Posted Ice's story. Now we'll see. I still feel something's badly off, but I can't figure out what, so not much I can do. By next week I'll probably know what the problem is and be filled with shame I wrote so badly, but until then, yay, I posted!
Current Mood:accomplished
Current Music:cheery if unrecognizable music on the radio
Oh, I don't think even the worst parent could manage to cause whatever's up with Ice. I know the drunk father is really common, but in the story, it's really required (as any semi-observant parent couldn't possibly miss Ice's...behavior problems) as opposed to being a plot device there to make angst or such. It's also fitting with the surroundings. It's a slum. He's not really an antagonist. I feel bad for him, actually. He's obviously not happy, and he does take care of Ice, more or less.
Her thoughts are supposed to be confusing, so I'm sort of trying to find a middle ground. It shouldn't be too confusing, but it should be somewhat confusing, enough to make it something that you have to work for a moment to understand.
Oh, Ice is very intelligent, even more so than she first seems. She's able to interact with, understand and even fool humans by mimicking their behavior. I mean, could any of us do the same to, say, cats? She's what I meant her to be. I think the problem with the story has more to do with description somehow, but I can't think of how to fix it.
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Re: And so the winter begins to extend
Date: 2004-07-03 01:10 am (UTC)Her thoughts are supposed to be confusing, so I'm sort of trying to find a middle ground. It shouldn't be too confusing, but it should be somewhat confusing, enough to make it something that you have to work for a moment to understand.
Oh, Ice is very intelligent, even more so than she first seems. She's able to interact with, understand and even fool humans by mimicking their behavior. I mean, could any of us do the same to, say, cats? She's what I meant her to be.
I think the problem with the story has more to do with description somehow, but I can't think of how to fix it.