NaRe, Day Thirty-one
Dec. 31st, 2009 11:55 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/5623737/1/Plan_B
"She wanted to be a Pokémon Breeder, the problem was her mother managed to force her on a different journey, one where she would be able to see the entire world and meet all sorts of Pokémon as well as other trainers. It didn't make sense"
Indeed. So much so you couldn't even give a token explanation for how this "forcing" was actually done.
"Becoming a breeder would allow her to raise all types of Pokémon, she never needed to collect badges or go through hell in every type of weather created."
Pokemon she'd pull from thin air? It really isn't that hard to believe that breeders would also need to travel, especially for those rarer types. Breeding also involves a lot of raising, which trainers do.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"Her victory in Snowpoint took her back down the perilous snowstorm once more"
What?
Also, she's a breeder who doesn't like traveling or bad weather, but she doesn't have a pokemon that can use fly?
"She was terrified; bravery wasn't the best trait she could flaunt."
Again, what?
"She cried. She told her mother all thoughts of becoming a breeder had been blown out of her mind, so she wouldn't have to go through with fighting Volkner."
Yet again. How, exactly, is it so terrifying? She doesn't want to be a trainer, so it's not like she'd be worried about a loss on ego grounds. And it's not like she's the one doing the actual fighting.
"The violet cat didn't speak and Sybil was sure to double check the fact that her social awkwardness stopped her from making any friends throughout the journey"
You know, I'm just going to stop pointing these out. Every other sentence has some bizarre wording error. Spend less time on long, fancy sentences and more time on them actually making sense.
"she queried incredulously."
Jesus Christ. I'm not even going to keep reading.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5623899/1/Im_Hurt
Two OCs chatting about stupid and boring things in the regular, non-pokemon universe doesn't become fanfiction just because they're named things like "Shuu".
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624085/1/Fire_and_Ice
"Her hair was albino white. Her eyes scanned the area as much as they could. One of her eyes was a chocolate brown; the other a shade of icy blue. Her eyes weren’t the best they could be, her eyesight was at a disadvantage due to the fact that she was blind in one eye; the brown one. "
...I don't even know where to begin.
Albino white is not a color. I would cut some slack on this if you were using it on someone who was an albino, or at least on something like skin and eye color where there are particular shades that are almost always limited to albinos. But jesus, white hair? Do you live in a world where everyone over forty is killed? Because otherwise you should have noticed white hair is not exactly that rare and people's first impulse is "old" not "rare genetic mutation".
If she was going to be blind in one eye, it'd be the blue one. Continuing on the whole albino thing, the iris is actually important. Light blue, especially on someone with other pigmenting issues, indicates there may not be enough pigment in the eye to block light getting through the iris, meaning the optical nerves go all over the place during development. If something actually damaged her brown eye later on, then she's going to be more than just half blind as a result.
Next, if she's blind in one eye, you don't say her eyes scanned as much as they could, then explain she's only got one working eye. You refer to it as "eye scanned" straight off, none of this cutesy bullshit.
Finally, god, could you be trying harder to make her a sue?
"She had no parents; so she gave herself a name as an orphan."
Not how orphanages work.
"Alari had stolen one her pokemon as well. Alari lived in the Johto region and had stolen a riolu from some lab in Blackthorn. Her reason had been because riolu were rare in their original region; Sinnoh and there were only about three in Johto. So when news broke out that there was a riolu in Blackthorn everyone in the entire region was excited, and Alari couldn’t resist having such a rare pokemon in her possession."
So in sum, she's a moron.
"Her second pokemon was actually caught; an eevee."
I just scrolled back up to see if this was meant to be a parody. Apparently not.
"Riolu barley"
Barely.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"She cursed under her breath and leapt up into the tree. A skill she had mastered long ago to hide from people; a trick that had not fooled Beatrix long ago. Alari wasn’t in the mood for a battle"
...oh, come on.
"Alari grabbed onto a branch; ready to make it snap and fall on his head just in case"
Wood does not work that way.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624129/1/Pokemon_Beauty
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Don't use multiple exclamation marks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624176/1/Poke_Wars_The_Recrudescence
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"Not only was it the cleanest water on the planet, but for Pokemon it held the special ability to make Pokemon evolve by simply drinking it enough. Mewtwo recalled being astounded at seeing baby Nidoqueen, something that he thought was only possible by giving a Nidorina a moon stone, and also something that was nowhere near the island. Almost all the Pokemon on the island had evolved by simply drinking the water everyday."
...I'm pretty sure the point of that, assuming it wasn't an error, was that the nidoqueen mother was one of the cloned pokemon and so things worked differently, considering the baby rhyhorn were still rhyhorn and not rhydon, and none of the various cloned pokemon had evolved during all the time they stayed there. If nothing else, if that was a special ability of the water you'd think someone would have mentioned it all the times they went on about how awesome the stuff is.
"Mewtwo wondered whether anyone would notice the difference between his clone Pokemon and a real one out in the wild."
Er, you do understand what "clone" means? Especially if you're not keeping the fact they seem breed miniature versions of themselves instead of earlier stages.
"What shocked them more than anything was the expression that Mewtwo wore when he turned towards them. It was one of tender loving care, completely alien to the serious solemn attitude he always carried about him. "
And yep, Mewtwo's OOC. Well, you made it a few paragraphs.
Look, the idea Mewtwo's attached to the other clone pokemon, especially after all the time they've spent together, is perfectly reasonable. What isn't is the idea he can switch back and forth between still reserve and normal emoting. He's pretty crappy at the latter. And considering the amount of time we're spending in his head, you can't even say you're doing it to get the point across to the readers, which would be bad enough.
""Why can't you leave this place?" Raichu asked, every cheering clone Pokemon around him having Mewtwo's freedom brought into question and to their attention.
