And we're done with that for now!
Nov. 4th, 2011 10:08 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlaChapter 27
Honestly, it doesn't make much sense for TD to drive him if it's that big a risk. Sleuth is intending to talk to the Crew, so him getting intercepted on the way there wouldn't matter much. And if she gets caught on the way out, she doesn't have any leverage like he does.
And if he's planning to leave by calling her for a ride out, there's a better chance of that plan working if they don't see her coming in and stop her while he's in there talking.
They’ve even got trees out here. Trees. Nothing says power like smuggling away a few specimens from a completely altruistic attempt to restore the planet funded by well-intentioned socialites.
This continues to not make much sense unless there's some reason that propagating the trees is incredibly hard so there's only a limited number. If the trees are the only ones of their species, or the size of them makes it clear they must be stolen-first gen ones, or if the replanting attempt hadn't been canceled and all trees are supposed to be used as part of that project, or something like that, then this would make sense. But just having trees isn't enough.
...and now the casino's trying to kick him out despite the fact that the MC presumably want him tied up in a back room until he talks.
...and now he's taken out both guys with ease and...
The casino manager has his wrists on his hips. “As if I truly expected four guards to stop you. As if Spades Slick expected the same.” The manager shoos Sleuth inward. “Go. You’ve earned your entrance in your typically brutish ways. Leave me be.”
This is jaw-droppingly sueish. The manager apparently only summoned those guys so Sleuth would get a chance to look badass.
And you know, by this point in the standard formula, the guy's supposed to be beaten up and not running at full capacity. It's part of where the suspense comes from - sure, Main Character survived the last fight, but now he's going into the next fight injured.
“Hello, sir.” The dealer says. “The game is blackjack.”
“Do I look blind to you?” Sleuth asks, sarcasm dripping from every word. “Do I look like the kind of guy who wouldn’t know a game of blackjack when I saw it?”
He also continues to be endlessly dickish.
“WELL” Boxcars starts. “I GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THE WHOLE THING SO I JUST LET ER GO”
“a bad feeling” Slick butts in with his own walkie-talkie. “shes a tiny mail carrier what the fuck are you afraid of”
PM's not a tiny anything. She's smaller than Boxcars, but most people are, and she's definitely not someone Slick would look at and think of as tiny.
Also, the extended joke here amounts to LOL scared of a girl. PM didn't just kill Boxcars with a lucky shot. She hacks up a sentry worm and very nearly kills AR as well. It'd be one thing for Boxcars to back off because she turned out to be dangerous, but here it's entirely framed as an irrational thing, an echo of what happened in the kid's universe.
“WE STOPPED SLEUTHS CAB DRIVER” Boxcars explains.
Dammit. At least Maillady got away.
“YOU WANT ME AND DEUCE TO ROUGH HER UP”
“nah we need everyone for sleuth” Slick says. “if he doesnt talk well talk to her”
And why don't they just jump right to "talk or we'll rough her up" here? They've already got the two of them and they can probably guess that threatening someone else gives them more leverage.
...Slick seriously tortures people in his own office? If nothing else, that's just not hygenic. He can't have both a rusty drain and a perfect piano, the humidity from the water in the drain alone would screw it up, plus any time someone got violent there'd be a chance of the piano getting caught in the fight.
And Droog thinks Slick is being unprofessional by getting riled up...so instead of shoving Slick out the door and doing it himself, he's refusing to help and ensuring angry riled Slick is the only one dealing with Sleuth, in the process just pissing Slick off more? This is horribly counterproductive.
...and now Droog's walking out of the room with Sleuth unrestrained and beating on Slick. So either Sleuth wins and walks off free, or Slick gets the upper hand and promptly murders him, neither of which Droog wants.
“I’ve worked a lot of cases. Some about businessmen screwing each other over. Some about gambling debts. A lot of them about trouble with you. But most of them are about a man and a woman.” Sleuth says. “I’ve seen a lot of burned lovers. You fit the bill perfectly.
Not...really? That's kind of the appeal <3< has to fandom, it's a sort of passionate obsessive hate.
And eh. Reducing the Snowman/Slick thing to just former lovers is, well, reducing it. Slick just being pissed she had sex with him then stopped having sex with him isn't interesting. And I really don't see where telling the Black King could fit into this, since Slick seems to still have kept not only his life but position. Why would she even bother with that?
“Not if you ever want to see the Sapphire of Alternia. Don’t think I haven’t covered all my bases about this, Slick. I have.” Sleuth bluffs. Sleuth really bluffs. If the Midnight Crew spent a minute with Deferrer they’d know exactly what he’s up to. And if they were just a bit braver with Maillady, well, Sleuth is glad that didn’t happen. Sleuth’ll hopefully coast by on reputation.
I'm pretty sure that by this point, Sleuth's reputation is that he bluffs constantly and doesn't really do the whole advanced planning thing. Just minutes ago he was bluffing with an empty gun, just to refresh their memories. He should be running into the problem that even when he isn't bluffing no one believes him by now.
We got his cab driver, but who knows how much she knows. Should we go torture her right now for information? Sleuth’s right here, Slick. No shit, Droog. I can see him too. No, my point is we should try to get as much out of him as we can before we move on.
Or they could torture her until he tells them. This is really obvious.
Also they still haven't tied Sleuth up.
Across the employee parking lot, Transportation Deferrer is busy unscrewing the bolts off of the tires of employee vehicles. A dozen cars and a half dozen trucks are resting on the ground with various amounts of tires missing. She notices Sleuth from far away and waves.
That's great and all, but isn't it easier just to slash their tires? More permanent, too.
Well at least Slick finally stabbed someone. They still don't seem to have figured out that even if she doesn't know stuff, they can still torture her. Sleuth even just said he's trying to protect her.
...why isn't she driving? Sleuth doesn't even have a car while she's super awesome at it. Sure, she's got a gut wound, but Sleuth's been getting beaten up and just walks it off mostly, and she'd probably get them there faster even impaired.
