Nare11, Day Twenty-nine
Jan. 29th, 2011 11:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/6688399/1/Naughty_Mistakes
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6688569/1/white_noise
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
["What?" He can still hear some strange, electronic rhythm that matches her heartbeat.]
How does he know her heartbeat?
["These walls aren't blank," she points ]
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Anyway, this really seems more like original fiction than anything pokemon.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689378/2/Lifes_Surprises
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[There's a reason they bumped up the age limit for Trainers up to twelve!" ]
Ugh, this again. I don't know why people are so dead set on this, it's always a terrible idea.
Anyway - this really seems like pointless drama. Why does her family do this? For that matter, how can her family do it? Since when can parents just declare what their kid is going to spend the rest of their life being, and given being a trainer isn't a lifelong choice for most of them, why would it even come up - why wouldn't they let her be a trainer and then tell her to become a nurse? And why would they want to, given it's obvious it would just lead to resentment?
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689378/3/Lifes_Surprises
["Ah. That would be our prized shiny Eevee," Oak said from behind me, satisfaction lacing his tone. "Notoriously difficult to train, I must say… this Pokémon will one day be yours, Alex, but that day is not now. When you have earned two Gym Badges, I will give it to you." ]
What.
[Riolu? I had heard of it a few times before – it evolved into the pseudo-legendary Lucario, and was even rarer than a Dratini. It couldn't be caught out in the wild. Only certain people had access to these small, but powerful, Pokémon. And female Riolu were even more rare – yet, by the sound of Aura's voice, she was, apparently, a girl. ]
Wow that went into crazy sue territory fast. How did this seem like a good idea.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689510/1/Amor_Estupido_y_mi_Sueno
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Thoughts follow the same capitalization/punctuation rules as dialogue.
[Butterflies hover above the flowers ]
So this seems to have nothing whatsoever to do with pokemon.
[This is a true story. The dream is a real dream that I had awhile ago, and all the dialogue is what was really said. It's pretty fresh in my mind, I'm not likely to mess it up or forget. All of it is what really happened in the literal, physical world, except when I am describing the "real" couples. The couples are the reason I put it under Pokémon, that and so it could be in the same category as my other stories. ]
Jesus christ is that stupid reasoning. It's original fiction, just accept this instead of cluttering up the category with it.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689720/1/The_Colorful_School
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6690068/1/Enter_Vera_Araceli
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
So for no discernible reason, her friend backstabs her and steals her pokemon, then kills it, and she's told not to follow but he still bothers carrying the pokemon around under his cloak just in case she did so he could dramatically show her the corpse and upset her?
[She hadn't gone home for three days after that, spending every moment sitting next to the grave, mourning the loss of her friend. ]
And after getting soaked by cliché rain no less. Pretty sure that'd get you killed.
[meeting several new friends, Ash and co. included. ]
Because it's so vital you include that she's important enough to know Ash.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Don't put author notes in your story. Ever.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689004/1/Desolo
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[Slowly, a dark, ghostly hand reached down and lifted its lifeless victim's head out of the dirt. The little creature let out a weak cough. ]
Then it's not lifeless, is it?
Anyway, pretty meh. The device of having characters ramble at each other while conveniently failing to tell anything useful to the reader is not so much clever as obnoxious.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689066/1/No_Replacement
Drabble = 100 words exactly. It's a specific writing exercise designed to help authors pay attention to word choice. It does not mean any short fic you threw together.
[now Charizard felt very sorry about how antagonistic he had been during some of that time. ]
Your writing is extremely simplistic and doesn't seem to go anywhere. This doesn't really reveal anything new about the characters or their motivations.
[the other Charizards ]
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6690741/1/I_want_to_be_pretty_too
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6690855/1/Nonregulation_Attire
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Anyway, that was amusing. The banter works well.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691023/1/Field_Trip
[Ash is all grow up with a teaching license. His classes of fifth grade love him. ]
Your grammar is terrible, get a beta reader.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691119/1/Pauls_Troublesome_Past
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[This boy is Paul Shinji. He would swing in the swings, and pay no attention to the house. People wonder and ask, but Paul would say, "None of your business." This would make them wonder more]
Oh come on, seriously? People are so obsessed with a random house that they interrogate random kids about why they're not staring at it?
[Reggie knew how to cook, wash clothes, etc. Reggie was like a girl.]
