNS OUT THE FANFIC OMG OMG OMG. Hey guys, remember back before Fictionpress, how there was totally way more original stuff being written, and how it was impossible to find fanfic? Because original fiction will totally dominate that oppressed minority, fandom. Kind of like how all that gen on Aooo is just making it impossible to find anything shippy.
If you check out the debate, you may be momentarily fooled into thinking there is a decent argument to be raised that they want to focus on fanfic. This will last until you realize what they're defining as fanfic. So fanfic = a thing you do in groups on Lj.
I think my favorite part is how jaw-droppingly stupid the entire concept is. If you're trying to get people to take fanfic seriously as writing, of course you should make sure to keep it in its own ghetto! Of course you should make sure that any author who doesn't approve should never be let near your precious archive, because that'll sure help change their minds! Of course making sure authors can't post both fanfic and original works will convince everyone that fanfic is a legitimate form of writing and not something people do because they're unoriginal hacks! Of course making a huge deal of the distinction between the two is the best idea ever if you're trying to make people think fanfic deserves to be treated as actual writing.
Meanwhile, in another, related corner, the fuckwittery with sues is back again, now with even more misogyny accusations. Remember, everyone: if it was a guy doing it, you wouldn't mind. Really. The term mary sue exists only to SHAME AND OPPRESS WOMEN. Because women are such horrible writers we have to applaud any attempts they make lest their delicate souls be crushed under the terrible burden of standards. Just because they're bad characters doesn't mean you should say that! God, don't you know anything?
Wtf, people
Mar. 30th, 2010 11:14 pmSo. As established, I finished reviewing the newer Exalted stories, meaning those whose authors are still around. They were surprisingly sane! The author of the series-of-linked-stories-story replied, as did the one with the knights.
Then came the author of that bizarre rape-and-lunar-buddies fic.
( Hey, so remember how I suggested part of the problem was total fail at the IC/OOC divide? Yeah. )
Meanwhile, the poll advances! For a little while it was tied at two for either month. Now it's three for April and a brand new two telling me not to. Interestingly no one has tried to go for "both", perhaps figuring they should only vote for options they think have a chance.
Then came the author of that bizarre rape-and-lunar-buddies fic.
( Hey, so remember how I suggested part of the problem was total fail at the IC/OOC divide? Yeah. )
Meanwhile, the poll advances! For a little while it was tied at two for either month. Now it's three for April and a brand new two telling me not to. Interestingly no one has tried to go for "both", perhaps figuring they should only vote for options they think have a chance.
Bad tempered Farla is bad tempered
Feb. 25th, 2009 07:57 amAlso, kind of loopy from sleepy + coffee.
(WHY CAN'T ANYONE WRITE DIALOGUE PROPERLY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY)
And if one more person asks for a review I am taking that option off.
The stories are just so frustrating. I read two PMD-based stories in a row. Story 1 involves a trained pokemon ending up in the PMD-verse, at which point the author skillfully avoids having this premise matter in favor of all the other characters ignoring everything weird the pokemon says because it's so much more interesting to just explain the setting to us again, and then she and her other trained friend go LOL LET US FORM A TEAM AND START PLAYING POKEMON MYSTERY DUNGEON. Oh and also she is a special ivysaur with gemstones in her leaves that make give her superpowers.
Story 2 involves a human who was in PMD-verse getting out again along with his two formerly pokemon buddies.
One of the three is a special persian who spends all her time walking on two legs and has a special blue colored gemstone, and when they get transformed she immediately figures out they're humans and exactly how old they are. SO OF COURSE SHE IS NOT THE TRANSFORMED ONE. No. The blue haired guy became a totally normal magneton, and the blue gemstone and walking upright thing is because she's the author's self-insert or something and totally unrelated.
And then she starts making all the decisions because "I bet you'll want to go to your hometown and talk to humans after spending years trapped with no one but talking pokemon to be around" is TOTALLY EXACTLY WHAT A TRANSFORMED TALKING POKEMON WOULD SAY TO THEIR FORMERLY POKEMON FRIEND WHO THEY HAVE NEVER KNOWN AS ANYTHING ELSE. And of course they'd find pokemon strange and unusual and off-putting, but have no problem talking to humans.
Because god forbid in a story where the idea is one character is a human and the other two are transformed pokemon that the human do the work of explaining things and setting goals and having a human viewpoint. No, it's special two-legged persian to the rescue! And of course none of them behave weirdly or anything, because the point of weird and interesting premises is to ignore them so you can get on with them being regular trainers! Because there are not enough stories with regular trainers about!
