NaRe, Day Seven
Dec. 7th, 2009 11:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlaActually, we hit a couple decent ones near the end, which is nice.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562140/1/What_being_a_master_does_to_you_and_others
Capitalize your title properly.
Don't use multiple exclamation marks.
Write out numbers with letters.
Chapters need to be longer.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562316/1/Nouvelle
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey
Anyway, generic relationship stuff. While I was skimming to the end to find the review button, I thought for a second that it was Dawn kissing Misty, and the misreading made me temporarily positive toward your story, which says a depressing lot about my expectations admittedly. But it really would be a welcome relief from endless standard heteroships.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562513/1/Christmas_Drabble
Write out numbers with letters.
So I guess you seem to using the term drabble properly, which is a rarity. That said, the challenge of a drabble is to write a story within the limit, not to say that since it's a drabble you don't need to bother.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562604/1/A_boring_day
Capitalize your title properly.
Things about being bored are boring.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562608/1/Legend_of_Begining
Your title is misspelled.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Don't write all in bold.
"For Luna had not barred a child for the Sun"
Bore.
Also, it's quite unclear which are the children and which the wives, and only made more confusing given you say Pluto is a kid, yet Terra is made for Luna's kids. Some of these issues could have been helped by saying the stars were the kids - that'd also help establish that you're going for a mythic shape to this universe, because otherwise stuff like a planet being permanently covered in sunlight all over is just weird.
Oh, and don't capitalize random words.
A new speaker means a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562634/1/Over_it
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
You keep changing between past and present tense. Pick one.
"because pf that"
Of.
Write out numbers with letters.
"At that point, Dawn was certain that she would be broken. She would feel ugly, and her confidence gone. "
…so does she or doesn't she?
Also yeah, basically original fiction.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562636/1/Pokemon_Search_for_Lucario
"Most heroes start from humble beginnings, but every so often a hero is not born. Every so often, a person must rise above all else. They must rise against trial and turmoil to become a hero."
Okay, so I think I can see what you're trying to say, but it's coming out as nonsense.
"Our tail begins with a young women walking along the shore of Sandgem Town. Her genital footsteps"
Hilarious nonsense.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562834/1/Rivals
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Don't capitalize other random words either.
Write out numbers with letters.
Also, this was pretty pointless.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562961/1/Memoried
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
...So Hell is basically just Arizona?
You really, really need to have more description and narration in general, instead of mostly dialogue.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563007/1/Of_Songs_and_Mysteries
Songfic, it's banned, don't do this. Include a couple lines if the song is really relevant or don't if it isn't.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
Huh, you seem to have done your dialogue correctly. All of it, even the harder rules. Good job.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563034/1/thriving
"It’s cold outside and the suitability doesn’t pass her."
What?
Most of your sentences are done in nice, understandable language, which makes this bit all the stranger.
...and you're doing dialogue correctly too. Good job.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Anyway, aside from that one sentence this is pretty good. I like how you've arranged words and detail.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563070/1/I_Love_My_Momma
Ookay, that was the creepiest version of cubone/marowak breeding I've read yet, and it's not like they're generally portrayed as full of cuddles. Kudos.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563167/1/World_of_Pokemon
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Write out numbers with letters.
Yes, and that certain age is ten, not thirteen.
Writing pokemon fanfiction means your readers are familiar with pokemon means you don't need to tell them what pokemon are means stop with the filler already.
On top of that, this is not a chapter, it's just a handful of short paragraphs.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563626/1/Untitled_Pokemon_Crossover
"definentally"
And you were doing so well up to this point. Really, your technical skill here is extremely good for the most part, but be more careful.
And yes, I know your author's note says you wrote this earlier, but please don't say this means you haven't even looked it over and fixed any errors. If you're posting it you should try to post the best story you can.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
"in the Magical world "
And with words like magical.
"Harry had never seen such a bizarre animal in the muggle world, much less a muggle’s house! Harry wasn’t sure what to make of these muggles."
So why does he think they're muggles, then? They're dressed weirdly with what seem like magical animals, why not think they're some sort of odd wizard?
...why isn't he telling them anything? One of the really tiresome crossover tropes is that the character shuts up and doesn't ask any questions that'd give him away, even when he has no reason to. Even if Harry, for some reason, is absolutely sure these are just weird muggles, not weird wizards, so he doesn't want to tell them about magic, you'd think he could at least ask about Sirius right off. I mean, he dove into death after the guy, he should be a bit more focused.