"I am wanted by the group of humans that attacked us here last time"
Except that the only reason he had so much trouble last time was he tried to protect the other pokemon. I mean, if you really want to ignore the second movie in favor of Mewtwo sitting around being emo a while longer, okay. But stop referring to in constantly, especially about subjects resolved in that very movie.
""Why can we not simply remove these annoying humans that withhold you from being free?" Gyarados asked heatedly.
"Killing them would simply bring more attention to myself"
...no. I mean, it hardly made everyone sit up and take notice when he blew up their helicopters and such. Or before that when he blew up their base. Or before that when he blew up their lab. And assuming anyone is paying attention at all, then given all those inexplicable explosions, I think we can be relatively sure that if more Team Rocket bases happen to explode, it'll be assumed part of the same thing. If nothing else, they're a giant crime organization, the police are hardly going to drop everything and try to hunt down whatever terrible, terrible individual just did their job for them.
Really, you should have just stuck with "killing is wrong" and not watered it down to "it'd get me noticed....oh, right, and also deep moral objections to killing, really." This is a general problem, really, it's like you're just listing off every possible reason, not the ones the characters would actually make.
"“I have now given you the power to take our rightful place in this world back. Eliminate all humans” was all Mewtwo was able to recall. "
But he's already got enough power to kill all life on earth! I mean, if you were saying something like "explode the sun" I could see one making the argument he might not be able to do that by himself. Or "instantly kill all humans", since he seemed to need a running start last time.
...and now he's blaming himself? Because when you live in a world where psychics talk telepathically and you hear a voice in your head and what seems like a psychic attack, you were clearly the one at fault. You know, I don't even care if you can manage to make this IC, it's just such a tiresome trope. Just once I want someone to skip over the mandatory emofest about how it's totally their fault.
"Mewtwo suddenly feeling that he recognized the voice from somewhere but dismissed it to the back of his mind."
Of course. I mean, he's only just decided to hunt down the source of the voice in his head, it makes total sense that he'd ignore the fact he recognized a voice.
...and now Ho-oh's on a killing spree.
Actually, I can see this. Not your LOL-oh, exactly, but Ho-oh is explicitly able to revive the dead, so killing everyone is actually a pretty reasonable way of handling things. Much easier to just burn everything to the ground, then sort through the bones for the couple you aren't pissed off at. Which makes it all the more bizarre that Ho-oh, of all pokemon, would be in the position of saying it isn't worth saving the human race over a few good people and that sacrifices have to be made. The whole point of Ho-oh is that they don't have to be made.
Continuing on this point, the proper response to "you made me kill a lot of innocent pokemon" would be "oops, I'll go fly over there when we're done and revive them all". As a glorious bonus, this might lead to them having an actual conversation, not a string of generic villain and objector nonsense.
...and now Ho-oh's decided to kill him because he's a clone. Right. For a second there it was possible to pretend, admittedly only with great effort, that Ho-oh was anything other than one-dimensional villain. Good thing you've corrected that.
And now we've got technomagicbabble. I'm not even going to touch that...
...the technomagicbabble just will not end...
...Mewtwo has become retarded and is using fighting moves on a flying type...
...for god's sake stop trying to plug in Arceus in place of god in every sentence, "playing Arceus" sounds absolutely ridiculous...
...retarded doesn't even cover what Mewtwo is right now...
...and now Ho-oh autowins because you say so.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624501/1/Kanto_Shadows
...and you've got a contest for trainers ten and up even after your character (wrongly) says he's the right age at thirteen?
"Leon stared at the posters to see the date and location, but instead not being to well educated he took the poster to a trusted friend that he knew can read. "
a) Basic literacy is generally enforced in all developed countries. Yes, this includes orphans.
b) If he can't read times and dates, he sure as hell can't read that it's a trainer contest involving rental pokemon.
Your grammar is horrible, proofread better.
...if his friend owns a daycare and pokemon, then Leon should be easily able to get a pokemon from him. Instead of loaning a dragonite to fly him around for a contest, he could loan it to Leon to catch his first pokemon.
"Reeve felt ashamed since it seemed as if he was a grandparent of a kid who dressed like a hobo even though he was dressed like a noble."
So the guy who you've said is incredibly kind only cares about this sort of thing if there are people around to notice?
...and now we're watching him play Pokemon Stadium, because god knows I read pokemon fanfic to get the thrilling experience of hearing about someone I don't care about play a game I already own.
Okay, this is horribly boring, I'm not reading any further.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624681/1/Countdown
Space out your story properly. See how everyone else's stories are? Or this review? Like that.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Battle transcripts are not actually that interesting.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624692/1/Pokemon_Rising_Sun
"Be forewarned that this is not the pokemon you grew up with. This fanfic takes place in a possible future of the pokemon universe, and all the characters you know and love have died. There is no Ash, no Brendan, no Professor Oak, no Pikachu, and there are no Nurse Joys in sight. Even some of the familiar locations have become unrecognizable, assuming that they still exist. If you are hoping to see some familiar faces, then you are in the wrong fic. "
...yeah, that's a new and shocking innovation. Thank goodness you warned me beforehand.
"Pokemon: Rising Sun contains some dark themes. This is not to say that it does not contain some lighter material, but you can expect to see violence, death, and sexual references. There will be nothing explicit, however, and pokemon battles will remain mostly bloodless. Just don't expect a lighthearted romp through Kanto where the evil teams are mostly harmless and nobody is in danger of dying. I am not trying to be overly dark in order to be "edgy", but I am not afraid to go through dark territory in order to tell my story."
Because the fact it's rated T isn't a clue, what with all pokemon fanfic ever being functionally interchangeable with the average episode of Teletubbies.
God I wish people would at least glance over the category before talking about how new and different their story is.
As to that story itself -
Eh.