Chapter 28
“There’s a hidden compartment underneath the steering column. I stashed it there as soon as I saw Deuce and Boxcars.” Deferrer says.
...but if that's the best option for hiding it, why the whole wearing it thing in the first place?
And now some random guy is implying Sleuth gets people stabbed all the time. And then whining he doesn't want to do his job and Sleuth has to point a gun at him to do it. I don't even know what's going on here.
So Lawyerfriend knew about the staff as well. You know, why bother with the whole lying thing if anyone who touches it can tell what it really is? It's just discrediting them when it's found out and making it that much more likely the person would turn on them.
Also I guess Sleuth doesn't think he's much of a friend if he's trying to trick the guy into walking into the same trap he's set up with the Felt and Crew.
Oh well. The apartment getting burned was nice.
Chapter 29
Maillady has a proud smile. “You heard about that?”
“From the cowardly giant himself.” Sleuth says. “You had Boxcars really spooked. What’d you do to him?” Sleuth asks.
“He leapt at me from nowhere!” Maillady says with wild arm gestures. “If Clubs Deuce hadn’t waved hi I would’ve never seen him in time. So I swung my letter opener at him and then he got this really weird look on his face like he’d just seen a ghost, and then he just dragged Deuce away.”
As bad as TD is, at least she's not getting written like she's six years old.
Maillady slumps. “Okay, so maybe when Boxcars jumped at me, the tiny scepter part may have flung away and almost got swept away into a storm drain because of a leaky fire hydrant. But it’s no big deal. I found it. After the hour or two it took me to realize I didn’t feel like I could smash the whole city in an instant.”
Six years old and incompetent. I don't think the staff even could come apart like that given it's just a different form of a solid object.
And now we're back to jealous sniping. Ugh.
And he's telling her to ditch the mail.
“Look, if you won’t do it for yourself,” Sleuth says with a gentle smile, “Do it because I told you to.” He says with a smirk.
jesus christ
and he's even smirking too
Now, you know that you’re a few pieces short of a checkmate, but that doesn’t mean you’re a complete slouch when it comes to matters of brainprowess. You’re absolutely certain you’re using that word right. You’ve never been more sure.
Well this is going nowhere good...
...and wow, even I didn't expect it to be that bad.
“You’re worried she’s not gonna make it, so you’re getting a head start on training somebody new to ferry you around town! Well, I won’t have any of it! I’m Persevering Maillady and I deliver mail!”
Sleuth reaches a hand towards his head and rubs his temple. “Is Snowman really going to be the least aggravating interaction I have with a woman today?” Sleuth says just barely audibly.
I think the best part here is that actually that kind of bullshit is totally what Sleuth would do. He's already made it clear he doesn't actually care about her job, just the way in which her job might help him, and he's already making her do other things. He wasn't thinking about it, but probably because he doesn't bother thinking about that kind of thing until he's inconvenienced by the lack of some helper.
The woman looks back to Sleuth. She takes a small sniff and sneers. “Take a bath, tramp.” She walks out of the office.
Considering her husband is actually missing and he just said to check a brothel, she really isn't coming off as bad as you probably think.
“I’d love to, but my hardboiled business got my apartment firebombed. Pretty damned hardboiled, don’tcha think?” Sleuth says to her as she closes the door.
And the fact he just keeps pushing even after that makes him look like he's not just an asshole but desperate to be one.
I’m going to destroy the fake in front of all of them.
You know, that's another thing. WK knows there's a fake. Unless Sleuth destroys two at the same time, he won't buy it, and destroying two at once will just confuse the other two groups. Well, that or if he can somehow make a second fake, then show it to WK as proof the real one's gone, but I figure that he doesn't have time for that. Hm, although it wouldn't have to look that real if it's getting torn apart. So making a third, tearing it up, then showing WK the original copy would be best.
Actually, that really should have been WQ's plan - send him two fake necklaces, rather than one. That'd also have made it clearer how much of this was her own plan, and she would know how to get a copy made since she had the first one made.
Chapter 30
Hm, a discussion of the monarchs! That's nice to see. It has some unpleasant subtext though, since it seems to be treating both of them as the same, or else WQ as worse. WQ hired PS for an actual job and she's paying him extremely well. WK just tried to talk PS into doing what he wanted. The only one using their former position would seem to be the king.
And yet -
“You would let yourself be ruled by a king again, if not in name, then in effect, just to refuse a queen?”
The question hits Sleuth hard. “No.” Sleuth responds firmly.
Sleuth is making it clear that, despite this, he views the queen as the far worse option and he'd have refused her just from spite. It's only in the face of an outright return to monarch that he'd help her out.
Sleuth looks up into the sky. It’s cloudy, like it hasn’t been for a while, like the way it looked to the people who used to live here hundreds of years ago.
Then why is it cloudy?
A small trail of smoke floats up from Snowman’s cigarette holder as her legs walk smoothly in Sleuth’s direction. “Oh, dear. We’ve walked into a gathering of inadequate men.” Snowman says as she stops just short of the intersection, Crowbar at her side and an entourage of deadly green men behind her. “I cannot begin to express how perfectly you would fit in, Crowbar.”
So the continual badmouthing of one's own group in front of rivals still doesn't make sense, but you know what? I'm still pissed at Crowbar, so I'm going to give her that one. He has been pretty damn incompetent.
“youre a fucking dead man sleuth” Slick says as Deuce packs up the briefcase of money.
“Spades Slick, you wound me!” Snowman says. “It’s been years, no decades, since we last talked and your first words upon seeing me are to a man? I feel slighted, if not a bit envious. I demand an apology
I sincerely doubt they haven't spoken for decades. That would require either she's completely avoided him for decades or he's managed to hold his tongue and not call her a huge bitch when their paths cross, neither of which I find plausible.
Going on about Slick being gay, also not really that plausible. It's not even a good way of needling him compared to provoking him over still being interested in her.
