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farlaWords.
Word choice is a vital, fundamental issue for stories. A writer can have flawless characterization, a gripping plot, and a masterful grip of mechanics, but if they can't chose the correct words, the story will never be a good one.
Word choice is also subtle. Unlike simpler things like punctuation, it's hard to make up simple rules to follow - it's hard, for that matter, even to realize where 'your style' leaves off and mistakes begin. Words are also so basic that it's often a trial for the reader to even pick out anything in particular that's wrong, making it hard to explain exactly what one finds flawed about a piece.
Let's consider the story Desiring a Friend by Zenriek.
The story, Desiring a Friend, is written in a reasonably simple manner. The author manages to construct sentences without any glaring errors, and she uses description rather than relying on solely dialogue. Her word choice is typically more on the simple side, which not a problem in and of itself. Unfortunately, it leads her to reuse words, such as:
A most puzzling sight met her eyes. A young boy sat at the bedside of a dozing Pikachu, in the most uncomfortable looking chair.
This example is minor, yes, but something to be avoided because it creates boring, repetitive sentences.
More problematically, she describes inappropriately and reuses that description.
"Hey! What are you doing with Pikachu?" A girl with flaming red hair yelled.
"Let him go!" The other, a tall brown haired boy yelled.
Two more bright flashes of light and two more pokemon appeared. A staryu and geodude growled at the charmeleon and its owner.
Realizing the fight was pointless the girl went to her last resort. "Charmeleon!" She yelled. "Smokescreen!" The charmeleon opened its mouth and out came dark smoke.
The three people began coughing, their eyes watering. "Pidgeotto! Gust!" The tan boy shouted after yet another red flash of light. The smoke dissipated in a sudden burst of wind from a pidgeotto hovering in the air above the tan boy.
The three looked around in bewilderment. "Pikachu's gone!" The tan one yelled in despair.
"Calm down Ash! We'll get Pikachu back!" The flame-haired girl assured. The tall dark-haired boy nodded. Four flashes of light and the four pokemon were gone, and the tan boy was also gone, out the window.
In order to see the problem here, you need to imagine yourself in the situation for a moment. I realize that with the current talk of sues and self-inserts this may go against what you're used to, but it is necessary. You are in a room. There is a young boy there (who, for whatever reason, the author refers to as 'tan') whose name you do not know. Two more people enter, one a tall boy with dark hair, the other a girl with red hair. If you're talking to someone, how do you refer to them?
'Flame-haired' is a decent enough description, but only the first time. It's a mildly poetic way of putting it rather than the typical word. It's like talking about someone as having 'golden locks' every single time. 'Redheaded' girl fits better when trying to refer to Misty by her hair, simply because that's the word for people with red hair. It's like the difference between 'the milk-chocolate-haired girl' and 'the brunette'. People tend to use the basic word for referring to someone.
You may notice Brock is similarly identified by the exact same description, being called the "tall dark-haired boy" twice. Typically, when referring to someone, people use a single adjective rather than repeating the whole description they used the first time.
I recognize that the author is trying to identify them clearly without using their names, but this is a poor way of going about it. In cases like this, the author should find the simplest possible term. It's like 'said' - it's better to use a short, common word that readers can gloss over if you must repeat yourself.
There's also the problem that the way the author has chosen for identifying them simply isn't the one people use. When people talk of others whose names they don't know, they typically use gender first - thus, if there is only one girl, 'red-haired' girl is redundant. They are also far, far more likely to identify people by height or number (So these three guys are fishing. The first guy says...) than hair color.
Subtle? Yes. But the difference, at the very least, between a mediocre story and a decent one.
Later on in the story, the author commits a more grievous crime. You see, the character's eyes are flame-red. If you read this story, believe me, you'll remember, because the author makes sure to mention this at every opportunity.
Charmeleon picked the small pokemon up and handed him to his owner, who took him by the tail and dangled him so he was looking straight into her narrowed flame-red eyes.
She immediately opened her flame red eyes and sat up, searching for the thing that had awoken her.
Yukiko paused and glared at Pikachu with her flame-red eyes.
Her flame-red eyes had widened considerably and it would have been comical had Akako and Hoshi not been snarling fiercely at him.
Flame-red is not the most original description, but it's fine...once. After that it's annoying. Red, blood red, ruby, crimson, scarlet, or just plain 'eyes' with no adjective in front...there are plenty of options besides repeating it. The author is almost certainly trying to follow advise someone gave her about describing the character when it comes up, but she's using the same description over and over again.