"incase"
And again. It's honestly kind of weird, since your spelling looks good enough that I'd assume you used spellcheck, and that'd catch these.
"Aside from the fact that he had just realized he wasn’t wearing his glasses and could still see, his eyes now had specks of sliver that had never been there before. He wondered if he had gotten dust in his eyes but they didn’t hurt. Studying his refection closer he noticed that his hair and even his skin had a slight silvery sheen when it caught the light that had never been there before.
Perplexed and somewhat alarmed, Harry frantically scrubbed his arms up to his elbow, but the shine did not come off. He tried again but still no change. Somehow this silvery-ness was actually a part of his skin! Harry sighed in defeat. As he turned his hand to catch the light he decided it wasn’t so bad, though it made him look much paler. He could attribute it to a trick of the light.
He was more concerned with his eyes. How had his eyes changed? Why didn’t he need his glasses anymore? Harry had a sudden dreamlike vision. He was floating in black space. Silver stars flew by, so close he could reach out and touch it. It left behind a trail of dust, stardust. Silver stardust.
That was it! That dust must have coated his whole body making him silvery and somehow fixing his eyes."
So, I'm going to go with you not trying to make Harry into a sparky sue or anything, you're just trying to show how altered he is, and possibly figured fixing his eyes was more plausible than saying his glasses stayed on.
But still...magic silvery eyes.
Now, the pokeworld has glasses, so he can probably get more soon and it's not like your plot would be ruined if his vision is less than perfect right now. And the stardust would probably work better if it didn't seem so perfect. An irregular partial coating - on the hand that grabbed it, going up his arm and dusting his side, that sort of thing, instead of it just heading over and coating him - would still cover that he's marked without seeming so convenient, or removing a lot of suspense (because really, if the stardust is that awesome that it does all these things perfectly and on purpose, it probably did a bunch more to make sure he wouldn't fail).
...um, the whole bit with the caterpie is a cute scene, but doesn't really make much sense. If the girl was a really young kid who'd gotten in drilled into her head to stay away from wild pokemon, it would be more believable she might panic despite that it's not attacking and, well, it's a caterpie, but a kid a year younger than Harry is not only old enough to know all about pokemon, but several years past the age she's allowed to be a trainer.
Oh. We actually do have him blurting out something that shows he's unfamiliar with the world. About time.
I don't want to bother downloading the second set of chicken pictures yet, so here's one of Sir Whiny from the first batch, when he wasn't interested in my camera-waving shenanigans.
I'm almost at forty thousand words by now. I'm considering if I should change to a more narrow focus once I hit fifty, or keep reviewing everything.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562140/1/What_being_a_master_does_to_you_and_others
Capitalize your title properly.
Don't use multiple exclamation marks.
Write out numbers with letters.
Chapters need to be longer.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562316/1/Nouvelle
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey
Anyway, generic relationship stuff. While I was skimming to the end to find the review button, I thought for a second that it was Dawn kissing Misty, and the misreading made me temporarily positive toward your story, which says a depressing lot about my expectations admittedly. But it really would be a welcome relief from endless standard heteroships.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562513/1/Christmas_Drabble
Write out numbers with letters.
So I guess you seem to using the term drabble properly, which is a rarity. That said, the challenge of a drabble is to write a story within the limit, not to say that since it's a drabble you don't need to bother.
Also, a new speaker means a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562604/1/A_boring_day
Capitalize your title properly.
Things about being bored are boring.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562608/1/Legend_of_Begining
Your title is misspelled.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Don't write all in bold.
"For Luna had not barred a child for the Sun"
Bore.
Also, it's quite unclear which are the children and which the wives, and only made more confusing given you say Pluto is a kid, yet Terra is made for Luna's kids. Some of these issues could have been helped by saying the stars were the kids - that'd also help establish that you're going for a mythic shape to this universe, because otherwise stuff like a planet being permanently covered in sunlight all over is just weird.
Oh, and don't capitalize random words.
A new speaker means a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562634/1/Over_it
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
You keep changing between past and present tense. Pick one.
"because pf that"
Of.
Write out numbers with letters.
