Nare11, Day Thirty-one
Jan. 31st, 2011 11:59 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699783/1/The_Mysterious_Flygon
So a random girl randomly transforms into a pokemon. Oookay.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[shreiked. ]
Spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6696493/1/Not_A_Lot
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6696755/1/The_Golden_Feather
You do not need a chapter for an author's note and a nine line paragraph that's meant to hype your story. Just post the fucking story.
[Hello, My name is Alisa. But everybody calls me Lisa. ]
Don't capitalize at random, Alisa and Lisa are generally pronounced differently, and also what on earth is the point of a nickname that's just removing one letter?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6696755/2/The_Golden_Feather
[I'd say, she OVER-works, which means she works too much. ]
Your readers are not actually this stupid.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6696793/1/A_Journey
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
[I was woken up by the rough sandy tongue of my Mom's; I mean adopted moms, Persian licking my cheek. ]
Okay, just stop and look at this. You used the word twice, and yet you wrote it differently. Only one way could be right, so it must have been obvious you made a mistake somewhere here. And yet instead, you just kept going, because apparently you'd run out of giving a fuck by the third line of your story.
You got it wrong both times, by the way. It should have been "mom's".
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I was told that I was taken away by force by the child protection agency when I was young just because they happened to be leaders of a criminal organization. I know one thing though. I had a sister, and they didn't take her away from my real parents. ]
Because god forbid you even pretend that there's any cause and effect in your story rather than events happening because you say so.
Speaking of professors, they are named after trees. "Evergreen" is not a tree. It is a commonly used description of large number of plants that stay green during the winter, some of which are trees, which are in a different division than the ones professors are named after. To understand how huge of a difference this is, "division" is directly below "kingdom", as in, the difference between plants and you.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[I pulled on a dark purple skirt ]
Skirts are terrible for actual travel.
[Blossom my other bff ]
You have not introduced the first and fucking write out the actual word.
[Well, I already had my first Pokémon, Umbreon, when it was an Eevee; us too could not be separated, so that's why Eevee came with me when I left. ]
Neither have you mentioned an eevee doing anything, be it coming with her or even existing, and it wouldn't even make sense for one to be there now because you just said it was an umbreon, not that there's any sign of one of those either.
[Luna growled (The Umbreon) ]
Your lack of effort is reaching actually impressive levels. You could easily have edited it to "Luna, the umbreon, growled" when you realized you hadn't mentioned who Luna was, but that would have required moving your mouse and clicking or possibly using the arrow keys instead of just continuing to type, and so was clearly too much to ask.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6696950/2/One_of_the_Chosen
[When I thought I would be asleep forever, I woke up. ]
Never has it been so obvious it shouldn't be in first person. When you're asleep, you are not exactly aware of time. Either you're dreaming, in which case your perception of time passing is an illusion taking place in extremely short bursts, or you're not, in which case your perception of time is nonexistent.
[I thought my eyes were open, but all I could see was darkness. ]
Cliché aside, it is in fact very easy to tell if your eyes are open or not as long as your hands are free.
[From the clues collected by my senses, I claimed this to be a cave. ]
Your wording is generally awkward. "Claimed" does not work at all here, and many of your other sentences are little better. Get a beta reader.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6697342/1/Forever_and_Always
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6697400/1/The_Grief_The_Sorrow_The_Hate
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
["The defendant is guilty as charged and will serve a one year prison sentence. He will be taken to prison when the victim of the murder's ceremony is complete."]
That is not how anything works, ever. If someone is guilty of murder, they stay in jail. They're not let out and given time to beat their pokemon, because anyone who isn't an utter moron would instead use that time to run for it and use their pokemon for protection.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6697460/1/Ages
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
When used in place of a name, it's written Father, not father. It's only in constructions like my/her/the father that it's written as such.
[I shrug my shoulders. There's nothing I can really do about it. I may as well enjoy my preflight banquet as much as possible. I clap my hands and show my thanks for the meal. Of course, father cooked my favorite breakfast for the occasion.
