Authors, Part 23

[farla]

You have received a private message from:

Name: NeoRogueShadows
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1865238/
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Subject: Wow I'm wordy. 1 of 2. Hopefulyl I won't come across as a
tauntrum-throwing kid.
Posting a response to your comment or including one as an author’s note strikes me as a great way to ruin the narrative flow of the story, so I’ll just be PMing you this. Feel free to PM back. Also I have a problem with writing short things, so this is coming in two parts.

On the subject of my problems with dialogue, and the organization thereof:
Yeah, that’s a problem I’ve had forever and a day. Every time I’ve tried to break myself of the habit of typing in quotations, periods, commas, and capitalizations in the correct way, my older way just comes creeping back in within days.

Funnily enough, none of my English or Creative Writing teachers ever called me out on it. That probably didn’t help matters.

As I type this, Crystal currently has 41 pages and the better part of eight chapters done. It would be tedious in the extreme to try and make corrections throughout that entire document to bring dialogue grammar in line with what is, in fact, correct. So, if it’s not too much trouble, could I ask you to just bear with it until after that point? I’ll try and make chapter eight onwards line up with the correct grammar.

Now, onto points of a more stylized nature…
Firstly, I recognize that starting the story with a girl waking up and being late for event X is not the most original way to begin a story. But, uh…what is? “It was a dark and stormy night?” “Once upon a time?” “The White House explodes?” “Rosebud?”

Okay, weak excuse, I know: just because there’s probably no original way to begin a story doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try to present that unoriginality in a new way. I did make an attempt, in showing that she wasn’t really late but in fact a day early. Mostly, however, I just wanted to draw a parallel between Crystal, as I’m writing her, and Ash, while using it as an excuse to establish a few basics in her mad rush. Also, even though this fiction isn’t taking place in the TV show’s universe, I still want to drop nice little references to the TV show here and there. Consider it an equivalent to the firefly-class spaceship appearing in the pilot of the new Battlestar Galactica.

Secondly, on the subject of pokémon species names and the fact that I’m capitalizing all of them: believe it or not, as far as I can tell, I’m actually in the right here. I have the official guide to Crystal Version right next to me as I type, and every time a pokémon name is written in there, the first letter is capitalized regardless of whether it references a specific pokémon or just a species of pokémon and regardless of where it appears in sentence structure (“The monks will fight with mainly Grass-types, and they seem particularly fond of Bellsprout;” “Catch at least three differently shaped Unown and show them to the researchers in the lab;” “Once all the Slowpoke have been saved and all is well again in Azalea Town…”).

My best guess here is Nintendo doesn’t much care about proper grammar and so decided pokémon names are all supposed to be capitalized. As they own pokémon, they get to make decisions like that. In any event, it’s the standard I’m using because it’s, well, the standard.

Thirdly, the matter of Kitsu’s name not being original. Well, it’s not. Crystal points this out. Does this somehow make the name original? Heck no. Kitsu’s just the name I give to my Eevee whenever I play through Crystal version (in Blue version, being that I am in fact quite an original and clever person, I nickname my Eevee “Eve”).

Actually, that line about the name’s unoriginality wouldn’t of been there at all, but I wrote it to emphasize a certain point: Crystal doesn’t know (and neither does anyone else in this universe, for that matter) a word for ‘fox.’ Note that I described Kitsu not by comparing her to a fox, but to a Vulpix. That’ll be happening a few other times in the story; Pikachu are Rattata-like, for example. I’m not sure yet whether or not I want to have extremely simple insects actually exist, like flies or ants, but at this point I do know that I want to emphasize the fact that no large animals of any kind other than pokémon exist. That’s a plot point. So, I described pokémon in terms of other pokémon, and I used Crystal’s unoriginality comment to lay the groundwork for that.

I want to cry at the last part. It's like, they're actually thinking this through and constructing a consistent world without lazy references to real world animals, and they express by taking a word for a real-world animal in Japanese and declaring it means vulpixlike instead of foxlike.

Name: NeoRogueShadows
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1865238/
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Subject: And here's part 2 of 2.

...

Fourthly, why does Crystal begin with an Eevee? This is actually a gripe I had with the game itself that I’m taking out with this fiction. In Yellow version, you got to start with a special pokémon: Pikachu. I feel that in Crystal version, you also should have started with a special pokémon. That the recent Heart Gold and Soul Silver versions have Crystal/Ethan start with a Marill seems to agree this point - Crystal was special, so she should have had something special to start with. But, in Crystal version itself, you don’t get that choice, instead choosing between the three normal starters.

I also chose Eevee from a storytelling perspective. If Crystal had started with Chikorita, then everyone knows that she’s going to end the story with either Chikorita, or else a Chikorita evolution. Yawn. By starting Crystal with Eevee, the reader gets to look forward to at least six possible outcomes for Kitsu…more, if I want to branch into later pokémon generations. I’ve had a vague idea of perhaps even letting “the fans” decide what they want Kitsu to evolve into, or if she evolves at all. Assuming I get any fans…hey, I can dream.