...and now Slick wants to just walk off? There's two groups of people he hates and one person he hates but can't harm so he's got to take the aggravation out on someone else, and something he wants and doesn't want her to get. Leaving is the last thing he'd do. He has a corpse to rob and a bunch of green torsos to puncture when they get in the way of that.
Slick turns around and determinedly takes a step forward. “hey crowbar” Slick says. “hows the bitch treating you”
Crowbar eyes a glaring Snowman. “We’re doing fine.”
oh my god Crowbar WHY ARE YOU TALKING THIS DOESN'T END WELL FOR YOU
Maybe if you weren't so dumb Snowman would stop insulting you constantly!
Snowman laughs in an unnervingly artificial way. “Oh, Crowbar, we shall have plenty to discuss about respect at a later time. I sincerely hope you will survive the discussion. I would be distraught without the pleasure of your company.”
See, the main problem with this is how incredibly weak she looks. There's some textual claim that she's a decent fighter in her own right, but in practice it seems more like people letting her because she's just a girl. She doesn't actually do anything to shut Crowbar up. She has to threaten him later, and she's faking tolerating him now, which leaves the implication she can't really do anything.
“I don’t care. Let’s just kill them all and be done with it.” Crowbar says impatiently. “We’ve got the manpower for it.”
“No you don’t.” Dick pipes up.
“Don’t you remember what you’re here for?” Sleuth asks Crowbar, hand stuck in his pocket. “If anybody so much as pulls out a pistol or a knife or a crowbar I’ll kill every single one of you.”
That's what headshots are for. Also, Sleuth picked this particular location because he knew none of them would want to damage it. If mobsters are willing to hold back, it'd follow he'd be even less likely to be willing to turn giant and blow the whole place up, and they should know it.
...and now Snowman gives a long speech that just sounds ridiculous. Look, he's pissed them both off, they should stop trying to make nice with each other and just go for murder.
“I’m with Droog!” Crowbar says loudly. He steps forward with an exaggerated point of his finger. “Felt, kill th-”
Snowman quiets Crowbar with the fastest backhand Sleuth’s ever seen. Crowbar falls backwards into Sawbuck. “Imbecile!” She shouts. She looks back at Sleuth. “Missing people?” She asks slowly.
Finally, some violence. She also needs to stop saying things like that. She doesn't need to shout things when she can just beat it in.
Also, she shouldn't be confused. There's already two groups there, he just used the word auction as well, anyone can put two and one together to get three. It's time for a lance to the face.
Haha, Snowman and WK exchanging pleasantries. They should be murder buddies. They can have tea together.
...and for some reason Sleuth is still dragging this out instead of just chainsawing the thing apart already.
And now they're seriously bidding. This makes no sense. They must know that none of them will let whoever wins leave alive, and two of the three regularly murder people so they'll also take Sleuth out as soon as the thing leaves his hand for this whole mess. Plus even if we go with the idea WK is a decent guy at all, which really hasn't been shown well at all, I'm sure he could justify killing someone who's a traitor - and say what you will about whether Sleuth owes him loyalty, he's a traitor to their entire species if he's going to give the megadeath doom weapon to the Crew or the Felt. Especially the Crew.
Then there's the fact that possessing it means all the money is basically theirs once they sift through the ashes, so stuff like Crowbar's whining about the Felt's finances makes no sense. Plus no one has it on hand so it's all just promises, and it's not like Sleuth will be able to collect it even if he wasn't a corpse.
“We will annihilate you if you don’t give us the Sapphire of Alternia.” Snowman says. “Final offer.”
Thank you Snowman. Really, I don't know why you bothered with the whole bidding farce. Just start killing.
The piece shatters. It explodes brightly right in Sleuth’s face and he can’t help but hold a hand up to cover his eyes and stumble backwards from the blinding flash.
As he slowly blinks his way back into sight he looks around. Everyone else didn’t fare much better. He looks around, at the ground, at the path, in the chainsaw. There’s no trace of the fake Sapphire of Alternia anywhere.
...but that's not what happens when the Black King's Staff gets cut in half.
And now he's running around being a super fighter who dodges bullets again. Bleh.
Slick looks back at you. He’s mad, but understanding. He knows why you did it too. And he knows you could’ve killed him for it just now.
HE'S A MASS MURDERER!
The fact TD personally survived doesn't change the fact he's killed lots of other people! They still count even if Sleuth didn't personally know them!
You have no idea how much longer you’re gonna live though. You don’t pull stunts like you just did on Spades Slick and Snowman and expect to live very long. They might find it in their smoldering black hearts enough hatred to work together to kill you.
In fact, I think the only question now is will that happen, or will they instead compete over who can murder him first. He's well and truly fucked. I could maybe see them letting him life if only he hadn't made it a point to dick around with them in the process. But wow, did he ever. He's going to get cut into tiny tiny pieces now.
Chapter 31
I suppose it makes sense to hide in his hideout. But given just how angry they are, I don't see why they don't burn the entire building to the ground.
Sleuth watches carefully as she pulls two pearl bracelets off her wrist and a white pin with a blue tip off her lapel. She lets the pearls go, and they float quickly to the growing white pin. She collects the expanding pieces and puts the Sapphire of Alternia in Sleuth’s outstretched hand.
Clever! Much smarter than his plan of her just carrying around the necklace in its known form.
Well, at least PM demanded money for this and not that he take her for dinner.
Sleuth smirks and shakes his head. “Why can’t my two favorite girls play nice with each other?”
a) Because they're not yours you smirking fuck
b) Hey, your girlfriend? Remember her?
She was probably going to stiff you for your money anyway. The check’ll probably bounce or it’ll get conveniently lost, and she’ll blame the bank and her husband for it.
He's just generally a dick assuming the worst of her. There's no reason at all to think this, and it's not like she even has motive when she's apparently richer than sin.
Keynoter sighs. “Well, it’s obvious what she wants to happen here.” He says. “I love that woman, but sometimes she is absolutely infuriating.”
