Nare11, Day Twenty-eight
Jan. 28th, 2011 11:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/6684354/1/Ris_Pokemon_Adventure
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[I shot strait ]
Straight.
[On the corner of his coat was a red R. I think I have seen him somewhere. But that could be the memory loss talking. ]
What? If they think they recognize him that should be a big deal to them, because it might mean they actually know him.
Write out numbers with letters.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
["Rilah, I see you can't remember anything from before a few days ago when you were dropped off here," he read from the sheet. "Only my name," I replied sadly. ]
Ugh, no, amnesia doesn't work that way. I'm willing to give a lot of slack for the sake of plot, but come on, remembering nothing except the special exception of their *name*?
[This man seemed evil, and weird. ]
Even worse. Look, if you're going through the trouble of setting up someone who doesn't remember stuff, have them not remember. If you want them to know stuff like this, then say they do remember but that they think they're delusional.
["Erm, Mr. Rocket are you going to rename her?" Ms. Kat asked, pointing to me. ]
What the fuck.
[It looked at me with cold eyes. They were full of hatred.
"A... A pokemon? Impossible! Ms. Kat said they weren't real!"
The flames on Cyndaquil's back shot up. "Cyndaquil!"
"A cyndaquil... What should I call you?" I asked. I thought about it. I guess I should honor the person who gave me it. But then again, it could be a girl or a boy. Wait, what am I thinking? Have I gone mad? Pokemon aren't real! And yet... There was one standing right in front of me.]
Most screwed up priorities ever. The fact pokemon are real should be a bit more important than giving it a nickname, as should the fact the magical fire death monster apparently hates their guts.
[I could see Giovanni standing a distance away. He looked coldly at me. "You are to use pokemon as tools. Think of yourself first. Do you understand?" He didn't seem so nice anymore.
"NO!" I shouted. "Pokemon need to be treated with respect and care. If you do that, they will do the same to you and behave better, as well as battle better," I shouted. I went pale. Where the heck did I get that?]
Why did he bother getting some random kid if they don't even get the fundamental "be an asshole" philosophy of Team Rocket?
And now Giovanni's team apparently is made up of a low level totodile, who OF COURSE is beaten by the cyndaquil because RESPECT AND CARE even though your character has had it for all of five minutes. Letting a cyndaquil sit in your coat so it doesn't die means it's stronger than a totodile who's in perfect health from being in a pokeball, clearly.
In conclusion, sue.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6684773/1/A_Face
Drabble = 100 words exactly. It's a specific writing exercise designed to help authors pay attention to word choice. It does not mean any short fic you threw together.
Don't center your text, it makes it frustrating to read.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Plotwise, pretty meh. You don't do a good enough job of portraying why Giovanni cares.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6684958/1/Mays_Madness
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
[Sorry for the shortness I'll try to make the next chapter longer. This is going to be a two-shot and I will try my best to get an update in less than 4 days so please look out for that.]
Next time just wait until you've finished writing the story before posting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6685503/1/Mi_first_love
"Mi" and "my" aren't interchangeable.
[Love is a feeling, a flower, beautiful when in bloom. In the wrong place becomes brittle and eventually withered, weak, dull pieces of petals are scattered in the wind and lost in the ground and each of them containing beautiful memories or dying moments.
The cycle is repeated, finishing as the first, with the pain of loneliness and remorse for allowing that seed to blossom in the wrong pasture.
But what happens if the ground is a beautiful garden? The seed blooms in the garden, full of other sweet-smelling flowers, green grass and carefully cut to avoid pests, a garden with a fresh aroma, where the wind dances to are filled with colorful petals. The love grows stronger over time because the seed is carefully every day, with enough water for the seed to open their petals, but not too much for the tiny roots will not die by the excess of it.
This time the cycle takes much longer to complete, and on rare occasions, it never ends.
However, the fate many times we play in a bitter and anguished, fate is a fickle entity and sometimes decides that "I do not always get what you want" and cruelly beautiful flower that starts from the ground up, with his hands touch dry grass and green plants lose their leaves before autumn, flowers and other vegetation disappears as pests that land travel, as desolate and lifeless.