Now, on the subject of Eevee being rare and therefore how the heck did Elm end up with one? Uh. How does anyone end up with an Eevee, then? I understand that in the game, you can’t catch Eevee, but presumably it is possible to catch them because certainly plenty of trainers seem to have Eevees or Eevee evolutions. I’m working under the assumption that the fact that you can’t find them in the wild is an arbitrary aspect of the game programmed in to assure that you can’t simply catch ‘em all…sometimes, they have to be traded for, or given as gifts, or won in casinos, or bred from other pokémon. But certainly wild Eevees exist, and they can certainly be caught. While this fiction is based off of Crystal Version, I’m not staying slavishly loyal to the game. If I was going to do that, I might as well not bother writing and just play the game again.

Besides which…you can’t catch Cyndaquil, Totodile, or Chikorita, either, but the game has you start with one.

How about Kitsu and Crystal meeting the way they did? No, again, this isn’t original. Remember in the game, though, that the main character gets their pokémon in more or less the following way:
ELM: Pick one of these extremely rare level 5 pokémon! It’s yours now!
CRYSTAL: [is a mute]
They had to end up together somehow. I figured starting with Kitsu injured would be a good way to get across how I want pokémon centers to work in this universe (more on that below). It also gave me a chance to show off Crystal’s primary character trait; that is, she is more of a pokémon handler than a pokémon trainer. The differences are explained or implied later in the story.

Lastly, Kitsu being injured when they meet. Remember that pokémon in the games do not heal on their own unless taken to a pokémon center, so it’s more than possible that Kitsu could still be injured despite having been in storage (do they heal in pokeballs in later games? I honestly don't know; I've only played Blue version and Crystal Version). And in DagaYemar’s pokémon universe, which this is set in, pokémon in pokéballs are frozen in a stasis, so natural healing (which I had established is very, very fast with pokémon) can’t work. This scene was also written to show that combat isn’t like in the games or the TV show. Kitsu is seriously injured and her dying was a real possibility. Pokémon fights are dangerous contests in this universe.

I also wanted pokémon centers to work differently in this fiction than in the games. In the games, the little machine is, I assume, a conceit of the games not having the programming space or the ESRB rating necessary to be represented as full medical facilities where lives are saved or lost. Instead, there’s just a little musical tune and all your pokémon are better now. Crystal offers a little preview of how they work: medicines are used, bones are set, casts are applied, and basically this is a real medical facility and not a single room with a counter and one person.

(I hope you got the joke that Kitsu couldn’t bite through the steel cast, incidentally).

Anyway, that’s about all I have to say. I hope that you’ll keep reading despite the problems. I definitely think it’s going to be worth it, though ultimately that’s in the hands of you and anyone else that might read this.

This whole thing is just horribly depressing. "So I thought, hey, the eevee starter in Yellow was cool, and I should do something like that. So naturally Crystal just happens to find an injured eevee at random. Same thing! Also, in HGSS there are alternative starters, like marill, and it's not like there'd be any difference between already having a marill and just happening on an injured eevee!

In conclusion, it's these sort of PMs, not the moron ones, that really depress me.

Name: Eeveeloutioneer
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2002835/
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Subject: re: Your review to Thank Your Lucky Stars

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5914052/

Thank you for your constructive criticism. I apologize for my misspellings,
but I wrote that chapter on a school computer, and those computers block the
sites I use to check my pokemon spelling. I did use thrill correctly, but the
way I use it less known than the typical way. I guess I should have used a
different term so people could understand it better. Here is the way I was
using it (I got this from ):

Thrill:

–verb (used with object)
1.to affect with a sudden wave of keen emotion or excitement, as to produce a
tremor or tingling sensation through the body.
2.to utter or send forth tremulously, as a melody.

As for my writing "...watery beams of light...." If you've have ever woken up
around dawn, say to catch your bus, you'd notice that the sun's rays are
weaker and less strong or intense than say at noon. Becuase it is a softer
less bright light, I call it watery. Many real authors have used this
description, it is not just me.

I write with lots of description, that is just my style. I typically write in
present tense, but I decided to try writing in past tense, obviously it didn't
work. Thank you for noticing that, I will go and change that as well.

I know Flitt's monolouge sounds very cliche, but bear with me, I have to
introduce the other seven characters before I truely get into the story. Once
I do, it will be far less typical. Her history iis important, but more as a
device to let the reader know there is something 'bad' in the story. If you
have suggestions on how to change the monolouge and make it less cliche, but
still keep the general content, feel free to tell me, but to be rude like you
were ("UGH. Text is not image. Stop using visual tropes, it just looks
stupid." "...oh, come on.") is unacceptable.

You are entitled to your own opinion, and if I find your ideas reasonable,
I'll change my story as you ask. But, if you are going to tell me that the way
I write is not to your ideals, be respectful, or at least less brusque.