I lick my lips in anticipation and slather honey butter over my waffles. I pour a generous helping of maple syrup over everything on my plate. I don't know where I get my taste buds from. Neither father nor mother like syrup on their soft-boiled eggs and spicy sausage. I, on the other hand, simply love it.]
It does not and will never matter your character is eating waffles before getting their pokemon.
...he knows what pokemon he's choosing after seeing an article about a famous dragon trainer? For one thing if he idolizes the guy he should already have thought of this. For another, this had better not mean they pass out dragon-type starters.
And now we stop without him having done anything that so much as resembles interesting. It's like you think "will this story stop being boring???" is a cliffhanger.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6697557/1/Its_A_Long_Story
[it would be too long of a story to say how I ended up here. If I had a few more minutes, maybe hours, then there would be time, but how I got here and why does not matter, just the fact I am here matters. Let me assure you, no one died in the making of me being stuck in a cheese-smelling jail cell, but the story sucks nonetheless so l will not let you suffer through this. ]
THEN SHUT UP ABOUT IT AND GET TO THE POINT.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
["Know what surprises me?" my guard asked. Not giving any time for a response, she then continued, "you have not escaped. You do have pokemon, don't you?" ]
Why the fuck would they let a prisoner keep their pokemon.
Why is the guard even talking to him? It's utterly pointless.
[I fainted. Haha yup, I flat out fainted, which is not very manly of me. But, hey, I'm a boy who can be a girl if he wants, so I blame this on my girl side. Yeah, that's it. Man, being a cross-dresser sometimes sucks. ]
DIAF.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698098/1/Arcadia_Satoshi_Effect
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
This is original fiction. Just using the same names as pokemon characters and saying the generic superpeople are "pokenoids" doesn't change that.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698102/1/Pancakes_Past
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698120/1/A_Scarred_Heart
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Flare flew into a range ]
Rage.
[Flare's life was harsh. He participated in a life-or-death championship, if he lost the battle, he lost his life. ]
That's idiotic. You'd use up too many skilled fighters if half of them die every fight.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[Swordflare felt completely different, "if no one in the world had mercy then we would all be heartless murders like you!" ]
If he's killing as part of a championship where it's kill or be killed, he's not a murderer.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[He knew his mother stood no change ]
Chance. Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698250/1/In_Sinnoh
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Don't center your text, it makes it frustrating to read.
[-A few minutes later- ]
Learn to write scene transitions.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[lets go ]
Let's. As in, let us.
...that was pointless. Articuno wanders around and makes poffins, so what?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698348/1/Luminescence
["I always assumed the moon must be in love with the night sky; every morning, when the sun rises and chases away the darkness, the moon follows it, every single time."]
Uh. No. No, it doesn't.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698648/1/Pokemon_Story
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[a Marril ]
It's "marill". Look up spellings.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698782/1/An_Oshawotts_Misery
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Write out numbers with letters.
[I was once mistreated too Oshawott, but I never gave up hope that someday a trainer would resuce me from my misery. Surely enough Justin saved my life after my formed abusive trainer shot me ]
Yeah that is totally the same as not getting picked by a trainer. Also, spellcheck.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698868/1/Joy_and_Brock_sitting_in_a_tree
Capitalize your title properly.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[alongside nurse Joy!" ]
If it's used as a title, it gets capitalized with the rest of her name.
Also, WTF. He's becoming a doctor with no real experience while she's staying a nurse?
Anyway, this was rushed and sloppy. You say she's in love with him, then declare he's returned to be a pokemon doctor, then a random thug threatens her and he rescues her and then you end. There's no actual conflict or plot.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698930/1/Double_the_Journey
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[What if his own mother confused them? So far, nothing like that has happened. ]
So he's a different gender with a different haircut and it's never happened, why is he obsessing over this?
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's "pokeball", one word.
