Nare, Day Fifteen
Apr. 15th, 2010 11:38 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/5898179/1/The_Writer
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Write out numbers with letters.
[In the distance, around the bend and up a small hill, he could see the lights of Goldenrod city; a haven for trainers and a nightmare for all others. ]
Why...?
[He shrugged inwardly. ]
Your writing is generally overwrought, but this is over the top.
[He didn't have so much as a basic Pokéball to his name, but it probably wouldn't be necessary. Even at this time of night, it would be difficult to imagine being waylaid by anyone, much less a mugger or some wannabe tough guy.]
Uh, he's walking around in the wild without a pokemon? I don't think it's people he needs to be worrying about.
...and he's randomly got a gun. Which you explain doesn't work and go on about how he'd totally never use one anyway, but that doesn't really address the whole randomly got one bit, which is really the key issue.
...and now the chapter is over without it having anything to do with pokemon or anything interesting happen.
[And as the sleet fell down from the sky's vertical black well, and splashes of water danced atop an underlying layer of muck, a lonely writer breathed life into someone else, creating him a fresh start and a new world to suceed or fail in. ]
This is a terrible sentence. Seriously, "vertical black well"? WTF does that even mean?
Also, use spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5898669/1/Even_the_Silph_Scope_Cant_Read_my_Mind
Four paragraphs does not make a good first chapter. It's a perfectly decent setup scene, good description and pretty clear about what's going on, which is a lot more than can be said for most of these, but it really belongs at the top of a longer chapter, not cutting off the moment he decided to read the book.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5898797/1/Soul_Shattered
[Also, prologue's pretty short, but Chapter 1 is in the works. ]
Then you should have waited to finish the first chapter, because four paragraphs does not make for a good opening. Seriously, you can have more than one scene in a chapter. Put it in italics or something if you want to make it clear it's a separate thing.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[SH eknew whow it was now ]
Proofread and spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5898905/1/Crystal_Version
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
...and now it's a random eevee. Who has somehow been injured and caught despite them being super rare and not normally found running free across Johto, but hey, if it wasn't inexplicably injured (and somehow not healed by getting sent into storage) you couldn't show her making friends by helping it. And it's a girl, because you wanted to really hammer in that the odds of something happening have no bearing on what your character gets. At which point she names it Kitsu, and you immediately point out the name is terrible and unoriginal before confirming that's the name, because surely if you point out that there's a problem with your writing that magically makes it not a problem any more.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5898935/1/Kanto_Chronicles
There are about three thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are about two hundred and fifty "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost four hundred with "legend". There are six hundred and fifty with "journey", six hundred with "story", two hundred with "quest", and almost seven hundred with "adventure". "Kanto" shows up over a hundred times, as does "Johto", "Hoenn", and "Sinnoh". "Saga" similarly comes in at a hundred.
What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, not mom. It's only in constructions like my/her/the mom that it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5899222/1/Home
[Sorry for the shortness of the chapter and how the next chapter won't be out untill I don't know when ]
I don't know why people apologize instead of not doing whatever it is. Your chapter should be more than eighteen lines long and it's not like you were forced into this. Nothing prevented you from waiting until you wrote the next section and posting those together.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[He could care less that it was against the ship policy to be smoking on board. ]
…I kind of doubt it most ships would have a policy against smoking on deck. At night. When you're the only one there. But keep going on about how he's just too cool to care about how much of a "lone wolf " rebel he's totally being, it's really convincing.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5899427/1/From_Dusknoir_Alisas_story
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5899636/1/Pokemon_Tower
[Lilith rang a hand ]
Ran. Proofread.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Anyway, this is...kind of poorly executed. Terribly, in fact. I mean, here's a trainer that's lost six pokemon already, and they don't even have a full team. But it's impossible to take that seriously when you continue on with
[She could go home, Tornado, her Pidgeot could get here there easily, but all she'd get was "You should take a quick rest." And "You and your Pokémon are looking great. Take care now!"] and then start talking about how Pallet Town has only three buildings.
Then, uh, you immediately write in another character explaining how it's tots okay she got them killed for personal gain, and how in fact her whiny morals over getting her friends killed are just a sign she's weak and not deserving of sympathy, and anyway her pokemon are totally fine with it and cheering her on from the afterlife, and then your character monologues about how SHE'D totally stop if that was what her pokemon wanted, but if her pokemon want her to keep going she has no choice but to become super rich and famous. For them.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5899958/1/Johtos_Only_Option
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I've always had a connotation with Red ]
Connection, I think you mean.
