Pokemon Revolution Ch16
Dec. 29th, 2007 12:45 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlaChapter 16 of Pokemon Revolution, A Bunch of Honestly Kind of Random Stuff Happens Relations, is done. Also, posted.
Attempting to do so with the correct symbols was an exercise in madness, but luckily it seems FFN just shifted things around rather than eliminating the workaround completely. Now, if I can just figure out how to do it without resorting to .txt, that'll be great.
Anyway, I kind of like how this chapter turns out (and kind of don't, but that's normal).
The only good thing I didn't keep this chapter was the way the original had Oak getting out with people only learning Gary had warned him at the end. Instead, I have Shine telling him right before Oak's phone calls. This sets up another bit of plot at the expense of some pleasing indirectness, and I'm still not quite sure about it.
This chapter is pretty much completely rewritten. There are about three or four lines that I didn't alter much, while I added a couple new scenes, and redid viewpoint just about everywhere. I'm also setting up for Fenris' future not-at-all-sane portrayal, when before I originally had him as pretty normal in the early chapters. And setting up Wildfire's, because I kind of find her boring otherwise.
I really like the lab sequence (it'd be stronger, I think, to end it with Grifle, but the articuno's running around next chapter, so that needs to be dealt with). What Ice does there is even worse than it first appears - it's not simply that she acts friendly and kills them. By tapping in the wrong code, she indicates she didn't get one, so she must not be meant to be there - that is, she'll be in trouble if anyone finds out. The security system isn't taken down because they turn off the alarm, which would be a terrible design. It's because the shut down/reboot is done by Jeph to erase the last few minutes recorded, to keep it a secret she was there and help her out, risking getting in trouble himself to do so. Her plan is relying on this.
(The proper response to seeing this, even without the stabbity ending, is to run the other way really, really fast. Social behavior doesn't work that way.)
But anyway, it's also nice to firmly establish the relative moralities of both sides. So: the pokemon are killing people. People are vivisecting baby pokemon, after driving them insane, for kicks. There we go.
Edit: Chapters well written, though I suspect of a gruesome ending...It would be a tragedy that an inferior species drives the more advanced one into extinction. James and Jessie gone out of their mind. Agatha is the best! Show those insurgents who's the boss!!
Dammit, do you people need sledgehammers to the head to notice anything?
Attempting to do so with the correct symbols was an exercise in madness, but luckily it seems FFN just shifted things around rather than eliminating the workaround completely. Now, if I can just figure out how to do it without resorting to .txt, that'll be great.
Anyway, I kind of like how this chapter turns out (and kind of don't, but that's normal).
The only good thing I didn't keep this chapter was the way the original had Oak getting out with people only learning Gary had warned him at the end. Instead, I have Shine telling him right before Oak's phone calls. This sets up another bit of plot at the expense of some pleasing indirectness, and I'm still not quite sure about it.
This chapter is pretty much completely rewritten. There are about three or four lines that I didn't alter much, while I added a couple new scenes, and redid viewpoint just about everywhere. I'm also setting up for Fenris' future not-at-all-sane portrayal, when before I originally had him as pretty normal in the early chapters. And setting up Wildfire's, because I kind of find her boring otherwise.
I really like the lab sequence (it'd be stronger, I think, to end it with Grifle, but the articuno's running around next chapter, so that needs to be dealt with). What Ice does there is even worse than it first appears - it's not simply that she acts friendly and kills them. By tapping in the wrong code, she indicates she didn't get one, so she must not be meant to be there - that is, she'll be in trouble if anyone finds out. The security system isn't taken down because they turn off the alarm, which would be a terrible design. It's because the shut down/reboot is done by Jeph to erase the last few minutes recorded, to keep it a secret she was there and help her out, risking getting in trouble himself to do so. Her plan is relying on this.
(The proper response to seeing this, even without the stabbity ending, is to run the other way really, really fast. Social behavior doesn't work that way.)
But anyway, it's also nice to firmly establish the relative moralities of both sides. So: the pokemon are killing people. People are vivisecting baby pokemon, after driving them insane, for kicks. There we go.
Edit: Chapters well written, though I suspect of a gruesome ending...It would be a tragedy that an inferior species drives the more advanced one into extinction. James and Jessie gone out of their mind. Agatha is the best! Show those insurgents who's the boss!!
Dammit, do you people need sledgehammers to the head to notice anything?
