Authors, Part 3
Apr. 4th, 2010 11:48 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlaI got reviews! I got reviews!
Story: Butterfly Wings
Chapter: 1. The Second Day
From: Om nom nom ()
-------------------
So, um, somebody pointed me to you because of you reviews, and I will be just
as brutally honest with you:
Your writing is bland and uninteresting. It's not bad, per say, as you have
proper grammar and spelling, but that's all you have going on. Take that
away, and you would have just another badfic in the depths of the pit. You
should at least try to build the environment a bit more, as it was confusing
to see some character suddenly popping out of nowhere and being all like: "SUP
WHAT ARE YOU DOING BB?" If you're going to insert a character in a story, at
least /mention they are there/ unless they've just arrived into the scene.
Your characterization is just there, doing something. You could take away the
names of the characters and nobody would know who is talking. All of the
characters read the same, except for your ~self insert/OC/thing~.
I am honestly re-reading this, attempting to find your writing style, and
failing. It reads like almost everything else on the internet. As I've
mentioned before, all you really have going here is grammar and spelling,
which, just so you know, /isn't really all that soul crushingly important/.
Even published authors make those kind of mistakes, this is what they have
their editors for, but even then they have their own style. Even Stephanie
Meyer has a distinguished style of purple prose and being absolutely terrible;
this doesn't even have that.
I actually expected this to be more interesting, but after reading through it,
I found myself being sorely disappointed. There is no creativity in this
whatsoever, it is the same old that has been around for ages redone with yet
another OC/self-insert/whatever.
Good luck with your story, and I hope you can actually get a style instead of
criticizing those who actually do have one.
So what I like about this review is that actually, if I had to choose between "bad writing style" and "nonexistent, invisible style", well, it's not even a hard choice. Even if it came with Meyer's empire, for that matter. I mean, yeah, there are a few absolutely awesome writers and I'd love to be able to write like that, but I'll settle for my style not being nails on chalkboard to readers.
I've looked over the bit about "characters out of nowhere" because that was actually something I was worried about, what with having four characters all talking together. But I revised it to make sure I was mentioning all of them pretty regularly, and there's only three areas in the first chapter - where they start, where they meet the girl, and when they split up to go home. Kairi and Riku are mentioned early on in the first scene, and in the third there's only Sora and Kimi, so that would mean the only area there could be a problem in is the second scene, where I don't explicitly say Kairi followed them. (Because it's third limited, and Sora's in front, so he couldn't tell.) But she's the first of them to speak, and it seems like following your friends is just kind of expected behavior.
It's a shame this is anonymous, because I'd guess there's one particular place that was disjointed, and so I'd need to ask to figure out which. Possibly they might mean that they want the narration to introduce the characters first, and not have it combined with their dialogue.
The other alternative is they mean the self-insert, in which case I have no idea where the problem is, since she's the only one who we actually get steady updates on - there's something in the sky, and then they run to where it's landing, and they see a girl at the shoreline, and then they take the girl back home with them. Possibly what I read as a style error was just them complaining that her appearance doesn't make sense, in which case, well, no shit Sherlock.
Name: Kentaro A.
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1833108/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Burning Fire
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5860076/
Some people capitalize Pikachu or Charizard.
"Positive criticism" must be invisible to you. Reading is everything. Yes,
maybe I should have run it through a beta before I posted it, but it's already
done. Don't try to tell me how to correct my stories when yours need
correcting. Nobody's perfect. This is my opinion, my way of expressing how I
feel and that review just basically diminished my inspiration all together. It
didn't uplift me, it didn't make me want to strive for higher levels, it made
me want to sit back and just stop. Someone who puts that much effort in a
review must have NOTHING else to do with their lives because a simple "The
story's okay, but just think about how someone would truly act in a situation
like that." would do.
Italics expresses how it is the past. What else is there to do? Draw a thought
bubble around it? Make a movie out of it?
Why focus on your own stories and make them better when you can put me down
about mine?
???
Story: You
Chapter: 1. Chapter 1
From: Y-ko ( http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2306306/ )
Reply URL: http://login.fanfiction.net/review_pm.php?reviewid=101614276
-------------------
Sup bitchy review buddy.
This style really isn't working on any level. You can't just have someone be
completely clueless like this and not explain it.Maybe you're all about
"mystery", but there should at least be hints. I guess you're going for a
"teleported into the games" type thing but the total lack of emotion just
makes it really bland and confusing.