[Hazel had shoulder-length brown hair, she had hazel eyes, and she wore black pants, along with a blue short-sleeved shirt. She also wore a necklace which held a small piece of a silver gem. ]
First, don't just list off attibutes, it's boring and forgettable. Second, no stupid necklaces. Seriously, the whole special necklace thing is done to death and it's generally a sign she's a sue or something.
[By read their hearts, Elm was talking about Hazel's power. She could control her power, and it was when she wanted to read something's heart, be it pokemon or people, she would blink her eyes and her eyes would change from hazel to bright blue, almost like a Noctowl using Hypnosis. She is then able to browse through the mind of the being. Only she can stop it, she has to blink her eyes again, and then they turn back to their hazel hue. If she is hurt while in this state, then it is almost impossible to stop her power, even if she blinks several times. Besides that, she had a second gift. She could understand a pokemon's words, but most of the time, it was only pokemon she has connected to. ]
And so the necklace = marysue correlation is once again true.
...and now she's naming her pokemon out of what I assume is Japanese and regardless is in another language which doesn't exist in canon.
Amused by the poll. The hate option is just barely holding a majority again. Come on people, I even reset the poll for you and everything.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Write out numbers with letters.
[In the distance, around the bend and up a small hill, he could see the lights of Goldenrod city; a haven for trainers and a nightmare for all others. ]
Why...?
[He shrugged inwardly. ]
Your writing is generally overwrought, but this is over the top.
[He didn't have so much as a basic Pokéball to his name, but it probably wouldn't be necessary. Even at this time of night, it would be difficult to imagine being waylaid by anyone, much less a mugger or some wannabe tough guy.]
Uh, he's walking around in the wild without a pokemon? I don't think it's people he needs to be worrying about.
...and he's randomly got a gun. Which you explain doesn't work and go on about how he'd totally never use one anyway, but that doesn't really address the whole randomly got one bit, which is really the key issue.
...and now the chapter is over without it having anything to do with pokemon or anything interesting happen.
[And as the sleet fell down from the sky's vertical black well, and splashes of water danced atop an underlying layer of muck, a lonely writer breathed life into someone else, creating him a fresh start and a new world to suceed or fail in. ]
This is a terrible sentence. Seriously, "vertical black well"? WTF does that even mean?
Also, use spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5898669/1/Even_the_Silph_Scope_Cant_Read_my_Mind
Four paragraphs does not make a good first chapter. It's a perfectly decent setup scene, good description and pretty clear about what's going on, which is a lot more than can be said for most of these, but it really belongs at the top of a longer chapter, not cutting off the moment he decided to read the book.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5898797/1/Soul_Shattered
[Also, prologue's pretty short, but Chapter 1 is in the works. ]
Then you should have waited to finish the first chapter, because four paragraphs does not make for a good opening. Seriously, you can have more than one scene in a chapter. Put it in italics or something if you want to make it clear it's a separate thing.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[SH eknew whow it was now ]
Proofread and spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5898905/1/Crystal_Version
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
...and now it's a random eevee. Who has somehow been injured and caught despite them being super rare and not normally found running free across Johto, but hey, if it wasn't inexplicably injured (and somehow not healed by getting sent into storage) you couldn't show her making friends by helping it. And it's a girl, because you wanted to really hammer in that the odds of something happening have no bearing on what your character gets. At which point she names it Kitsu, and you immediately point out the name is terrible and unoriginal before confirming that's the name, because surely if you point out that there's a problem with your writing that magically makes it not a problem any more.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5898935/1/Kanto_Chronicles
There are about three thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are about two hundred and fifty "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost four hundred with "legend". There are six hundred and fifty with "journey", six hundred with "story", two hundred with "quest", and almost seven hundred with "adventure". "Kanto" shows up over a hundred times, as does "Johto", "Hoenn", and "Sinnoh". "Saga" similarly comes in at a hundred.