[what lied ]
Lay.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699016/1/Memorable_Moments
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
["Well, those stupid antibiotics interfered with my birth control pills, and now I'm...I'm pregnant" she spat out. ]
How exactly does she know the antibiotics could do this, anyway? She's bitched about the doctor not telling her, but that means she has no reason to assume there's any connection in the first place. It's possible to get pregnant with any form of birth control short of completely removing the relevant organs.
Also, given birth control tends to mess with menstruation she shouldn't be able to tell easily. The clockwork progression of morning sickness is a tired and inaccurate cliché and only someone actually worrying about pregnancy would take it as a sign - and if she knew she was at risk and kept having sex anyway she's an idiot.
[I just can't bring myself to have a abortion ]
Because being a criminal who attacks ten year olds to steal their pokemon is okay, but abortion is Wrong. Of course given she was on birth control that she's apparently still been taking this whole time she's got even better than usual odds of miscarrying anyway.
And because she's female she's the weepy submissive half of the relationship, of course.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699103/1/The_Worst_Time_to_Battle
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[rouge ]
Is makeup. Rogue.
Anyway, inane.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699168/1/Pikachu_problems
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
[Next Morning: ]
Learn to write actual scene transitions.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699322/1/Project_Night_Fox
Sentences start with capital letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[the directors ]
Director's. Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699343/1/Rising_from_the_Flames
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699362/1/Pokemon_Purple
[The girls eyes ]
Girl's. Use apostrophes for possessives.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
[keep out the grass.]
Of.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
[(Near the girl's house..)]
Learn to write actual scene transitions.
[She cracked an eye open. "What'cha doing?"
"Nothing. Just preparing my self for my Pokemon journey in two years."
The girl sat up and started talking a little more. "My mother doesn't want me to start looking in the grass till I'm ten."
"Neither does mine, but it pays to do a little research before committing to raising pokemon."]
One of the only times I've seen a story with someone raising pokemon or showing any real interest before they became a trainer, it's nice to see.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699468/1/Rileys_Destiny
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699798/1/Julias_Story
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[On the path to a town, a young girl with a silver Eevee walked along. She looked to be about 13 years old with black hair with orange tips. She wore a white shirt with a thunderbolt on it, blue jean shorts, white shoes, and an Aura Sphere necklace. ]
So she's a sue, in sum.
[Misty gasped and asked, "Where did you get that necklace?"
The girl took the necklace in her hand and said, "What this? I'm not sure…I've had it since I was born."
Misty turned to Ash and said, "Ash that's the necklace that we gave our daughter."]
You know, I'm just going to assume this is a parody and quit now.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699844/1/Memento_Mori
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
It's "okay", four letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700353/1/ReflectAdvanceShipping_Big_changes_for_May
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I'm willing to forgive your debt if you and that Blaziken participate in a little month long eating contest. It's exclusively for females, to try and promote their patronage, but many will be coming from all over to participate with an acceptable Pokemon. ]
This is going to be creepy, isn't it.
["What? Really?" Sapphire asked, she seemed almost happy to May, because she really was. As well as being interested in bisexuality, Sapphire had become something of a Fat admirer. She became enraptured at the thought of bodies made larger, softer and more huggable by layer upon layer of flab.
She tried to imagine a fatter May. Her breasts were already impressive for an eleven-year-old. Sapphire could only imagine how monstrously large those mounds would become, and how soft they'd be once she had time to fondle them, and how much delicious milk they'd produce. She then looked at May's petite rear, and imagined how it would grow when properly plumped up. It would be accompanied by truly awesome thunder thighs, more than likely, as well as be nice and firm…Sooo fun to squeeze. Then there was her thin belly. Add some love handles and make it protrude out a foot or four, then she might be able to cling to it, like hugging a Snorlax. In Sapphire's mind it would be like a cellulite mattress…a nice thing to lay on and massage while May ate herself silly. Even though May looked a lot like Sapphire herself, the wild girl felt that she could love a fatter version of herself….Yes she definitely could. She would stare at that loving, angelic face, with large, soft cheeks and two or three extra chins to kiss on before reaching a pair of gentle, plump lips.