And so the cycle, feels a disturbance, the soul is broken and hides the pain with a fake smile and loneliness pervades the heart, what about love? Runs away to disappear and no more hiding place of the mind, is enclosed and becomes distant.
These are the thoughts of a boy]
Oh come on, no they're not. This is ridiculous. It's hideously melodramatic and is the sort of horribly overextended metaphor that would never show up anywhere but in badly written fiction.
[The boy was a young man about 15 years, with tousled black hair, brown eyes and some brands like z under the eyes, was not too high and your complexion is thin, no doubt with Ash Ketchum and Pikachu sat on a small on the green grass, a pokemon like a mouse, yellow with black stripes on her cheeks red circles and his tail had a unique form of lightning.]
Also your grammar is really bad, get a beta reader.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6685549/1/A_Matter_of_Loyalty
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Taking its position before her with a good deal of aggression in its posture was a Porygon-Z. ]
What does "a good deal of aggression" look like? Very much a show don't tell thing.
["I will allow both verbal and non-verbal commands," Miguel replied, though from the look on his face, he very much doubted that the haggard foreigner could pull off a non-verbal command. ]
...how on earth would this be enforced? How could you tell the difference between a nonverbal command and a pokemon acting on its own?
Also, given she's got a mental link, why *does* she give orders out loud? It's just giving that much of an advantage to the other trainer.
This does seem like it could interesting - there aren't many stories about established trainers or weird relationships with pokemon.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6685835/1/Did_you_put_laxatives_in_my_coffee
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6685899/1/The_Lover
[It was a warm summer's Day in the Castle of the Lunar kingdom. The flowers were blooming as The Sun's rays evaporated the cold feeling. In the Garden There were two little children, A Little boy and Girl. ]
Stop capitalizing random words.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686027/1/Pokemon_Stories_from_Hoenn
Ugh, yet another of these. Yes, we get it, it's the opening of the game, this has only been done several hundred times already.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Don't put an author note in the middle of your story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686095/1/Region_Adventures
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Don't put an author note in the middle of your story.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Don't switch between first and third POV in a single story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686404/1/Locked_Gold_Heart
[This was my first Nuzlocke ever. What came about was an awesome base for a story. ]
No, it really isn't. Nuzlocke runs don't make any actual sense in game terms, because pokemon training makes no sense with the resulting death toll. Either your character never loses or your character is a selfish asshole for continuing to get their pokemon killed for personal fame.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
For the love of god, stop using "smile" everywhere. People do not smile every other sentence.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686545/1/PokemonEclipse
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[an Oran berry bush ]
It's just "oran", no caps.
[Her voice was angelic, yet dark-sounding at the same time. ]
What does that actually mean?
Anyway, this is pretty bland and plotless.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686645/1/Life_As_A_Level_5_Magikarp
[If the chapters seem short, that's because my fics are intended to have short chapters to prevent them from getting too long. ]
How painfully circular.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I'll say this is the first time something like this has happened. I have seen other people become Pokémon before, but I still have no explanation. Maybe a Magikarp's mind is just… not up to the task of figuring stuff like that out. ]
So it's not the first time this has happened. Also, that's a terrible copout. If she's seen this before, she shouldn't need to figure it out, she should already know from back when she was human.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686645/2/Life_As_A_Level_5_Magikarp
...so I thought it was a little odd that you made a big deal about being a male author and then went on to write about a female character who gets transformed against her will and now can't even think straight. And now I know it's because you're a creepy fucker.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686729/1/Team_Rockets_Rockin_Pt_1
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687180/1/Rainbow
Hm. Creepy without being over the top, and you do a wonderful job with the details.
I'm not quite sure where this is going yet, but it certainly looks interesting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687346/1/Almost_Birthday_Special
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687375/1/Pokemon_Diamond_and_Pearl_The_Parody_Series
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Johanna and Dawn were constantly being recognized as twins. ]
Recognized means they actually are. If you mean "mistaken" then that's the word for it.