Ugh. Maybe next he can start on how it's like men and women are from different planets because they're so alien and weird.
“I’m at my wit’s end, Sleuth. They’ll be the death of all of us if we don’t do anything about it.” He says. “What else is there? I’m not content to do nothing.”
Sleuth shrugs and shakes his head. “I don’t have an answer for you.”
Hey, remember last chapter where he could have killed Slick but didn't? And, honestly, a bunch of times before then where he's avoided getting Slick killed and generally talked him up like he's the least of various evils for absolutely no discernible reason?
Because I still do. The answer is to fucking kill him. He's killable. You shoot and he's dead and it's done with.
Sleuth can't just shrug like it's a choice between letting a mass murderer run free and blowing up half the city. There's another option, it's the one he's repeatedly refused.
“So you’re on my wife’s side in all of this?”
“She hired me first, if that’s what you’re asking.” Sleuth says.
“That wasn’t what I was asking.”
“I’m not taking any side.” Sleuth says. He smirks and tries to put a cigarette in his mouth, remembering he has none. “I’ve had to deal with plenty of spats between man and woman in my line of work, and I learned damned quick taking a side is a fast way to finishing a job empty-handed.”
Sleuth. Shut the fuck up, you took his side like five times. The only thing you were really torn between was between him and your desire to fawn over the Crew and all the cases you get because of them.
“Is that so?” Wealthy Quantifier asks annoyingly eagerly. “What did you two talk about?”
So WK is all cool and calm all the time, but every other time she shows up the narration generally points out how any attempt at the same on her part is a farce. If she really manipulated all this, I think she'd do a tiny bit better at hiding things like this.
“And why can’t you tell him this, instead of putting me in his way?” Sleuth asks in aggravation.
“He respects you. His current anger will never diminish the respect and pride he has towards you. He will always listen to what you have to say, no matter how he feels at the time.” She says. “I am his wife, and I unfortunately can not say I have the same privilege.”
Well, that's infuriating.
“Problem Sleuth, you mus-”
“Monarchy?” Sleuth interrupts.
The question halts Wealthy Quantifier in her tracks. She takes a few moments to collect herself. “I,” She starts, “Misspoke.”
How, exactly? She didn't say monarchy, and it looks like she was just going to say something inoculous like "must understand".
“Oh, please. I am not some powerless socialite whose reach only extends to organizing charity events.
Why would anyone think that in the first place? Is that all she's normally doing?
And she was spying on him with the two women he's been dragging around. You know, at a certain point it just starts to beg the question of why she needed him to do everything if she was around.
Also isn't TD a Dersite? Didn't Sleuth say he has a hardwired bad reaction toward Snowman? So shouldn't she have the same ENEMY response toward WQ?
Sleuth sighs in frustration. “You could’ve had Maillady just take the Sapphire to you after I hid out.” Sleuth says, frustrated by the revelation.
“She did.” Quantifier says, trying to hold back a smile. “I returned it to her as soon as I knew you were emerging from hiding.”
“But why?” Sleuth asks. “Giving it back to me is pointless.”
“Problem Sleuth, Problem Sleuth, Problem Sleuth. You would be angry with her if I simply took it
...why would he? I'd be pissed about returning it just so someone can make me hand it over again. As long as WQ still shows up with the money, all it means is his life is marginally less stressful, and it avoids dicking around with him for no reason.
Sleuth groans. “You know, I don’t think I ever want to work for you again.” Sleuth says. “I know the money’s good, but nothing personal, you were the biggest pain in the ass client I’ve ever had.”
“I certainly was.” Quantifier admits. “I will accommodate you for the time being, Problem Sleuth. If all goes well, I will not need to hire you again.”
The comment doesn’t sit right with Sleuth. “What I meant to say was,” Sleuth says. “I’m not working for you again.”
See, as far as I can tell, she asked for his help because he and everyone else was kind of in imminent danger. And while her deceptions are bizarre and unnecessary, they were also completely unrelated to all the trouble he got into, so he can't blame her for any of that. This whole thing just comes off as more dickery.
Oh god you know I was annoyed by how his girlfriend basically didn't exist but making her complaints into a joke and then having him kiss her while she's yelling at him makes me wish we could have ended a few paragraphs back.
Chapter 32
...well, I guess as resolutions go, WQ having some plan isn't the worst. It's still an incredibly unsatisfying one. There's no way to judge if her plan was a good idea or worth any of this from our end, and while not knowing her plan might work from a reader's viewpoint, the fact no one knows it so we can't even guess from their reactions is too much. And either WQ refused to say she had any other use for it, or WQ saying she had some hugely important plan she couldn't talk about because of Scratch wasn't good enough for her husband. Either one makes both of them look terrible - in the first, WQ is terrible and nuts for refusing even to say she can't explain, and WK looks like both an idiot and a condescending prick for treating that as normal female behavior. In the second, WK obviously doesn't trust or respect her, and WQ seems stupid or delusional for staying with him despite that.
Plus the sudden addition of a second fake feels sloppy - it would have worked just as well to lure him out and then simply say she wasn't carrying it, rather than delivering a fake and then letting him realize that.
And we're done! Which means, we're probably not going to get real wank from this month, the author emailed me saying he's going to try to fix up the story.
There needs to be a word for the heady mixture of relief and disappointment. On the one hand, no fireworks! On the other, no fires to deal with.
...I will probably prod the fandom again in short order.
Honestly, it doesn't make much sense for TD to drive him if it's that big a risk. Sleuth is intending to talk to the Crew, so him getting intercepted on the way there wouldn't matter much. And if she gets caught on the way out, she doesn't have any leverage like he does.
And if he's planning to leave by calling her for a ride out, there's a better chance of that plan working if they don't see her coming in and stop her while he's in there talking.
They’ve even got trees out here. Trees. Nothing says power like smuggling away a few specimens from a completely altruistic attempt to restore the planet funded by well-intentioned socialites.