Look, if you want rebuilding dystopia + pokemorphs, you really want as few random leaps as possible to get there. This means that an explanation of "suddenly, a virus, which somehow makes pokemon crazy, which somehow can't be stopped by quarantine and somehow spreads through pokeballs, and somehow humanity is living underground to survive, and somehow instead of using their remaining resources on inventing a vaccine they decide to make pokemorphs to fight the infected pokemon, because somehow they're confident that making people more like pokemon has absolutely no risk of them getting infected or even helping the virus leap all the way to humans, even though they apparently know absolutely nothing about the virus, and then somehow the virus just goes away again for no reason, just like every other event in this paragraph".
I mean, for example: there was a huge war with both sides using pokemon and trainers directing them and one side decided to try to create human/pokemon hybrids and then the war ended. Look how much shorter that was, and how much fewer "and then somehows" it involved.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624874/1/Death_of_Darkness
Well, that was pointless.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
And don't use multiple exclamation marks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625087/1/The_Fire_Inside
"Uck…I felt groggy and dizzy. What has happened to me? Oof…let me feel my body mentally…fur…ears…more than one tail!? OK…I wasn’t even supposed to have even one! I’m a human for crying out loud!"
This is utterly awful writing.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
If you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
NEVER WRITE DIALOGUE AND THOUGHTS THE SAME WAY. EVER.
Don't use multiple exclamation marks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625144/1/Secrets_Revealed
Put this on Fictionpress. It'll still be boring and trite, but at least it'll be on the right site.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625449/1/Proof
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Don't capitalize random words.
Never put notes in your story.
Stop relying on endless, wandering strings of dialogue to tell your story. If it's not necessary, delete it. And use more narration.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625637/1/The_Love_Jealousy_Drama
"I have to warn you that this is based on real life, so only pokemon characters will be in here. NO pokemon. "
Then it isn't about the characters either, and belongs over on Fictionpress.
Don't mark flashbacks with ~Flashback~ or anything similar. Absolute never refer to something as a flashback at all if it's the first scene of your story.
Write out numbers with letters.
...and now they're using a chatroom. I'm done.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625676/1/Dragontail
I'm not sure why you're making the snowstorm take place at exactly the same time as Team Rocket's takeover over in Mahogany, especially since you don't seem to have their broadcast having any effect over in Blackthorn.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"And he found a dratini. It didn’t look too old—only a teenager by pokémon years—and it was crying."
I find it really unlike someone not that interested in pokemon would be able to identify a dratini's age on sight. Furthermore, teenager is someone whose age measured in years is in the teens. If you mean it's an adolescent, call it that.
Anyway, the actual human/dratini interaction is done well enough, and this is the first dratini starter I've seen that's managed a decent explanation. You're doing a good job with details and general narration as well.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625713/1/Twisted_Loyalties
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Actually, pretty much everything that isn't a human, especially egg layers, very rarely die in the process of giving birth unless they're one of those species designed to keel over right afterward, and I can't even figure out how they'd manage to die after successfully laying. Maybe if there was tearing. Basically complications usually involves a lot of blood and mess, not a perfectly clean egg. If there's no sign of why the umbreon is dead, they should be terribly creeped out.
Plus, no, they can easily give the egg to someone else.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625760/1/Pikachus_Explorer_Days
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626006/1/Zero_Gravity
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"being so air-brained to loose track"
Get a beta reader.
It's "okay".
And now it's phonic accents and I'm done.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626170/1/A_Strange_World
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
A shiny eevee, seriously?
Anyway, spend more time on narration instead of making the dialogue do all the work in the story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626206/1/Yet_here_I_am
Capitalize your title properly.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
I'm really not getting why pokemorphs would decide humans are incapable of thought. I really doubt added magikarp or psyduck to a human is going to result in something significantly smarter. I mean if they think humans are inferior in general okay, but unintelligent seems like you're just trying to shout OMG EVIL UNFAIR PERSECUTION at the top of your lungs.
"I am quite the oddity in this world. My Roderick Kabba and I'm quite the oddity in this world of Pokemorphs... I'm a human living in Capital City, among the morphs. You see, as unbelievable as it sounds, there is a one in a million chance that either a feral Pokemon or human being born of Pokemorph parents. No one knows how it happens or why it happens... The chances of the offspring living are to none and humans have even less of a chance of retaining their powers. "
Your grammar is so terrible I'm not even entirely sure what you meant to say, except that "Capital City" is a terrible name for a city.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626225/1/My_Heart_is_Still_Yours
SPELLCHECK.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Thoughts should be written similarly but never with quotation marks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626300/1/Pokemon_Aquamarine
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Pokemon battles are less interesting than you'd think. Look, this isn't the show, we can't actually see it happening. As such, it's not actually a good thing to open on.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626917/1/My_halcyon_days
Capitalize your title properly.
"They are all 14 in the story. This is a highschool AU fic. I know it's pretty damned overused."
Just put this kind of thing over on Fictionpress.
"(Oh and by the way, I know the writing style of this fic is juvenile, but I wrote it last year. When I was 13."
Then fucking edit it!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627062/1/Can_We_Start_Again
More original fiction about people who coincidentally share names with the canon cast.
Never use quotation marks for dialogue.
Don't do stuff like "Flashback (Phone Call)-" or "-IN THE HOSPITAL, ASH’S ROOM-" it's terrible writing.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"May’s eyes we’re red as a rose and her cheeks were hot as a boiling water. (okay... I guess that was too much XD)"
...indeed.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627177/1/Adventures_in_Sinnoh
There are about three thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are about two hundred and fifty "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost four hundred with "legend". There are six hundred and fifty with "journey", six hundred with "story", two hundred with "quest", and almost seven hundred with "adventure". "Kanto" shows up over a hundred times, as does "Johto", "Hoenn", and "Sinnoh". "Saga" similarly comes in at a hundred.