When used in place of a name, it's written Dad, not dad. It's only in constructions like my/her/the dad that it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's "okay", four letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687612/1/Catching_One
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Also, honestly this is more fucked up creepy than funny.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687615/1/Pokemon_Adventures
There's fourteen hundred stories with "pokemon adventures". Get a better title.
[The girl stuck out a little, she was a pokemon breeder, certain types of trainers that weren't really in the area yet. Johto just having been connected to the other regions recently, people were used to seeing oddballs around. She was dressed in her usual green apron and green bandana. the bandana having a pokeball symbol on it, covering her layered light brown hair. Under the apron she wore a white polo shirt and khaki colored capris that tied at the bottom. Her black combat boots set her apart from most other breeders, as her best friend, Amara, was a pokemon ranger. They often had to climb huge mountainsides, and sometimes even cliffaces, proper footgear was a must. She easily made it through the turnstile besides going the wrong way AND with her large camping travel bag as well. ]
You have really got to learn to filter out the irrelevant details. This is an unfocused mess.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[her Gastly's ]
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[crowed ]
Crowd. Get a beta reader.
Well that was an utterly pointless and boring chapter. Start the story when the plot does.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687689/1/Midnight_Flight_For_2
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687884/1/Kimi_He
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Songfic are banned on this site. And it's generally considered a good thing, because songfic kind of automatically suck and are a terrible, terrible idea.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6688186/1/Team_explorers_for_a_third_time
Capitalize your title properly.
A summary is not a valid chapter. If you feel you need this (you don't, we already know) put it at the beginning of your first chapter, not as a chapter itself.
[cant ]
Can't. Proofread.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6688186/2/Team_explorers_for_a_third_time
[im hoping writing it down as i go will do better.
Help me to spot errors. Word pad doesn't have that option.]
Go download OpenOffice then, this is embarrassingly bad.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6688227/1/Ill_Protect_You
It's "okay", four letters.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[I shot strait ]
Straight.
[On the corner of his coat was a red R. I think I have seen him somewhere. But that could be the memory loss talking. ]
What? If they think they recognize him that should be a big deal to them, because it might mean they actually know him.
Write out numbers with letters.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
["Rilah, I see you can't remember anything from before a few days ago when you were dropped off here," he read from the sheet. "Only my name," I replied sadly. ]
Ugh, no, amnesia doesn't work that way. I'm willing to give a lot of slack for the sake of plot, but come on, remembering nothing except the special exception of their *name*?
[This man seemed evil, and weird. ]
Even worse. Look, if you're going through the trouble of setting up someone who doesn't remember stuff, have them not remember. If you want them to know stuff like this, then say they do remember but that they think they're delusional.
["Erm, Mr. Rocket are you going to rename her?" Ms. Kat asked, pointing to me. ]
What the fuck.
[It looked at me with cold eyes. They were full of hatred.
"A... A pokemon? Impossible! Ms. Kat said they weren't real!"
The flames on Cyndaquil's back shot up. "Cyndaquil!"
"A cyndaquil... What should I call you?" I asked. I thought about it. I guess I should honor the person who gave me it. But then again, it could be a girl or a boy. Wait, what am I thinking? Have I gone mad? Pokemon aren't real! And yet... There was one standing right in front of me.]
Most screwed up priorities ever. The fact pokemon are real should be a bit more important than giving it a nickname, as should the fact the magical fire death monster apparently hates their guts.
[I could see Giovanni standing a distance away. He looked coldly at me. "You are to use pokemon as tools. Think of yourself first. Do you understand?" He didn't seem so nice anymore.
"NO!" I shouted. "Pokemon need to be treated with respect and care. If you do that, they will do the same to you and behave better, as well as battle better," I shouted. I went pale. Where the heck did I get that?]
Why did he bother getting some random kid if they don't even get the fundamental "be an asshole" philosophy of Team Rocket?