This continues to not make much sense unless there's some reason that propagating the trees is incredibly hard so there's only a limited number. If the trees are the only ones of their species, or the size of them makes it clear they must be stolen-first gen ones, or if the replanting attempt hadn't been canceled and all trees are supposed to be used as part of that project, or something like that, then this would make sense. But just having trees isn't enough.
...and now the casino's trying to kick him out despite the fact that the MC presumably want him tied up in a back room until he talks.
...and now he's taken out both guys with ease and...
The casino manager has his wrists on his hips. “As if I truly expected four guards to stop you. As if Spades Slick expected the same.” The manager shoos Sleuth inward. “Go. You’ve earned your entrance in your typically brutish ways. Leave me be.”
This is jaw-droppingly sueish. The manager apparently only summoned those guys so Sleuth would get a chance to look badass.
And you know, by this point in the standard formula, the guy's supposed to be beaten up and not running at full capacity. It's part of where the suspense comes from - sure, Main Character survived the last fight, but now he's going into the next fight injured.
“Hello, sir.” The dealer says. “The game is blackjack.”
“Do I look blind to you?” Sleuth asks, sarcasm dripping from every word. “Do I look like the kind of guy who wouldn’t know a game of blackjack when I saw it?”
He also continues to be endlessly dickish.
“WELL” Boxcars starts. “I GOT A BAD FEELING ABOUT THE WHOLE THING SO I JUST LET ER GO”
“a bad feeling” Slick butts in with his own walkie-talkie. “shes a tiny mail carrier what the fuck are you afraid of”
PM's not a tiny anything. She's smaller than Boxcars, but most people are, and she's definitely not someone Slick would look at and think of as tiny.
Also, the extended joke here amounts to LOL scared of a girl. PM didn't just kill Boxcars with a lucky shot. She hacks up a sentry worm and very nearly kills AR as well. It'd be one thing for Boxcars to back off because she turned out to be dangerous, but here it's entirely framed as an irrational thing, an echo of what happened in the kid's universe.
“WE STOPPED SLEUTHS CAB DRIVER” Boxcars explains.
Dammit. At least Maillady got away.
“YOU WANT ME AND DEUCE TO ROUGH HER UP”
“nah we need everyone for sleuth” Slick says. “if he doesnt talk well talk to her”
And why don't they just jump right to "talk or we'll rough her up" here? They've already got the two of them and they can probably guess that threatening someone else gives them more leverage.
...Slick seriously tortures people in his own office? If nothing else, that's just not hygenic. He can't have both a rusty drain and a perfect piano, the humidity from the water in the drain alone would screw it up, plus any time someone got violent there'd be a chance of the piano getting caught in the fight.
And Droog thinks Slick is being unprofessional by getting riled up...so instead of shoving Slick out the door and doing it himself, he's refusing to help and ensuring angry riled Slick is the only one dealing with Sleuth, in the process just pissing Slick off more? This is horribly counterproductive.
...and now Droog's walking out of the room with Sleuth unrestrained and beating on Slick. So either Sleuth wins and walks off free, or Slick gets the upper hand and promptly murders him, neither of which Droog wants.
“I’ve worked a lot of cases. Some about businessmen screwing each other over. Some about gambling debts. A lot of them about trouble with you. But most of them are about a man and a woman.” Sleuth says. “I’ve seen a lot of burned lovers. You fit the bill perfectly.
Not...really? That's kind of the appeal <3< has to fandom, it's a sort of passionate obsessive hate.
And eh. Reducing the Snowman/Slick thing to just former lovers is, well, reducing it. Slick just being pissed she had sex with him then stopped having sex with him isn't interesting. And I really don't see where telling the Black King could fit into this, since Slick seems to still have kept not only his life but position. Why would she even bother with that?
“Not if you ever want to see the Sapphire of Alternia. Don’t think I haven’t covered all my bases about this, Slick. I have.” Sleuth bluffs. Sleuth really bluffs. If the Midnight Crew spent a minute with Deferrer they’d know exactly what he’s up to. And if they were just a bit braver with Maillady, well, Sleuth is glad that didn’t happen. Sleuth’ll hopefully coast by on reputation.
I'm pretty sure that by this point, Sleuth's reputation is that he bluffs constantly and doesn't really do the whole advanced planning thing. Just minutes ago he was bluffing with an empty gun, just to refresh their memories. He should be running into the problem that even when he isn't bluffing no one believes him by now.
We got his cab driver, but who knows how much she knows. Should we go torture her right now for information? Sleuth’s right here, Slick. No shit, Droog. I can see him too. No, my point is we should try to get as much out of him as we can before we move on.
Or they could torture her until he tells them. This is really obvious.
Also they still haven't tied Sleuth up.
Across the employee parking lot, Transportation Deferrer is busy unscrewing the bolts off of the tires of employee vehicles. A dozen cars and a half dozen trucks are resting on the ground with various amounts of tires missing. She notices Sleuth from far away and waves.
That's great and all, but isn't it easier just to slash their tires? More permanent, too.
Well at least Slick finally stabbed someone. They still don't seem to have figured out that even if she doesn't know stuff, they can still torture her. Sleuth even just said he's trying to protect her.
...why isn't she driving? Sleuth doesn't even have a car while she's super awesome at it. Sure, she's got a gut wound, but Sleuth's been getting beaten up and just walks it off mostly, and she'd probably get them there faster even impaired.
Chapter 28
“There’s a hidden compartment underneath the steering column. I stashed it there as soon as I saw Deuce and Boxcars.” Deferrer says.
...but if that's the best option for hiding it, why the whole wearing it thing in the first place?
And now some random guy is implying Sleuth gets people stabbed all the time. And then whining he doesn't want to do his job and Sleuth has to point a gun at him to do it. I don't even know what's going on here.
So Lawyerfriend knew about the staff as well. You know, why bother with the whole lying thing if anyone who touches it can tell what it really is? It's just discrediting them when it's found out and making it that much more likely the person would turn on them.