What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, not mom. It's only in constructions like my/her/the mom that it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627195/1/The_Queen_of_Ghosts_and_the_Forgotten_Pokemon
What is with pokemorphs? This is the third in a row today.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"I normally wear a long purple dress with blue, white and light brown sandals. The dress covers all of me and the sleeves are very loose. "
People generally wear more than one dress.
"On my left hand I wear a ring of pure gold and silver"
I think the best part of this is there's actually a word for that, and you didn't use it because you have no idea what it is and don't care, you're just doing word association for "special" and pulled this up.
"When I was born, I was snatched away from my mother and father who work for team galactic. They experimented on me, injecting me with different ghost type DNA when they had a breakthrough with the Spiritomb DNA. "
Look, if she's getting altered as a baby you may as well have her lab grown and at least skip out on the ridiculousness of injected DNA rewriting all your cells like that.
"This is my story of how I became a legend among Pokémorph’s, Pokéhuman’s, Pokémorpher’s, Pokémon and even some Humans."
This right here is why it's important to know that you shouldn't capitalize pokemon. Because otherwise you'll end up doing something really stupid, like capitalizing human.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627224/1/Love_in_Death
Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627331/1/A_whole_new_world
Capitalize your title properly.
Use spaces after punctuation.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627335/1/One_Snowy_Day
Don't center your story text, it makes it impossible to read.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627468/1/Loosening_the_Ties_that_Bond
Don't post a story all in bold.
Dialogue is marked with quotation marks. That's ", not '.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627627/1/Anima_Ex_Machina_Redux
Your story is like a log thrown across the train track. And I was chugging along so nicely too. You're fifteenth down, and I started below fifty.
"Fortree City, remained completely deserted save for the area's wild pokémon. Despite the nagging sense that something was about to happen, few of them fled the area. It wasn't because they didn't want to leave. It was because, with a sea to the east and mountains to the west, they didn't have anywhere else to go. For that reason, the wild pokémon could do nothing but stare skyward at the glowing streak that loomed closer."
I get what you're saying here, but it's hard to believe that'd be true for all pokemon. Flying types, if nothing else, would certainly have been able to hightail it out of there. I'd also expect some pokemon hunkering down in their burrows if they couldn't flee, and those that are really good diggers making their attempted escape in that direction. And also that some could physically flee, but the areas around were overcrowded and they were driven off again - certainly plenty of animals end up stuck in poor territory simply because all the better areas are full. Perhaps even some of the weaker flying types choose to stick around longer in the hopes of picking up extra food or avoiding predators.
And the absol. I think it'd help to say he was surprised to realize the meteor was coming down right on top of him and not merely in the general area, as now you have him sitting up there well aware something bad will happen, then suddenly making a run for it once the meteor gets close. (Possibly he was confused in that the main disaster is within the meteor, not it hitting him. Or possibly just that their general disaster sense isn't that fine-tuned.)
"Absol lay on the earth"
Should this be "the absol"? You seem to start switching back and forth.
Huh, so kind of like The Blob, only without the slow part and not a singular entity.
"their only warning would be the blood-drained corpses of pokémon just outside its limits."
Do they switch to just sucking their prey dry later on? From what you have them doing currently I'd have expected picked bones to be the warning. Or are they leaving the skin on?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627627/2/Anima_Ex_Machina_Redux
My, Bill's life sucks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627746/1/Leave_Out_All_The_Rest
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Songfic = bad idea, also, banned.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627806/1/Castle_of_Comic_Torture_Fail_to_the_Chief
Interactive fics are banned.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628028/1/Of_Fires_Snow_and_Caves
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Anyway, this is cute.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628046/1/The_Battle_of_Lavender_Castle
This is not so much a story as a summary of one.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628130/1/Time_for_High_School
Your grammar is absolutely awful, get a beta reader.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628249/1/Precious_Metals
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Mildly cute but extremely trite, and would be better with actual paragraphs instead of a long row of single sentences.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628362/1/Loses_and_Gains
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"Quasgsire "
I realize that pokemon species aren't included in spellcheck, but at the same time you should know this and pay attention. Quagsire. If you're having trouble, find a list of all the names, slap it into Word or whatever you're using, and then add them to the dictionary.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Thoughts follow the same rules except they should never be marked with quotation marks.
"sweft"
Spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628381/1/The_Confrence
Your title is misspelled.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Don't put notes in your story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628540/1/Snowpoint_Christmas_and_Love
Sentences always end in periods, not just occasionally.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628578/1/I_Dont_Know_what_to_Call_this
Capitalize your title properly, not at random.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628720/1/The_Shifter_Chronicles_Pokas_Past
Too short for a chapter, use more description (ie, the surroundings, not just your character's internal monologue) and don't use any sort of FLASHBACK type scene break, it looks hideous.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628847/1/What_Boys_Want
This belongs on Fictionpress.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5629064/1/A_Daisy_for_Your_Troubles
...that's really not how voice acting works. And there's really no connection between voice acting and animation, and they don't send staff from Japan over to America to do voice acting and why would they even be there in the first place? And why would they name her Daisen if they were so adamant she grow up American?
"It seems weird, now that I look back on it. There I was, my future was going to change in less than four hours, and I was playing a video game. Strange, right? You’d think I’d be writing out my will and calling up friends to talk to them for one last time and spending time with my parents for a little while."
Uh, no. I'd be expecting her to be behaving normally due to not knowing the future, like all other human beings.
And now minor voice actors for the American dub of pokemon's kids are getting access to an exclusive unreleased new game, because this makes sense.
Opium on the chairs. Well, it does make complaining about how all the bits before made no sense seem trivial in comparison, so there's that. Hey, you know what's a great way to get drugs into someone's system? Handing them a drugged drink. I know, brilliant. Can't think of why no one's thought of it before.
