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farlahttp://archiveofourown.org/works/108647/chapters/150316
2fortstuck
Cute. All I know of the game is what I've picked up by cultural osmosis, but I found things easy to follow along with anyway.
http://archiveofourown.org/works/114025
as her city burns
That was unsettling. I hope you do come back to this sometime, I'd really like to see what else you'd add. It's a really interesting alternative look into Jade's head, as well as a look into how the other kids function. I like how you build to it, the bit about her grandfather always giving her better replacements is only the mildest sort of ominous, and then she's describing Prospit with such adoration and making friends, and then...
http://archiveofourown.org/works/114130
[S] Help Her.
Pretty good. I think Tavros' formality works well enough - he seems he's generally trying to be polite and deferentially. His voice did seem slightly off in the pesterlogs though. I think it's because he's speaking more clearly than usual. The stammering is at a minimum, and more than that, he's just more understandable and direct, compared to doing things like saying his legs were invisible. For example, when he's asked about which self he wants to wake up, something wandering about he doesn't want the dreamself to be awake, because it's probably awake, because she's not, unless it's asleep too... and so forth. Tavros generally rambles and misspeaks a lot, to the point people don't always understand there's even a problem.
Also the kissing reasoning seemed a bit weird. She already kissed him once, so saying he'll try because she'd beat him up any other time doesn't make much sense. It'd work as a straight out of nowhere impulse, though, exile commands seem to make people act on them except if it's completely contrary to what they feel.
2fortstuck
Cute. All I know of the game is what I've picked up by cultural osmosis, but I found things easy to follow along with anyway.
http://archiveofourown.org/works/114025
as her city burns
That was unsettling. I hope you do come back to this sometime, I'd really like to see what else you'd add. It's a really interesting alternative look into Jade's head, as well as a look into how the other kids function. I like how you build to it, the bit about her grandfather always giving her better replacements is only the mildest sort of ominous, and then she's describing Prospit with such adoration and making friends, and then...
http://archiveofourown.org/works/114130
[S] Help Her.
Pretty good. I think Tavros' formality works well enough - he seems he's generally trying to be polite and deferentially. His voice did seem slightly off in the pesterlogs though. I think it's because he's speaking more clearly than usual. The stammering is at a minimum, and more than that, he's just more understandable and direct, compared to doing things like saying his legs were invisible. For example, when he's asked about which self he wants to wake up, something wandering about he doesn't want the dreamself to be awake, because it's probably awake, because she's not, unless it's asleep too... and so forth. Tavros generally rambles and misspeaks a lot, to the point people don't always understand there's even a problem.
Also the kissing reasoning seemed a bit weird. She already kissed him once, so saying he'll try because she'd beat him up any other time doesn't make much sense. It'd work as a straight out of nowhere impulse, though, exile commands seem to make people act on them except if it's completely contrary to what they feel.