All of this mental stimulation was too much for Sapphire, she began to shiver and had to hold back a toothy grin.]
And there we go. I'm done.
See, this is why the pokemon category is so fucking messed up. This wasn't labeled "creepy fetish shit about underage girls". The summary was I do not own Pokemon. What happens when May and Sapphire meet, and May get blamed for one of her mistakes...Big changes! And then suddenly it's creepy fetish shit about underage girls.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700388/1/Jacobs_Adventure
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700388/2/Jacobs_Adventure
[He looked around to see a lot of Pokemon related furniture, which caused him to panic "What's going on?" he thought. He took a deep breath "Okay I'm probably dreaming, that's it." he closed his eyes "I'm going to close my eyes and when I wake up I'll be back outside playing my…" ]
Oh, come on. Is seeing some pokemon stuff actually that stressful that you'd act like it's some horrible nightmare?
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
...and Team Rocket happens to show up just at that moment, and because they've got the idiot ball, think it's a good idea to flatten a town for not immediately obeying, thus destroying anything of value to them, and it just happens they somehow have his pokemon and are using it.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700540/1/Prophecies_Guardian
[The dark night sky rumbled and flashed its unhappiness ]
You're really trying too hard here to sound poetic.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[bodies lay left and right, each showing signs of ruthless torture. ]
You know, torture is kind of time consuming. Doing it to the entire population of a town would take forever.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[he stared at the strange marks on the baby's hands. On the baby's left fist, an angry red circle glared at them and on the baby's right fist sat a gentle blue circle. "What do you think it means?" Devon asked ]
That it's a sue?
["It's Yellow. I'd recognize her anywhere." Archer furrowed his brow and said "Yellow, as in-" Devon nodded, interrupting Archer and took out a pistol from his belt. "Let's get this over with." He said in a monotone voice but Archer held up his hand. "Wait. If this is his son, and I'm not saying it is, but if it were, do you even know what we have? ]
Yep, that it's a sue. Also for fuck's sake, what, Yellow is totally worthless and all that matters is the kid's dad?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700610/1/Pokemon_A_Trainers_Journey
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Write out numbers with letters.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700671/1/Heroes_of_Hoenn
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Space your story properly.
["I'm turning ten, soon, Mom." May said]
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700689/1/Pokemon_Blacks_story_of_battle_and_love
Capitalize your title properly.
[Pokemon Balck ]
Spellcheck.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700715/1/Silence
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[stlyer ]
Spellcheck.
Don't use stated.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700762/1/New_Adventures_New_Lives
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I've been turned into a Pokemon! She thought ]
Thoughts follow the same capitalization/punctuation rules as dialogue.
Don't put multiple chapters in a single document. Either post them separately or better yet, cut out the chapter title mentions and just make it a single story.
[the shear height ]
Shear is to clip. Sheer.
[the pour looking pokemon ]
Poor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700861/1/Losing
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
So a random girl randomly transforms into a pokemon. Oookay.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[shreiked. ]
Spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6696493/1/Not_A_Lot
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6696755/1/The_Golden_Feather
You do not need a chapter for an author's note and a nine line paragraph that's meant to hype your story. Just post the fucking story.
[Hello, My name is Alisa. But everybody calls me Lisa. ]
Don't capitalize at random, Alisa and Lisa are generally pronounced differently, and also what on earth is the point of a nickname that's just removing one letter?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6696755/2/The_Golden_Feather
[I'd say, she OVER-works, which means she works too much. ]
Your readers are not actually this stupid.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6696793/1/A_Journey
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
[I was woken up by the rough sandy tongue of my Mom's; I mean adopted moms, Persian licking my cheek. ]
Okay, just stop and look at this. You used the word twice, and yet you wrote it differently. Only one way could be right, so it must have been obvious you made a mistake somewhere here. And yet instead, you just kept going, because apparently you'd run out of giving a fuck by the third line of your story.