"At that point, Dawn was certain that she would be broken. She would feel ugly, and her confidence gone. "
…so does she or doesn't she?
Also yeah, basically original fiction.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562636/1/Pokemon_Search_for_Lucario
"Most heroes start from humble beginnings, but every so often a hero is not born. Every so often, a person must rise above all else. They must rise against trial and turmoil to become a hero."
Okay, so I think I can see what you're trying to say, but it's coming out as nonsense.
"Our tail begins with a young women walking along the shore of Sandgem Town. Her genital footsteps"
Hilarious nonsense.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562834/1/Rivals
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Don't capitalize other random words either.
Write out numbers with letters.
Also, this was pretty pointless.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5562961/1/Memoried
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
...So Hell is basically just Arizona?
You really, really need to have more description and narration in general, instead of mostly dialogue.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563007/1/Of_Songs_and_Mysteries
Songfic, it's banned, don't do this. Include a couple lines if the song is really relevant or don't if it isn't.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
Huh, you seem to have done your dialogue correctly. All of it, even the harder rules. Good job.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563034/1/thriving
"It’s cold outside and the suitability doesn’t pass her."
What?
Most of your sentences are done in nice, understandable language, which makes this bit all the stranger.
...and you're doing dialogue correctly too. Good job.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Anyway, aside from that one sentence this is pretty good. I like how you've arranged words and detail.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563070/1/I_Love_My_Momma
Ookay, that was the creepiest version of cubone/marowak breeding I've read yet, and it's not like they're generally portrayed as full of cuddles. Kudos.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563167/1/World_of_Pokemon
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Write out numbers with letters.
Yes, and that certain age is ten, not thirteen.
Writing pokemon fanfiction means your readers are familiar with pokemon means you don't need to tell them what pokemon are means stop with the filler already.
On top of that, this is not a chapter, it's just a handful of short paragraphs.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5563626/1/Untitled_Pokemon_Crossover
"definentally"
And you were doing so well up to this point. Really, your technical skill here is extremely good for the most part, but be more careful.
And yes, I know your author's note says you wrote this earlier, but please don't say this means you haven't even looked it over and fixed any errors. If you're posting it you should try to post the best story you can.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
"in the Magical world "
And with words like magical.
"Harry had never seen such a bizarre animal in the muggle world, much less a muggle’s house! Harry wasn’t sure what to make of these muggles."
So why does he think they're muggles, then? They're dressed weirdly with what seem like magical animals, why not think they're some sort of odd wizard?
...why isn't he telling them anything? One of the really tiresome crossover tropes is that the character shuts up and doesn't ask any questions that'd give him away, even when he has no reason to. Even if Harry, for some reason, is absolutely sure these are just weird muggles, not weird wizards, so he doesn't want to tell them about magic, you'd think he could at least ask about Sirius right off. I mean, he dove into death after the guy, he should be a bit more focused.
"incase"
And again. It's honestly kind of weird, since your spelling looks good enough that I'd assume you used spellcheck, and that'd catch these.
"Aside from the fact that he had just realized he wasn’t wearing his glasses and could still see, his eyes now had specks of sliver that had never been there before. He wondered if he had gotten dust in his eyes but they didn’t hurt. Studying his refection closer he noticed that his hair and even his skin had a slight silvery sheen when it caught the light that had never been there before.
Perplexed and somewhat alarmed, Harry frantically scrubbed his arms up to his elbow, but the shine did not come off. He tried again but still no change. Somehow this silvery-ness was actually a part of his skin! Harry sighed in defeat. As he turned his hand to catch the light he decided it wasn’t so bad, though it made him look much paler. He could attribute it to a trick of the light.
He was more concerned with his eyes. How had his eyes changed? Why didn’t he need his glasses anymore? Harry had a sudden dreamlike vision. He was floating in black space. Silver stars flew by, so close he could reach out and touch it. It left behind a trail of dust, stardust. Silver stardust.
That was it! That dust must have coated his whole body making him silvery and somehow fixing his eyes."
So, I'm going to go with you not trying to make Harry into a sparky sue or anything, you're just trying to show how altered he is, and possibly figured fixing his eyes was more plausible than saying his glasses stayed on.
But still...magic silvery eyes.