I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE A TALKING POKEMON'S RESPONSE TO THEIR POKEMON STARTER TALKING TO THEM WOULD BE TO JUST START TALKING BACK LIKE IT IS A PERSON OR SOMETHING. NO THEY WOULD BE SURPRISED AND THEN LOOK TO THE HUMAN IN THE PARTY AND START DISCUSSING IT LIKE THE POKEMON ISN'T EVEN THERE. BECAUSE WHO KNEW POKEMON COULD TALK? IT IS SHOCKING AND AMAZING AND COMPLETELY WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT THAT POKEMON IS ACTUALLY SAYING TO YOU.
In conclusion, when people demand to know why I decided to summon the elder gods to devour the world, I WILL POINT TO THIS. AND THEY WILL APOLOGIZE FOR QUESTIONING MY ACTIONS.
(WHY CAN'T ANYONE WRITE DIALOGUE PROPERLY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY)
And if one more person asks for a review I am taking that option off.
The stories are just so frustrating. I read two PMD-based stories in a row. Story 1 involves a trained pokemon ending up in the PMD-verse, at which point the author skillfully avoids having this premise matter in favor of all the other characters ignoring everything weird the pokemon says because it's so much more interesting to just explain the setting to us again, and then she and her other trained friend go LOL LET US FORM A TEAM AND START PLAYING POKEMON MYSTERY DUNGEON. Oh and also she is a special ivysaur with gemstones in her leaves that make give her superpowers.
Story 2 involves a human who was in PMD-verse getting out again along with his two formerly pokemon buddies.
One of the three is a special persian who spends all her time walking on two legs and has a special blue colored gemstone, and when they get transformed she immediately figures out they're humans and exactly how old they are. SO OF COURSE SHE IS NOT THE TRANSFORMED ONE. No. The blue haired guy became a totally normal magneton, and the blue gemstone and walking upright thing is because she's the author's self-insert or something and totally unrelated.
And then she starts making all the decisions because "I bet you'll want to go to your hometown and talk to humans after spending years trapped with no one but talking pokemon to be around" is TOTALLY EXACTLY WHAT A TRANSFORMED TALKING POKEMON WOULD SAY TO THEIR FORMERLY POKEMON FRIEND WHO THEY HAVE NEVER KNOWN AS ANYTHING ELSE. And of course they'd find pokemon strange and unusual and off-putting, but have no problem talking to humans.
Because god forbid in a story where the idea is one character is a human and the other two are transformed pokemon that the human do the work of explaining things and setting goals and having a human viewpoint. No, it's special two-legged persian to the rescue! And of course none of them behave weirdly or anything, because the point of weird and interesting premises is to ignore them so you can get on with them being regular trainers! Because there are not enough stories with regular trainers about!
I MEAN IT'S NOT LIKE A TALKING POKEMON'S RESPONSE TO THEIR POKEMON STARTER TALKING TO THEM WOULD BE TO JUST START TALKING BACK LIKE IT IS A PERSON OR SOMETHING. NO THEY WOULD BE SURPRISED AND THEN LOOK TO THE HUMAN IN THE PARTY AND START DISCUSSING IT LIKE THE POKEMON ISN'T EVEN THERE. BECAUSE WHO KNEW POKEMON COULD TALK? IT IS SHOCKING AND AMAZING AND COMPLETELY WAY MORE IMPORTANT THAN WHAT THAT POKEMON IS ACTUALLY SAYING TO YOU.
In conclusion, when people demand to know why I decided to summon the elder gods to devour the world, I WILL POINT TO THIS. AND THEY WILL APOLOGIZE FOR QUESTIONING MY ACTIONS.
Ah, FFN, pit of neurotic voles.
Jan. 16th, 2009 05:33 pmSo I have a thread up to request reviews. One of the stipulations is that people don't delete their stories afterwards. RavenMewtwo asked me to review their story on Jan 9th. They don't say which story, so I ask and get a response on Jan 10th giving the title.
I review their story. Their story had...issues.
Yesterday, their story is gone.
14-01-09
Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I've been busy with Christmas and stuff. Also, about a week after Christmas, my computer died. Unfortunately, I was just uploading a new chapter for Raven's Story when my hard-drive blew. When I finally got a new computer about a week ago , I logged on and found that Raven's Story had vanished. I have no back-ups(I'm stupid like that) and so the story has been completely lost. I am, however, working on some other things, which I hope to have up as soon as possible.
