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Back at school
Mar. 28th, 2007 03:50 pmYesterday I was sitting at a table with people. Which, yes, was pretty much my mistake.
People think I'm shy or timid. I'm not. I just have common sense and self-preservation. When the conversation is about how many pounds you've gained from cafeteria food, I know to be quiet because my contribution would be that I've lost weight despite my best efforts. When it shifts to whether or not weight was gained over break, I know to be very quiet because I spent break gorging on food trying to gain weight. When there are comments about occasionally eating ice cream and I'm eating it twice daily (they let you walk out with as much as you can get into a cup), again, I'm quiet. When it finally manages to make a shift all the way to how none of them have basic competence with any parts of their life - I don't even have a license, why am I the only one who didn't _just_ learn how to pump gas? Who doesn't know how to do laundry? - that are about on par with my younger brother or worse, what would I say?
I miss being home already. I'd rather talk to my little brother than anyone here. I brought three pots' worth of soup back, which only encourages my tendency not to leave my room. The weather here is absolutely beautiful right now, but that just makes me want to do something in the garden. The birds are chirping outside the window and the ground squishes as I walk over it, but it's an incomplete kind of happiness. When I was younger I'd be outside with the cats now. I'd walk through the forest to places I'd never seen and discover amazing things I could never find again. I'd hop between islands and climb across fallen trees.
People think I'm shy or timid. I'm not. I just have common sense and self-preservation. When the conversation is about how many pounds you've gained from cafeteria food, I know to be quiet because my contribution would be that I've lost weight despite my best efforts. When it shifts to whether or not weight was gained over break, I know to be very quiet because I spent break gorging on food trying to gain weight. When there are comments about occasionally eating ice cream and I'm eating it twice daily (they let you walk out with as much as you can get into a cup), again, I'm quiet. When it finally manages to make a shift all the way to how none of them have basic competence with any parts of their life - I don't even have a license, why am I the only one who didn't _just_ learn how to pump gas? Who doesn't know how to do laundry? - that are about on par with my younger brother or worse, what would I say?
I miss being home already. I'd rather talk to my little brother than anyone here. I brought three pots' worth of soup back, which only encourages my tendency not to leave my room. The weather here is absolutely beautiful right now, but that just makes me want to do something in the garden. The birds are chirping outside the window and the ground squishes as I walk over it, but it's an incomplete kind of happiness. When I was younger I'd be outside with the cats now. I'd walk through the forest to places I'd never seen and discover amazing things I could never find again. I'd hop between islands and climb across fallen trees.