"She wanted to be a Pokémon Breeder, the problem was her mother managed to force her on a different journey, one where she would be able to see the entire world and meet all sorts of Pokémon as well as other trainers. It didn't make sense"
Indeed. So much so you couldn't even give a token explanation for how this "forcing" was actually done.
"Becoming a breeder would allow her to raise all types of Pokémon, she never needed to collect badges or go through hell in every type of weather created."
Pokemon she'd pull from thin air? It really isn't that hard to believe that breeders would also need to travel, especially for those rarer types. Breeding also involves a lot of raising, which trainers do.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"Her victory in Snowpoint took her back down the perilous snowstorm once more"
What?
Also, she's a breeder who doesn't like traveling or bad weather, but she doesn't have a pokemon that can use fly?
"She was terrified; bravery wasn't the best trait she could flaunt."
Again, what?
"She cried. She told her mother all thoughts of becoming a breeder had been blown out of her mind, so she wouldn't have to go through with fighting Volkner."
Yet again. How, exactly, is it so terrifying? She doesn't want to be a trainer, so it's not like she'd be worried about a loss on ego grounds. And it's not like she's the one doing the actual fighting.
"The violet cat didn't speak and Sybil was sure to double check the fact that her social awkwardness stopped her from making any friends throughout the journey"
You know, I'm just going to stop pointing these out. Every other sentence has some bizarre wording error. Spend less time on long, fancy sentences and more time on them actually making sense.
"she queried incredulously."
Jesus Christ. I'm not even going to keep reading.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5623899/1/Im_Hurt
Two OCs chatting about stupid and boring things in the regular, non-pokemon universe doesn't become fanfiction just because they're named things like "Shuu".
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624085/1/Fire_and_Ice
"Her hair was albino white. Her eyes scanned the area as much as they could. One of her eyes was a chocolate brown; the other a shade of icy blue. Her eyes weren’t the best they could be, her eyesight was at a disadvantage due to the fact that she was blind in one eye; the brown one. "
...I don't even know where to begin.
Albino white is not a color. I would cut some slack on this if you were using it on someone who was an albino, or at least on something like skin and eye color where there are particular shades that are almost always limited to albinos. But jesus, white hair? Do you live in a world where everyone over forty is killed? Because otherwise you should have noticed white hair is not exactly that rare and people's first impulse is "old" not "rare genetic mutation".
If she was going to be blind in one eye, it'd be the blue one. Continuing on the whole albino thing, the iris is actually important. Light blue, especially on someone with other pigmenting issues, indicates there may not be enough pigment in the eye to block light getting through the iris, meaning the optical nerves go all over the place during development. If something actually damaged her brown eye later on, then she's going to be more than just half blind as a result.
Next, if she's blind in one eye, you don't say her eyes scanned as much as they could, then explain she's only got one working eye. You refer to it as "eye scanned" straight off, none of this cutesy bullshit.
Finally, god, could you be trying harder to make her a sue?
"She had no parents; so she gave herself a name as an orphan."
Not how orphanages work.
"Alari had stolen one her pokemon as well. Alari lived in the Johto region and had stolen a riolu from some lab in Blackthorn. Her reason had been because riolu were rare in their original region; Sinnoh and there were only about three in Johto. So when news broke out that there was a riolu in Blackthorn everyone in the entire region was excited, and Alari couldn’t resist having such a rare pokemon in her possession."
So in sum, she's a moron.
"Her second pokemon was actually caught; an eevee."
I just scrolled back up to see if this was meant to be a parody. Apparently not.
"Riolu barley"
Barely.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"She cursed under her breath and leapt up into the tree. A skill she had mastered long ago to hide from people; a trick that had not fooled Beatrix long ago. Alari wasn’t in the mood for a battle"
...oh, come on.
"Alari grabbed onto a branch; ready to make it snap and fall on his head just in case"
Wood does not work that way.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624129/1/Pokemon_Beauty
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Don't use multiple exclamation marks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624176/1/Poke_Wars_The_Recrudescence
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"Not only was it the cleanest water on the planet, but for Pokemon it held the special ability to make Pokemon evolve by simply drinking it enough. Mewtwo recalled being astounded at seeing baby Nidoqueen, something that he thought was only possible by giving a Nidorina a moon stone, and also something that was nowhere near the island. Almost all the Pokemon on the island had evolved by simply drinking the water everyday."
...I'm pretty sure the point of that, assuming it wasn't an error, was that the nidoqueen mother was one of the cloned pokemon and so things worked differently, considering the baby rhyhorn were still rhyhorn and not rhydon, and none of the various cloned pokemon had evolved during all the time they stayed there. If nothing else, if that was a special ability of the water you'd think someone would have mentioned it all the times they went on about how awesome the stuff is.
"Mewtwo wondered whether anyone would notice the difference between his clone Pokemon and a real one out in the wild."
Er, you do understand what "clone" means? Especially if you're not keeping the fact they seem breed miniature versions of themselves instead of earlier stages.
"What shocked them more than anything was the expression that Mewtwo wore when he turned towards them. It was one of tender loving care, completely alien to the serious solemn attitude he always carried about him. "
And yep, Mewtwo's OOC. Well, you made it a few paragraphs.
Look, the idea Mewtwo's attached to the other clone pokemon, especially after all the time they've spent together, is perfectly reasonable. What isn't is the idea he can switch back and forth between still reserve and normal emoting. He's pretty crappy at the latter. And considering the amount of time we're spending in his head, you can't even say you're doing it to get the point across to the readers, which would be bad enough.
""Why can't you leave this place?" Raichu asked, every cheering clone Pokemon around him having Mewtwo's freedom brought into question and to their attention.