You got it wrong both times, by the way. It should have been "mom's".
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I was told that I was taken away by force by the child protection agency when I was young just because they happened to be leaders of a criminal organization. I know one thing though. I had a sister, and they didn't take her away from my real parents. ]
Because god forbid you even pretend that there's any cause and effect in your story rather than events happening because you say so.
Speaking of professors, they are named after trees. "Evergreen" is not a tree. It is a commonly used description of large number of plants that stay green during the winter, some of which are trees, which are in a different division than the ones professors are named after. To understand how huge of a difference this is, "division" is directly below "kingdom", as in, the difference between plants and you.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[I pulled on a dark purple skirt ]
Skirts are terrible for actual travel.
[Blossom my other bff ]
You have not introduced the first and fucking write out the actual word.
[Well, I already had my first Pokémon, Umbreon, when it was an Eevee; us too could not be separated, so that's why Eevee came with me when I left. ]
Neither have you mentioned an eevee doing anything, be it coming with her or even existing, and it wouldn't even make sense for one to be there now because you just said it was an umbreon, not that there's any sign of one of those either.
[Luna growled (The Umbreon) ]
Your lack of effort is reaching actually impressive levels. You could easily have edited it to "Luna, the umbreon, growled" when you realized you hadn't mentioned who Luna was, but that would have required moving your mouse and clicking or possibly using the arrow keys instead of just continuing to type, and so was clearly too much to ask.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6696950/2/One_of_the_Chosen
[When I thought I would be asleep forever, I woke up. ]
Never has it been so obvious it shouldn't be in first person. When you're asleep, you are not exactly aware of time. Either you're dreaming, in which case your perception of time passing is an illusion taking place in extremely short bursts, or you're not, in which case your perception of time is nonexistent.
[I thought my eyes were open, but all I could see was darkness. ]
Cliché aside, it is in fact very easy to tell if your eyes are open or not as long as your hands are free.
[From the clues collected by my senses, I claimed this to be a cave. ]
Your wording is generally awkward. "Claimed" does not work at all here, and many of your other sentences are little better. Get a beta reader.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6697342/1/Forever_and_Always
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6697400/1/The_Grief_The_Sorrow_The_Hate
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
["The defendant is guilty as charged and will serve a one year prison sentence. He will be taken to prison when the victim of the murder's ceremony is complete."]
That is not how anything works, ever. If someone is guilty of murder, they stay in jail. They're not let out and given time to beat their pokemon, because anyone who isn't an utter moron would instead use that time to run for it and use their pokemon for protection.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6697460/1/Ages
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
When used in place of a name, it's written Father, not father. It's only in constructions like my/her/the father that it's written as such.
[I shrug my shoulders. There's nothing I can really do about it. I may as well enjoy my preflight banquet as much as possible. I clap my hands and show my thanks for the meal. Of course, father cooked my favorite breakfast for the occasion.
I lick my lips in anticipation and slather honey butter over my waffles. I pour a generous helping of maple syrup over everything on my plate. I don't know where I get my taste buds from. Neither father nor mother like syrup on their soft-boiled eggs and spicy sausage. I, on the other hand, simply love it.]
It does not and will never matter your character is eating waffles before getting their pokemon.
...he knows what pokemon he's choosing after seeing an article about a famous dragon trainer? For one thing if he idolizes the guy he should already have thought of this. For another, this had better not mean they pass out dragon-type starters.
And now we stop without him having done anything that so much as resembles interesting. It's like you think "will this story stop being boring???" is a cliffhanger.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6697557/1/Its_A_Long_Story
[it would be too long of a story to say how I ended up here. If I had a few more minutes, maybe hours, then there would be time, but how I got here and why does not matter, just the fact I am here matters. Let me assure you, no one died in the making of me being stuck in a cheese-smelling jail cell, but the story sucks nonetheless so l will not let you suffer through this. ]
THEN SHUT UP ABOUT IT AND GET TO THE POINT.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
["Know what surprises me?" my guard asked. Not giving any time for a response, she then continued, "you have not escaped. You do have pokemon, don't you?" ]
Why the fuck would they let a prisoner keep their pokemon.