Now, the pokeworld has glasses, so he can probably get more soon and it's not like your plot would be ruined if his vision is less than perfect right now. And the stardust would probably work better if it didn't seem so perfect. An irregular partial coating - on the hand that grabbed it, going up his arm and dusting his side, that sort of thing, instead of it just heading over and coating him - would still cover that he's marked without seeming so convenient, or removing a lot of suspense (because really, if the stardust is that awesome that it does all these things perfectly and on purpose, it probably did a bunch more to make sure he wouldn't fail).
...um, the whole bit with the caterpie is a cute scene, but doesn't really make much sense. If the girl was a really young kid who'd gotten in drilled into her head to stay away from wild pokemon, it would be more believable she might panic despite that it's not attacking and, well, it's a caterpie, but a kid a year younger than Harry is not only old enough to know all about pokemon, but several years past the age she's allowed to be a trainer.
Oh. We actually do have him blurting out something that shows he's unfamiliar with the world. About time.
I don't want to bother downloading the second set of chicken pictures yet, so here's one of Sir Whiny from the first batch, when he wasn't interested in my camera-waving shenanigans.
I'm almost at forty thousand words by now. I'm considering if I should change to a more narrow focus once I hit fifty, or keep reviewing everything.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 05:45 am (UTC)but now it's basically damaged goods, so. :(
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 05:56 am (UTC)Well, Bella Swan came from there, so...
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 07:30 am (UTC)I actually shrieked with laughter. Way to make me break silent hours during finals week, Farla!
So Hell is basically just Arizona?
I dare you to spend the peak of summer here. It's practically indistinguishable.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 07:31 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 11:55 am (UTC)Oh god. At first I was laughing so hard, then I pictured all the different things this could be... none of them are pleasant.
Are you counting the stuff you're pasting into nearly every review in your word count? I'd imagine taking that out would cut the count in half.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 02:01 pm (UTC)(And yeah. One of the perks of this is I do end up coming across plenty of interesting ideas.)
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 02:03 pm (UTC)deadmarble flesh.no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 02:05 pm (UTC)And that's why people invented air conditioning.
And then God invented global warming, because fuck Arizona. STOP TRYING TO ESCAPE YOUR SUFFERING, SINNERS!
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 02:08 pm (UTC)Oh, probably. It'd take time to remove it, especially because I keep altering the autocorrect bits to add new information so I can't just do a global search and replace. Plus, I still spent the time reading those stories, so I might as well get some wordcount from them.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 02:41 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 06:27 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 08:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 08:02 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 08:04 pm (UTC)Did I ever tell you about the BDSM/foot fetish fic featuring Mewtwo and a human OC?
Because I once read a BDSM/foot fetish fic featuring Mewtwo and a human OC.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 09:41 pm (UTC)And now I'm wondering if gangrape is more or less hardcore than what's technically bestiality, and then if pornfic between nonhumans is basically the bestiality anyway as far as reading it, and LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID.
(My introduction to fanfic was through the digimon fandom, so comparatively, going on about untouched virgin feet just seemed a bit odd.)
no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 11:40 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-08 11:58 pm (UTC)Actually, capitalising only the first word of a title and leaving the rest lowercase is an accepted and/or standard convention in a lot of countries. It's called minimalism.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-09 12:10 am (UTC)Did I mention that some implausible plot contrivance or other had sent Mewtwo back into Kill All Humans mode? And that the Stu was his captive torture-monkey who won him over and reminded him of the good humanity is capable of through a night of passionate toe-sucking before dying tragically from... I don't know, I guess it must have been brain trauma, since the torture was all administered psychically and he didn't seem to have anything noticeably physically wrong with him. Plus it might partly explain the grammar if — wait, no, that would be if the author were brain-damaged. I always get that mixed up with self-inserts.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-09 12:51 am (UTC)But it's so much prettier! Don't take my capitalized titles, world!
Also, it makes it harder to tell something's a title when you write it. (Unless they have some alternative method.)
no subject
Date: 2009-12-09 01:17 am (UTC)Or basically, I'm okay with it in a fictional context where for all I know the bit in your brain to find a decent partner can function properly and still select a pikachu, and anyway you'll probably just get a pikachugirl so it's not like natural selection fail, but creeped out by the idea it's porn for real people. Kinda like that I feel saying you're the wrong gender means you should get surgery, and saying you're the wrong species means you should get meds, because one is an understandable working of the human brain and one seems to be some horrible series of misfires.