Die in a fire.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691258/1/anxious
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Anyway, this was pretty pointless. It's just a generic, plot-free story full of general childbirth cliches.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691316/2/A_Journey_Through_Unova
Nonstory chapters are banned.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691328/1/Soul_of_Silver
Ugh, another chosen one fic. There's really not much tension when you tell someone's got a super special destiny to fix everything.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
["I'm gonna catch it." She declared. ]
Ah yes, nothing is a sign of great writing like characters deciding to do things for no reason.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
Look, I assume your story must have a plot since it's a chosen one fic. Figure out when that starts and begin your story there, instead of with your sue and her friend babbling about stupid stuff at each other.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
Thoughts follow the same punctuation/capitalization rules as dialogue.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691516/1/Tales_and_Chronicles_of_Smoke_and_Mist
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[In Mauville City the center of Hoenn, on the roof top of the pokemon center two pokemon looking at the night sky in somber. One of the pokemon is a Combusken tears and sobs coming out and the other pokemon a Medicham somber look with fist in a hard grip. The Combusken turn around to the Medicham "Mist this is all my fault". ]
Your grammar is absolutely awful, get a beta reader.
[I know this may not your first time seeing a short chapter but I would like to say I am sorry for it being short. ]
If you were actually sorry you wouldn't have posted until you'd written more than a handful of paragraphs.
Look, you really, really shouldn't ask for characters. Doesn't work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don't fit together properly. It's like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you're going to end up with a mess.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691559/1/Pokemon_Seans_Story_2nd_Time
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
["Well, I woke up late, and my parents were working today and couldn't wake me up, and I forgot to set my alarm last night."
"I'm afraid that's not an acceptable excuse. You see, we have a very tight schedule here, and it cannot be disturbed through little problems like this." As the woman spoke, I could feel tears welling in my eyes. This is not supposed to happen! I've been waiting my entire life!]
How incredibly original. Also, come on. It doesn't take long to hand a kid a pokeball and tell them to get moving. There isn't even any point since the professor immediately shows up to say he'll make an exception.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
[He nodded. "Are you sure? Even though Chimchar and Piplup are a bit on the untamed side right now, getting them to cooperate with you will develop great friendships. I've seen it happen right before my eyes."
I nodded back. "Yes, but more time with Turtwig will create even a greater friendship with him, since he already likes me.]
Ugh. This is not how ten year olds talk or think (especially not your one, who doesn't even know pokeball minimize, how would he know how this works) and it's sueish as hell to boot - because of course your character has to have the best pick, instead of admitting that they want the easier way even if maybe that means not getting something else later on.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691640/1/Mine
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Also, this has nothing to do with pokemon, it's just original fiction sharing some names.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691987/1/The_Aura_Guild_Traitor
Write out numbers with letters.
Ugh, there's a difference between writing a story and writing a summary. One big distinction is that the latter is far more boring to read.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6692084/1/A_Miscellaneous_Tale_of_Night_and_Day
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[You could call me Blue Aoineko ]
And why the random Japanese?
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
[I knew it wasn't a form letter, it was written especially to me. ]
How exactly can she tell this given it's completely generic?
...wow, the filler just keeps going.
Eh, I suppose the end is kind of interesting? But if they were just going to kidnap them it seems they shouldn't have bothered contacting them. I mean, I guess I could sort of see wanting them to come voluntarily to have fewer problems with them, but even those kids would get upset as soon as they started talking to the other students and found out some were kidnapped.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6692102/1/Crusaders
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Write out numbers with letters.
This is far too short and a summary is not an appropriate first chapter. Actually write a decent amount before posting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6692416/1/How_Gary_Oak_Really_Ended_Up_On_Mount_Silver
So thesaurus rape for a school assignment makes for even shittier writing than normal thesaurus rape. How interesting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6693239/1/My_ExBoyfriend
Write out numbers with letters.
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
["Wait, what about that other girl?" I asked him.
"I ditched her." Paul said.]
Great boyfriend material there.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6693246/1/Change
All sentences end in periods, not just when you feel like it.
[a girl voice ]
Girl's. Proofread.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6693257/1/Always
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
...so his mother's spirit lives on in the spearow he's now going to use for battling. That's honestly kind of creepy. Especially since if she'd wanted to be his starter she wouldn't have flown off the first time he tried catching her.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6693463/1/Alphabeat_of_the_heart
Capitalize your title properly.