Why is the guard even talking to him? It's utterly pointless.
[I fainted. Haha yup, I flat out fainted, which is not very manly of me. But, hey, I'm a boy who can be a girl if he wants, so I blame this on my girl side. Yeah, that's it. Man, being a cross-dresser sometimes sucks. ]
DIAF.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698098/1/Arcadia_Satoshi_Effect
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
This is original fiction. Just using the same names as pokemon characters and saying the generic superpeople are "pokenoids" doesn't change that.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698102/1/Pancakes_Past
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698120/1/A_Scarred_Heart
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Flare flew into a range ]
Rage.
[Flare's life was harsh. He participated in a life-or-death championship, if he lost the battle, he lost his life. ]
That's idiotic. You'd use up too many skilled fighters if half of them die every fight.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[Swordflare felt completely different, "if no one in the world had mercy then we would all be heartless murders like you!" ]
If he's killing as part of a championship where it's kill or be killed, he's not a murderer.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[He knew his mother stood no change ]
Chance. Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698250/1/In_Sinnoh
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Don't center your text, it makes it frustrating to read.
[-A few minutes later- ]
Learn to write scene transitions.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[lets go ]
Let's. As in, let us.
...that was pointless. Articuno wanders around and makes poffins, so what?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698348/1/Luminescence
["I always assumed the moon must be in love with the night sky; every morning, when the sun rises and chases away the darkness, the moon follows it, every single time."]
Uh. No. No, it doesn't.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698648/1/Pokemon_Story
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[a Marril ]
It's "marill". Look up spellings.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698782/1/An_Oshawotts_Misery
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Write out numbers with letters.
[I was once mistreated too Oshawott, but I never gave up hope that someday a trainer would resuce me from my misery. Surely enough Justin saved my life after my formed abusive trainer shot me ]
Yeah that is totally the same as not getting picked by a trainer. Also, spellcheck.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698868/1/Joy_and_Brock_sitting_in_a_tree
Capitalize your title properly.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[alongside nurse Joy!" ]
If it's used as a title, it gets capitalized with the rest of her name.
Also, WTF. He's becoming a doctor with no real experience while she's staying a nurse?
Anyway, this was rushed and sloppy. You say she's in love with him, then declare he's returned to be a pokemon doctor, then a random thug threatens her and he rescues her and then you end. There's no actual conflict or plot.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6698930/1/Double_the_Journey
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[What if his own mother confused them? So far, nothing like that has happened. ]
So he's a different gender with a different haircut and it's never happened, why is he obsessing over this?
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's "pokeball", one word.
[what lied ]
Lay.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699016/1/Memorable_Moments
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
["Well, those stupid antibiotics interfered with my birth control pills, and now I'm...I'm pregnant" she spat out. ]
How exactly does she know the antibiotics could do this, anyway? She's bitched about the doctor not telling her, but that means she has no reason to assume there's any connection in the first place. It's possible to get pregnant with any form of birth control short of completely removing the relevant organs.
Also, given birth control tends to mess with menstruation she shouldn't be able to tell easily. The clockwork progression of morning sickness is a tired and inaccurate cliché and only someone actually worrying about pregnancy would take it as a sign - and if she knew she was at risk and kept having sex anyway she's an idiot.
[I just can't bring myself to have a abortion ]
Because being a criminal who attacks ten year olds to steal their pokemon is okay, but abortion is Wrong. Of course given she was on birth control that she's apparently still been taking this whole time she's got even better than usual odds of miscarrying anyway.
And because she's female she's the weepy submissive half of the relationship, of course.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699103/1/The_Worst_Time_to_Battle
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[rouge ]
Is makeup. Rogue.
