::froths::
Jan. 5th, 2005 02:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlaDeath killing murder death...
...oh, hello.
You might think being so enraged over a new fanfic is silly. And ::twitches:: I have seen worse. Barely. But I have, and that's somethi...
No, death dismemberment gutting blood flaying kill DIE DIE DIE DIE -
...
Okay, let's see if I can write this without getting sidetracked. Onono(pronounced Oh-no-god-no because if she can make up bullshit pronunciation directions, so will I)'s story, Our Lives.
The summary is My life, and my best friend's life, if our lives were converted to Pokemon. No more needs be said, right? Wrong. The next line:100 accuracy, totally realistic. Oh, you think you can tell how bad it is now? No, it's a lot worse than that.
See, this being totally realistic, of course, the main character was given an entei. By her friend. Who was in second or third grade at the time. Because we all know that if pokemon was real, that's what it would be like.
::froths::
Oh, no. It gets worse.
Uber-Sue has a conversation with her entei because she wants to go train him somewhere else, but it's a couple towns over. He suggests hotwiring a fucking car. Because this is so realistic, y'know? They wind up walking over to the next city and then biking to another city. Because fifth graders are totally able to do that with no one wondering. There, she meets up with a friend who has a L78 pikachu.
Because if pokemon was real, we'd have L80 pokemon running all over the place. Not like it'd really be hard to raise them, no, it'll be just like the video game. Except realistic. Except for that part. And a bunch of other parts. But the rest will be realistic, whatever that might be.
While this is happening, her best friend, Uber-Stu, gets up and decides to go see her. His uncle stops him and gives him three L30 pokemon as a present, an entei, electrode, and a croconaw. Because if pokemon was real, uncles would just hand out L30 pokemon at random occasions when it just so happened you'd need them right after, but didn't know yet. And there would totally be L30 enteis running all over the place.
And these pokemon will obey him because he's got all the badges. Boy, this is so realistic! If pokemon was real, I'm sure random kids who don't even appear to have pokemon and have to be given ones would already have all eight badges, and I'm even more sure that pokemon obedience would be completely determined by what badge you have.
Then his uncle says a huge paragraph of incoherence: “There’s something I should tell you. A wild Onix was battling quite rapidly, because it was already at LV. 50. When it used Rock Throw, its accuracy was around only 10, and it his the peak, and it cracked. Then, the trainer stupidly yelled out his attack, and it caused an avalanche. Everything started crashing down, and the trainer was greatly injured, while the Onix only used the move Dig to get away. When you come to a very pointy rock, then if you can somehow move that rock, the Onix would be free, and far away from any avalanches. If you could do that for me, or, and bring the Onix back for me, I’d be very thankful. I got a few Pokecoupons from a trip to Orre because I needed to catch rare Pokemon, and I’m sure that even though we don’t make them here, I’m sure they’ll be very valuable here, since they never make them, and are still very rare in Orre,” Uncle Eric said.
If your brain can process that, I envy you. I hope you like the incredible realism.
Then Uber-Stu goes to Mt Moon on his motorcycle because we all know that it's completely realistic for fifth graders to be riding motorcycles across regions and a bunch of poorly described nonsensical stuff happens. He pulls out an articuno. Y'know, the one his uncle gave him. Without mentioning it or something, but we're supposed to know this. As we all know, if pokemon was real fifth graders would all be lugging around articunos and enteis, even when adults are making do with geodude.
The geodude then hits a wall for no reason, causing an avalanche.