The author's final problem is the Japanese she starts sprinkling into her story by the fourth chapter. There's a character in a flashback referred to as 'Ronin-san' (that translates to, in general terms, 'Mr. Masterless' with the 'samurai' implied, means something like 'Mr. Wanderer', but more literally is 'Mr. Tossed-About-Like-A-Piece-Of-Wood-By-Waves'. None of these are a good way of referring to 'person who is the entrenched leader of some sort of organization that has an established building and demands I talk to him in a respectful manner'.) The author apparently suffers under the misinformation that "-san" is an especially respectful term (one wonders if she got it confused with "-sama") and...well, I really have no idea where 'ronin' came from, it's about the least fitting word I can imagine. Ronin refers someone who has no one above or below them and who travels constantly. It's about as far from the leader of some organization as you can get.
The author also begins to use the word 'baka', never correctly. To demonstrate this, try subbing the word 'idiot' into the sentences below and see if it sounds correct.
[The three kids] were still following her. Why did they have to be so persistent? Freaking bakas.
She had gotten [the umbreon] from Ronin (she refused to use –san anymore, since she would never see the baka again) as her dark pokemon.
In this final case, the author is using a word that simply does not fit into the context. In the first sentence, the word she's going for is probably something along the lines of 'nuisances'. In the second, I'd guess 'bastard' would probably be the most likely candidate.
All of these things are subtle, and certainly, no one ruins the story by itself. However, they reduce the quality of the writing just as grammar, spelling, characterization, and plot problems would. As Mark Twain wrote, two of the rules of writing are to say what you're proposing to say, not come near it, and to use the right word, not its second cousin. Word choice is easy to overlook and mistakes are often hard to pinpoint, but it is, all the same, an important part of any story.
Tomorrow – This story's opposite, Finality by LilyPichu.
Word choice is a vital, fundamental issue for stories. A writer can have flawless characterization, a gripping plot, and a masterful grip of mechanics, but if they can't chose the correct words, the story will never be a good one.
Word choice is also subtle. Unlike simpler things like punctuation, it's hard to make up simple rules to follow - it's hard, for that matter, even to realize where 'your style' leaves off and mistakes begin. Words are also so basic that it's often a trial for the reader to even pick out anything in particular that's wrong, making it hard to explain exactly what one finds flawed about a piece.
Let's consider the story Desiring a Friend by Zenriek.
The story, Desiring a Friend, is written in a reasonably simple manner. The author manages to construct sentences without any glaring errors, and she uses description rather than relying on solely dialogue. Her word choice is typically more on the simple side, which not a problem in and of itself. Unfortunately, it leads her to reuse words, such as:
A most puzzling sight met her eyes. A young boy sat at the bedside of a dozing Pikachu, in the most uncomfortable looking chair.
This example is minor, yes, but something to be avoided because it creates boring, repetitive sentences.
More problematically, she describes inappropriately and reuses that description.
"Hey! What are you doing with Pikachu?" A girl with flaming red hair yelled.
"Let him go!" The other, a tall brown haired boy yelled.
Two more bright flashes of light and two more pokemon appeared. A staryu and geodude growled at the charmeleon and its owner.
Realizing the fight was pointless the girl went to her last resort. "Charmeleon!" She yelled. "Smokescreen!" The charmeleon opened its mouth and out came dark smoke.
The three people began coughing, their eyes watering. "Pidgeotto! Gust!" The tan boy shouted after yet another red flash of light. The smoke dissipated in a sudden burst of wind from a pidgeotto hovering in the air above the tan boy.
The three looked around in bewilderment. "Pikachu's gone!" The tan one yelled in despair.
"Calm down Ash! We'll get Pikachu back!" The flame-haired girl assured. The tall dark-haired boy nodded. Four flashes of light and the four pokemon were gone, and the tan boy was also gone, out the window.
In order to see the problem here, you need to imagine yourself in the situation for a moment. I realize that with the current talk of sues and self-inserts this may go against what you're used to, but it is necessary. You are in a room. There is a young boy there (who, for whatever reason, the author refers to as 'tan') whose name you do not know. Two more people enter, one a tall boy with dark hair, the other a girl with red hair. If you're talking to someone, how do you refer to them?
'Flame-haired' is a decent enough description, but only the first time. It's a mildly poetic way of putting it rather than the typical word. It's like talking about someone as having 'golden locks' every single time. 'Redheaded' girl fits better when trying to refer to Misty by her hair, simply because that's the word for people with red hair. It's like the difference between 'the milk-chocolate-haired girl' and 'the brunette'. People tend to use the basic word for referring to someone.
