Sexism? In Christianity? Shocking!

[farla]

So, there's a site championing Christian polygamy. I kind of thought it was fake, but it's been on Wikipedia's page on the subject for a while.

"Polyamory is absolutely NOT the same thing as polygamy. Instead, polyamory operates from a more liberal "anything goes" paradigm, as opposed to the commitment of marriage with polygamy."

As Lore put it, "Well, sure, I'm fluent in Klingon, but that guy used it for his wedding ceremony! Let's all mock him!"

Of course, this guy has no need to worry about hordes of pissed off feminists just because of the whole "guy with five wives = hot, woman with two husbands = sick immoral disgusting slut" bit, since

patriarchy means husbands conducting themselves as lovingly and selflessly as Jesus Christ did and does toward (His wives, that is) the Churches. It is a self-giving, loving, "footwashing" leadership, as being as if as Christ Himself.

is surely enough to get him death attempts from both them AND much of Christianity all by itself. Stupidity: uniting disparate social groups since well before AD.

Quiz time! Is he implying Jesus has sex with his followers, or that husbands in patriarchal marriages are not allowed to have sex with their wives? Alternatively, is he suggesting Jesus has sex with churches themselves, and if so, was Jesus married to them at the time? How would that be accomplished? Explain your answer.

Also, since Jesus is supposed to be a shepherd, does this mean
a) sex with women is bestiality
b) men should have sex with sheep
c) both

(Bonus points! If men are to women as Jesus is to men, does that mean Jesus has sex with men? If not, how do you think Jesus would react to someone making this claim to justify fucking several wives? Would God-the-father or God-the-holy-spirit be the agent for the smiting? What form do you think the smiting would take, and how quickly would it be issued? Be detailed.)

Comments

[purplekitte.livejournal.com]

My roommate comments: Jesus is married to every nun everywhere, possibly to every monk (or possibly some of them are married to the saint of their monastary), and St. George.

[farla.livejournal.com]

Your roommate is clearly wrong and possibly lying to make you go to hell, as you are describing polyamory, which is gross and icky and totally different from good, upstanding Christian polygamy between one man and many younger wives, but something reserved for the godless liberals and their anything goes "morality" that they use to excuse whatever it is liberals do in their free time when they're not trying to make our children gay Satan-worshipers. I know this because a guy on the internet told me.

What's next, saying Jesus loves everyone, not just women he's in a committed married relationship with? Please, I think I would know if the bible said anything like that!

Why St. George? Is there something cool my Catholic relatives are keeping from me?

[purplekitte.livejournal.com]

Evidentially St. George comes up in some frequent Gnostic wedding-metaphor about Jesus's relationship with the saints. Actually, I hear after asking for more details, usually when a similar metaphor comes up the saint is the bride, but when it's St. George involved he's clearly the bride-groom. Eh.

[farla.livejournal.com]

So basically Jesus is seme but St. George is so seme he out-semes Jesus.

...well, if I wasn't going to hell before, I certainly am now.

[ember-reignited.livejournal.com]

Also, since Jesus is supposed to be a shepherd, does this mean
a) sex with women is bestiality
b) men should have sex with sheep
c) both

I'm gonna have to go with "a". Women, after all, are subhuman.

Also, take a look at this:

That is, for Christian Polygamists whose paradigms are based solely upon the Bible's texts, it means that that the only Biblically-allowed "configurations" are those of no wife, of one wife, or of more than one wife (polygyny).

Is it just me, or could that sentence be construed to mean that lesbianism is permissible? Sort of like Leviticus itself could?

[ember-reignited.livejournal.com]

And I'll be joining you. That's what I got out of it too.

[farla.livejournal.com]

Well, yes, if you just look at the bible. That's why you need his special suppliment to the bible, Jesus Pimp: Why God Likes It When You Beat Women, which explains that since the husband is like God, and lesbians lack a husband, lesbianism rejects God. His upcoming book, Gor as Christ's Kingdom will explore the fact women only pretend to be feminists because they're miserable and need to be raped until they're happy. It can take a while, but a truly devoted Christian man is willing to make that sacrifice.

[kddreams.livejournal.com]

Quiz time! Is he implying Jesus has sex with his followers, or that husbands in patriarchal marriages are not allowed to have sex with their wives? Alternatively, is he suggesting Jesus has sex with churches themselves, and if so, was Jesus married to them at the time? How would that be accomplished? Explain your answer.

Also, since Jesus is supposed to be a shepherd, does this mean
a) sex with women is bestiality
b) men should have sex with sheep
c) both

O_O