And you overexplain things. The sequence with the water was ridiculous.
"Considering, I decide it's unlikely the Professor Oak who asked for me would
be beyond there. He presumably knows me, or at least talked to my mother who
knows me, and my mother would know that I can't swim, so I wouldn't be sent
out and told to meet him if swimming was a prerequisite to meeting with him. I
nod to myself, pleased at working something out. Clearly, the water is not
the direction to go in. Besides, I think, my mother said that Professor Oak
was looking for me, and so he wouldn't be sitting around in some out of the
way place expecting me to find him."
That should be two or three sentences, maximum. All that detail makes it
hilariously hard to read. And no matter what kind of mindset your character is
supposed to be in, it doesn't make sense.
So yeah, I don't know if you were going for "stream of consciousness" crap or
whatever, but you should probably get better at it before posting it again.
Odd note - their account was created on the twenty-nineth of last month.
Anyway. This is kind of like the reviews on Inheritors telling me Deus doesn't seem to care about battles, so it's hard to be too upset. I kind of wish I got more reviews on the style without the corresponding bit about how they didn't get the concept, as currently it's really hard to tell if there are problems or not.
Name: LostInTheCloudsWithMyDreams
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2187075/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Kairi's Problem
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5862661/
I know it is badly written and I am sorry for that. I wrote it ages ago and
haven't really had a chance to go through it and change it. I know my
description is bad and I appologize for that.
Kairi didn't meet Larxene in the game, but I wrote this so she had. That is
just the way my mind works...Sorry.
When you are talking about the turtle that looks like Axel, are you talking
about Torkoal? If so, then she couldn't say that since I wrote this when Ash
was still in Kanto and hadn't gone through Hoenn, so didn't own Torkoal at
that point in time.
Axel didn't actually join Team Rocket, he just appeared because it's basically
before Axel came to Destiny Islands to take Kairi away in the game. Also, I
appologize for my bad spelling. I didn't notice that and I shall correct it.
You have received a reply from the author, Lord Genesis Shadow, regarding the
review you posted for:
Title: A future in the wind
Chapter: 1
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5864591/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1454027/
--------------------
I'll pass this on to Mariokutai-Reincarnated for you, and if he wants to
reply, I'll send it via PM, quoting him directly. I'm sorry you don't like
this, but perhaps he will be able to rectify his mistakes and edit the chapter
accordingly so it will be easier to bear. He's somewhat new to writing, so I
hope your criticism will be able to help him.
This ends up being rather WTFy, as Longname McVowely seems to already have a FFN account.
Name: Coli Chibi
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1865482/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Pokemon Amethyst
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5864705/
Uh, sorry.
Name: Lord Genesis Shadow
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1454027/
--------------------
Subject: From Mariokutai-Reincarnated
"Hey "Farla", it's a message from the author, M-R, delivered to you by
Lord
Genesis Shadow.
I read your review and in all honesty, I'm sorry you disagree with my style of
writing. Obviously, you don't understand that the caps are to bring emphasis,
to make it obvious who we are following.
And I don't understand how my character's mother telling him he's a late
bloomer as trainer makes my story a bad story. So please, how did you work
this one out? Because as far as I can see, the only problem I've had brought
to my attention is a slight problem with full stops.
Again, I'm sorry you disagree and find my story a waste of time. Thanks for
your review, but next time at least try to make it somewhat constructive.
M-R"
Note from Lord Genesis Shadow: Remember that this message is from
Mariokutai-Reincarnated. This message is being relayed *through* me, so don't
get mad *at* me. I'm just the messenger.
--------------------
Name: Regal290
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2232280/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Yinji Region Pokedex
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5866962/
Well, what do you expect? If you have complaints, and it's torn down, so what?
This pokedex is just a preview of things to come! And BTW, its not on my
website because I don't HAVE a website to put it on. Wait till you see the
whole thing...
Name: Mike Prower the Fox
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2025226/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Timeout
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5866033/
Geez, did you not read the Author's note? I said, make your criticism sound
nice. Call me crazy, but that didn't sound very nice at all.
Although, I know where you're coming from. I'll change it ASAP. Thanks anyway.
Title: Much Fortune
Chapter: 1
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5866428/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1939223/
--------------------
Guess what? You told me this exact same thing in my other story.
