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On Saturday, my parents brought me and my brother on a random family visit. And we went to a farm there for pumpkins.
The sign on the way in mentioned something about (city name) department of recreation. Oh, I thought. That's a bit odd.
There were a bunch of animals (from emus to sheep), being fed...corn and peppers and suchlike. At first I thought maybe they were getting fed bruised or damaged vegetables, but no, perfectly good vegetables.
We continue on. I notice that there are large areas where they grew tomatoes. And I know this because the area is covered in rotting, split, unharvested tomatoes, most still on the vine.
But hey, what do I know about farming? Maybe it's normal for some of the crop to be lost like that. Or most, judging by the look...
And on the other side are light pink raspberries. At first I thought they weren't ripe (from the color - they were almost white. A pretty cool color, actually) but they were. And a lot of those - most - were dried up, as if they'd just been left there. They tasted okay. Not anywhere near as good as red or black raspberries, though.
We keep going because we wanted to pick apples and we were told to go that way. We pass this huge pile of vegetables that look like they're being composted. I notice there are huge pumpkins on top that are rotted hollow and birds are flying in and out, which amuses me. That's fine, putting rotten stuff there to compost isn't anything odd. And we kept going.
Then we discovered we couldn't pick apples because the trees were still making apples or something. There wasn't a clear explanation, just a sign and a lack of apples.
So we head back. We pass the compost pile again. This time I notice a pile of little pumpkins that were dumped about a meter or so away, which makes me pause to look because I think mini-pumpkins are cute. And I look and think, hey, wait...
One or two are damaged, but out of, I don't know, fifty or so, they're almost all fine. They're some native variety, really cool colors. I pick up as many as I can carry and draft my father. We scurry back to the car with our 'stolen' loot. I grab a bag, and head back with my father.
I start grabbing more and notice mini orange pumpkins on the other side. I head over there and realize that what I thought was a pile of dirt is actually a huge pile of dumped potted plants (sans pots), some with the price sticker still in their conical clumps of dirt.
Then I look up at the top of the pile and realize that although the big pumpkins have clearly been there a good while and must have been all deposited at the same time, they're in varying states of decay. In fact, some look...like they were just dumped there in perfect condition.
I head back thoroughly pissed off at the whole thing. I mean, I recognize I'm wasteful and a lot of people are, but growing and then throwing away food just takes it to a new level.
But I wind up with about thirty little pumpkins of varying shapes and colors, plus a large pumpkin we bought. And we go home.
The next morning, I discover one pumpkin out in the driveway, with little bite marks. And a bunch of others are missing. We have a happy squirrel, yes we do ^^
We get set up with Halloween costumes. My brother goes as a ladybug. No, it does get worse. He was a ladybug last year. And the year before. Before that he was a train.
But this year he's a ladybug. Again. I can't hammer that home enough. His costume this time is a sort of red apron thingy with cardboard or something. I wasn't there when my mom set that up, and didn't care to enquire. And it had black plastic spots.
I meanwhile, being drafted as 'person who goes with her brother', decide to go as an uninformed voter. Because dammit, one of us should be scary. So I write Uninformed Voter on a piece of white posterboard. (I may not know the issues, but I have strong opinions on them!) There, insta-costume. Then I write 'IDIOT' on my forehead, and I'm done. We leave.
People were greatly amused by my costume. One even gave me extra candy. It was especially popular with the older group, who are starting to realize the new generation is coming to power and we're evil, selfish little bastards. (On an unrelated note, I discovered that my ability to fit into no age group extends to adults. In school, it usually takes four guesses to figure out what grade I'm in (occasionally three, and one person managed two). The people tended to assume I was voting age. I suppose my costume...but I'm two years younger and people are still guessing 'freshman' at my school (Though they've also been guessing 'senior' since last year).
Anyway, I learned many things.
By the second house I learned that it's a bad idea to have a costume that's only recognizable from behind, and resolved to make sure my brother is not a ladybug next year. I also learned that people will give you candy even if you show no sign of having a costume, which is useful. Although maybe there's some rule that you have to give candy to all the kids if some are in costume, or maybe it only applies to little kids with surly teens in tow who might egg their houses.
By the third house I realized that the squirrels had wreaked mighty havoc upon other people's pumpkins as well, and was greatly amused.
By the fifth house I saw the only intact pumpkin I saw all night. Asked how she'd evaded the squirrels, she said it was their third pumpkin. I was again greatly amused.
Between the twelfth and thirteenth house I realized that everyone is going in huge groups like miniature swarms of costumed locust, but can't figure out why.
