Fanfiction
Jan. 29th, 2005 08:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farla::sigh::
The pokemon category is depressing me again.
Ikena has replaced her current chapter with an entirely new story, now named Taking the Challenge. I can't decide if the title's better because it's not 'destiny' in Japanese or worse because it's so bland and cliche. Anyway, it has fewer grammatical errors…
…but is otherwise worse. How much worse?
"Why can't I go on a pokemon journey?" Tim whined as their mother placed a plate of French Toast in front of him. Her mother sighed, and walked toward the fridge.
"You're too young" she said, taking out a cartoon of orange juice. Tim stared up out her.
"B-But I'm ten! Everyone starts when they're ten!"
"If everyone jumped off a bridge would you?"
"Mom!"
Her mother sighed and placed the cartoon of orange juice before them. Kaye quickly grabbed it and filled up her cup. "Tim, I don't know why I have to keep telling you this, ten is far too young! Once you're sixteen, like Kaye, you are allowed to start your own journey!
The original had problems and needed proofreading badly, but at least it wasn't a mash of all the typical elements of OT stories – ten is too young just because and all that. The first story didn't start with her waking up on the day she got her first pokemon, so of course now she is. She also had a minimalist style of description that was actually decent, if somewhat missing during some of her dialogue – so of course her new version involves unnecessary and semi-indecipherable paragraphs of description.
::sigh:: What is it with authors and responding to reviews about specific mistakes by writing an entirely new story? How on earth do they expect to improve if instead of fixing the problems in a plot they just make up a new one with new flaws?
But that doesn't bother me half as much as the skyzero's review for the story The Journey Forever by ffgemini.
skyzero's comments are filled with 'this is fine but some people might complain' qualifiers, which always annoys me – if you mind, say so, if you don't, shut up. But this bit is what really pissed me off.
Okay, now about Leah... Isn’t she a bit of an empty character. I mean, is she just there to stand around and look good (by the way, there’s nothing wrong with a beautiful girl to costar in the story, but a lot of people have major problems with it. I don’t know why.)? Even if she doesn’t want to train pokemon, why doesn’t she just get one from Oak? They’re free after all. Maybe you should just give her one pokemon, like a weak, “cute” pokemon, just for her to hold or something.
What? People might be annoyed by a female character whose only purpose is to look pretty and follow the boy around without having any goals herself? Well, quick, give her a useless cutsy pokemon, and make sure it's totally weak and unable to do anything but just be carried around. Yeah, that'll stop people from complaining.
The pokemon category is depressing me again.
Ikena has replaced her current chapter with an entirely new story, now named Taking the Challenge. I can't decide if the title's better because it's not 'destiny' in Japanese or worse because it's so bland and cliche. Anyway, it has fewer grammatical errors…
…but is otherwise worse. How much worse?
"Why can't I go on a pokemon journey?" Tim whined as their mother placed a plate of French Toast in front of him. Her mother sighed, and walked toward the fridge.
"You're too young" she said, taking out a cartoon of orange juice. Tim stared up out her.
"B-But I'm ten! Everyone starts when they're ten!"
"If everyone jumped off a bridge would you?"
"Mom!"
Her mother sighed and placed the cartoon of orange juice before them. Kaye quickly grabbed it and filled up her cup. "Tim, I don't know why I have to keep telling you this, ten is far too young! Once you're sixteen, like Kaye, you are allowed to start your own journey!
The original had problems and needed proofreading badly, but at least it wasn't a mash of all the typical elements of OT stories – ten is too young just because and all that. The first story didn't start with her waking up on the day she got her first pokemon, so of course now she is. She also had a minimalist style of description that was actually decent, if somewhat missing during some of her dialogue – so of course her new version involves unnecessary and semi-indecipherable paragraphs of description.
::sigh:: What is it with authors and responding to reviews about specific mistakes by writing an entirely new story? How on earth do they expect to improve if instead of fixing the problems in a plot they just make up a new one with new flaws?
But that doesn't bother me half as much as the skyzero's review for the story The Journey Forever by ffgemini.
skyzero's comments are filled with 'this is fine but some people might complain' qualifiers, which always annoys me – if you mind, say so, if you don't, shut up. But this bit is what really pissed me off.
Okay, now about Leah... Isn’t she a bit of an empty character. I mean, is she just there to stand around and look good (by the way, there’s nothing wrong with a beautiful girl to costar in the story, but a lot of people have major problems with it. I don’t know why.)? Even if she doesn’t want to train pokemon, why doesn’t she just get one from Oak? They’re free after all. Maybe you should just give her one pokemon, like a weak, “cute” pokemon, just for her to hold or something.
What? People might be annoyed by a female character whose only purpose is to look pretty and follow the boy around without having any goals herself? Well, quick, give her a useless cutsy pokemon, and make sure it's totally weak and unable to do anything but just be carried around. Yeah, that'll stop people from complaining.
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no subject
Date: 2005-01-30 03:09 am (UTC)Yeah, skyzero's review... irritating, very irritating.
by the way, there’s nothing wrong with a beautiful girl to costar in the story, but a lot of people have major problems with it. I don’t know why
*headdesk*
...by the way, have you seen Politics of a Society? The author's got thesaurus-derived purple prose (or perhaps LilyPichuism?) something horrible... *wanders off muttering something about "creamy mountains"...*
no subject
Date: 2005-01-30 08:31 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-30 04:10 am (UTC)And if it depresses you so much, why do you even go there? Oh, right, you're determined to change the world...
no subject
Date: 2005-01-30 08:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-30 02:19 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-01-30 08:38 pm (UTC)self-insertmain character as he and a friend travel as pokemon trainers, but isn't going to be a trainer or even have a pokemon (bcuz, liek, girls cant train POKMEON!!! tehy hav too lok prety adn bcomemyteh main charies gf!!!).::sigh:: Why can't the girltrainer!sues fight against fanfiction sexism rather than making up the idea the default pokemon world is against female trainers?