Anyway, inane.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699168/1/Pikachu_problems
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
[Next Morning: ]
Learn to write actual scene transitions.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699322/1/Project_Night_Fox
Sentences start with capital letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[the directors ]
Director's. Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699343/1/Rising_from_the_Flames
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699362/1/Pokemon_Purple
[The girls eyes ]
Girl's. Use apostrophes for possessives.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
[keep out the grass.]
Of.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
[(Near the girl's house..)]
Learn to write actual scene transitions.
[She cracked an eye open. "What'cha doing?"
"Nothing. Just preparing my self for my Pokemon journey in two years."
The girl sat up and started talking a little more. "My mother doesn't want me to start looking in the grass till I'm ten."
"Neither does mine, but it pays to do a little research before committing to raising pokemon."]
One of the only times I've seen a story with someone raising pokemon or showing any real interest before they became a trainer, it's nice to see.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699468/1/Rileys_Destiny
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699798/1/Julias_Story
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[On the path to a town, a young girl with a silver Eevee walked along. She looked to be about 13 years old with black hair with orange tips. She wore a white shirt with a thunderbolt on it, blue jean shorts, white shoes, and an Aura Sphere necklace. ]
So she's a sue, in sum.
[Misty gasped and asked, "Where did you get that necklace?"
The girl took the necklace in her hand and said, "What this? I'm not sure…I've had it since I was born."
Misty turned to Ash and said, "Ash that's the necklace that we gave our daughter."]
You know, I'm just going to assume this is a parody and quit now.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6699844/1/Memento_Mori
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
It's "okay", four letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700353/1/ReflectAdvanceShipping_Big_changes_for_May
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I'm willing to forgive your debt if you and that Blaziken participate in a little month long eating contest. It's exclusively for females, to try and promote their patronage, but many will be coming from all over to participate with an acceptable Pokemon. ]
This is going to be creepy, isn't it.
["What? Really?" Sapphire asked, she seemed almost happy to May, because she really was. As well as being interested in bisexuality, Sapphire had become something of a Fat admirer. She became enraptured at the thought of bodies made larger, softer and more huggable by layer upon layer of flab.
She tried to imagine a fatter May. Her breasts were already impressive for an eleven-year-old. Sapphire could only imagine how monstrously large those mounds would become, and how soft they'd be once she had time to fondle them, and how much delicious milk they'd produce. She then looked at May's petite rear, and imagined how it would grow when properly plumped up. It would be accompanied by truly awesome thunder thighs, more than likely, as well as be nice and firm…Sooo fun to squeeze. Then there was her thin belly. Add some love handles and make it protrude out a foot or four, then she might be able to cling to it, like hugging a Snorlax. In Sapphire's mind it would be like a cellulite mattress…a nice thing to lay on and massage while May ate herself silly. Even though May looked a lot like Sapphire herself, the wild girl felt that she could love a fatter version of herself….Yes she definitely could. She would stare at that loving, angelic face, with large, soft cheeks and two or three extra chins to kiss on before reaching a pair of gentle, plump lips.
All of this mental stimulation was too much for Sapphire, she began to shiver and had to hold back a toothy grin.]
And there we go. I'm done.
See, this is why the pokemon category is so fucking messed up. This wasn't labeled "creepy fetish shit about underage girls". The summary was I do not own Pokemon. What happens when May and Sapphire meet, and May get blamed for one of her mistakes...Big changes! And then suddenly it's creepy fetish shit about underage girls.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700388/1/Jacobs_Adventure
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700388/2/Jacobs_Adventure
[He looked around to see a lot of Pokemon related furniture, which caused him to panic "What's going on?" he thought. He took a deep breath "Okay I'm probably dreaming, that's it." he closed his eyes "I'm going to close my eyes and when I wake up I'll be back outside playing my…" ]
Oh, come on. Is seeing some pokemon stuff actually that stressful that you'd act like it's some horrible nightmare?