"I am wanted by the group of humans that attacked us here last time"
Except that the only reason he had so much trouble last time was he tried to protect the other pokemon. I mean, if you really want to ignore the second movie in favor of Mewtwo sitting around being emo a while longer, okay. But stop referring to in constantly, especially about subjects resolved in that very movie.
""Why can we not simply remove these annoying humans that withhold you from being free?" Gyarados asked heatedly.
"Killing them would simply bring more attention to myself"
...no. I mean, it hardly made everyone sit up and take notice when he blew up their helicopters and such. Or before that when he blew up their base. Or before that when he blew up their lab. And assuming anyone is paying attention at all, then given all those inexplicable explosions, I think we can be relatively sure that if more Team Rocket bases happen to explode, it'll be assumed part of the same thing. If nothing else, they're a giant crime organization, the police are hardly going to drop everything and try to hunt down whatever terrible, terrible individual just did their job for them.
Really, you should have just stuck with "killing is wrong" and not watered it down to "it'd get me noticed....oh, right, and also deep moral objections to killing, really." This is a general problem, really, it's like you're just listing off every possible reason, not the ones the characters would actually make.
"“I have now given you the power to take our rightful place in this world back. Eliminate all humans” was all Mewtwo was able to recall. "
But he's already got enough power to kill all life on earth! I mean, if you were saying something like "explode the sun" I could see one making the argument he might not be able to do that by himself. Or "instantly kill all humans", since he seemed to need a running start last time.
...and now he's blaming himself? Because when you live in a world where psychics talk telepathically and you hear a voice in your head and what seems like a psychic attack, you were clearly the one at fault. You know, I don't even care if you can manage to make this IC, it's just such a tiresome trope. Just once I want someone to skip over the mandatory emofest about how it's totally their fault.
"Mewtwo suddenly feeling that he recognized the voice from somewhere but dismissed it to the back of his mind."
Of course. I mean, he's only just decided to hunt down the source of the voice in his head, it makes total sense that he'd ignore the fact he recognized a voice.
...and now Ho-oh's on a killing spree.
Actually, I can see this. Not your LOL-oh, exactly, but Ho-oh is explicitly able to revive the dead, so killing everyone is actually a pretty reasonable way of handling things. Much easier to just burn everything to the ground, then sort through the bones for the couple you aren't pissed off at. Which makes it all the more bizarre that Ho-oh, of all pokemon, would be in the position of saying it isn't worth saving the human race over a few good people and that sacrifices have to be made. The whole point of Ho-oh is that they don't have to be made.
Continuing on this point, the proper response to "you made me kill a lot of innocent pokemon" would be "oops, I'll go fly over there when we're done and revive them all". As a glorious bonus, this might lead to them having an actual conversation, not a string of generic villain and objector nonsense.
...and now Ho-oh's decided to kill him because he's a clone. Right. For a second there it was possible to pretend, admittedly only with great effort, that Ho-oh was anything other than one-dimensional villain. Good thing you've corrected that.
And now we've got technomagicbabble. I'm not even going to touch that...
...the technomagicbabble just will not end...
...Mewtwo has become retarded and is using fighting moves on a flying type...
...for god's sake stop trying to plug in Arceus in place of god in every sentence, "playing Arceus" sounds absolutely ridiculous...
...retarded doesn't even cover what Mewtwo is right now...
...and now Ho-oh autowins because you say so.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624501/1/Kanto_Shadows
...and you've got a contest for trainers ten and up even after your character (wrongly) says he's the right age at thirteen?
"Leon stared at the posters to see the date and location, but instead not being to well educated he took the poster to a trusted friend that he knew can read. "
a) Basic literacy is generally enforced in all developed countries. Yes, this includes orphans.
b) If he can't read times and dates, he sure as hell can't read that it's a trainer contest involving rental pokemon.
Your grammar is horrible, proofread better.
...if his friend owns a daycare and pokemon, then Leon should be easily able to get a pokemon from him. Instead of loaning a dragonite to fly him around for a contest, he could loan it to Leon to catch his first pokemon.
"Reeve felt ashamed since it seemed as if he was a grandparent of a kid who dressed like a hobo even though he was dressed like a noble."
So the guy who you've said is incredibly kind only cares about this sort of thing if there are people around to notice?
...and now we're watching him play Pokemon Stadium, because god knows I read pokemon fanfic to get the thrilling experience of hearing about someone I don't care about play a game I already own.
Okay, this is horribly boring, I'm not reading any further.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624681/1/Countdown
Space out your story properly. See how everyone else's stories are? Or this review? Like that.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Battle transcripts are not actually that interesting.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624692/1/Pokemon_Rising_Sun
"Be forewarned that this is not the pokemon you grew up with. This fanfic takes place in a possible future of the pokemon universe, and all the characters you know and love have died. There is no Ash, no Brendan, no Professor Oak, no Pikachu, and there are no Nurse Joys in sight. Even some of the familiar locations have become unrecognizable, assuming that they still exist. If you are hoping to see some familiar faces, then you are in the wrong fic. "
...yeah, that's a new and shocking innovation. Thank goodness you warned me beforehand.
"Pokemon: Rising Sun contains some dark themes. This is not to say that it does not contain some lighter material, but you can expect to see violence, death, and sexual references. There will be nothing explicit, however, and pokemon battles will remain mostly bloodless. Just don't expect a lighthearted romp through Kanto where the evil teams are mostly harmless and nobody is in danger of dying. I am not trying to be overly dark in order to be "edgy", but I am not afraid to go through dark territory in order to tell my story."
Because the fact it's rated T isn't a clue, what with all pokemon fanfic ever being functionally interchangeable with the average episode of Teletubbies.
God I wish people would at least glance over the category before talking about how new and different their story is.
As to that story itself -
Eh.