You may notice Brock is similarly identified by the exact same description, being called the "tall dark-haired boy" twice. Typically, when referring to someone, people use a single adjective rather than repeating the whole description they used the first time.
I recognize that the author is trying to identify them clearly without using their names, but this is a poor way of going about it. In cases like this, the author should find the simplest possible term. It's like 'said' - it's better to use a short, common word that readers can gloss over if you must repeat yourself.
There's also the problem that the way the author has chosen for identifying them simply isn't the one people use. When people talk of others whose names they don't know, they typically use gender first - thus, if there is only one girl, 'red-haired' girl is redundant. They are also far, far more likely to identify people by height or number (So these three guys are fishing. The first guy says...) than hair color.
Subtle? Yes. But the difference, at the very least, between a mediocre story and a decent one.
Later on in the story, the author commits a more grievous crime. You see, the character's eyes are flame-red. If you read this story, believe me, you'll remember, because the author makes sure to mention this at every opportunity.
Charmeleon picked the small pokemon up and handed him to his owner, who took him by the tail and dangled him so he was looking straight into her narrowed flame-red eyes.
She immediately opened her flame red eyes and sat up, searching for the thing that had awoken her.
Yukiko paused and glared at Pikachu with her flame-red eyes.
Her flame-red eyes had widened considerably and it would have been comical had Akako and Hoshi not been snarling fiercely at him.
Flame-red is not the most original description, but it's fine...once. After that it's annoying. Red, blood red, ruby, crimson, scarlet, or just plain 'eyes' with no adjective in front...there are plenty of options besides repeating it. The author is almost certainly trying to follow advise someone gave her about describing the character when it comes up, but she's using the same description over and over again.
The author's final problem is the Japanese she starts sprinkling into her story by the fourth chapter. There's a character in a flashback referred to as 'Ronin-san' (that translates to, in general terms, 'Mr. Masterless' with the 'samurai' implied, means something like 'Mr. Wanderer', but more literally is 'Mr. Tossed-About-Like-A-Piece-Of-Wood-By-Waves'. None of these are a good way of referring to 'person who is the entrenched leader of some sort of organization that has an established building and demands I talk to him in a respectful manner'.) The author apparently suffers under the misinformation that "-san" is an especially respectful term (one wonders if she got it confused with "-sama") and...well, I really have no idea where 'ronin' came from, it's about the least fitting word I can imagine. Ronin refers someone who has no one above or below them and who travels constantly. It's about as far from the leader of some organization as you can get.
The author also begins to use the word 'baka', never correctly. To demonstrate this, try subbing the word 'idiot' into the sentences below and see if it sounds correct.
[The three kids] were still following her. Why did they have to be so persistent? Freaking bakas.
She had gotten [the umbreon] from Ronin (she refused to use –san anymore, since she would never see the baka again) as her dark pokemon.
In this final case, the author is using a word that simply does not fit into the context. In the first sentence, the word she's going for is probably something along the lines of 'nuisances'. In the second, I'd guess 'bastard' would probably be the most likely candidate.
All of these things are subtle, and certainly, no one ruins the story by itself. However, they reduce the quality of the writing just as grammar, spelling, characterization, and plot problems would. As Mark Twain wrote, two of the rules of writing are to say what you're proposing to say, not come near it, and to use the right word, not its second cousin. Word choice is easy to overlook and mistakes are often hard to pinpoint, but it is, all the same, an important part of any story.
Tomorrow – This story's opposite, Finality by LilyPichu.
no subject
Date: 2004-12-08 01:01 am (UTC)Huh. I looked up 'usage' on dictionary.com and it struck me that you're allowed to use it in the way that you did, so...weird.
(For fun convolutedness, that would mean LilyPichu was mocking me for being hypocritical while being hypocritical herself because her profile claims she loves constructive criticism.)
Now if you're right...that is rather amusing. Irony! xD
no subject
Date: 2004-12-09 12:02 am (UTC)Anyway, it looks she's actually insinuating I'm just a bad writer and don't know how to use words at all, seeing as her new profile has a section for what she hates about fanfics containing:
-Stupid one shots where they are incredibly short, ill written with the *HOPES* of sounding sad or melancholic so it would look good anyway. God I hate those, they annoy me so much. -_-; If you're going to make a dramatic/tragedy fic, at least do it right instead of scribbling up some remorsed angst words less than five minutes.
And that's an addition in her profile update she did a day or so after getting the review. If she was just talking about one-shots that wouldn't be suspicious, but she goes out of her way to talk about angsty kinds, so...
Huh. So much speculation, so little time.