Also I guess Sleuth doesn't think he's much of a friend if he's trying to trick the guy into walking into the same trap he's set up with the Felt and Crew.
Oh well. The apartment getting burned was nice.
Chapter 29
Maillady has a proud smile. “You heard about that?”
“From the cowardly giant himself.” Sleuth says. “You had Boxcars really spooked. What’d you do to him?” Sleuth asks.
“He leapt at me from nowhere!” Maillady says with wild arm gestures. “If Clubs Deuce hadn’t waved hi I would’ve never seen him in time. So I swung my letter opener at him and then he got this really weird look on his face like he’d just seen a ghost, and then he just dragged Deuce away.”
As bad as TD is, at least she's not getting written like she's six years old.
Maillady slumps. “Okay, so maybe when Boxcars jumped at me, the tiny scepter part may have flung away and almost got swept away into a storm drain because of a leaky fire hydrant. But it’s no big deal. I found it. After the hour or two it took me to realize I didn’t feel like I could smash the whole city in an instant.”
Six years old and incompetent. I don't think the staff even could come apart like that given it's just a different form of a solid object.
And now we're back to jealous sniping. Ugh.
And he's telling her to ditch the mail.
“Look, if you won’t do it for yourself,” Sleuth says with a gentle smile, “Do it because I told you to.” He says with a smirk.
jesus christ
and he's even smirking too
Now, you know that you’re a few pieces short of a checkmate, but that doesn’t mean you’re a complete slouch when it comes to matters of brainprowess. You’re absolutely certain you’re using that word right. You’ve never been more sure.
Well this is going nowhere good...
...and wow, even I didn't expect it to be that bad.
“You’re worried she’s not gonna make it, so you’re getting a head start on training somebody new to ferry you around town! Well, I won’t have any of it! I’m Persevering Maillady and I deliver mail!”
Sleuth reaches a hand towards his head and rubs his temple. “Is Snowman really going to be the least aggravating interaction I have with a woman today?” Sleuth says just barely audibly.
I think the best part here is that actually that kind of bullshit is totally what Sleuth would do. He's already made it clear he doesn't actually care about her job, just the way in which her job might help him, and he's already making her do other things. He wasn't thinking about it, but probably because he doesn't bother thinking about that kind of thing until he's inconvenienced by the lack of some helper.
The woman looks back to Sleuth. She takes a small sniff and sneers. “Take a bath, tramp.” She walks out of the office.
Considering her husband is actually missing and he just said to check a brothel, she really isn't coming off as bad as you probably think.
“I’d love to, but my hardboiled business got my apartment firebombed. Pretty damned hardboiled, don’tcha think?” Sleuth says to her as she closes the door.
And the fact he just keeps pushing even after that makes him look like he's not just an asshole but desperate to be one.
I’m going to destroy the fake in front of all of them.
You know, that's another thing. WK knows there's a fake. Unless Sleuth destroys two at the same time, he won't buy it, and destroying two at once will just confuse the other two groups. Well, that or if he can somehow make a second fake, then show it to WK as proof the real one's gone, but I figure that he doesn't have time for that. Hm, although it wouldn't have to look that real if it's getting torn apart. So making a third, tearing it up, then showing WK the original copy would be best.
Actually, that really should have been WQ's plan - send him two fake necklaces, rather than one. That'd also have made it clearer how much of this was her own plan, and she would know how to get a copy made since she had the first one made.
Chapter 30
Hm, a discussion of the monarchs! That's nice to see. It has some unpleasant subtext though, since it seems to be treating both of them as the same, or else WQ as worse. WQ hired PS for an actual job and she's paying him extremely well. WK just tried to talk PS into doing what he wanted. The only one using their former position would seem to be the king.
And yet -
“You would let yourself be ruled by a king again, if not in name, then in effect, just to refuse a queen?”
The question hits Sleuth hard. “No.” Sleuth responds firmly.
Sleuth is making it clear that, despite this, he views the queen as the far worse option and he'd have refused her just from spite. It's only in the face of an outright return to monarch that he'd help her out.
Sleuth looks up into the sky. It’s cloudy, like it hasn’t been for a while, like the way it looked to the people who used to live here hundreds of years ago.
Then why is it cloudy?
A small trail of smoke floats up from Snowman’s cigarette holder as her legs walk smoothly in Sleuth’s direction. “Oh, dear. We’ve walked into a gathering of inadequate men.” Snowman says as she stops just short of the intersection, Crowbar at her side and an entourage of deadly green men behind her. “I cannot begin to express how perfectly you would fit in, Crowbar.”
So the continual badmouthing of one's own group in front of rivals still doesn't make sense, but you know what? I'm still pissed at Crowbar, so I'm going to give her that one. He has been pretty damn incompetent.
“youre a fucking dead man sleuth” Slick says as Deuce packs up the briefcase of money.
“Spades Slick, you wound me!” Snowman says. “It’s been years, no decades, since we last talked and your first words upon seeing me are to a man? I feel slighted, if not a bit envious. I demand an apology
I sincerely doubt they haven't spoken for decades. That would require either she's completely avoided him for decades or he's managed to hold his tongue and not call her a huge bitch when their paths cross, neither of which I find plausible.
Going on about Slick being gay, also not really that plausible. It's not even a good way of needling him compared to provoking him over still being interested in her.
...and now Slick wants to just walk off? There's two groups of people he hates and one person he hates but can't harm so he's got to take the aggravation out on someone else, and something he wants and doesn't want her to get. Leaving is the last thing he'd do. He has a corpse to rob and a bunch of green torsos to puncture when they get in the way of that.
Slick turns around and determinedly takes a step forward. “hey crowbar” Slick says. “hows the bitch treating you”
Crowbar eyes a glaring Snowman. “We’re doing fine.”
oh my god Crowbar WHY ARE YOU TALKING THIS DOESN'T END WELL FOR YOU
Maybe if you weren't so dumb Snowman would stop insulting you constantly!