If you don't like my "nonsense" then don't read it.
I'm sure you're trying to "help" me, but a drabble can be more than one
hundred words. If that isn't true I guess you have a lot of other people to
convince.
Title: Stranger
Chapter: 1
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5865829/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1928391/
--------------------
ok, first off, thank you for critizizing me and all, but i've never been good
with this kind of stuff, and so i won't waste time getting a beta to correct
everything i've done wrong cuase then they'd been spending a lot of time on
it, and i don't have that kind of time, so i just ask that you read. i could
care less for grammer and punctuation at a time like this so sorry!
Name: pokemax34
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2139688/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Blue Phoenix
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5866868/
Thanks for the feedback! I'll take good note of it. Really.
Everything in question that happened (the earthquake, the fire, and the fact
that Blue and Sapphire are in there) is to be revealed later. As the chapters
go on, more will be revealed. Hint hint, the earthquake isn't really an
earthquake and the fire wasn't caused by the earthquake. Blue and Sapphire are
in there for a reason that will be explained later and is quite important, so
as I said before, all will be revealed later. I just gave out a bunch of
information I probably shouldn't have given out, didn't I? Whoops. I should
probably keep a spoiler tag over my mouth. Heh heh...
But then again, if I told you now, understanding the story would have been
easier, right? It would have made a lot more sense then and it would just be
grammar errors. (I suck at grammar. Really bad.) But then again, I just
started this thing, so I should get better at this as I continue...right?
Anyways, I appreciate the comment. I'll keep it in mind when writing the next
part.
Thank you very much,
pokemax34
Title: Rapid Accent
Chapter: 1
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5865338/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2274497/
--------------------
thank you for yours insight. it was supposed to be a biggest piece, but it had
been sitting in my folder for a while doing nothing.
i figured that i might as well post it and see what reactions i got. thanks
for being honest :)
As you can see, my internet is still glitching and getting bizarroverse responses some of the time, but more authors from this world are making themselves heard too. Perhaps they have no bizarro counterparts? More investigation is needed.
Story: Butterfly Wings
Chapter: 1. The Second Day
From: Om nom nom ()
-------------------
So, um, somebody pointed me to you because of you reviews, and I will be just
as brutally honest with you:
Your writing is bland and uninteresting. It's not bad, per say, as you have
proper grammar and spelling, but that's all you have going on. Take that
away, and you would have just another badfic in the depths of the pit. You
should at least try to build the environment a bit more, as it was confusing
to see some character suddenly popping out of nowhere and being all like: "SUP
WHAT ARE YOU DOING BB?" If you're going to insert a character in a story, at
least /mention they are there/ unless they've just arrived into the scene.
Your characterization is just there, doing something. You could take away the
names of the characters and nobody would know who is talking. All of the
characters read the same, except for your ~self insert/OC/thing~.
I am honestly re-reading this, attempting to find your writing style, and
failing. It reads like almost everything else on the internet. As I've
mentioned before, all you really have going here is grammar and spelling,
which, just so you know, /isn't really all that soul crushingly important/.
Even published authors make those kind of mistakes, this is what they have
their editors for, but even then they have their own style. Even Stephanie
Meyer has a distinguished style of purple prose and being absolutely terrible;
this doesn't even have that.
I actually expected this to be more interesting, but after reading through it,
I found myself being sorely disappointed. There is no creativity in this
whatsoever, it is the same old that has been around for ages redone with yet
another OC/self-insert/whatever.
Good luck with your story, and I hope you can actually get a style instead of
criticizing those who actually do have one.
So what I like about this review is that actually, if I had to choose between "bad writing style" and "nonexistent, invisible style", well, it's not even a hard choice. Even if it came with Meyer's empire, for that matter. I mean, yeah, there are a few absolutely awesome writers and I'd love to be able to write like that, but I'll settle for my style not being nails on chalkboard to readers.
I've looked over the bit about "characters out of nowhere" because that was actually something I was worried about, what with having four characters all talking together. But I revised it to make sure I was mentioning all of them pretty regularly, and there's only three areas in the first chapter - where they start, where they meet the girl, and when they split up to go home. Kairi and Riku are mentioned early on in the first scene, and in the third there's only Sora and Kimi, so that would mean the only area there could be a problem in is the second scene, where I don't explicitly say Kairi followed them. (Because it's third limited, and Sora's in front, so he couldn't tell.) But she's the first of them to speak, and it seems like following your friends is just kind of expected behavior.
