NaRe, Day Eleven
Dec. 11th, 2009 10:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlaFarla is thirty stories behind. Also, very sleepy.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5569550/1/The_Perfect_Design
"The Viridian Forest was unusually dark that fall night. It was darker even during the daytime. Nobody could explain this sudden “dark” change to an otherwise peaceful forest.
This change was reflected on the life of the forest. The Pokemon looked sickly and defeated. They all seemed to be on their deathbeds. Quite sad, actually."
So basically, this whole bit wasn't necessary. The idea that the sun somehow isn't shining doesn't really tie in with your eventual monster, nor does it add atmosphere because of the flippant way you're talking about it.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
"He left all but one Pokemon at his home in Viridian City, and proceeded to the forest with five Pokéballs, some rations, and a Tyranitar. Nothing could break his stride now."
...except that's not how anything works? You can carry hundreds of pokeballs and six pokemon when you go out to catch new ones. If you want it to show up on your team rather than getting sent to the PC then you can't have more than five, but that's a big difference than one.
If it's really vital to you that he only have one pokemon with him, it's better to just say his only strong pokemon is his tyranitar.
"Except for your traditional crazy old geezers. Our beloved, wise-cracking elders who display great wisdom, and provide great ‘laughing at’ material. They always seem to pop put at the right time for the young adventurers. "
Seriously, according to you this is supposed to be classed as suspense. It's reading more like a parody. Joking parodies that end with the character dying are still joking parodies, they're just ones with an ending that falls flat because the author spent so much time saying not to take anything seriously.
"A beautiful full moon reflected upon the forest, giving it an eerie glow."
Except somehow the forest is darker than the surrounding area for no real reason as if light somehow just has trouble getting in, so...
Okay, I'm sure there's some sort of stylistic reason you're writing the trainer's dialogue like that, but it just comes off as weird. If you'd made more effort to keep the story focused on the trainer it would be a more understandable choice, but you seem to be taking pains to keep everyone at arms length.
"Here, this once silly old man turned into the wise, warning seer, the person who would predict destruction in the future, and would tell tales of terror and morality to shape up the eventual hero. "
Seriously, not how you do suspense.
"“This thing was believed to have existed since the beginning of time as only a soul. It wandered across the universe searching for a body to take. This certain body was believed to have been made by a terrible group of people determined on accessing its cosmic powers. They built it to be contained on a supercomputer, but it couldn’t handle the body, so it broke free and took random parts of it to create a basic structure.” "
Further issues with your inability to commit. Yeah, missingno is a game glitch, which means it has to do with computers. Also, within the game it screws things up. So you're saying missingno is a big deal in the context of their actual world, but also throwing in a reference to computers because hey guys, missingno is like a glitch. Even if it makes no sense to go from "possessed a computer" to "makes reality display pixel glitches". And even if the backstory just makes missingno sound pretty lame. Suspense, remember? It's not really served by having someone explain every last little detail.
"He saw a green pile of goop. Faintly, as he didn’t have perfect enough vision to look through the darkness. "
So he can barely see, but he can make out colors?
"It was a moment of quiet reflection for him. As far back as he could remember, one sort of “golden rule” for him was to never let anything prevent him from enjoying the moment. He believes he had broken that rule that night. "
Watch your tenses.
"He was basically a stoic Indian you can keep in your pocket."
No.
"Some sort of a silhouette figure"
What?
...so why exactly did the guy try to talk the trainer out of it earlier? I mean, you could have it that he was actually trying to trick the trainer into entering, but we don't see any suggestion the trainer wasn't on his way when the guy interrupted him. And why was he bothering to mutter stuff about "I pray for your soul" after the trainer was out of earshot? For that matter, if he's missingno, why didn't he just eat the guy then and not bother with the whole Viridian Forest business?
And now he's explaining everything in exhaustive, horror-destroying detail. To someone he's about to kill, no less. I mean, there's a bit of leeway for gloating, but it stops well short of multiple paragraphs of explanation on exactly how and why things are happening.
Look, your writing is pretty good on a technical level, and I do like your concept. But your narrative decisions here were not well thought out.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5569628/1/The_Cost_of_Living
Huh.
You really shouldn't start with a list of ages, but you gave reasonable ones, and I found the bit about the rain a nice detail that a lot of people wouldn't bother to put in. The characters also seem to be pretty IC.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
That said, it's IC to the degree that it feels a lot like an episode. And considering how fillery the show gets, that's not a good thing.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Uh. If Pikachu is locked in a glass cage and it's dropped, the impact of the cage hitting the water should break it. I'm willing to grant Pikachu being miraculously okay in a canon where people are always surviving huge distances, but glass has no similar plot armor. Plus, if it didn't break it should float, being full of air.