Or, sex with Mewtwo the character is okay, being sexually attracted to Mewtwo's feet is really weird.
Actually I'm not really that much in favor of being sexually attracted to feet period, come to think of it.
And it occurs to me that assuming mewtwos have any sort of imprinting subset on sexual attraction he probably would be attracted to humans.
So I'd say gangrape wins, though I'm still hesitant to accept that anything in the Pokémon section could be worse than That Fic, though I deep down I know very well that there's bound to be something.
A random scizor attacks Misty and rapes her to death with its cock, which is a spinning drill. Misty enjoys it between screams.
Yeah.
Huh, see, I read something really similar but not that. It was this billion-fic long thing where some trainer tried to catch Mewtwo and he got pissed and killed/tortured the pokemon to death, then decided to rape/torture/rape the trainer, occasionally handing him off to other pokemon to abuse. Only he never actually died, and also got beat up physically the whole time. The author was really open about the fact it was slightly modified RP logs.
Sometimes I think FFN did the right thing by removing all NC17 fic.
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Date: 2009-12-09 02:34 am (UTC)Oh, it's definitely weird, and gross, and not something you should share with the whole internet, thank you very much for that, but in my opinion none of those things are the same thing as "wrong." I generally take the attitude that "your kink is okay as long as it stays in your head or behind closed doors with other consenting adults." This may or may not simply be me overcompensating for having practically no sex drive of my own and finding all sexual behavior kind of disgusting.
Kinda like that I feel saying you're the wrong gender means you should get surgery, and saying you're the wrong species means you should get meds, because one is an understandable working of the human brain and one seems to be some horrible series of misfires.
I don't think the "wrong species" idea is always entirely insane. My theory is that it mostly comes from people experiencing feelings they rightfully identify as "animal," and then not understanding that that would be because, duh, humans are animals. I've had the "Wait a minute, this 'normal' human characteristic is really frickin' weird for me!" brain error before, but I've worked out that it's not because I'm a wolf or a cougar or what have you; it's because I'm an ape. Non-sexual furries seem to me like a natural psychological result of a society as steeped in artificiality and human-exceptionalism as ours is.
A random scizor attacks Misty and rapes her to death with its cock, which is a spinning drill. Misty enjoys it between screams.
I hate you.
The author was really open about the fact it was slightly modified RP logs.
I hate humanity.
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Date: 2009-12-09 03:38 am (UTC)After we've ruled out harm to others, how much harm are they doing to themselves?
Because really, it's not like you can actually harm a corpse. But if you're fucking one it suggests that at the least there is something going wrong somewhere.
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Date: 2009-12-09 06:20 am (UTC)okay this definitely made me extremely sad
probably for the same reason i felt like crying during the infamous buffalo bill dancing scene in "Silence of the Lambs", rather than recoiling in disgust or laughing or however you were intended to react. i mean, what can you do for people who are truly fucked up and trapped in their own desperate misery, and not in the sense of "mommy i'm tired i want my meds now".
HELP I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH MY (PROBABLY MISGUIDED) FURRY SYMPATHY
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Date: 2009-12-09 06:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-09 10:57 am (UTC)/so totally almost replied to this with an RP account, ffft.
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Date: 2009-12-10 11:48 am (UTC)Just on thing, I think you confuse furry with otakin.
Nonsexual furries just think antros a cool. Otakin is the ones who thinks they are dragons, or wolfes, or lions. (nut never lobsters, why never lobsters?)
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Date: 2009-12-10 12:22 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-12-10 05:39 pm (UTC)And now I really got the urge to test that theory. I could make a paper on it, with nice little charts and theories and define the difference between the varius subgroups.
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Date: 2009-12-10 05:48 pm (UTC)There was a kerfluffle a while ago where some furry was in a furry relationship and flipped out when the other person sent them a picture of themselves, because realizing the other person they talked with is actually human shaped squicked them. They understood they weren't actually an anthro and the other people weren't actually anthros, but they couldn't interact with people online without pretending it was otherwise. And that's probably more messed up than just thinking you're secretly a dragon, as at least most of them are kinda functional.
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Date: 2009-12-10 08:58 pm (UTC)Oh yeah, I totally forgot the "I was really L from Deathnote in a former life, really." people.