(no subject)
Dec. 30th, 2009 11:22 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/5620857/1/Dawns_Holiday
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU USE "SPOKE".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5620877/1/Pokemon_Parent_Trap
Inserting pokemon characters into a movie script does not make it fanfiction. It just makes something disgustingly close to plagiarism.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621355/1/Pokemon_Darkness_in_Orre
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"whos"
Whose. With an E. There's a reason spellcheck flags that.
Also, your grammar is just generally awful and you should get a beta reader.
Don't use multiple exclamation marks.
Write out numbers with letters.
You need less dialogue and more narration.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621501/1/The_Game
If you're trying for tension, using nothing but long sentences full of extraneous details like the color of the leaves is rather undercutting yourself. Short, abrupt sentences work better.
It's "fangirls", one word.
Also, with pokemon fanfic it's generally a good idea to keep them in mind. Canon's had squirtle helping out firefighters. Just generally, pokemon should be around at various points.
Anyway, this is pretty well written, and does seem to have something different going on by thend, but you spend a lot of time getting there. A bunch of OCs chatting about teenage stuff is rather dull. I get that you want to set the scene, but surely there's something more interesting they can be doing?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621526/1/A_Christmas_Delayed
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Please don't use apostrophes for any type of dialogue marker, because people are using it for just about everything. Italics alone or one of the odder symbols works better.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
...so she's worried he'll freeze to death, and part of reassuring her is leaving one of his fire pokemon with her instead of bringing it with him?
"that Sliver hairpin"
I assume you mean silver, which in turn shouldn't be capitalized.
Watch your tenses. You jump between past and present.
Anyway, this is a cute enough story that would have better if it hadn't come on the heels of all that other Christmas fic everyone else has been posting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621579/1/Princess_Turned_Boy
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
...look, if you're writing about OCs, don't give them the names of canon characters and act like that's the same thing.
...you're using -sama for Satoshi but calling her Princess Hikari? Look, far be it for me to encourage gratuitous Japanese, but you could at least be consistent about it.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
In conclusion, not about the canon cast and not really pokemon fanfic either, as you're doing your best to ignore them as well.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621691/1/Unless_Stated_Otherwise
...if you find yourself piling adjectives around whispered, you probably meant a different word, like "hissed".
Don't use multiple exclamation marks.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"He responded in horror slash disgust"
The word is "and".
Anyway, I'll grant this is different than usual, and your dialogue manages to be interesting enough.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621718/1/A_Stop_On_The_Way
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"inhertence"
Spellcheck.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
It's "psychic", not "physic".
Use said. Seriously, won't bite, lovely word, generally more appropriate for the sentence than whatever word you're using in its place.
...and now it's random Japanese. Because English has no way of communicating the subtle meaning of "onee-chan".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5622312/1/Persona
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"We believe that these pokemon all banded together to destroy things to send out a message across for us humans, they were nicknamed The Racketeers by the RPD (Regional Police Department)"
...because "destroying things" totally makes someone think of organized crime making money through illegal activities.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5622425/1/A_FireredShipping_Story
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Don't use stated.
...well, that was boring.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5622432/1/A_Travelers_Tale
Spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5622920/1/Shooting_the_Moon
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
And it's more standard OOC romancefic.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5620762/1/Pokemon_Cyan_Edition
"Anyway, I don’t actually like Pokémon all that much, but now that I know what a deconstruction is, I decided to attempt one. This story is based on the original Pokémon games from back in the nineties, although it will likely be darker than the source material."
Oh, this will end well.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Okay, so it seems you've confused "deconstruction" with "written like it's a textbook". Also? For someone who claims to be going off the games, this is anime canon from start to finish. Just keeping the general sequence of events doesn't make it game based if you're going on about how everyone wants to be a pokemon master and professors hand out starters to all new trainers.
...I want to say I take back my textbook comment, but I can't until I figure out a word for so boring it makes calling it textbook like unreasonably kind. This is about the biggest violation of show don't tell I've seen, and I've just read five hundred stories in a row.
In conclusion, to deconstruct something you have to know how it's constructed.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5623183/1/Too_Much_Pain
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Periods go at the end of all of your sentences, not just a few of them.
Boring dialogue is boring.