Also, I get that you want Ash to rush off and be a hero, but it's really hard to believe that Misty would watch Ash jump in and not even try sending out one of her pokemon. You could easily have Ash jump in first, finding Pikachu, only to be rescued in turn by staryu.
It'd also make the lecture and the rest seem more reasonable. "Don't jump in to rescue someone when there are stronger swimmers around" is one thing. You can make a case either way - that more eyes and a faster response is worth it, or that it's reckless and better left to those who know what they're doing. "Don't jump in when none of us are going to help either" is something you'd say about a stuffed animal, not a living pokemon, and it makes his friends seem horrible.
See, you're doing a good job with the relationship angle in general here, showing how Misty's usual behavior is in part because she cares about him, and Ash's characterization is great. The problem is that unless we accept Pikachu's life as worth way less than anyone else's, the only other interpretation is Misty feeling that Ash not risking his life ever is more important than other people dying. Which may be romantic but it's in a pretty creepy, selfish and possessive way.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5569834/1/Now_I_Know_My_ABCs
Eh, I realize you don't have much space to work with in two hundred words, but this is just generic original fiction. Your writing is done well enough, but...just saying the guy having trouble with the tree is Ash doesn't make it actually have to do with Pokemon.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5569949/1/Sweet_Baby_Jessie
Decent writing and it's nice to see pokemon being capitalized properly, but it is tiresome how so many J&J fics have step one be "make James spontaneously grow a spine". I know that they're kind of childish in general, so it's tempting to make them less silly, but the fact that everyone ends up doing that by reasserting traditional gender dynamics has depressing implications.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5570263/1/Life_As_a_Flygon
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
In addition, it's "rattata". I realize that spelling pokemon species is harder, but you should generally double-check before posting.
And my, this is melodramatic. Look, people don't generally say long sentences all the time, especially not under stress.
"Their minds have completely changed to that of Pokemons'. They do not know anything of their human past. They don't even remember they were once human "
...so it's basically a useless waste of time that's really expensive and hard to do, with a high chance of getting them all arrested.
"Her face betrayed her fierce expression; flickers of nervousness showed up from time to time, and she was fiddling with her hands. "
What?
"screams of torture"
Seriously, your sentence structure is really messed up.
"She was aware of a door opening, and a voice mocking her, but her thought was only centered on Ash... the love of her life... she hadn't even said a proper good-bye..."
So May basically decides to roll over and die because she remembers she's a female love interest and therefore incapable of personal initiative.
"You think I'm going to transform her based on her achievements?" he growled. "I'm trying to do the opposite, to torture her as much as possible. Now get those DNA samples!"
...because impossible cartoonish villainy is so interesting.
"Karen here was tinkering with viruses which were able to store the DNA within itself in the form of plasmids - rings to you. Once these viruses found cells, they would release those DNA into the cell, killing itself in the process. In the meantime, I was successfully able to inject a chemical into the virus itself, such that it would wipe out the DNA of the cell it sought out but not the ones it contained. Clever, eh? Anyway, these new DNA would occupy the cells for themselves, slowly but surely changing them so that they would resemble that of-"
Oh good god.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5571481/1/Love_was_born_at_Christmas
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5571547/1/A_Very_Interseting_Holiday
Your title is misspelled.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5571657/1/All_I_Want_for_Christmas_Is_Drew
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
This is inane. Also, you need more narration, too much of this story is just empty, unneeded dialogue.
If you're going to translate pokemon speech then do so, don't bother with a nonsense string in front.
I'm thinking of just ignoring the romance stuff. There's only so many ways you can say that it's a generic fictionpress story, and honestly if I wanted to explain how much someone's original fiction was generic and boring I could just do NaRe over there.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5569550/1/The_Perfect_Design
"The Viridian Forest was unusually dark that fall night. It was darker even during the daytime. Nobody could explain this sudden “dark” change to an otherwise peaceful forest.
This change was reflected on the life of the forest. The Pokemon looked sickly and defeated. They all seemed to be on their deathbeds. Quite sad, actually."
So basically, this whole bit wasn't necessary. The idea that the sun somehow isn't shining doesn't really tie in with your eventual monster, nor does it add atmosphere because of the flippant way you're talking about it.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
"He left all but one Pokemon at his home in Viridian City, and proceeded to the forest with five Pokéballs, some rations, and a Tyranitar. Nothing could break his stride now."
...except that's not how anything works? You can carry hundreds of pokeballs and six pokemon when you go out to catch new ones. If you want it to show up on your team rather than getting sent to the PC then you can't have more than five, but that's a big difference than one.
