Life, Ice Story

My seeds are sprouting! I planted seven pomegranate seeds back before Christmas, and two have come up. My brother's the one who noticed actually, I had almost given up on it. Anyway, the plastic wrap's been removed and they've been moved to the window, so now they've straightened up. The larger one is starting to open up its false leaves.

My goldfish are growing too. We moved the big one to the tank at the school and so the other four have more room now. They're really friendly and perky.

And the praying mantis is currently laying her fourth egg case. She's been at it for a couple hours now. ::sigh:: What an incredible waste of resources. She's going to be exhausted for weeks after this, if it doesn't finally kill her.

Anyway, I've been working on Ice. Up to page twelve now (which makes it sixteen pages of total writing counting other bits). I've figured out two things I was having trouble with, her eyesight and a store's shoplifting precautions.

I'm uncertain about another scene, though, as I'm not quite sure if her actions are understandable and consistent there.

( So here's the scene )

So, while you can still mention typos and other mistakes I've missed, I'm mainly interested in your thoughts on the characterization.