So around Jan 1st, a computer crashing while uploading a new chapter made FFN delete the story, which RavenMewtwo did not realize until about Jan 8th, when she got a new computer and went online for the first time to discover it had disappeared.
Then she asked me to review this story on the ninth and confirmed it on the tenth, I reviewed it, and the story was still up two days ago.
So yeah.
Also, Celebi96 has showed back up to inform me he has ferreted out this most secret and hidden livejournal. You may remember him as "the guy who I blame for all those crappy fic being posted in December" or possibly "the guy who started arguing with me over a friend's fic and then disappeared", but henceforth he shall be known as "the guy who was really proud of how much work he spent figuring out I have a livejournal".
I review their story. Their story had...issues.
Yesterday, their story is gone.
14-01-09
Sorry I haven't updated in a while, but I've been busy with Christmas and stuff. Also, about a week after Christmas, my computer died. Unfortunately, I was just uploading a new chapter for Raven's Story when my hard-drive blew. When I finally got a new computer about a week ago , I logged on and found that Raven's Story had vanished. I have no back-ups(I'm stupid like that) and so the story has been completely lost. I am, however, working on some other things, which I hope to have up as soon as possible.
So around Jan 1st, a computer crashing while uploading a new chapter made FFN delete the story, which RavenMewtwo did not realize until about Jan 8th, when she got a new computer and went online for the first time to discover it had disappeared.
Then she asked me to review this story on the ninth and confirmed it on the tenth, I reviewed it, and the story was still up two days ago.
So yeah.
Also, Celebi96 has showed back up to inform me he has ferreted out this most secret and hidden livejournal. You may remember him as "the guy who I blame for all those crappy fic being posted in December" or possibly "the guy who started arguing with me over a friend's fic and then disappeared", but henceforth he shall be known as "the guy who was really proud of how much work he spent figuring out I have a livejournal".
(no subject)
Jan. 10th, 2009 09:43 amD: Why you do this????
And a more general, community-minded D: to the steadily worsening saga of Fanlib.
Finally, getting around to posting the final review reply of horrified lulz. Mostly just for the section I bolded, as that was about the most WTFy thing I saw in the whole month, but the rest is pretty out there too.
( Mew3 is totally pronounced Mew-Cubed, stupidheads! )
And a more general, community-minded D: to the steadily worsening saga of Fanlib.
Finally, getting around to posting the final review reply of horrified lulz. Mostly just for the section I bolded, as that was about the most WTFy thing I saw in the whole month, but the rest is pretty out there too.
( Mew3 is totally pronounced Mew-Cubed, stupidheads! )
I am falling behind
Dec. 9th, 2008 10:58 pmSo today's crazy bitchery award goes to the Pisces of Zodiac Chiks (because an inability to spell your penname properly is such a good sign). Later I got a less frothing reply from her other half, which is ironic, since she claimed to be the more patient one, but that one wasn't lolarious like Pisces girl, who claimed:
I'm getting the feeling that you're not a fan of Original Characters or anything that isn't Canonical to a Series. And, just out of curiousity, I popped over to your Profile and saw all
of your Mary-Sue parodies; even though you don't call them Parodies.
Yep. If you decide to write off someone's criticism as "they just hate all OCs", and you go over to their profile and find they're writing OCs, the proper response is to assume all hundred of their stories are secret parodies regarding how much they hate OCs. Because there's no other explanation for why they wouldn't like your OC who is definitely not a sue.
Bonus funny: she replied to my bit about not capitalizing pokemon names with a rant about how she already knew when things should and shouldn't be capitalized.
But that's not all. Honorable mention goes to xxbeccatxx, who won the coveted nostalgia award when she decided that she should reply by reviewing one of my stories, which can be seen in all its glory here. It's enough to wish there was an option to block review-replies, just so more people would do crazy stuff like that. No, I'm not kidding, it really was more fun when people either had to use email or play the drama out in public.
And then there's Pokemon: Origins, which appears to be actually good. Involves the canon cast, focuses on Ash, and otherwise can't possibly be real. I'm going to realize it's a sleep deprived hallucination tomorrow morning, so you should probably read it now.
I'm getting the feeling that you're not a fan of Original Characters or anything that isn't Canonical to a Series. And, just out of curiousity, I popped over to your Profile and saw all
of your Mary-Sue parodies; even though you don't call them Parodies.