Look, if you want rebuilding dystopia + pokemorphs, you really want as few random leaps as possible to get there. This means that an explanation of "suddenly, a virus, which somehow makes pokemon crazy, which somehow can't be stopped by quarantine and somehow spreads through pokeballs, and somehow humanity is living underground to survive, and somehow instead of using their remaining resources on inventing a vaccine they decide to make pokemorphs to fight the infected pokemon, because somehow they're confident that making people more like pokemon has absolutely no risk of them getting infected or even helping the virus leap all the way to humans, even though they apparently know absolutely nothing about the virus, and then somehow the virus just goes away again for no reason, just like every other event in this paragraph".
I mean, for example: there was a huge war with both sides using pokemon and trainers directing them and one side decided to try to create human/pokemon hybrids and then the war ended. Look how much shorter that was, and how much fewer "and then somehows" it involved.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5624874/1/Death_of_Darkness
Well, that was pointless.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
And don't use multiple exclamation marks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625087/1/The_Fire_Inside
"Uck…I felt groggy and dizzy. What has happened to me? Oof…let me feel my body mentally…fur…ears…more than one tail!? OK…I wasn’t even supposed to have even one! I’m a human for crying out loud!"
This is utterly awful writing.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
If you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
NEVER WRITE DIALOGUE AND THOUGHTS THE SAME WAY. EVER.
Don't use multiple exclamation marks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625144/1/Secrets_Revealed
Put this on Fictionpress. It'll still be boring and trite, but at least it'll be on the right site.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625449/1/Proof
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Don't capitalize random words.
Never put notes in your story.
Stop relying on endless, wandering strings of dialogue to tell your story. If it's not necessary, delete it. And use more narration.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625637/1/The_Love_Jealousy_Drama
"I have to warn you that this is based on real life, so only pokemon characters will be in here. NO pokemon. "
Then it isn't about the characters either, and belongs over on Fictionpress.
Don't mark flashbacks with ~Flashback~ or anything similar. Absolute never refer to something as a flashback at all if it's the first scene of your story.
Write out numbers with letters.
...and now they're using a chatroom. I'm done.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625676/1/Dragontail
I'm not sure why you're making the snowstorm take place at exactly the same time as Team Rocket's takeover over in Mahogany, especially since you don't seem to have their broadcast having any effect over in Blackthorn.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"And he found a dratini. It didn’t look too old—only a teenager by pokémon years—and it was crying."
I find it really unlike someone not that interested in pokemon would be able to identify a dratini's age on sight. Furthermore, teenager is someone whose age measured in years is in the teens. If you mean it's an adolescent, call it that.
Anyway, the actual human/dratini interaction is done well enough, and this is the first dratini starter I've seen that's managed a decent explanation. You're doing a good job with details and general narration as well.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625713/1/Twisted_Loyalties
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Actually, pretty much everything that isn't a human, especially egg layers, very rarely die in the process of giving birth unless they're one of those species designed to keel over right afterward, and I can't even figure out how they'd manage to die after successfully laying. Maybe if there was tearing. Basically complications usually involves a lot of blood and mess, not a perfectly clean egg. If there's no sign of why the umbreon is dead, they should be terribly creeped out.
Plus, no, they can easily give the egg to someone else.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5625760/1/Pikachus_Explorer_Days
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626006/1/Zero_Gravity
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"being so air-brained to loose track"
Get a beta reader.
It's "okay".
And now it's phonic accents and I'm done.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626170/1/A_Strange_World
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
A shiny eevee, seriously?
Anyway, spend more time on narration instead of making the dialogue do all the work in the story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626206/1/Yet_here_I_am
Capitalize your title properly.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
I'm really not getting why pokemorphs would decide humans are incapable of thought. I really doubt added magikarp or psyduck to a human is going to result in something significantly smarter. I mean if they think humans are inferior in general okay, but unintelligent seems like you're just trying to shout OMG EVIL UNFAIR PERSECUTION at the top of your lungs.
"I am quite the oddity in this world. My Roderick Kabba and I'm quite the oddity in this world of Pokemorphs... I'm a human living in Capital City, among the morphs. You see, as unbelievable as it sounds, there is a one in a million chance that either a feral Pokemon or human being born of Pokemorph parents. No one knows how it happens or why it happens... The chances of the offspring living are to none and humans have even less of a chance of retaining their powers. "
Your grammar is so terrible I'm not even entirely sure what you meant to say, except that "Capital City" is a terrible name for a city.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626225/1/My_Heart_is_Still_Yours
SPELLCHECK.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Thoughts should be written similarly but never with quotation marks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626300/1/Pokemon_Aquamarine
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Pokemon battles are less interesting than you'd think. Look, this isn't the show, we can't actually see it happening. As such, it's not actually a good thing to open on.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5626917/1/My_halcyon_days
Capitalize your title properly.
"They are all 14 in the story. This is a highschool AU fic. I know it's pretty damned overused."
Just put this kind of thing over on Fictionpress.
"(Oh and by the way, I know the writing style of this fic is juvenile, but I wrote it last year. When I was 13."
Then fucking edit it!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627062/1/Can_We_Start_Again
More original fiction about people who coincidentally share names with the canon cast.
Never use quotation marks for dialogue.
Don't do stuff like "Flashback (Phone Call)-" or "-IN THE HOSPITAL, ASH’S ROOM-" it's terrible writing.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"May’s eyes we’re red as a rose and her cheeks were hot as a boiling water. (okay... I guess that was too much XD)"
...indeed.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627177/1/Adventures_in_Sinnoh
There are about three thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are about two hundred and fifty "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost four hundred with "legend". There are six hundred and fifty with "journey", six hundred with "story", two hundred with "quest", and almost seven hundred with "adventure". "Kanto" shows up over a hundred times, as does "Johto", "Hoenn", and "Sinnoh". "Saga" similarly comes in at a hundred.