And now Giovanni's team apparently is made up of a low level totodile, who OF COURSE is beaten by the cyndaquil because RESPECT AND CARE even though your character has had it for all of five minutes. Letting a cyndaquil sit in your coat so it doesn't die means it's stronger than a totodile who's in perfect health from being in a pokeball, clearly.
In conclusion, sue.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6684773/1/A_Face
Drabble = 100 words exactly. It's a specific writing exercise designed to help authors pay attention to word choice. It does not mean any short fic you threw together.
Don't center your text, it makes it frustrating to read.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Plotwise, pretty meh. You don't do a good enough job of portraying why Giovanni cares.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6684958/1/Mays_Madness
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
[Sorry for the shortness I'll try to make the next chapter longer. This is going to be a two-shot and I will try my best to get an update in less than 4 days so please look out for that.]
Next time just wait until you've finished writing the story before posting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6685503/1/Mi_first_love
"Mi" and "my" aren't interchangeable.
[Love is a feeling, a flower, beautiful when in bloom. In the wrong place becomes brittle and eventually withered, weak, dull pieces of petals are scattered in the wind and lost in the ground and each of them containing beautiful memories or dying moments.
The cycle is repeated, finishing as the first, with the pain of loneliness and remorse for allowing that seed to blossom in the wrong pasture.
But what happens if the ground is a beautiful garden? The seed blooms in the garden, full of other sweet-smelling flowers, green grass and carefully cut to avoid pests, a garden with a fresh aroma, where the wind dances to are filled with colorful petals. The love grows stronger over time because the seed is carefully every day, with enough water for the seed to open their petals, but not too much for the tiny roots will not die by the excess of it.
This time the cycle takes much longer to complete, and on rare occasions, it never ends.
However, the fate many times we play in a bitter and anguished, fate is a fickle entity and sometimes decides that "I do not always get what you want" and cruelly beautiful flower that starts from the ground up, with his hands touch dry grass and green plants lose their leaves before autumn, flowers and other vegetation disappears as pests that land travel, as desolate and lifeless.
And so the cycle, feels a disturbance, the soul is broken and hides the pain with a fake smile and loneliness pervades the heart, what about love? Runs away to disappear and no more hiding place of the mind, is enclosed and becomes distant.
These are the thoughts of a boy]
Oh come on, no they're not. This is ridiculous. It's hideously melodramatic and is the sort of horribly overextended metaphor that would never show up anywhere but in badly written fiction.
[The boy was a young man about 15 years, with tousled black hair, brown eyes and some brands like z under the eyes, was not too high and your complexion is thin, no doubt with Ash Ketchum and Pikachu sat on a small on the green grass, a pokemon like a mouse, yellow with black stripes on her cheeks red circles and his tail had a unique form of lightning.]
Also your grammar is really bad, get a beta reader.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6685549/1/A_Matter_of_Loyalty
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Taking its position before her with a good deal of aggression in its posture was a Porygon-Z. ]
What does "a good deal of aggression" look like? Very much a show don't tell thing.
["I will allow both verbal and non-verbal commands," Miguel replied, though from the look on his face, he very much doubted that the haggard foreigner could pull off a non-verbal command. ]
...how on earth would this be enforced? How could you tell the difference between a nonverbal command and a pokemon acting on its own?
Also, given she's got a mental link, why *does* she give orders out loud? It's just giving that much of an advantage to the other trainer.
This does seem like it could interesting - there aren't many stories about established trainers or weird relationships with pokemon.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6685835/1/Did_you_put_laxatives_in_my_coffee
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6685899/1/The_Lover
[It was a warm summer's Day in the Castle of the Lunar kingdom. The flowers were blooming as The Sun's rays evaporated the cold feeling. In the Garden There were two little children, A Little boy and Girl. ]
Stop capitalizing random words.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686027/1/Pokemon_Stories_from_Hoenn
Ugh, yet another of these. Yes, we get it, it's the opening of the game, this has only been done several hundred times already.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Don't put an author note in the middle of your story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686095/1/Region_Adventures
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Don't put an author note in the middle of your story.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Don't switch between first and third POV in a single story.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686404/1/Locked_Gold_Heart
[This was my first Nuzlocke ever. What came about was an awesome base for a story. ]
No, it really isn't. Nuzlocke runs don't make any actual sense in game terms, because pokemon training makes no sense with the resulting death toll. Either your character never loses or your character is a selfish asshole for continuing to get their pokemon killed for personal fame.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
For the love of god, stop using "smile" everywhere. People do not smile every other sentence.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686545/1/PokemonEclipse
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[an Oran berry bush ]
It's just "oran", no caps.