Snowman laughs in an unnervingly artificial way. “Oh, Crowbar, we shall have plenty to discuss about respect at a later time. I sincerely hope you will survive the discussion. I would be distraught without the pleasure of your company.”
See, the main problem with this is how incredibly weak she looks. There's some textual claim that she's a decent fighter in her own right, but in practice it seems more like people letting her because she's just a girl. She doesn't actually do anything to shut Crowbar up. She has to threaten him later, and she's faking tolerating him now, which leaves the implication she can't really do anything.
“I don’t care. Let’s just kill them all and be done with it.” Crowbar says impatiently. “We’ve got the manpower for it.”
“No you don’t.” Dick pipes up.
“Don’t you remember what you’re here for?” Sleuth asks Crowbar, hand stuck in his pocket. “If anybody so much as pulls out a pistol or a knife or a crowbar I’ll kill every single one of you.”
That's what headshots are for. Also, Sleuth picked this particular location because he knew none of them would want to damage it. If mobsters are willing to hold back, it'd follow he'd be even less likely to be willing to turn giant and blow the whole place up, and they should know it.
...and now Snowman gives a long speech that just sounds ridiculous. Look, he's pissed them both off, they should stop trying to make nice with each other and just go for murder.
“I’m with Droog!” Crowbar says loudly. He steps forward with an exaggerated point of his finger. “Felt, kill th-”
Snowman quiets Crowbar with the fastest backhand Sleuth’s ever seen. Crowbar falls backwards into Sawbuck. “Imbecile!” She shouts. She looks back at Sleuth. “Missing people?” She asks slowly.
Finally, some violence. She also needs to stop saying things like that. She doesn't need to shout things when she can just beat it in.
Also, she shouldn't be confused. There's already two groups there, he just used the word auction as well, anyone can put two and one together to get three. It's time for a lance to the face.
Haha, Snowman and WK exchanging pleasantries. They should be murder buddies. They can have tea together.
...and for some reason Sleuth is still dragging this out instead of just chainsawing the thing apart already.
And now they're seriously bidding. This makes no sense. They must know that none of them will let whoever wins leave alive, and two of the three regularly murder people so they'll also take Sleuth out as soon as the thing leaves his hand for this whole mess. Plus even if we go with the idea WK is a decent guy at all, which really hasn't been shown well at all, I'm sure he could justify killing someone who's a traitor - and say what you will about whether Sleuth owes him loyalty, he's a traitor to their entire species if he's going to give the megadeath doom weapon to the Crew or the Felt. Especially the Crew.
Then there's the fact that possessing it means all the money is basically theirs once they sift through the ashes, so stuff like Crowbar's whining about the Felt's finances makes no sense. Plus no one has it on hand so it's all just promises, and it's not like Sleuth will be able to collect it even if he wasn't a corpse.
“We will annihilate you if you don’t give us the Sapphire of Alternia.” Snowman says. “Final offer.”
Thank you Snowman. Really, I don't know why you bothered with the whole bidding farce. Just start killing.
The piece shatters. It explodes brightly right in Sleuth’s face and he can’t help but hold a hand up to cover his eyes and stumble backwards from the blinding flash.
As he slowly blinks his way back into sight he looks around. Everyone else didn’t fare much better. He looks around, at the ground, at the path, in the chainsaw. There’s no trace of the fake Sapphire of Alternia anywhere.
...but that's not what happens when the Black King's Staff gets cut in half.
And now he's running around being a super fighter who dodges bullets again. Bleh.
Slick looks back at you. He’s mad, but understanding. He knows why you did it too. And he knows you could’ve killed him for it just now.
HE'S A MASS MURDERER!
The fact TD personally survived doesn't change the fact he's killed lots of other people! They still count even if Sleuth didn't personally know them!
You have no idea how much longer you’re gonna live though. You don’t pull stunts like you just did on Spades Slick and Snowman and expect to live very long. They might find it in their smoldering black hearts enough hatred to work together to kill you.
In fact, I think the only question now is will that happen, or will they instead compete over who can murder him first. He's well and truly fucked. I could maybe see them letting him life if only he hadn't made it a point to dick around with them in the process. But wow, did he ever. He's going to get cut into tiny tiny pieces now.
Chapter 31
I suppose it makes sense to hide in his hideout. But given just how angry they are, I don't see why they don't burn the entire building to the ground.
Sleuth watches carefully as she pulls two pearl bracelets off her wrist and a white pin with a blue tip off her lapel. She lets the pearls go, and they float quickly to the growing white pin. She collects the expanding pieces and puts the Sapphire of Alternia in Sleuth’s outstretched hand.
Clever! Much smarter than his plan of her just carrying around the necklace in its known form.
Well, at least PM demanded money for this and not that he take her for dinner.
Sleuth smirks and shakes his head. “Why can’t my two favorite girls play nice with each other?”
a) Because they're not yours you smirking fuck
b) Hey, your girlfriend? Remember her?
She was probably going to stiff you for your money anyway. The check’ll probably bounce or it’ll get conveniently lost, and she’ll blame the bank and her husband for it.
He's just generally a dick assuming the worst of her. There's no reason at all to think this, and it's not like she even has motive when she's apparently richer than sin.
Keynoter sighs. “Well, it’s obvious what she wants to happen here.” He says. “I love that woman, but sometimes she is absolutely infuriating.”
Ugh. Maybe next he can start on how it's like men and women are from different planets because they're so alien and weird.
“I’m at my wit’s end, Sleuth. They’ll be the death of all of us if we don’t do anything about it.” He says. “What else is there? I’m not content to do nothing.”
Sleuth shrugs and shakes his head. “I don’t have an answer for you.”
Hey, remember last chapter where he could have killed Slick but didn't? And, honestly, a bunch of times before then where he's avoided getting Slick killed and generally talked him up like he's the least of various evils for absolutely no discernible reason?
Because I still do. The answer is to fucking kill him. He's killable. You shoot and he's dead and it's done with.
Sleuth can't just shrug like it's a choice between letting a mass murderer run free and blowing up half the city. There's another option, it's the one he's repeatedly refused.