All your sentences need to end in punctuation, not just some of them.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This is generic and might as well be about OCs.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6688569/1/white_noise
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
["What?" He can still hear some strange, electronic rhythm that matches her heartbeat.]
How does he know her heartbeat?
["These walls aren't blank," she points ]
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Anyway, this really seems more like original fiction than anything pokemon.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689378/2/Lifes_Surprises
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[There's a reason they bumped up the age limit for Trainers up to twelve!" ]
Ugh, this again. I don't know why people are so dead set on this, it's always a terrible idea.
Anyway - this really seems like pointless drama. Why does her family do this? For that matter, how can her family do it? Since when can parents just declare what their kid is going to spend the rest of their life being, and given being a trainer isn't a lifelong choice for most of them, why would it even come up - why wouldn't they let her be a trainer and then tell her to become a nurse? And why would they want to, given it's obvious it would just lead to resentment?
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689378/3/Lifes_Surprises
["Ah. That would be our prized shiny Eevee," Oak said from behind me, satisfaction lacing his tone. "Notoriously difficult to train, I must say… this Pokémon will one day be yours, Alex, but that day is not now. When you have earned two Gym Badges, I will give it to you." ]
What.
[Riolu? I had heard of it a few times before – it evolved into the pseudo-legendary Lucario, and was even rarer than a Dratini. It couldn't be caught out in the wild. Only certain people had access to these small, but powerful, Pokémon. And female Riolu were even more rare – yet, by the sound of Aura's voice, she was, apparently, a girl. ]
Wow that went into crazy sue territory fast. How did this seem like a good idea.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689510/1/Amor_Estupido_y_mi_Sueno
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Thoughts follow the same capitalization/punctuation rules as dialogue.
[Butterflies hover above the flowers ]
So this seems to have nothing whatsoever to do with pokemon.
[This is a true story. The dream is a real dream that I had awhile ago, and all the dialogue is what was really said. It's pretty fresh in my mind, I'm not likely to mess it up or forget. All of it is what really happened in the literal, physical world, except when I am describing the "real" couples. The couples are the reason I put it under Pokémon, that and so it could be in the same category as my other stories. ]
Jesus christ is that stupid reasoning. It's original fiction, just accept this instead of cluttering up the category with it.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689720/1/The_Colorful_School
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6690068/1/Enter_Vera_Araceli
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
So for no discernible reason, her friend backstabs her and steals her pokemon, then kills it, and she's told not to follow but he still bothers carrying the pokemon around under his cloak just in case she did so he could dramatically show her the corpse and upset her?
[She hadn't gone home for three days after that, spending every moment sitting next to the grave, mourning the loss of her friend. ]
And after getting soaked by cliché rain no less. Pretty sure that'd get you killed.
[meeting several new friends, Ash and co. included. ]
Because it's so vital you include that she's important enough to know Ash.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Don't put author notes in your story. Ever.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689004/1/Desolo
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[Slowly, a dark, ghostly hand reached down and lifted its lifeless victim's head out of the dirt. The little creature let out a weak cough. ]
Then it's not lifeless, is it?
Anyway, pretty meh. The device of having characters ramble at each other while conveniently failing to tell anything useful to the reader is not so much clever as obnoxious.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6689066/1/No_Replacement
Drabble = 100 words exactly. It's a specific writing exercise designed to help authors pay attention to word choice. It does not mean any short fic you threw together.
[now Charizard felt very sorry about how antagonistic he had been during some of that time. ]
Your writing is extremely simplistic and doesn't seem to go anywhere. This doesn't really reveal anything new about the characters or their motivations.
[the other Charizards ]
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6690741/1/I_want_to_be_pretty_too
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6690855/1/Nonregulation_Attire
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Anyway, that was amusing. The banter works well.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691023/1/Field_Trip
[Ash is all grow up with a teaching license. His classes of fifth grade love him. ]
Your grammar is terrible, get a beta reader.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691119/1/Pauls_Troublesome_Past
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[This boy is Paul Shinji. He would swing in the swings, and pay no attention to the house. People wonder and ask, but Paul would say, "None of your business." This would make them wonder more]
Oh come on, seriously? People are so obsessed with a random house that they interrogate random kids about why they're not staring at it?
[Reggie knew how to cook, wash clothes, etc. Reggie was like a girl.]
