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farlaSo Palin is just one long and glorious trainwreak. The people I've talked to were all panicky about how Palin must be some brilliant choice, that the Hillary voters will go to her, that she's going to mobilize the base...
To recap:
Palin introduced.
Everyone: Who?
Everyone, five minutes later: She fired the police chief for not firing her sister's ex-husband?
Half of everyone, ten minutes later: Her account of her last pregnancy makes no sense.
Half of everyone, eleven minutes later: That story is so bizarre it must be a lie. No one possibly has their water break, then gives a speech and takes an eight-hour flight.
Mothers: And she was reportedly polite, calm and good natured the whole time? LOL NO.
Fathers: Seriously, LOL NO.
Pushing three-fourths of everyone: Maybe it was really her daughter's kid and she's covering up a teen pregnancy. I mean, that makes more sense then total nonsense.
Palin, eleven point one minutes later: No it is not. I can prove it, see, my daughter has been teen pregnant since before my newest kid's birth, so she cannot be the mother.
Everyone: WTF? HOW DOES THAT HELP???
Everyone, a second later: And that still doesn't explain the bizarre pregnancy story! Why are you making it worse?
McCain: I totally know that. Knew, I meant knew. Like, before. Not blindsided at all. She was totally vetted but we're, uh, secondarily vetting her, a second time, because she was totally vetted.
Everyone: And she fired a librarian for not banning books?
Palin: Tried to fire. Turns out that like one out of every hundred times you abuse your power, people complain. Who knew?
Palin: I was for the bridge before I was against it! End pork barrel projects - all pork must be mine! MINE!!!!!!! Pregnant mothers can go screw themselves. Global warming is imaginary but give me money to fix the fact the ground seems to be liquefying.
Alaskans: Palin is a scary nutjob. No one says anything because she is like some sort of rabid wolverine thing, if wolverines were powered by a mixture of nuclear mutigens and hate.
Preacher: You thought Obama's pastor was crazy? You ain't seen crazy yet, you hellbound bitches!
Meanwhile:
Feminists: Oh hell no.
Women: Yay history has been made...wait, there was a women vice nominated decades ago.
Women: Wait, she thinks what about abortion?
Women: Wait, she thinks WHAT about contraceptives?
Women: Wait, she voted against equal pay?
Women: Oh hell no.
Meanwhile:
Actual Republicans: Oh god oh god oh god it's over.
Crazy fundies: She's awesome. I mean, I was already going to vote for McCain, but now I'll be much happier about it.
Poll numbers: Yeah, pretty much.
The convention itself is just so weird. It's like a bizarro world. Big Brother surveillance = teh liberals. Promises to tax the rich = taxing the poor. Supreme Court = teh EVIL liberals. War = second most important issue evar. Islamofascijihadcrazy terrorists = THE most important issue, evar. Twenty months experience = more experience than the entire congress (Uh, McCain? Remember, that guy you're running as president?)
And the whiteness, it blinds. So many blonds. So many old men in suits.
(And so many empty seats - guys, China just handled this, how could you forget? Are we falling behind China in the vital manufactured supporters industry?)
In conclusion: Go Palin! Tie yourself around McCain's neck like the glorious millstone you are.
To recap:
Palin introduced.
Everyone: Who?
Everyone, five minutes later: She fired the police chief for not firing her sister's ex-husband?
Half of everyone, ten minutes later: Her account of her last pregnancy makes no sense.
Half of everyone, eleven minutes later: That story is so bizarre it must be a lie. No one possibly has their water break, then gives a speech and takes an eight-hour flight.
Mothers: And she was reportedly polite, calm and good natured the whole time? LOL NO.
Fathers: Seriously, LOL NO.
Pushing three-fourths of everyone: Maybe it was really her daughter's kid and she's covering up a teen pregnancy. I mean, that makes more sense then total nonsense.
Palin, eleven point one minutes later: No it is not. I can prove it, see, my daughter has been teen pregnant since before my newest kid's birth, so she cannot be the mother.
Everyone: WTF? HOW DOES THAT HELP???
Everyone, a second later: And that still doesn't explain the bizarre pregnancy story! Why are you making it worse?
McCain: I totally know that. Knew, I meant knew. Like, before. Not blindsided at all. She was totally vetted but we're, uh, secondarily vetting her, a second time, because she was totally vetted.
Everyone: And she fired a librarian for not banning books?
Palin: Tried to fire. Turns out that like one out of every hundred times you abuse your power, people complain. Who knew?
Palin: I was for the bridge before I was against it! End pork barrel projects - all pork must be mine! MINE!!!!!!! Pregnant mothers can go screw themselves. Global warming is imaginary but give me money to fix the fact the ground seems to be liquefying.
Alaskans: Palin is a scary nutjob. No one says anything because she is like some sort of rabid wolverine thing, if wolverines were powered by a mixture of nuclear mutigens and hate.
Preacher: You thought Obama's pastor was crazy? You ain't seen crazy yet, you hellbound bitches!
Meanwhile:
Feminists: Oh hell no.
Women: Yay history has been made...wait, there was a women vice nominated decades ago.
Women: Wait, she thinks what about abortion?
Women: Wait, she thinks WHAT about contraceptives?
Women: Wait, she voted against equal pay?
Women: Oh hell no.
Meanwhile:
Actual Republicans: Oh god oh god oh god it's over.
Crazy fundies: She's awesome. I mean, I was already going to vote for McCain, but now I'll be much happier about it.
Poll numbers: Yeah, pretty much.
The convention itself is just so weird. It's like a bizarro world. Big Brother surveillance = teh liberals. Promises to tax the rich = taxing the poor. Supreme Court = teh EVIL liberals. War = second most important issue evar. Islamofascijihadcrazy terrorists = THE most important issue, evar. Twenty months experience = more experience than the entire congress (Uh, McCain? Remember, that guy you're running as president?)
And the whiteness, it blinds. So many blonds. So many old men in suits.
(And so many empty seats - guys, China just handled this, how could you forget? Are we falling behind China in the vital manufactured supporters industry?)
In conclusion: Go Palin! Tie yourself around McCain's neck like the glorious millstone you are.