Here's the worst part. The two other trainers yell about the avalanche and then presumably flee. Because of course, realistically, it's not like you'd have been buried by the time you started on the second syllable. Uber-Stu tosses the keys for the completely realistic motorcycle to Uber-Sue and tells her to take the bike. She argues back that it's his bike and she'll take the long way. Then he yells at her to take it again and she agrees. They do all this during the avalanche. The last paragraph of the story is:
Jonathan saw a ramp like rock, and ran onto it, jumped off, grabbed a lightpost, and swung around and then let go, realizing his accuracy was off, grabbed the wheel, still trying to show off, sending them both tumbling down from Mt. Moon, barely escaping, and crashing into a giant tree, sending the motorbike haywire, and crashing back into Mt. Moon, where several rocks fell on it, surely breaking it. I hope the realism of this hurts you as much as it hurts me.
But oh, it just gets more painful. See, I review this pile of crap. This author has previously responded to reviews in her story and in her reviews, so I tell her not to do this, but to use email.
Go look at her profile. Go on, I dare you.
::frothing:: I'm going to write Reality just to fucking show how much this story sucks.
...oh, hello.
You might think being so enraged over a new fanfic is silly. And ::twitches:: I have seen worse. Barely. But I have, and that's somethi...
No, death dismemberment gutting blood flaying kill DIE DIE DIE DIE -
...
Okay, let's see if I can write this without getting sidetracked. Onono(pronounced Oh-no-god-no because if she can make up bullshit pronunciation directions, so will I)'s story, Our Lives.
The summary is My life, and my best friend's life, if our lives were converted to Pokemon. No more needs be said, right? Wrong. The next line:100 accuracy, totally realistic. Oh, you think you can tell how bad it is now? No, it's a lot worse than that.
See, this being totally realistic, of course, the main character was given an entei. By her friend. Who was in second or third grade at the time. Because we all know that if pokemon was real, that's what it would be like.
::froths::
Oh, no. It gets worse.
Uber-Sue has a conversation with her entei because she wants to go train him somewhere else, but it's a couple towns over. He suggests hotwiring a fucking car. Because this is so realistic, y'know? They wind up walking over to the next city and then biking to another city. Because fifth graders are totally able to do that with no one wondering. There, she meets up with a friend who has a L78 pikachu.
Because if pokemon was real, we'd have L80 pokemon running all over the place. Not like it'd really be hard to raise them, no, it'll be just like the video game. Except realistic. Except for that part. And a bunch of other parts. But the rest will be realistic, whatever that might be.
While this is happening, her best friend, Uber-Stu, gets up and decides to go see her. His uncle stops him and gives him three L30 pokemon as a present, an entei, electrode, and a croconaw. Because if pokemon was real, uncles would just hand out L30 pokemon at random occasions when it just so happened you'd need them right after, but didn't know yet. And there would totally be L30 enteis running all over the place.
And these pokemon will obey him because he's got all the badges. Boy, this is so realistic! If pokemon was real, I'm sure random kids who don't even appear to have pokemon and have to be given ones would already have all eight badges, and I'm even more sure that pokemon obedience would be completely determined by what badge you have.
Then his uncle says a huge paragraph of incoherence: “There’s something I should tell you. A wild Onix was battling quite rapidly, because it was already at LV. 50. When it used Rock Throw, its accuracy was around only 10, and it his the peak, and it cracked. Then, the trainer stupidly yelled out his attack, and it caused an avalanche. Everything started crashing down, and the trainer was greatly injured, while the Onix only used the move Dig to get away. When you come to a very pointy rock, then if you can somehow move that rock, the Onix would be free, and far away from any avalanches. If you could do that for me, or, and bring the Onix back for me, I’d be very thankful. I got a few Pokecoupons from a trip to Orre because I needed to catch rare Pokemon, and I’m sure that even though we don’t make them here, I’m sure they’ll be very valuable here, since they never make them, and are still very rare in Orre,” Uncle Eric said.
If your brain can process that, I envy you. I hope you like the incredible realism.
Then Uber-Stu goes to Mt Moon on his motorcycle because we all know that it's completely realistic for fifth graders to be riding motorcycles across regions and a bunch of poorly described nonsensical stuff happens. He pulls out an articuno. Y'know, the one his uncle gave him. Without mentioning it or something, but we're supposed to know this. As we all know, if pokemon was real fifth graders would all be lugging around articunos and enteis, even when adults are making do with geodude.