Yep. If you decide to write off someone's criticism as "they just hate all OCs", and you go over to their profile and find they're writing OCs, the proper response is to assume all hundred of their stories are secret parodies regarding how much they hate OCs. Because there's no other explanation for why they wouldn't like your OC who is definitely not a sue.
Bonus funny: she replied to my bit about not capitalizing pokemon names with a rant about how she already knew when things should and shouldn't be capitalized.
But that's not all. Honorable mention goes to xxbeccatxx, who won the coveted nostalgia award when she decided that she should reply by reviewing one of my stories, which can be seen in all its glory here. It's enough to wish there was an option to block review-replies, just so more people would do crazy stuff like that. No, I'm not kidding, it really was more fun when people either had to use email or play the drama out in public.
And then there's Pokemon: Origins, which appears to be actually good. Involves the canon cast, focuses on Ash, and otherwise can't possibly be real. I'm going to realize it's a sleep deprived hallucination tomorrow morning, so you should probably read it now.
Forum...drama? Weirdness? Something.
Dec. 6th, 2008 04:33 pmSo Keeper seems to have abruptly burned out, his INTERNET LAWYER EXTRAORDINAIRE friend got distracted by something shiny, and now it's down to Soaringdragon43, who showed up after Keeper linked his friends to complain that I'd reviewed a good fic harshly but ignored all the worse ones around it, which was exceptionally untrue given I'd literally reviewed everything around it. As the discussion goes on, we discover Soaringdragon43 is a) a flamer and b) actually part of an entirely FFN group for flaming. But it's okay because it all started as part of harassing someone for daring to post a story using the same idea as one of their friends.
I point this out mainly so I can go on to ask why people always bitch at me about how evil I am for being mean to the innocent authors. Seriously. Is it so much to ask that your enemies tell you their actual reason for hating you, and not one made up on the fly?
I point this out mainly so I can go on to ask why people always bitch at me about how evil I am for being mean to the innocent authors. Seriously. Is it so much to ask that your enemies tell you their actual reason for hating you, and not one made up on the fly?
So I've been working my way through the LB books. About midway through I was struck by a Revelation. The books aren't God-as-abusive-father, which was my initial framework. No, they're God-as-abusive-boyfriend - yes, he's abusive and controlling, but he's also crazy possessive and keeps going on about how much he loves you and why do you make him hit you baby?
And then I got to the final book (LALALALA THERE IS NO THIRTEEN I CAN'T HEAR YOU) where Jesus shows up and it gets really really gay.
Not pejorative gay, gay gay.
I wish I was kidding here, people. But no, Jesus is an abusive gay boyfriend. An abusive gay boyfriend with superpowers.
Jesus: *makes people bow and beg for mercy*
Jesus: *sadface*
Jesus: *brutally kills*
Jesus: I just want to say again, I'm not willing that any should perish. *sadface*
Jesus: Oops, missed one. *brutally kills*
Nicolae: So I can see where this is going and I'm thinking, not bowing.
Jesus: No. Kneel and beg for mercy. Grovel.
Nicolae: You just made the last three guys spontaneously combust. Also? Satan told me how well that worked out for all of everyone for all of history ever, in case the live demonstrations right now weren't convincing enough.
Jesus: Satan get the hell out.
Nicolae: Fuck I'm turning into a corpse and collapsing.
Jesus: I TOLD YOU YOU'D BOW, BITCH. *sadface* By the way, don't you know how sad I am you rejected me? Because I loved you and made you so pretty and clever and then you turned against me?
Nicolae: If it means ending this conversation, yes. Yes I do.
Jesus: No, I want to talk more. You were so pretty and clever and pretty and I made you that way and did I mention pretty?
Nicolae: I'm the genetically engineered clone of two gay men. And you have just made that EVEN WEIRDER thanks.
Jesus: Are you sure you don't want to beg for mercy?
Nicolae: Aren't you going to throw me into a lake of fire anyway?
Jesus: Yes. Yes I am.
Nicolae: ...
Jesus: It's all your fault for rejecting me. Do you not see my sadface? *sadfaces more* Guys do you see it?
Saved people: YES JESUS OH GOD I LOVE YOU SO PRETTY.
Jesus: So, loyal people who are loyal AND LOVE ME UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I COULD MENTION LUCIFER what should I do with him?
Saved people: Rape and torture him!
