farla

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867419/1/Secret_of_NIMH_3

[unfroculently ]

SPELLCHECK.

[Ash Ketchem a dim child that wants to be the worlds greatest Pokemon Master. Unforgivably he has dark secrets, he and his friends that were there or he only knows, that stop him or villains to defeat.]

Get a beta reader.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867464/1/Pokemon_A_New_Day_Chapter_1

Don't recap basic setting info. Everyone already knows.

You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.

Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.

Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."

In addition, you're missing punctuation entirely in places.

When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, not mom. It's only in constructions like my/her/the mom that it's written as such. The same goes for "professor".

["We're going to make your journey a bit different than the usual trainer's, at least to begin with. This Pokémon turned up about two weeks ago; it must have gotten separated from its pack." He handed me the pokéball to check out the contents. I obliged and pressed the button to release it, surprised at what it turned out to be. There stood in front of me a small yellow Pokémon, no taller than 2 feet his forearms bigger than his upper arms, with a head that looked similar to an electrical socket. "It's an Elekid, very rare to the Kanto region. I don't have the means to take care of such an energetic Pokémon, and since you're going on an adventure I figured he would be better off in your care! ]

...look. If you want her to have an elekid, just have her mom give her an elekid. You don't need to shoehorn in a professor, or add in a handwavy 'so somehow it showed up out of nowhere somehow so I caught it for some reason even though I don't want it so here you go'. The whole idea that professors absolutely must be involved is fanon.

Speaking of fanon, it's bad enough to recap the first episode, it's even worse to recap the flanderized fanon version of it. The spearow attacked because Ash chucked a rock at its head, the rest of the spearow attacked because Pikachu beat it up. They don't randomly attack, and certainly not an electric type of all things.

...if Elekid wanted to fight back, it could have done so. Pokemon are able to use moves without waiting for their trainer to actually say them aloud.

["You know I'd ask you what you're doing to these Spearow, but their pain is enough for me stop you, ]

If the spearow didn't want him putting collars on them, they probably wouldn't have flown over and held still while he put them on. This is rapidly turning into nonsense.

...and now this dumbass is going to "save" the spearow by shocking them repeatedly, while ranting indignantly about how they're so moral and care about pokemon. Oh, that makes the collars hurt them more? I BET THE SOLUTION IS TO KEEP ATTACKING YES THIS MAKES SENSE jesus I'm not even going to bother reading.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867465/1/Silver_Soul

You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.

[clies]

SPELLCHECK.

Look, if you're going to go through the trouble of having them be a real-world character ending up in the pokemon world, the least you could do is not have them instantly shrug and accept it. If the fact they've suddenly been transplanted into another universe isn't a big deal to them, then it should never have been included in the story in the first place.

Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867554/1/Pokemon_World_Quest_Special_World_at_War

A chapter should be longer than five paragraphs.

You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.

Look, you really, really shouldn't ask for characters. Doesn't work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don't fit together properly. It's like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you're going to end up with a mess.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867573/1/sqaudron_1

Your title should be spelled and capitalized correctly.

You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.

Use said. Seriously, won't bite, lovely word, generally more appropriate for the sentence than whatever word you're using in its place.

Okay, see, randomly killing people any time things don't work out exactly the way you want is stupid and makes sure nothing gets done, because you're killing off your trained workforce and every replacement needs to spend time learning about the project before they can continue. If you really need to have a character showing they're the sort to kill people for failure, make sure it's actual failure and not "the new project is not working exactly as predicted".

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867584/1/Ranmas_School_of_Anything_Goes_Pokemon_Training

Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.

Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."

Ew, so this is "I don't like canon and think listing my opinions and then how my fav characters get lavished with whatever cool things I think they should have counts as a fanfic" fanfic? Not reading on.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5867993/1/Tara_and_Ians_adventures_in_Sinnoh

There are about three thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are about two hundred and fifty "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost four hundred with "legend". There are six hundred and fifty with "journey", six hundred with "story", two hundred with "quest", and almost seven hundred with "adventure". "Kanto" shows up over a hundred times, as does "Johto", "Hoenn", and "Sinnoh". "Saga" similarly comes in at a hundred.

What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.

Also, capitalize your title properly.

Also, it's "adventures", not "adventure's". Never use an apostrophe for a plural.

"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".

Ookay, so this chapter is filler. If your characters are saying things that everyone knows they'll say and doing things everyone knows they'll do, you don't need to write a chapter about it. So you don't need to explain they want pokemon, or spend a dozen lines on discussing how they won't abuse their pokemon, or explain what the starts are, or any of it. If you started the story on the next chapter, no one would have missed anything.

Furthermore...It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.

[The two Pokémon faced each other, waiting for orders from their trainers.
"Twiggy, use withdraw NOW!" I commanded.
"Turt, turt, WIG!" Turtwig's defence was raised by one level.
"Chimchar, use leer!" Ian exclaimed.
"Chim, chim!" Twiggy's defence was lowered by one level]

Also, your description is absolutely awful. Spend more time on it.

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5868111/1/Grace_of_HoOh

You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer.

[a boy with messy chestnut hair yelled, jittery while bouncing up and down on a sleeping person's bed. ]

"Jittery"? Your wording is awkward. You also need to learn how to work in description naturally - for example, the color of his hair has nothing to do with either his yelling or his bouncing, so why is it in that sentence?

[when the boy continued to pest ]

You also have numerous tense problems.

Trainers start at ten. Not "they can theoretically but don't because their parents randomly don't let them". Did your parents decide you were too young for kindergarten and keep you at home an extra two years?

[and invaded through her wardrobe to find an appropriate attire. ]

Trying to sound smart tends to make you actually sound stupid. Don't use words if you're not sure *how* they're used.

When used in place of a name, it's written Mom. In constructions like my/her/the mom, it's written without the capitals.

You spend a very long time explaining why it's hard for trainers to leave, which gives me a very long time to think about how easy it would be for them to have just establish that new trainers normally leave for other regions by ferry, and also a long time to think about how if they're such a tiny island they don't have room for trainers to travel around they're completely incapable of surviving properly because they can't possibly be self-sufficient but obviously, neither are they able to maintain import/exports, as it would be not only ridiculously expensive, but given how unreliable it apparently is, wouldn't be able to maintain the schedule they'd need, and how it generally seems to make absolutely no sense and feel like you just made it up as you were going along to justify your one character.

[her permanent-absent father ]

What. I'm going to stop reading, trying to work out what your sentences are supposed to mean is just annoying. Get a beta reader.