The geodude then hits a wall for no reason, causing an avalanche.
Here's the worst part. The two other trainers yell about the avalanche and then presumably flee. Because of course, realistically, it's not like you'd have been buried by the time you started on the second syllable. Uber-Stu tosses the keys for the completely realistic motorcycle to Uber-Sue and tells her to take the bike. She argues back that it's his bike and she'll take the long way. Then he yells at her to take it again and she agrees. They do all this during the avalanche. The last paragraph of the story is:
Jonathan saw a ramp like rock, and ran onto it, jumped off, grabbed a lightpost, and swung around and then let go, realizing his accuracy was off, grabbed the wheel, still trying to show off, sending them both tumbling down from Mt. Moon, barely escaping, and crashing into a giant tree, sending the motorbike haywire, and crashing back into Mt. Moon, where several rocks fell on it, surely breaking it. I hope the realism of this hurts you as much as it hurts me.
But oh, it just gets more painful. See, I review this pile of crap. This author has previously responded to reviews in her story and in her reviews, so I tell her not to do this, but to use email.
Go look at her profile. Go on, I dare you.
::frothing:: I'm going to write Reality just to fucking show how much this story sucks.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2005-01-05 08:46 pm (UTC)Ahahaha.
Ha.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-05 11:25 pm (UTC)She's probably very proud that she didn't reply to you through a review or in the story.
Yes, I'm frothing too.
Date: 2005-01-06 02:21 am (UTC)Really. Can't we report her for being underage? If that is enough of an excuse to rid our fandom of crapfics, I'm starting the petition now.
So, you told her to use e-mail too? Crap. I guess she won't take the hint I left her in one of my reviews.
You know, this is the first time I noticed that lightpost. This is Mt. Moon, right? ...So where the crap did that come from? (Or did she miss the fact that Mt. Moon only has string lighting, if anything at all, as shown in "Clefairy and the Moon Stone"?)
[puts her head on her desk and sighs] Good lord. Does this girl even know what reality is?
And furthermore...
[starts banging her head into her desk over and over again] ...What is she trying to prove with her craptastic excuses?
no subject
Date: 2005-01-06 02:41 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-06 03:07 am (UTC)And she's using that damn Lemony Snicket-style definition...thing. e.g.:
"BLAH!" said character x, which here means drivel!
Mildly cute in the SoUE books, stupid here. In the same vein, the entei is named after a bland, defeatist character in said books.
Re: Yes, I'm frothing too.
Date: 2005-01-06 11:23 pm (UTC)As to the lightpost, I assume it appeared spontaneously about the same time as Mt. Moon spontaneously lost its top.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-06 11:25 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-06 11:26 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-06 11:49 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-06 11:57 pm (UTC)Anyway, in regards to the fanfic: this makes no sense whatsoever.
no subject
Date: 2005-01-07 12:26 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-07 04:13 am (UTC)Yeah, I can see why they'd give you flashbacks...
A cart?
Date: 2005-03-29 06:17 am (UTC)Re: A cart?
Date: 2005-03-31 04:34 am (UTC)Re: A cart?
Date: 2005-03-31 08:53 am (UTC)I might be thinking of the wrong graphic novel because I remember the title as either Amphigory or Allegory, but the baby story sounds similar.
I remember the baby as a very ugly and mean-spirited and the parents would always leave sharp objects, acid and poisons near the baby while hoping that it would kill itself, but the baby only used the stuff to destroy the carpets and furniture. Then the familiy went out for a picnic and left the baby unattended hoping the baby would drown itself or someone would kidnap it and then an eagle swooped down and attempted to take the baby up to its nest in the mountains, but it bit the eagle's leg and the eagle dropped it on some sharp rocks and died. It ended with the note that nobody was sorry about this happening.