What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, not mom. It's only in constructions like my/her/the mom that it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627195/1/The_Queen_of_Ghosts_and_the_Forgotten_Pokemon
What is with pokemorphs? This is the third in a row today.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"I normally wear a long purple dress with blue, white and light brown sandals. The dress covers all of me and the sleeves are very loose. "
People generally wear more than one dress.
"On my left hand I wear a ring of pure gold and silver"
I think the best part of this is there's actually a word for that, and you didn't use it because you have no idea what it is and don't care, you're just doing word association for "special" and pulled this up.
"When I was born, I was snatched away from my mother and father who work for team galactic. They experimented on me, injecting me with different ghost type DNA when they had a breakthrough with the Spiritomb DNA. "
Look, if she's getting altered as a baby you may as well have her lab grown and at least skip out on the ridiculousness of injected DNA rewriting all your cells like that.
"This is my story of how I became a legend among Pokémorph’s, Pokéhuman’s, Pokémorpher’s, Pokémon and even some Humans."
This right here is why it's important to know that you shouldn't capitalize pokemon. Because otherwise you'll end up doing something really stupid, like capitalizing human.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627224/1/Love_in_Death
Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627331/1/A_whole_new_world
Capitalize your title properly.
Use spaces after punctuation.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627335/1/One_Snowy_Day
Don't center your story text, it makes it impossible to read.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627468/1/Loosening_the_Ties_that_Bond
Don't post a story all in bold.
Dialogue is marked with quotation marks. That's ", not '.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627627/1/Anima_Ex_Machina_Redux
Your story is like a log thrown across the train track. And I was chugging along so nicely too. You're fifteenth down, and I started below fifty.
"Fortree City, remained completely deserted save for the area's wild pokémon. Despite the nagging sense that something was about to happen, few of them fled the area. It wasn't because they didn't want to leave. It was because, with a sea to the east and mountains to the west, they didn't have anywhere else to go. For that reason, the wild pokémon could do nothing but stare skyward at the glowing streak that loomed closer."
I get what you're saying here, but it's hard to believe that'd be true for all pokemon. Flying types, if nothing else, would certainly have been able to hightail it out of there. I'd also expect some pokemon hunkering down in their burrows if they couldn't flee, and those that are really good diggers making their attempted escape in that direction. And also that some could physically flee, but the areas around were overcrowded and they were driven off again - certainly plenty of animals end up stuck in poor territory simply because all the better areas are full. Perhaps even some of the weaker flying types choose to stick around longer in the hopes of picking up extra food or avoiding predators.
And the absol. I think it'd help to say he was surprised to realize the meteor was coming down right on top of him and not merely in the general area, as now you have him sitting up there well aware something bad will happen, then suddenly making a run for it once the meteor gets close. (Possibly he was confused in that the main disaster is within the meteor, not it hitting him. Or possibly just that their general disaster sense isn't that fine-tuned.)
"Absol lay on the earth"
Should this be "the absol"? You seem to start switching back and forth.
Huh, so kind of like The Blob, only without the slow part and not a singular entity.
"their only warning would be the blood-drained corpses of pokémon just outside its limits."
Do they switch to just sucking their prey dry later on? From what you have them doing currently I'd have expected picked bones to be the warning. Or are they leaving the skin on?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627627/2/Anima_Ex_Machina_Redux
My, Bill's life sucks.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627746/1/Leave_Out_All_The_Rest
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Songfic = bad idea, also, banned.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5627806/1/Castle_of_Comic_Torture_Fail_to_the_Chief
Interactive fics are banned.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628028/1/Of_Fires_Snow_and_Caves
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Anyway, this is cute.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628046/1/The_Battle_of_Lavender_Castle
This is not so much a story as a summary of one.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628130/1/Time_for_High_School
Your grammar is absolutely awful, get a beta reader.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628249/1/Precious_Metals
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Mildly cute but extremely trite, and would be better with actual paragraphs instead of a long row of single sentences.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628362/1/Loses_and_Gains
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
"Quasgsire "
I realize that pokemon species aren't included in spellcheck, but at the same time you should know this and pay attention. Quagsire. If you're having trouble, find a list of all the names, slap it into Word or whatever you're using, and then add them to the dictionary.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Thoughts follow the same rules except they should never be marked with quotation marks.
"sweft"
Spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628381/1/The_Confrence
Your title is misspelled.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Don't put notes in your story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628540/1/Snowpoint_Christmas_and_Love
Sentences always end in periods, not just occasionally.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628578/1/I_Dont_Know_what_to_Call_this
Capitalize your title properly, not at random.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628720/1/The_Shifter_Chronicles_Pokas_Past
Too short for a chapter, use more description (ie, the surroundings, not just your character's internal monologue) and don't use any sort of FLASHBACK type scene break, it looks hideous.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5628847/1/What_Boys_Want
This belongs on Fictionpress.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5629064/1/A_Daisy_for_Your_Troubles
...that's really not how voice acting works. And there's really no connection between voice acting and animation, and they don't send staff from Japan over to America to do voice acting and why would they even be there in the first place? And why would they name her Daisen if they were so adamant she grow up American?
"It seems weird, now that I look back on it. There I was, my future was going to change in less than four hours, and I was playing a video game. Strange, right? You’d think I’d be writing out my will and calling up friends to talk to them for one last time and spending time with my parents for a little while."
Uh, no. I'd be expecting her to be behaving normally due to not knowing the future, like all other human beings.
And now minor voice actors for the American dub of pokemon's kids are getting access to an exclusive unreleased new game, because this makes sense.
Opium on the chairs. Well, it does make complaining about how all the bits before made no sense seem trivial in comparison, so there's that. Hey, you know what's a great way to get drugs into someone's system? Handing them a drugged drink. I know, brilliant. Can't think of why no one's thought of it before.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2010-01-01 08:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-01 08:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-01-01 10:25 pm (UTC)