Jesus: Mm...nah.
Saved people: OMG GOD you are so nice!!!1
Jesus: Now I want you to tell me how I'm the Lord God and your master and the creator of the universe and really awesome and that you knew I loved you and rejected me because you're just a jerk.
Nicolae:...
Jesus: I'm wait-ting.
Nicolae: You're the Lord God, creator of heaven and earth, you loved me since I was born, should never have turned my back on you etc etc we all get it, really, you've done this with every person so far.
Jesus: And now you get thrown into a lake of fire while alive. Even though you're a decomposing corpse...whatever, not my department. Next up, Lucifer!
*Lucifer appears again. Jesus has his angel wrestle him for a bit (while shapechanging) including a lot of choking, then tie him up with chains. Then lets Lucifer out of the chains once he stops fighting and submits...or something, this part is really really confusing and the subtext starts moving from creepy to OMFG CREEPY.*
*Lucifer is prettier than any of the other angels, by the way. Way, way prettier. But he's not as shiny as God. I swear this is what the book actually says.*
Jesus: So hey, Lucifer. Did you notice that whole thing where after I cast you out of Nicolae, who's like a human version of you with the whole pretty shiny cleverness, I made him bow to me and say all that stuff?
Lucifer: God I hate you so much.
Jesus: So now I'm thinking you should bow and tell me how I'm your Lord and Master and stuff, because that'd be even better.
Lucifer: No way in hell.
Jesus: You know what's awesome about actually being God? I can just make you.
*makes Lucifer bow*
*description goes on and on about how he's fighting this with every muscle in his body, and also apparently in agonizing pain and starting to collapse completely*
*Again: seriously says this*
Jesus: So I made you special and pretty and I dressed you in every precious gem AND YOU WERE EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THEY WERE AND YOU WERE PERFECT *wishes so much she was making this up right now but she is not* AND I SET YOU AT MY SIDE ALL THE TIME CONSTANTLY AND THEN YOU BETRAYED ME AND I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH AND YOU MADE ME DO ALL THIS WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THIS YOU NOT SEE MY SADFACE IT'S VERY SAD AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! (BTW - evolution is a lie kids!)
Lucifer: I rode a pig into the temple for the lulz and you are making me look sane.
Jesus: STFU BITCH. *Lucifer loses the ability to speak* *sadfaces* You were so lovely...you know what'll take my mind off this? Watching my loyal (and pretty!) angels wrestle you for a while and then tie you up.
*and indeed it happens again*
Jesus: Why did you make me throw you into a lake of fire and be tortured forever?
Lucifer: I said something about "My god, he's fucking insane"?
Jesus: Right, that. I'll let you out next millennium formakeup sex...dammit, I have no alternative excuse. Whatever, I'm God, they'll just have to deal with it. You don't care, right guys?
Saved people: ILU Jesus! Hug me again! Let me fall into your lap as you clutch my head to your beautifully sculpted breast!
*is not making this up is not making this up is not making this up*
Jesus: On it! *gestures to angels to throw Lucifer into pit of flame* LOOK AT HOW HAPPY WE ARE TOGETHER LUCIFER I TOTALLY DON'T MISS YOU AT ALL.
Lucifer: For fucks sake what's taking you guys so long throw me in already!
And then I got to the final book (LALALALA THERE IS NO THIRTEEN I CAN'T HEAR YOU) where Jesus shows up and it gets really really gay.
Not pejorative gay, gay gay.
I wish I was kidding here, people. But no, Jesus is an abusive gay boyfriend. An abusive gay boyfriend with superpowers.
Jesus: *makes people bow and beg for mercy*
Jesus: *sadface*
Jesus: *brutally kills*
Jesus: I just want to say again, I'm not willing that any should perish. *sadface*
Jesus: Oops, missed one. *brutally kills*
Nicolae: So I can see where this is going and I'm thinking, not bowing.
Jesus: No. Kneel and beg for mercy. Grovel.
Nicolae: You just made the last three guys spontaneously combust. Also? Satan told me how well that worked out for all of everyone for all of history ever, in case the live demonstrations right now weren't convincing enough.
Jesus: Satan get the hell out.
Nicolae: Fuck I'm turning into a corpse and collapsing.
Jesus: I TOLD YOU YOU'D BOW, BITCH. *sadface* By the way, don't you know how sad I am you rejected me? Because I loved you and made you so pretty and clever and then you turned against me?