If it's really vital to you that he only have one pokemon with him, it's better to just say his only strong pokemon is his tyranitar.
"Except for your traditional crazy old geezers. Our beloved, wise-cracking elders who display great wisdom, and provide great ‘laughing at’ material. They always seem to pop put at the right time for the young adventurers. "
Seriously, according to you this is supposed to be classed as suspense. It's reading more like a parody. Joking parodies that end with the character dying are still joking parodies, they're just ones with an ending that falls flat because the author spent so much time saying not to take anything seriously.
"A beautiful full moon reflected upon the forest, giving it an eerie glow."
Except somehow the forest is darker than the surrounding area for no real reason as if light somehow just has trouble getting in, so...
Okay, I'm sure there's some sort of stylistic reason you're writing the trainer's dialogue like that, but it just comes off as weird. If you'd made more effort to keep the story focused on the trainer it would be a more understandable choice, but you seem to be taking pains to keep everyone at arms length.
"Here, this once silly old man turned into the wise, warning seer, the person who would predict destruction in the future, and would tell tales of terror and morality to shape up the eventual hero. "
Seriously, not how you do suspense.
"“This thing was believed to have existed since the beginning of time as only a soul. It wandered across the universe searching for a body to take. This certain body was believed to have been made by a terrible group of people determined on accessing its cosmic powers. They built it to be contained on a supercomputer, but it couldn’t handle the body, so it broke free and took random parts of it to create a basic structure.” "
Further issues with your inability to commit. Yeah, missingno is a game glitch, which means it has to do with computers. Also, within the game it screws things up. So you're saying missingno is a big deal in the context of their actual world, but also throwing in a reference to computers because hey guys, missingno is like a glitch. Even if it makes no sense to go from "possessed a computer" to "makes reality display pixel glitches". And even if the backstory just makes missingno sound pretty lame. Suspense, remember? It's not really served by having someone explain every last little detail.
"He saw a green pile of goop. Faintly, as he didn’t have perfect enough vision to look through the darkness. "
So he can barely see, but he can make out colors?
"It was a moment of quiet reflection for him. As far back as he could remember, one sort of “golden rule” for him was to never let anything prevent him from enjoying the moment. He believes he had broken that rule that night. "
Watch your tenses.
"He was basically a stoic Indian you can keep in your pocket."
No.
"Some sort of a silhouette figure"
What?
...so why exactly did the guy try to talk the trainer out of it earlier? I mean, you could have it that he was actually trying to trick the trainer into entering, but we don't see any suggestion the trainer wasn't on his way when the guy interrupted him. And why was he bothering to mutter stuff about "I pray for your soul" after the trainer was out of earshot? For that matter, if he's missingno, why didn't he just eat the guy then and not bother with the whole Viridian Forest business?
And now he's explaining everything in exhaustive, horror-destroying detail. To someone he's about to kill, no less. I mean, there's a bit of leeway for gloating, but it stops well short of multiple paragraphs of explanation on exactly how and why things are happening.
Look, your writing is pretty good on a technical level, and I do like your concept. But your narrative decisions here were not well thought out.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5569628/1/The_Cost_of_Living
Huh.
You really shouldn't start with a list of ages, but you gave reasonable ones, and I found the bit about the rain a nice detail that a lot of people wouldn't bother to put in. The characters also seem to be pretty IC.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
That said, it's IC to the degree that it feels a lot like an episode. And considering how fillery the show gets, that's not a good thing.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Uh. If Pikachu is locked in a glass cage and it's dropped, the impact of the cage hitting the water should break it. I'm willing to grant Pikachu being miraculously okay in a canon where people are always surviving huge distances, but glass has no similar plot armor. Plus, if it didn't break it should float, being full of air.
Also, I get that you want Ash to rush off and be a hero, but it's really hard to believe that Misty would watch Ash jump in and not even try sending out one of her pokemon. You could easily have Ash jump in first, finding Pikachu, only to be rescued in turn by staryu.
It'd also make the lecture and the rest seem more reasonable. "Don't jump in to rescue someone when there are stronger swimmers around" is one thing. You can make a case either way - that more eyes and a faster response is worth it, or that it's reckless and better left to those who know what they're doing. "Don't jump in when none of us are going to help either" is something you'd say about a stuffed animal, not a living pokemon, and it makes his friends seem horrible.