Thanks, Eeveeloutioneer

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From A Historical Study of English - 10 To send forth or utter tremulously [thrill 6.b.]1647-1868.

What the fuck, people.

You have received a reply from the author, Drumsrock18, regarding the review
you posted for:

Title: Adventures of troubles
Chapter: 1
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5914967/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2270386/
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ok i will try and get better with the next chapter, and ill help on it, thank
you for reviewing, and helping me

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You have received a reply from the author, FanGirlExtraordinaire, regarding
the review you posted for:

Title: Adventures Through Kanto and the Orange Islands
Chapter: 1
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5916727/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2269353/
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Thank you so much for the review! I will definitely go and fix everything.

Thanks again!

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Name: CryptidChick46
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2233812/
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Subject: re: Your review to This is Home

Ok, you seriously need to stop taking yourself so seriously. It's fanfiction,
created for the pure purpose of authors getting the chance to express their
original ideas. So what if it's not perfect!? Geez, I mean, i've read alot of
fics worse than mine. Seriously, just fuck off and shut up. The things I write
and put on fanfiction are written to make me happy, not you. And also, if you
stayed with the story instead of bashing it, you might find that everything is
explained? Maybe Mewtwo was being chased, maybe his powers are limited, maybe
he was drowsy and not thinking clearly. Good god, you realize assholes like
you are the reason people commit suicide!? Just take a chill pill and leave
people alone. No ones perfect. People make mistakes, but you don't have to
give them hell about it!!!

Oh, and PS, I'm blocking you.

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Name: Shiny Hunter
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1403534/
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Subject: re: Your review to Bubbles

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5914589/

Thank you for the in depth review! I really appreciate it! It helps me grow as
a writer.

I do have to admit it confused me for a bit, but I worked it out. Grammar's
not my strong point, and I'm still trying to work everything out. Once again,
thanks!

~SH

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Name: Orimoto
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2077771/
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Subject: re: Your review to How to Fare Fairly Well

A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5916689/

After I got your review, I read what I wrote again and saw that there were a
lot of missing spots and parts where I hadn't explained much. This is my first
fanfic, I was excited and nervous while writing, and I overlooked a lot of
facts. Thanks for pointing out those stuff.
It's nice to know that someone took time and care to review my story. I
appreciate it. :)

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Bonus:
Story: Just You Wait (Published: 9-17-01)
Chapter: 1. Default Chapter

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Another nice dark Farla fic, as usual. Another angry pokemon being abused by
its trainer... As usual. Good like always, but it's the same story you've
been telling us for a while now. Wrote more! With new ideas next time! : )
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They've actually been working their way through a lot of my old stuff. Seriously, people think getting told they suck is demoralizing? Try getting compliments on stuff nine years old, followed by them giving you advice on what next to write from it.

Comments

[ember-reignited.livejournal.com]

I like NeoRogueShadows. She seems like a precocious kid working through her God Awful period. Sure she does stupid things like use "stylized" for "stylistic" and give her Sue a wounded Eevee, but she's thinking, which makes me think she'll grow out of it. And now you're going to tell me that actually she's in her late teens or early twenties and once again my optimism will be painfully crushed.

[midnitesaboteur.livejournal.com]

Twenty-two year old male, apparently. Hn.

I have to vote down this style iteration :x What was the original subtitle, out of curiosity?

[farla.livejournal.com]

Ugh, really? Where'd you find that?

Eh, I'm planning to reset everything back to original when the month is done. Original subtitle is "Because you see we're all going to die".

[midnitesaboteur.livejournal.com]

I googled his username and this popped up. A bit down the page, it mentions a 19-year-old in 2007 male with the email of "NeoRogueShadow"... slightly possible it's some /other/ "NeoRogueShadow", but uh.

His digific he posted there is just grand too. "Eve has a gentle personality. She is not genki by any definition of the word. She's also somewhat introverted, due to the circumstances of her past. Despite having been raped three years ago, Eve's still retained a good chunk of her innocense." ... "Kainmon is thoughtful, even philosophical. Unlike other digimon, he doesn't seek to fight first, fight second, fight later, fight somemore, and then when everyone's dead, try and get something else done. He has amnesia and cannot remember anything of his past." Rape and amnesia. Fantastic.

[ember-reignited.livejournal.com]

"Ugh" is right. While I wouldn't be too surprised if there were more than one NeoRogueShadow running around 'mon fandom, that's definitely the same voice. Farla's cynicism wins out once again.

[ember-reignited.livejournal.com]

God damn it.

And oh goodness, it's a tiny, adorable Death! What are you talking about, this is awesome!

[midnitesaboteur.livejournal.com]

Aw, this is adorable! No, the one before was all black and had all the numbers at the top that made the page really irritating to view on the DS, as I do occasionally.

[farla.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it could really go either way. In someone who'd been writing like this for a while, I would be headdesking my way to China because that's a sign they've learned to rationalize and will never stop, but in someone just starting out it's probably a sign they'll keep improving.