[Her voice was angelic, yet dark-sounding at the same time. ]
What does that actually mean?
Anyway, this is pretty bland and plotless.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686645/1/Life_As_A_Level_5_Magikarp
[If the chapters seem short, that's because my fics are intended to have short chapters to prevent them from getting too long. ]
How painfully circular.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I'll say this is the first time something like this has happened. I have seen other people become Pokémon before, but I still have no explanation. Maybe a Magikarp's mind is just… not up to the task of figuring stuff like that out. ]
So it's not the first time this has happened. Also, that's a terrible copout. If she's seen this before, she shouldn't need to figure it out, she should already know from back when she was human.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686645/2/Life_As_A_Level_5_Magikarp
...so I thought it was a little odd that you made a big deal about being a male author and then went on to write about a female character who gets transformed against her will and now can't even think straight. And now I know it's because you're a creepy fucker.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6686729/1/Team_Rockets_Rockin_Pt_1
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687180/1/Rainbow
Hm. Creepy without being over the top, and you do a wonderful job with the details.
I'm not quite sure where this is going yet, but it certainly looks interesting.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687346/1/Almost_Birthday_Special
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687375/1/Pokemon_Diamond_and_Pearl_The_Parody_Series
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Johanna and Dawn were constantly being recognized as twins. ]
Recognized means they actually are. If you mean "mistaken" then that's the word for it.
When used in place of a name, it's written Dad, not dad. It's only in constructions like my/her/the dad that it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's "okay", four letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687612/1/Catching_One
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Also, honestly this is more fucked up creepy than funny.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687615/1/Pokemon_Adventures
There's fourteen hundred stories with "pokemon adventures". Get a better title.
[The girl stuck out a little, she was a pokemon breeder, certain types of trainers that weren't really in the area yet. Johto just having been connected to the other regions recently, people were used to seeing oddballs around. She was dressed in her usual green apron and green bandana. the bandana having a pokeball symbol on it, covering her layered light brown hair. Under the apron she wore a white polo shirt and khaki colored capris that tied at the bottom. Her black combat boots set her apart from most other breeders, as her best friend, Amara, was a pokemon ranger. They often had to climb huge mountainsides, and sometimes even cliffaces, proper footgear was a must. She easily made it through the turnstile besides going the wrong way AND with her large camping travel bag as well. ]
You have really got to learn to filter out the irrelevant details. This is an unfocused mess.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[her Gastly's ]
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[crowed ]
Crowd. Get a beta reader.
Well that was an utterly pointless and boring chapter. Start the story when the plot does.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687689/1/Midnight_Flight_For_2
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6687884/1/Kimi_He
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Songfic are banned on this site. And it's generally considered a good thing, because songfic kind of automatically suck and are a terrible, terrible idea.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6688186/1/Team_explorers_for_a_third_time
Capitalize your title properly.
A summary is not a valid chapter. If you feel you need this (you don't, we already know) put it at the beginning of your first chapter, not as a chapter itself.
[cant ]
Can't. Proofread.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6688186/2/Team_explorers_for_a_third_time
[im hoping writing it down as i go will do better.
Help me to spot errors. Word pad doesn't have that option.]
Go download OpenOffice then, this is embarrassingly bad.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6688227/1/Ill_Protect_You
It's "okay", four letters.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
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no subject
Date: 2011-01-29 05:51 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-29 05:57 am (UTC)