Having actual narration in your story and not just streams of dialogue and speech tags is a good idea.
And this is a horribly rushed story and a too-short chapter.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5623423/1/Revolution
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"With every big change comes a revolution of some sort: mass genocide, a war, a rebellion. It was only a matter of time before it happened here, too. Celadon and other cities grew bigger and bigger. Skyscrapers and futuristic shopping malls sprang up everywhere. Everyone thought we were striving for a better future.
And then it happened. They started heavy, dropping heavy bombs and explosives and everything on the small towns, decimating them. Anyone who openly supported the Old Way was murdered. I say murdered rather than killed, first, because I opposed their deaths, and secondly because it is an accurate description."
So basically, it happened because it happened, and all of history and sociology can go screw themselves.
"It was not possible to coexist.
It was not possible to find a happy medium.
It would be one extreme or the other."
Except for the part where they could just ignore each other? Look, correct me if I'm wrong but I'm typing this on a computer yet somehow restraining my apparent urge to bomb the shit out of the Amish.
"For five years, bombs rained down on unsuspecting towns, massacring women, children, and men for the ultimate dream. Their Shamballa. It didn't matter who you were or what you did or how vital your talents were to others, just that you were exterminated. With no opposing force, the world would be theirs to manipulate and mold into something brilliant—something full of gleaming metal beasts sleeping and working for humanity."
Because people sitting around not using machines are a powerful social force! Rural America is the real America! Human history has not been one long unstoppable march toward better technology, and the present quality of life is natural and not at all the result of thousands of years of advancement! End the tyranny of dishwashers! (But not the tyranny of ceramics, I mean, how else will we keep women in the kitchen if they don't have dishes to wash?)
"Yet, no one seemed to heed this warning, though it had been repeated throughout our world's history."
...I don't even know where to begin.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5623571/1/Memories_of_the_Ranger
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
Don't mark flashbacks with "flashback". It's hideous and you should integrate flashbacks into the rest of the story properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Okay", four letters.
...the dialogue just keeps going. If stuff isn't necessary, cut it out.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU USE "SPOKE".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5620877/1/Pokemon_Parent_Trap
Inserting pokemon characters into a movie script does not make it fanfiction. It just makes something disgustingly close to plagiarism.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621355/1/Pokemon_Darkness_in_Orre
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"whos"
Whose. With an E. There's a reason spellcheck flags that.
Also, your grammar is just generally awful and you should get a beta reader.
Don't use multiple exclamation marks.
Write out numbers with letters.
You need less dialogue and more narration.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621501/1/The_Game
If you're trying for tension, using nothing but long sentences full of extraneous details like the color of the leaves is rather undercutting yourself. Short, abrupt sentences work better.
It's "fangirls", one word.
Also, with pokemon fanfic it's generally a good idea to keep them in mind. Canon's had squirtle helping out firefighters. Just generally, pokemon should be around at various points.
Anyway, this is pretty well written, and does seem to have something different going on by thend, but you spend a lot of time getting there. A bunch of OCs chatting about teenage stuff is rather dull. I get that you want to set the scene, but surely there's something more interesting they can be doing?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621526/1/A_Christmas_Delayed
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Please don't use apostrophes for any type of dialogue marker, because people are using it for just about everything. Italics alone or one of the odder symbols works better.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
...so she's worried he'll freeze to death, and part of reassuring her is leaving one of his fire pokemon with her instead of bringing it with him?
"that Sliver hairpin"
I assume you mean silver, which in turn shouldn't be capitalized.
Watch your tenses. You jump between past and present.
Anyway, this is a cute enough story that would have better if it hadn't come on the heels of all that other Christmas fic everyone else has been posting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621579/1/Princess_Turned_Boy
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
...look, if you're writing about OCs, don't give them the names of canon characters and act like that's the same thing.
...you're using -sama for Satoshi but calling her Princess Hikari? Look, far be it for me to encourage gratuitous Japanese, but you could at least be consistent about it.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
In conclusion, not about the canon cast and not really pokemon fanfic either, as you're doing your best to ignore them as well.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621691/1/Unless_Stated_Otherwise
...if you find yourself piling adjectives around whispered, you probably meant a different word, like "hissed".