Die in a fire.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691258/1/anxious
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Anyway, this was pretty pointless. It's just a generic, plot-free story full of general childbirth cliches.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691316/2/A_Journey_Through_Unova
Nonstory chapters are banned.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691328/1/Soul_of_Silver
Ugh, another chosen one fic. There's really not much tension when you tell someone's got a super special destiny to fix everything.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
["I'm gonna catch it." She declared. ]
Ah yes, nothing is a sign of great writing like characters deciding to do things for no reason.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
Look, I assume your story must have a plot since it's a chosen one fic. Figure out when that starts and begin your story there, instead of with your sue and her friend babbling about stupid stuff at each other.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
Thoughts follow the same punctuation/capitalization rules as dialogue.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691516/1/Tales_and_Chronicles_of_Smoke_and_Mist
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[In Mauville City the center of Hoenn, on the roof top of the pokemon center two pokemon looking at the night sky in somber. One of the pokemon is a Combusken tears and sobs coming out and the other pokemon a Medicham somber look with fist in a hard grip. The Combusken turn around to the Medicham "Mist this is all my fault". ]
Your grammar is absolutely awful, get a beta reader.
[I know this may not your first time seeing a short chapter but I would like to say I am sorry for it being short. ]
If you were actually sorry you wouldn't have posted until you'd written more than a handful of paragraphs.
Look, you really, really shouldn't ask for characters. Doesn't work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don't fit together properly. It's like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you're going to end up with a mess.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691559/1/Pokemon_Seans_Story_2nd_Time
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
["Well, I woke up late, and my parents were working today and couldn't wake me up, and I forgot to set my alarm last night."
"I'm afraid that's not an acceptable excuse. You see, we have a very tight schedule here, and it cannot be disturbed through little problems like this." As the woman spoke, I could feel tears welling in my eyes. This is not supposed to happen! I've been waiting my entire life!]
How incredibly original. Also, come on. It doesn't take long to hand a kid a pokeball and tell them to get moving. There isn't even any point since the professor immediately shows up to say he'll make an exception.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
[He nodded. "Are you sure? Even though Chimchar and Piplup are a bit on the untamed side right now, getting them to cooperate with you will develop great friendships. I've seen it happen right before my eyes."
I nodded back. "Yes, but more time with Turtwig will create even a greater friendship with him, since he already likes me.]
Ugh. This is not how ten year olds talk or think (especially not your one, who doesn't even know pokeball minimize, how would he know how this works) and it's sueish as hell to boot - because of course your character has to have the best pick, instead of admitting that they want the easier way even if maybe that means not getting something else later on.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691640/1/Mine
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Also, this has nothing to do with pokemon, it's just original fiction sharing some names.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6691987/1/The_Aura_Guild_Traitor
Write out numbers with letters.
Ugh, there's a difference between writing a story and writing a summary. One big distinction is that the latter is far more boring to read.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6692084/1/A_Miscellaneous_Tale_of_Night_and_Day
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[You could call me Blue Aoineko ]
And why the random Japanese?
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
[I knew it wasn't a form letter, it was written especially to me. ]
How exactly can she tell this given it's completely generic?
...wow, the filler just keeps going.
Eh, I suppose the end is kind of interesting? But if they were just going to kidnap them it seems they shouldn't have bothered contacting them. I mean, I guess I could sort of see wanting them to come voluntarily to have fewer problems with them, but even those kids would get upset as soon as they started talking to the other students and found out some were kidnapped.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6692102/1/Crusaders
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Write out numbers with letters.
This is far too short and a summary is not an appropriate first chapter. Actually write a decent amount before posting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6692416/1/How_Gary_Oak_Really_Ended_Up_On_Mount_Silver
So thesaurus rape for a school assignment makes for even shittier writing than normal thesaurus rape. How interesting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6693239/1/My_ExBoyfriend
Write out numbers with letters.
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
["Wait, what about that other girl?" I asked him.
"I ditched her." Paul said.]
Great boyfriend material there.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6693246/1/Change
All sentences end in periods, not just when you feel like it.
[a girl voice ]
Girl's. Proofread.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6693257/1/Always
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
...so his mother's spirit lives on in the spearow he's now going to use for battling. That's honestly kind of creepy. Especially since if she'd wanted to be his starter she wouldn't have flown off the first time he tried catching her.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6693463/1/Alphabeat_of_the_heart
Capitalize your title properly.
All your sentences need to end in punctuation, not just some of them.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
This is generic and might as well be about OCs.
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