Nicolae: If it means ending this conversation, yes. Yes I do.
Jesus: No, I want to talk more. You were so pretty and clever and pretty and I made you that way and did I mention pretty?
Nicolae: I'm the genetically engineered clone of two gay men. And you have just made that EVEN WEIRDER thanks.
Jesus: Are you sure you don't want to beg for mercy?
Nicolae: Aren't you going to throw me into a lake of fire anyway?
Jesus: Yes. Yes I am.
Nicolae: ...
Jesus: It's all your fault for rejecting me. Do you not see my sadface? *sadfaces more* Guys do you see it?
Saved people: YES JESUS OH GOD I LOVE YOU SO PRETTY.
Jesus: So, loyal people who are loyal AND LOVE ME UNLIKE SOME PEOPLE I COULD MENTION LUCIFER what should I do with him?
Saved people: Rape and torture him!
Jesus: Mm...nah.
Saved people: OMG GOD you are so nice!!!1
Jesus: Now I want you to tell me how I'm the Lord God and your master and the creator of the universe and really awesome and that you knew I loved you and rejected me because you're just a jerk.
Nicolae:...
Jesus: I'm wait-ting.
Nicolae: You're the Lord God, creator of heaven and earth, you loved me since I was born, should never have turned my back on you etc etc we all get it, really, you've done this with every person so far.
Jesus: And now you get thrown into a lake of fire while alive. Even though you're a decomposing corpse...whatever, not my department. Next up, Lucifer!
*Lucifer appears again. Jesus has his angel wrestle him for a bit (while shapechanging) including a lot of choking, then tie him up with chains. Then lets Lucifer out of the chains once he stops fighting and submits...or something, this part is really really confusing and the subtext starts moving from creepy to OMFG CREEPY.*
*Lucifer is prettier than any of the other angels, by the way. Way, way prettier. But he's not as shiny as God. I swear this is what the book actually says.*
Jesus: So hey, Lucifer. Did you notice that whole thing where after I cast you out of Nicolae, who's like a human version of you with the whole pretty shiny cleverness, I made him bow to me and say all that stuff?
Lucifer: God I hate you so much.
Jesus: So now I'm thinking you should bow and tell me how I'm your Lord and Master and stuff, because that'd be even better.
Lucifer: No way in hell.
Jesus: You know what's awesome about actually being God? I can just make you.
*makes Lucifer bow*
*description goes on and on about how he's fighting this with every muscle in his body, and also apparently in agonizing pain and starting to collapse completely*
*Again: seriously says this*
Jesus: So I made you special and pretty and I dressed you in every precious gem AND YOU WERE EVEN MORE BEAUTIFUL THAN THEY WERE AND YOU WERE PERFECT *wishes so much she was making this up right now but she is not* AND I SET YOU AT MY SIDE ALL THE TIME CONSTANTLY AND THEN YOU BETRAYED ME AND I LOVE YOU SO SO MUCH AND YOU MADE ME DO ALL THIS WHY DID YOU MAKE ME DO THIS YOU NOT SEE MY SADFACE IT'S VERY SAD AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT! (BTW - evolution is a lie kids!)
Lucifer: I rode a pig into the temple for the lulz and you are making me look sane.
Jesus: STFU BITCH. *Lucifer loses the ability to speak* *sadfaces* You were so lovely...you know what'll take my mind off this? Watching my loyal (and pretty!) angels wrestle you for a while and then tie you up.
*and indeed it happens again*
Jesus: Why did you make me throw you into a lake of fire and be tortured forever?
Lucifer: I said something about "My god, he's fucking insane"?
Jesus: Right, that. I'll let you out next millennium for
Saved people: ILU Jesus! Hug me again! Let me fall into your lap as you clutch my head to your beautifully sculpted breast!
*is not making this up is not making this up is not making this up*
Jesus: On it! *gestures to angels to throw Lucifer into pit of flame* LOOK AT HOW HAPPY WE ARE TOGETHER LUCIFER I TOTALLY DON'T MISS YOU AT ALL.
Lucifer: For fucks sake what's taking you guys so long throw me in already!
Yami's gotten emo again!
It's so unfair, world! Yami is being persecuted unfairly! She never said any of that stuff! It was her identical twin hacking her account you guys obviously duh! OPPRESSION!