See, you're doing a good job with the relationship angle in general here, showing how Misty's usual behavior is in part because she cares about him, and Ash's characterization is great. The problem is that unless we accept Pikachu's life as worth way less than anyone else's, the only other interpretation is Misty feeling that Ash not risking his life ever is more important than other people dying. Which may be romantic but it's in a pretty creepy, selfish and possessive way.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5569834/1/Now_I_Know_My_ABCs
Eh, I realize you don't have much space to work with in two hundred words, but this is just generic original fiction. Your writing is done well enough, but...just saying the guy having trouble with the tree is Ash doesn't make it actually have to do with Pokemon.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5569949/1/Sweet_Baby_Jessie
Decent writing and it's nice to see pokemon being capitalized properly, but it is tiresome how so many J&J fics have step one be "make James spontaneously grow a spine". I know that they're kind of childish in general, so it's tempting to make them less silly, but the fact that everyone ends up doing that by reasserting traditional gender dynamics has depressing implications.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5570263/1/Life_As_a_Flygon
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
In addition, it's "rattata". I realize that spelling pokemon species is harder, but you should generally double-check before posting.
And my, this is melodramatic. Look, people don't generally say long sentences all the time, especially not under stress.
"Their minds have completely changed to that of Pokemons'. They do not know anything of their human past. They don't even remember they were once human "
...so it's basically a useless waste of time that's really expensive and hard to do, with a high chance of getting them all arrested.
"Her face betrayed her fierce expression; flickers of nervousness showed up from time to time, and she was fiddling with her hands. "
What?
"screams of torture"
Seriously, your sentence structure is really messed up.
"She was aware of a door opening, and a voice mocking her, but her thought was only centered on Ash... the love of her life... she hadn't even said a proper good-bye..."
So May basically decides to roll over and die because she remembers she's a female love interest and therefore incapable of personal initiative.
"You think I'm going to transform her based on her achievements?" he growled. "I'm trying to do the opposite, to torture her as much as possible. Now get those DNA samples!"
...because impossible cartoonish villainy is so interesting.
"Karen here was tinkering with viruses which were able to store the DNA within itself in the form of plasmids - rings to you. Once these viruses found cells, they would release those DNA into the cell, killing itself in the process. In the meantime, I was successfully able to inject a chemical into the virus itself, such that it would wipe out the DNA of the cell it sought out but not the ones it contained. Clever, eh? Anyway, these new DNA would occupy the cells for themselves, slowly but surely changing them so that they would resemble that of-"
Oh good god.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5571481/1/Love_was_born_at_Christmas
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5571547/1/A_Very_Interseting_Holiday
Your title is misspelled.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5571657/1/All_I_Want_for_Christmas_Is_Drew
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. Similar reasoning should be applied to terms like trainer, types like electric, moves like thundershock, items like pokeballs and undertakings like journey.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
This is inane. Also, you need more narration, too much of this story is just empty, unneeded dialogue.
If you're going to translate pokemon speech then do so, don't bother with a nonsense string in front.
I'm thinking of just ignoring the romance stuff. There's only so many ways you can say that it's a generic fictionpress story, and honestly if I wanted to explain how much someone's original fiction was generic and boring I could just do NaRe over there.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2009-12-12 04:31 am (UTC)Oh, excellent! Even if this somehow works (let's say humans didn't evolve from pokémon, and the latter have different nucleotide bases or something, so you can actually chemically target human DNA) it will only result in horrible, lingering death as all of the body's functions grind to a halt. Fic's over! Bye, May!
no subject
Date: 2009-12-12 01:41 pm (UTC)If the story had been a bit better I might have been willing to try to explain, but it has an evil cackling scientist doing evil science for the evil lulz, so no.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-12 05:19 pm (UTC)If the story had been a bit better I might have been willing to try to explain, but it has an evil cackling scientist doing evil science for the evil lulz, so no.
If the story had been a bit better, the best advice might have been, "Sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic, so if you can't do convincing technobabble, just treat it as such." Because really, there's no way you're going to use anything resembling real-life transformation procedures to turn one large multicellular organism into another.
Though, come to think of it, that's something that pokémon actually canonically do. Why not do something with "evolution"? It's not a real thing, so no one will care if you make shit up about it.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-12 06:09 pm (UTC)But yeah, evolution is a much neater one. Graft in the bit that says you're a sandshrew, add a trigger that says "and now you're evolving! :) " and you'd end up turning into a sandslash. That'd require us to ignore the pokedex reference to the idea evolved pokemon have different DNA, but I'm pretty sure everyone's already doing that.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-12 05:11 am (UTC)high on gengar dope?
high on gengar dope.
no subject
Date: 2009-12-12 05:27 am (UTC)I think the author was— No, never mind. Too obvious, and it still wouldn't make sense.