By the fifteenth house I learned the same thing I learn every year - that most people are old, geriatric ugly people who can barely walk and who will make you feel guilt for making them hobble to the door even as you resolve to buy a gun to kill yourself should you ever approach that level of decay.
By the twentieth house I realized everyone in my neighborhood and the surrounding area has a dog, none of which are trained to stay inside when their owner says so, all of which bark and one of which was accompanied by a 'beware of dog' sign on the fence.
And on the fiftieth house (we went in a circle) I realize that one of my neighbors is an Asian family with at least quadruplets. That is, I saw four little creatures immediately and there were a bunch (a *large* bunch) that seemed like the same size off in the background (Also a dog. Seriously, everyone has a dog). I don't even understand how it's possible to have that many at once. Anyway, I think they're really just some sort of alien mass-producing podlings for the future takeover or something.
At the fifty-first I discovered Ted-cat is a faithless little kitty slut who's been visiting all the neighbors. My neighbor didn't use those words, but I'm sure that's what she meant when she talked about how friendly he was. She was surprised he belonged to us. Ted-cat began following us, and successive neighbors made a great many surprised noises (Oh, I've seen that cat - he's yours? Your cat *follows* you? Oh (insert spouse name) come here and look! Their cat follows them!)
And then we went home and sorted candy. I traded and as usual came out on top. I'd feel bad about duping my little brother, but I went with a friend last year and I did about as good trading with her, so I don't think I'm abusing his inexperience but I'm just moderately good to start (though...that really doesn't make it any better).
(Also, people seemed to like to give out evil almond or coconut candy bars, and a lot bought those creepy new s'more candy bars. I think they just picked up the s'mores bars because they were buying candy on autopilot, because no one who's eaten those would willingly inflict them on small, innocent children. Unless they were sadistic. So maybe they did eat them.)
(Any resemblance to any girl and her brother who showed up at your house last night are strictly coincidental. Please email me promptly with your name and address before you attempt to contact her because she's good at lying but would prefer time to falsify certain information, such as a livejournal she may or may not have. Thank you.)
Today, I came home to see more bite-marks gouged out of the remaining pumpkin pile and more missing pumpkins. I went inside and then saw a squirrel on the telephone wire carrying a chunk of pumpkin about half as big as it. I was again greatly amused.
Squirrels. They rule.
The sign on the way in mentioned something about (city name) department of recreation. Oh, I thought. That's a bit odd.
There were a bunch of animals (from emus to sheep), being fed...corn and peppers and suchlike. At first I thought maybe they were getting fed bruised or damaged vegetables, but no, perfectly good vegetables.
We continue on. I notice that there are large areas where they grew tomatoes. And I know this because the area is covered in rotting, split, unharvested tomatoes, most still on the vine.
But hey, what do I know about farming? Maybe it's normal for some of the crop to be lost like that. Or most, judging by the look...
And on the other side are light pink raspberries. At first I thought they weren't ripe (from the color - they were almost white. A pretty cool color, actually) but they were. And a lot of those - most - were dried up, as if they'd just been left there. They tasted okay. Not anywhere near as good as red or black raspberries, though.
We keep going because we wanted to pick apples and we were told to go that way. We pass this huge pile of vegetables that look like they're being composted. I notice there are huge pumpkins on top that are rotted hollow and birds are flying in and out, which amuses me. That's fine, putting rotten stuff there to compost isn't anything odd. And we kept going.
Then we discovered we couldn't pick apples because the trees were still making apples or something. There wasn't a clear explanation, just a sign and a lack of apples.
So we head back. We pass the compost pile again. This time I notice a pile of little pumpkins that were dumped about a meter or so away, which makes me pause to look because I think mini-pumpkins are cute. And I look and think, hey, wait...
One or two are damaged, but out of, I don't know, fifty or so, they're almost all fine. They're some native variety, really cool colors. I pick up as many as I can carry and draft my father. We scurry back to the car with our 'stolen' loot. I grab a bag, and head back with my father.
I start grabbing more and notice mini orange pumpkins on the other side. I head over there and realize that what I thought was a pile of dirt is actually a huge pile of dumped potted plants (sans pots), some with the price sticker still in their conical clumps of dirt.
Then I look up at the top of the pile and realize that although the big pumpkins have clearly been there a good while and must have been all deposited at the same time, they're in varying states of decay. In fact, some look...like they were just dumped there in perfect condition.
I head back thoroughly pissed off at the whole thing. I mean, I recognize I'm wasteful and a lot of people are, but growing and then throwing away food just takes it to a new level.