"But really I wonder how 'I nearly thought tl;dr' turned into omg purple drake is whining, he's a cuntfuck who's flooding my story with 6+ pages of reviews! omg shut uppppp stop pointing out my proooobleeeeems I am ignooorriiiing them like uuuu, I only listen to saaaandra cuz I allowed her to beta! and all this shit."
We need a Yami bingo made up.
The crazy part is, that's not even the most WTFy thing she's got up. No, that honor would have to go to the the lovely pair of posts where she bitched about being denied health insurance (summary: it is all the unwed mothers' fault), then next post went OMG TEH OBAMARXIST WILL TAKE UR MONEYS N U WILL DESERVES IT!!! btw got welfare insurance guys. SOCIALISM IS WRONG!
...countdown to her switching to yet another journal in three, two...
Actually, we should take bets on which comes first, yams-potato.livejournal.com or the Serebii flounce?
It's so unfair, world! Yami is being persecuted unfairly! She never said any of that stuff! It was her identical twin hacking her account you guys obviously duh! OPPRESSION!
"But really I wonder how 'I nearly thought tl;dr' turned into omg purple drake is whining, he's a cuntfuck who's flooding my story with 6+ pages of reviews! omg shut uppppp stop pointing out my proooobleeeeems I am ignooorriiiing them like uuuu, I only listen to saaaandra cuz I allowed her to beta! and all this shit."
We need a Yami bingo made up.
The crazy part is, that's not even the most WTFy thing she's got up. No, that honor would have to go to the the lovely pair of posts where she bitched about being denied health insurance (summary: it is all the unwed mothers' fault), then next post went OMG TEH OBAMARXIST WILL TAKE UR MONEYS N U WILL DESERVES IT!!! btw got welfare insurance guys. SOCIALISM IS WRONG!
...countdown to her switching to yet another journal in three, two...
Actually, we should take bets on which comes first, yams-potato.livejournal.com or the Serebii flounce?
Forum drama tastes like candy.
Nov. 8th, 2008 11:15 amSo I think I've resolved things with The Keeper of Truth, by which I mean he's slunk off probably hating me even more but at least now he's got some sort of reason for it. What's weird about the whole thing is as far as I can tell, every point he raises in his initial Why I Hate You manifesto is something brought up by other people, and it's not even so much agreed with as regurgitated whole - he just doesn't seem to know or care about what he's talking about, and shifts about randomly in his second reply.
I kinda want to update PR after seeing the thread some other people have on a pokemon rebellion, because it's apparently supposed to be the anti-PR and lol no you guys.
What's actually rather interesting to me is that the first few pages have some planning that seems to be moving in a similar direction as some of the choices on PR that were pretty much random, which suggests those things are more common factors that appear when trying to develop these stories. Or I've polluted the collective unconscious or something with PR, but they do seem to be arriving there on their own.
Of course after that it just degrades into hot pokemon on human rapesex ideas. There's at least two separate female characters with the backstory of "guilted into giving in and fucking their pokemon partner because of how miserable he was in heat" (I was kind of skimming, so there might be more). I thought pokephilia involved wanting to have sex with pokemon, not the interspecies equivalent of falling for a guy claiming blue balls is a fatal condition. And then there's the other female character who got raped by pokemon, so she's also a pokephile because this makes sense. Which is not getting into the fixation with breeding centers. Or the fixation with underage sex. (Or the levels of wangst in each character that make everything I've ever written combined look reasonable.) I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or relieved that the story doesn't seem to have gotten off the ground. On the one hand, it'd be interesting to see other people's way of handling the subject. On the other hand, hot pokemon on human rapesex in a massive breeding center orgy with six year olds I'M A SLAVE TO MY POKEMON PUNISH ME MORE MASTER FAP FAP. On the other, other hand, LOL y halo thar trainwreak. I am conflicted.
I kinda want to update PR after seeing the thread some other people have on a pokemon rebellion, because it's apparently supposed to be the anti-PR and lol no you guys.
What's actually rather interesting to me is that the first few pages have some planning that seems to be moving in a similar direction as some of the choices on PR that were pretty much random, which suggests those things are more common factors that appear when trying to develop these stories. Or I've polluted the collective unconscious or something with PR, but they do seem to be arriving there on their own.