“So you’re on my wife’s side in all of this?”
“She hired me first, if that’s what you’re asking.” Sleuth says.
“That wasn’t what I was asking.”
“I’m not taking any side.” Sleuth says. He smirks and tries to put a cigarette in his mouth, remembering he has none. “I’ve had to deal with plenty of spats between man and woman in my line of work, and I learned damned quick taking a side is a fast way to finishing a job empty-handed.”
Sleuth. Shut the fuck up, you took his side like five times. The only thing you were really torn between was between him and your desire to fawn over the Crew and all the cases you get because of them.
“Is that so?” Wealthy Quantifier asks annoyingly eagerly. “What did you two talk about?”
So WK is all cool and calm all the time, but every other time she shows up the narration generally points out how any attempt at the same on her part is a farce. If she really manipulated all this, I think she'd do a tiny bit better at hiding things like this.
“And why can’t you tell him this, instead of putting me in his way?” Sleuth asks in aggravation.
“He respects you. His current anger will never diminish the respect and pride he has towards you. He will always listen to what you have to say, no matter how he feels at the time.” She says. “I am his wife, and I unfortunately can not say I have the same privilege.”
Well, that's infuriating.
“Problem Sleuth, you mus-”
“Monarchy?” Sleuth interrupts.
The question halts Wealthy Quantifier in her tracks. She takes a few moments to collect herself. “I,” She starts, “Misspoke.”
How, exactly? She didn't say monarchy, and it looks like she was just going to say something inoculous like "must understand".
“Oh, please. I am not some powerless socialite whose reach only extends to organizing charity events.
Why would anyone think that in the first place? Is that all she's normally doing?
And she was spying on him with the two women he's been dragging around. You know, at a certain point it just starts to beg the question of why she needed him to do everything if she was around.
Also isn't TD a Dersite? Didn't Sleuth say he has a hardwired bad reaction toward Snowman? So shouldn't she have the same ENEMY response toward WQ?
Sleuth sighs in frustration. “You could’ve had Maillady just take the Sapphire to you after I hid out.” Sleuth says, frustrated by the revelation.
“She did.” Quantifier says, trying to hold back a smile. “I returned it to her as soon as I knew you were emerging from hiding.”
“But why?” Sleuth asks. “Giving it back to me is pointless.”
“Problem Sleuth, Problem Sleuth, Problem Sleuth. You would be angry with her if I simply took it
...why would he? I'd be pissed about returning it just so someone can make me hand it over again. As long as WQ still shows up with the money, all it means is his life is marginally less stressful, and it avoids dicking around with him for no reason.
Sleuth groans. “You know, I don’t think I ever want to work for you again.” Sleuth says. “I know the money’s good, but nothing personal, you were the biggest pain in the ass client I’ve ever had.”
“I certainly was.” Quantifier admits. “I will accommodate you for the time being, Problem Sleuth. If all goes well, I will not need to hire you again.”
The comment doesn’t sit right with Sleuth. “What I meant to say was,” Sleuth says. “I’m not working for you again.”
See, as far as I can tell, she asked for his help because he and everyone else was kind of in imminent danger. And while her deceptions are bizarre and unnecessary, they were also completely unrelated to all the trouble he got into, so he can't blame her for any of that. This whole thing just comes off as more dickery.
Oh god you know I was annoyed by how his girlfriend basically didn't exist but making her complaints into a joke and then having him kiss her while she's yelling at him makes me wish we could have ended a few paragraphs back.
Chapter 32
...well, I guess as resolutions go, WQ having some plan isn't the worst. It's still an incredibly unsatisfying one. There's no way to judge if her plan was a good idea or worth any of this from our end, and while not knowing her plan might work from a reader's viewpoint, the fact no one knows it so we can't even guess from their reactions is too much. And either WQ refused to say she had any other use for it, or WQ saying she had some hugely important plan she couldn't talk about because of Scratch wasn't good enough for her husband. Either one makes both of them look terrible - in the first, WQ is terrible and nuts for refusing even to say she can't explain, and WK looks like both an idiot and a condescending prick for treating that as normal female behavior. In the second, WK obviously doesn't trust or respect her, and WQ seems stupid or delusional for staying with him despite that.
Plus the sudden addition of a second fake feels sloppy - it would have worked just as well to lure him out and then simply say she wasn't carrying it, rather than delivering a fake and then letting him realize that.
And we're done! Which means, we're probably not going to get real wank from this month, the author emailed me saying he's going to try to fix up the story.
There needs to be a word for the heady mixture of relief and disappointment. On the one hand, no fireworks! On the other, no fires to deal with.
...I will probably prod the fandom again in short order.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-11-04 03:03 pm (UTC)Now, you know that you’re a few pieces short of a checkmate,
Maillady squeaks.
I hate him so much. So much.
In fact, I think the only question now is will that happen, or will they instead compete over who can murder him first. He's well and truly fucked. I could maybe see them letting him life if only he hadn't made it a point to dick around with them in the process. But wow, did he ever. He's going to get cut into tiny tiny pieces now.
The most comforting thought. ^_^
the author emailed me saying he's going to try to fix up the story
Yeah good luck with that. Mostly it seems to be suffering from a nasty case of the author being a terrible misogynistic human being. I will be sincerely impressed if he actually manages to fix it.
no subject
Date: 2011-11-04 03:20 pm (UTC)I think the story itself is fixable. Cut the love subplots entirely, rewrite all the scenes with the female characters... It's not PM having a sword and threatening people that's a problem, it's just that it's treated as a joke.
no subject
Date: 2011-11-04 04:46 pm (UTC)Man, if he's really serious about fixing it, that's actually really commendable. Even if he isn't, he still gets some credit for not reacting as hatefully to you as people you were a lot less harsh on.
no subject
Date: 2011-11-04 03:49 pm (UTC)augh shut up
no subject
Date: 2011-11-04 04:36 pm (UTC)