Don't use multiple exclamation marks.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"He responded in horror slash disgust"
The word is "and".
Anyway, I'll grant this is different than usual, and your dialogue manages to be interesting enough.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5621718/1/A_Stop_On_The_Way
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"inhertence"
Spellcheck.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
It's "psychic", not "physic".
Use said. Seriously, won't bite, lovely word, generally more appropriate for the sentence than whatever word you're using in its place.
...and now it's random Japanese. Because English has no way of communicating the subtle meaning of "onee-chan".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5622312/1/Persona
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"We believe that these pokemon all banded together to destroy things to send out a message across for us humans, they were nicknamed The Racketeers by the RPD (Regional Police Department)"
...because "destroying things" totally makes someone think of organized crime making money through illegal activities.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5622425/1/A_FireredShipping_Story
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Don't use stated.
...well, that was boring.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5622432/1/A_Travelers_Tale
Spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5622920/1/Shooting_the_Moon
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
And it's more standard OOC romancefic.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5620762/1/Pokemon_Cyan_Edition
"Anyway, I don’t actually like Pokémon all that much, but now that I know what a deconstruction is, I decided to attempt one. This story is based on the original Pokémon games from back in the nineties, although it will likely be darker than the source material."
Oh, this will end well.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Okay, so it seems you've confused "deconstruction" with "written like it's a textbook". Also? For someone who claims to be going off the games, this is anime canon from start to finish. Just keeping the general sequence of events doesn't make it game based if you're going on about how everyone wants to be a pokemon master and professors hand out starters to all new trainers.
...I want to say I take back my textbook comment, but I can't until I figure out a word for so boring it makes calling it textbook like unreasonably kind. This is about the biggest violation of show don't tell I've seen, and I've just read five hundred stories in a row.
In conclusion, to deconstruct something you have to know how it's constructed.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5623183/1/Too_Much_Pain
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Periods go at the end of all of your sentences, not just a few of them.
Boring dialogue is boring.
Having actual narration in your story and not just streams of dialogue and speech tags is a good idea.
And this is a horribly rushed story and a too-short chapter.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5623423/1/Revolution
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"With every big change comes a revolution of some sort: mass genocide, a war, a rebellion. It was only a matter of time before it happened here, too. Celadon and other cities grew bigger and bigger. Skyscrapers and futuristic shopping malls sprang up everywhere. Everyone thought we were striving for a better future.
And then it happened. They started heavy, dropping heavy bombs and explosives and everything on the small towns, decimating them. Anyone who openly supported the Old Way was murdered. I say murdered rather than killed, first, because I opposed their deaths, and secondly because it is an accurate description."
So basically, it happened because it happened, and all of history and sociology can go screw themselves.
"It was not possible to coexist.
It was not possible to find a happy medium.
It would be one extreme or the other."
Except for the part where they could just ignore each other? Look, correct me if I'm wrong but I'm typing this on a computer yet somehow restraining my apparent urge to bomb the shit out of the Amish.
"For five years, bombs rained down on unsuspecting towns, massacring women, children, and men for the ultimate dream. Their Shamballa. It didn't matter who you were or what you did or how vital your talents were to others, just that you were exterminated. With no opposing force, the world would be theirs to manipulate and mold into something brilliant—something full of gleaming metal beasts sleeping and working for humanity."
Because people sitting around not using machines are a powerful social force! Rural America is the real America! Human history has not been one long unstoppable march toward better technology, and the present quality of life is natural and not at all the result of thousands of years of advancement! End the tyranny of dishwashers! (But not the tyranny of ceramics, I mean, how else will we keep women in the kitchen if they don't have dishes to wash?)
"Yet, no one seemed to heed this warning, though it had been repeated throughout our world's history."
...I don't even know where to begin.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5623571/1/Memories_of_the_Ranger
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
Don't mark flashbacks with "flashback". It's hideous and you should integrate flashbacks into the rest of the story properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Okay", four letters.
...the dialogue just keeps going. If stuff isn't necessary, cut it out.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-01-01 01:34 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-01 10:32 pm (UTC)princessdeconstruction was not in thatcastlechapter.Because it's still a darker and edgier version if the darker and edgier bit only pops up every ten chapters, y'see. And I'm obligated to keep reading to get there.