Of course after that it just degrades into hot pokemon on human rapesex ideas. There's at least two separate female characters with the backstory of "guilted into giving in and fucking their pokemon partner because of how miserable he was in heat" (I was kind of skimming, so there might be more). I thought pokephilia involved wanting to have sex with pokemon, not the interspecies equivalent of falling for a guy claiming blue balls is a fatal condition. And then there's the other female character who got raped by pokemon, so she's also a pokephile because this makes sense. Which is not getting into the fixation with breeding centers. Or the fixation with underage sex. (Or the levels of wangst in each character that make everything I've ever written combined look reasonable.) I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or relieved that the story doesn't seem to have gotten off the ground. On the one hand, it'd be interesting to see other people's way of handling the subject. On the other hand, hot pokemon on human rapesex in a massive breeding center orgy with six year olds I'M A SLAVE TO MY POKEMON PUNISH ME MORE MASTER FAP FAP. On the other, other hand, LOL y halo thar trainwreak. I am conflicted.
Revelation 7
Nov. 2nd, 2008 03:49 pm3"Do not harm the land or the sea or the trees until we put a seal on the foreheads of the servants of our God." 4Then I heard the number of those who were sealed: 144,000 from all the tribes of Israel.
5From the tribe of Judah 12,000 were sealed,
from the tribe of Reuben 12,000,
from the tribe of Gad 12,000,
6from the tribe of Asher 12,000,
from the tribe of Naphtali 12,000,
from the tribe of Manasseh 12,000,
7from the tribe of Simeon 12,000,
from the tribe of Levi 12,000,
from the tribe of Issachar 12,000,
8from the tribe of Zebulun 12,000,
from the tribe of Joseph 12,000,
from the tribe of Benjamin 12,000.
So a literalist reading of the bible means
A) Only 144,000 seals will be handed out.
b) Only to Jews.
I'd been assuming most of the Rapture crazies were just interpreting things in absurd ways and calling it obvious, but if I may say, this passage really looks blindingly, staggeringly obvious. According to Revelation, millions of Christians or any Gentiles getting sealed is not happening. I can't imagine any other way to read the passage. You've got like an inch of wiggle room if you assume the numbers are symbolic for "a ton of people", but I don't think anyone could manage the contortions to make "Tribes of Israel, listed off" = "Gentile non-Jewish guys not related to any tribe"
It's like every time I double-check things, it's even more wrong than I first thought.
(When Tsion Ben-Judah, or Jewy Jew McJewson the Jew, gives his OH HAY GUYS JEBUS IS MESSIAH LOL speech, he explains that his rabbinical Jewish group trying to figure out who the Jewish messiah is by using the Jewish messianic prophesies did so by checking based on the prophesies compiled by a guy WHO WAS A CHRISTIAN WHAT THE FUCK LAHAYE? SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK? I shouldn't even be surprised that shit got past their editor, considering the guy also missed the whole "Jews recoil from the word Jesus hissing and spitting like vampires" bit.)
5From the tribe of Judah 12,000 were sealed,
from the tribe of Reuben 12,000,
from the tribe of Gad 12,000,
6from the tribe of Asher 12,000,
from the tribe of Naphtali 12,000,
from the tribe of Manasseh 12,000,
7from the tribe of Simeon 12,000,
from the tribe of Levi 12,000,
from the tribe of Issachar 12,000,
8from the tribe of Zebulun 12,000,
from the tribe of Joseph 12,000,
from the tribe of Benjamin 12,000.
So a literalist reading of the bible means
A) Only 144,000 seals will be handed out.
b) Only to Jews.
I'd been assuming most of the Rapture crazies were just interpreting things in absurd ways and calling it obvious, but if I may say, this passage really looks blindingly, staggeringly obvious. According to Revelation, millions of Christians or any Gentiles getting sealed is not happening. I can't imagine any other way to read the passage. You've got like an inch of wiggle room if you assume the numbers are symbolic for "a ton of people", but I don't think anyone could manage the contortions to make "Tribes of Israel, listed off" = "Gentile non-Jewish guys not related to any tribe"
It's like every time I double-check things, it's even more wrong than I first thought.
(When Tsion Ben-Judah, or Jewy Jew McJewson the Jew, gives his OH HAY GUYS JEBUS IS MESSIAH LOL speech, he explains that his rabbinical Jewish group trying to figure out who the Jewish messiah is by using the Jewish messianic prophesies did so by checking based on the prophesies compiled by a guy WHO WAS A CHRISTIAN WHAT THE FUCK LAHAYE? SERIOUSLY WHAT THE FUCK? I shouldn't even be surprised that shit got past their editor, considering the guy also missed the whole "Jews recoil from the word Jesus hissing and spitting like vampires" bit.)