It's a shame this is anonymous, because I'd guess there's one particular place that was disjointed, and so I'd need to ask to figure out which. Possibly they might mean that they want the narration to introduce the characters first, and not have it combined with their dialogue.
The other alternative is they mean the self-insert, in which case I have no idea where the problem is, since she's the only one who we actually get steady updates on - there's something in the sky, and then they run to where it's landing, and they see a girl at the shoreline, and then they take the girl back home with them. Possibly what I read as a style error was just them complaining that her appearance doesn't make sense, in which case, well, no shit Sherlock.
Name: Kentaro A.
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1833108/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Burning Fire
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5860076/
Some people capitalize Pikachu or Charizard.
"Positive criticism" must be invisible to you. Reading is everything. Yes,
maybe I should have run it through a beta before I posted it, but it's already
done. Don't try to tell me how to correct my stories when yours need
correcting. Nobody's perfect. This is my opinion, my way of expressing how I
feel and that review just basically diminished my inspiration all together. It
didn't uplift me, it didn't make me want to strive for higher levels, it made
me want to sit back and just stop. Someone who puts that much effort in a
review must have NOTHING else to do with their lives because a simple "The
story's okay, but just think about how someone would truly act in a situation
like that." would do.
Italics expresses how it is the past. What else is there to do? Draw a thought
bubble around it? Make a movie out of it?
Why focus on your own stories and make them better when you can put me down
about mine?
???
Story: You
Chapter: 1. Chapter 1
From: Y-ko ( http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2306306/ )
Reply URL: http://login.fanfiction.net/review_pm.php?reviewid=101614276
-------------------
Sup bitchy review buddy.
This style really isn't working on any level. You can't just have someone be
completely clueless like this and not explain it.Maybe you're all about
"mystery", but there should at least be hints. I guess you're going for a
"teleported into the games" type thing but the total lack of emotion just
makes it really bland and confusing.
And you overexplain things. The sequence with the water was ridiculous.
"Considering, I decide it's unlikely the Professor Oak who asked for me would
be beyond there. He presumably knows me, or at least talked to my mother who
knows me, and my mother would know that I can't swim, so I wouldn't be sent
out and told to meet him if swimming was a prerequisite to meeting with him. I
nod to myself, pleased at working something out. Clearly, the water is not
the direction to go in. Besides, I think, my mother said that Professor Oak
was looking for me, and so he wouldn't be sitting around in some out of the
way place expecting me to find him."
That should be two or three sentences, maximum. All that detail makes it
hilariously hard to read. And no matter what kind of mindset your character is
supposed to be in, it doesn't make sense.
So yeah, I don't know if you were going for "stream of consciousness" crap or
whatever, but you should probably get better at it before posting it again.
Odd note - their account was created on the twenty-nineth of last month.
Anyway. This is kind of like the reviews on Inheritors telling me Deus doesn't seem to care about battles, so it's hard to be too upset. I kind of wish I got more reviews on the style without the corresponding bit about how they didn't get the concept, as currently it's really hard to tell if there are problems or not.
Name: LostInTheCloudsWithMyDreams
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2187075/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Kairi's Problem
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5862661/
I know it is badly written and I am sorry for that. I wrote it ages ago and
haven't really had a chance to go through it and change it. I know my
description is bad and I appologize for that.
Kairi didn't meet Larxene in the game, but I wrote this so she had. That is
just the way my mind works...Sorry.
When you are talking about the turtle that looks like Axel, are you talking
about Torkoal? If so, then she couldn't say that since I wrote this when Ash
was still in Kanto and hadn't gone through Hoenn, so didn't own Torkoal at
that point in time.
Axel didn't actually join Team Rocket, he just appeared because it's basically
before Axel came to Destiny Islands to take Kairi away in the game. Also, I
appologize for my bad spelling. I didn't notice that and I shall correct it.
You have received a reply from the author, Lord Genesis Shadow, regarding the
review you posted for:
Title: A future in the wind
Chapter: 1
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5864591/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1454027/
--------------------
I'll pass this on to Mariokutai-Reincarnated for you, and if he wants to
reply, I'll send it via PM, quoting him directly. I'm sorry you don't like
this, but perhaps he will be able to rectify his mistakes and edit the chapter
accordingly so it will be easier to bear. He's somewhat new to writing, so I
hope your criticism will be able to help him.