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
...and Team Rocket happens to show up just at that moment, and because they've got the idiot ball, think it's a good idea to flatten a town for not immediately obeying, thus destroying anything of value to them, and it just happens they somehow have his pokemon and are using it.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700540/1/Prophecies_Guardian
[The dark night sky rumbled and flashed its unhappiness ]
You're really trying too hard here to sound poetic.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[bodies lay left and right, each showing signs of ruthless torture. ]
You know, torture is kind of time consuming. Doing it to the entire population of a town would take forever.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[he stared at the strange marks on the baby's hands. On the baby's left fist, an angry red circle glared at them and on the baby's right fist sat a gentle blue circle. "What do you think it means?" Devon asked ]
That it's a sue?
["It's Yellow. I'd recognize her anywhere." Archer furrowed his brow and said "Yellow, as in-" Devon nodded, interrupting Archer and took out a pistol from his belt. "Let's get this over with." He said in a monotone voice but Archer held up his hand. "Wait. If this is his son, and I'm not saying it is, but if it were, do you even know what we have? ]
Yep, that it's a sue. Also for fuck's sake, what, Yellow is totally worthless and all that matters is the kid's dad?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700610/1/Pokemon_A_Trainers_Journey
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Write out numbers with letters.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700671/1/Heroes_of_Hoenn
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Space your story properly.
["I'm turning ten, soon, Mom." May said]
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700689/1/Pokemon_Blacks_story_of_battle_and_love
Capitalize your title properly.
[Pokemon Balck ]
Spellcheck.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700715/1/Silence
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
[stlyer ]
Spellcheck.
Don't use stated.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700762/1/New_Adventures_New_Lives
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I've been turned into a Pokemon! She thought ]
Thoughts follow the same capitalization/punctuation rules as dialogue.
Don't put multiple chapters in a single document. Either post them separately or better yet, cut out the chapter title mentions and just make it a single story.
[the shear height ]
Shear is to clip. Sheer.
[the pour looking pokemon ]
Poor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6700861/1/Losing
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-02-01 06:44 am (UTC)Is this the last day of NaRe?
no subject
Date: 2011-02-01 06:48 am (UTC)Going to finish up tomorrow. FFN time is later than my time so it's not possible to review all stories posted up to the 31st until Feb 1st.
no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 02:17 am (UTC)"[Luna growled (The Umbreon) ]
Your lack of effort is reaching actually impressive levels. You could easily have edited it to "Luna, the umbreon, growled" when you realized you hadn't mentioned who Luna was, but that would have required moving your mouse and clicking or possibly using the arrow keys instead of just continuing to type, and so was clearly too much to ask."
Do you realize how rude and condescending this is? How would you feel if you got this kind of review? I, personally, would feel that it detracts credibility from the reviewer, and I would feel reluctant to go along with their advice, since I don't know whether they honestly know their stuff and are doing this as legitimate concrit, or if they really are just insulting me to boost their own ego. And it *does* contribute to the notion that you're just a narcissistic bully. I know you've tired all sorts of reviewing strategies in the past and you'll probably just pull your "it doesn't matter how rude I am, people are going to whine no matter what" argument, but even a sane person is going to get annoyed over a comment like that. Think of it from the other person's point of view. Empathy is an important skill and the fact that you seem to throw it out the window so casually is not a good sign.
(Admittedly, this is the Pit of Voles we're talking about, sane people are few and far between. But still. You should tone the snarkier parts down a bit.)
no subject
Date: 2011-02-02 02:25 am (UTC)Feel free to do your own version of this. I'm not being sarcastic here, please, if you think there's a better way of doing this you should do so.
Do you realize how rude and condescending this is?
It's one thing to make an error. There's no reason to insult people who are trying their best, because they care about fixing problems. It's another thing to slap down utter crap you know is wrong because you don't think it matters. That kind of thing does deserve insulting to get across that it isn't okay.
How would you feel if you got this kind of review?
Like I'd done something that pissed someone off and made them think less of me, which was the point.
I know you've tired all sorts of reviewing strategies in the past and you'll probably just pull your "it doesn't matter how rude I am, people are going to whine no matter what" argument
No, they whine less if I'm mean actually. No, I don't know why.