But I wind up with about thirty little pumpkins of varying shapes and colors, plus a large pumpkin we bought. And we go home.
The next morning, I discover one pumpkin out in the driveway, with little bite marks. And a bunch of others are missing. We have a happy squirrel, yes we do ^^
We get set up with Halloween costumes. My brother goes as a ladybug. No, it does get worse. He was a ladybug last year. And the year before. Before that he was a train.
But this year he's a ladybug. Again. I can't hammer that home enough. His costume this time is a sort of red apron thingy with cardboard or something. I wasn't there when my mom set that up, and didn't care to enquire. And it had black plastic spots.
I meanwhile, being drafted as 'person who goes with her brother', decide to go as an uninformed voter. Because dammit, one of us should be scary. So I write Uninformed Voter on a piece of white posterboard. (I may not know the issues, but I have strong opinions on them!) There, insta-costume. Then I write 'IDIOT' on my forehead, and I'm done. We leave.
People were greatly amused by my costume. One even gave me extra candy. It was especially popular with the older group, who are starting to realize the new generation is coming to power and we're evil, selfish little bastards. (On an unrelated note, I discovered that my ability to fit into no age group extends to adults. In school, it usually takes four guesses to figure out what grade I'm in (occasionally three, and one person managed two). The people tended to assume I was voting age. I suppose my costume...but I'm two years younger and people are still guessing 'freshman' at my school (Though they've also been guessing 'senior' since last year).
Anyway, I learned many things.
By the second house I learned that it's a bad idea to have a costume that's only recognizable from behind, and resolved to make sure my brother is not a ladybug next year. I also learned that people will give you candy even if you show no sign of having a costume, which is useful. Although maybe there's some rule that you have to give candy to all the kids if some are in costume, or maybe it only applies to little kids with surly teens in tow who might egg their houses.
By the third house I realized that the squirrels had wreaked mighty havoc upon other people's pumpkins as well, and was greatly amused.
By the fifth house I saw the only intact pumpkin I saw all night. Asked how she'd evaded the squirrels, she said it was their third pumpkin. I was again greatly amused.
Between the twelfth and thirteenth house I realized that everyone is going in huge groups like miniature swarms of costumed locust, but can't figure out why.
By the fifteenth house I learned the same thing I learn every year - that most people are old, geriatric ugly people who can barely walk and who will make you feel guilt for making them hobble to the door even as you resolve to buy a gun to kill yourself should you ever approach that level of decay.
By the twentieth house I realized everyone in my neighborhood and the surrounding area has a dog, none of which are trained to stay inside when their owner says so, all of which bark and one of which was accompanied by a 'beware of dog' sign on the fence.
And on the fiftieth house (we went in a circle) I realize that one of my neighbors is an Asian family with at least quadruplets. That is, I saw four little creatures immediately and there were a bunch (a *large* bunch) that seemed like the same size off in the background (Also a dog. Seriously, everyone has a dog). I don't even understand how it's possible to have that many at once. Anyway, I think they're really just some sort of alien mass-producing podlings for the future takeover or something.
At the fifty-first I discovered Ted-cat is a faithless little kitty slut who's been visiting all the neighbors. My neighbor didn't use those words, but I'm sure that's what she meant when she talked about how friendly he was. She was surprised he belonged to us. Ted-cat began following us, and successive neighbors made a great many surprised noises (Oh, I've seen that cat - he's yours? Your cat *follows* you? Oh (insert spouse name) come here and look! Their cat follows them!)
And then we went home and sorted candy. I traded and as usual came out on top. I'd feel bad about duping my little brother, but I went with a friend last year and I did about as good trading with her, so I don't think I'm abusing his inexperience but I'm just moderately good to start (though...that really doesn't make it any better).
(Also, people seemed to like to give out evil almond or coconut candy bars, and a lot bought those creepy new s'more candy bars. I think they just picked up the s'mores bars because they were buying candy on autopilot, because no one who's eaten those would willingly inflict them on small, innocent children. Unless they were sadistic. So maybe they did eat them.)
(Any resemblance to any girl and her brother who showed up at your house last night are strictly coincidental. Please email me promptly with your name and address before you attempt to contact her because she's good at lying but would prefer time to falsify certain information, such as a livejournal she may or may not have. Thank you.)
Today, I came home to see more bite-marks gouged out of the remaining pumpkin pile and more missing pumpkins. I went inside and then saw a squirrel on the telephone wire carrying a chunk of pumpkin about half as big as it. I was again greatly amused.
Squirrels. They rule.