This ends up being rather WTFy, as Longname McVowely seems to already have a FFN account.
Name: Coli Chibi
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1865482/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Pokemon Amethyst
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5864705/
Uh, sorry.
Name: Lord Genesis Shadow
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1454027/
--------------------
Subject: From Mariokutai-Reincarnated
"Hey "Farla", it's a message from the author, M-R, delivered to you by
Lord
Genesis Shadow.
I read your review and in all honesty, I'm sorry you disagree with my style of
writing. Obviously, you don't understand that the caps are to bring emphasis,
to make it obvious who we are following.
And I don't understand how my character's mother telling him he's a late
bloomer as trainer makes my story a bad story. So please, how did you work
this one out? Because as far as I can see, the only problem I've had brought
to my attention is a slight problem with full stops.
Again, I'm sorry you disagree and find my story a waste of time. Thanks for
your review, but next time at least try to make it somewhat constructive.
M-R"
Note from Lord Genesis Shadow: Remember that this message is from
Mariokutai-Reincarnated. This message is being relayed *through* me, so don't
get mad *at* me. I'm just the messenger.
--------------------
Name: Regal290
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2232280/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Yinji Region Pokedex
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5866962/
Well, what do you expect? If you have complaints, and it's torn down, so what?
This pokedex is just a preview of things to come! And BTW, its not on my
website because I don't HAVE a website to put it on. Wait till you see the
whole thing...
Name: Mike Prower the Fox
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2025226/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Timeout
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5866033/
Geez, did you not read the Author's note? I said, make your criticism sound
nice. Call me crazy, but that didn't sound very nice at all.
Although, I know where you're coming from. I'll change it ASAP. Thanks anyway.
Title: Much Fortune
Chapter: 1
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5866428/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1939223/
--------------------
Guess what? You told me this exact same thing in my other story.
If you don't like my "nonsense" then don't read it.
I'm sure you're trying to "help" me, but a drabble can be more than one
hundred words. If that isn't true I guess you have a lot of other people to
convince.
Title: Stranger
Chapter: 1
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5865829/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/1928391/
--------------------
ok, first off, thank you for critizizing me and all, but i've never been good
with this kind of stuff, and so i won't waste time getting a beta to correct
everything i've done wrong cuase then they'd been spending a lot of time on
it, and i don't have that kind of time, so i just ask that you read. i could
care less for grammer and punctuation at a time like this so sorry!
Name: pokemax34
Profile: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2139688/
--------------------
Subject: re: Your review to Blue Phoenix
A response to your review at http://www.fanfiction.net/r/5866868/
Thanks for the feedback! I'll take good note of it. Really.
Everything in question that happened (the earthquake, the fire, and the fact
that Blue and Sapphire are in there) is to be revealed later. As the chapters
go on, more will be revealed. Hint hint, the earthquake isn't really an
earthquake and the fire wasn't caused by the earthquake. Blue and Sapphire are
in there for a reason that will be explained later and is quite important, so
as I said before, all will be revealed later. I just gave out a bunch of
information I probably shouldn't have given out, didn't I? Whoops. I should
probably keep a spoiler tag over my mouth. Heh heh...
But then again, if I told you now, understanding the story would have been
easier, right? It would have made a lot more sense then and it would just be
grammar errors. (I suck at grammar. Really bad.) But then again, I just
started this thing, so I should get better at this as I continue...right?
Anyways, I appreciate the comment. I'll keep it in mind when writing the next
part.
Thank you very much,
pokemax34
Title: Rapid Accent
Chapter: 1
Story URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5865338/1/
Author URL: http://www.fanfiction.net/u/2274497/
--------------------
thank you for yours insight. it was supposed to be a biggest piece, but it had
been sitting in my folder for a while doing nothing.
i figured that i might as well post it and see what reactions i got. thanks
for being honest :)
As you can see, my internet is still glitching and getting bizarroverse responses some of the time, but more authors from this world are making themselves heard too. Perhaps they have no bizarro counterparts? More investigation is needed.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-04-05 03:33 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-05 03:43 am (UTC)I'm gaining new appreciation for simple drawings. I just read RubyQuest, and now this.