What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Opening your story with a character waking up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, not mom. It's only in constructions like my/her/the mom that it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5899222/1/Home
[Sorry for the shortness of the chapter and how the next chapter won't be out untill I don't know when ]
I don't know why people apologize instead of not doing whatever it is. Your chapter should be more than eighteen lines long and it's not like you were forced into this. Nothing prevented you from waiting until you wrote the next section and posting those together.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[He could care less that it was against the ship policy to be smoking on board. ]
…I kind of doubt it most ships would have a policy against smoking on deck. At night. When you're the only one there. But keep going on about how he's just too cool to care about how much of a "lone wolf " rebel he's totally being, it's really convincing.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5899427/1/From_Dusknoir_Alisas_story
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5899636/1/Pokemon_Tower
[Lilith rang a hand ]
Ran. Proofread.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category.
Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Anyway, this is...kind of poorly executed. Terribly, in fact. I mean, here's a trainer that's lost six pokemon already, and they don't even have a full team. But it's impossible to take that seriously when you continue on with
[She could go home, Tornado, her Pidgeot could get here there easily, but all she'd get was "You should take a quick rest." And "You and your Pokémon are looking great. Take care now!"] and then start talking about how Pallet Town has only three buildings.
Then, uh, you immediately write in another character explaining how it's tots okay she got them killed for personal gain, and how in fact her whiny morals over getting her friends killed are just a sign she's weak and not deserving of sympathy, and anyway her pokemon are totally fine with it and cheering her on from the afterlife, and then your character monologues about how SHE'D totally stop if that was what her pokemon wanted, but if her pokemon want her to keep going she has no choice but to become super rich and famous. For them.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5899958/1/Johtos_Only_Option
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[I've always had a connotation with Red ]
Connection, I think you mean.
[Hazel had shoulder-length brown hair, she had hazel eyes, and she wore black pants, along with a blue short-sleeved shirt. She also wore a necklace which held a small piece of a silver gem. ]
First, don't just list off attibutes, it's boring and forgettable. Second, no stupid necklaces. Seriously, the whole special necklace thing is done to death and it's generally a sign she's a sue or something.
[By read their hearts, Elm was talking about Hazel's power. She could control her power, and it was when she wanted to read something's heart, be it pokemon or people, she would blink her eyes and her eyes would change from hazel to bright blue, almost like a Noctowl using Hypnosis. She is then able to browse through the mind of the being. Only she can stop it, she has to blink her eyes again, and then they turn back to their hazel hue. If she is hurt while in this state, then it is almost impossible to stop her power, even if she blinks several times. Besides that, she had a second gift. She could understand a pokemon's words, but most of the time, it was only pokemon she has connected to. ]
And so the necklace = marysue correlation is once again true.
...and now she's naming her pokemon out of what I assume is Japanese and regardless is in another language which doesn't exist in canon.
Amused by the poll. The hate option is just barely holding a majority again. Come on people, I even reset the poll for you and everything.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2010-04-16 04:10 am (UTC)See, this just makes me picture his shoulders collapsing into his torso.
I can't figure out why that Pokémon Tower story exists. I get darkfic and I get apologyfic, but why would someone purposefully make the world darker than it is in canon and then in the same breath launch into a half-baked apology for it?
no subject
Date: 2010-04-16 11:14 am (UTC)I was familiar with Nuzlocke runs prior to skimming it and immediately got the feeling that was what it was about, but I imagine it makes no sense without that prior knowledge, since yes, the Nuzlocke run world is pretty absurd. As it is, it's pretty much apologyfic treating a darkfic universe as canon.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-16 03:42 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-04-16 06:05 pm (UTC)Ooh, I also like that Hazel character. There have been plenty of Sues so far this month, but few so traditional. Most people you've mentioned seem to try to avoid the exact litmus test questions while not fixing any problems and creating new ones, but there's a Sue I remember from my childhood. Listed off appearance and clothes, magic necklace, psychic empathy powers.
The Japanese seems to be nonsense. Oddly enough, 'shoukyaku' can mean "guest of honor" or "repayment" according to my dictionary, but I definitely can't find any readings of 'fire' or 'destruction' anywhere close. Not that being correct in their Japanese would improve their writing in any way.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-16 06:44 pm (UTC)At a guess, possibly the author was transcribing some anime character's attack, and either misspelled it or it was mistranslated. (Maybe it's shortened, and the full line was be "repayment of flame" or something?) It might also be what an anime character's name means, where they didn't get that the character was probably talking about how the name was written.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-17 02:40 am (UTC)Kanto Chronicles
Truly the epitome of original titles. At the time of commenting, there are thirteen fics that include both Kanto and Chronicles, including "Pokemon Kanto Chronicles", "Pokemon: The Kanto Chronicles", "Kanto, The New Chronicles", and "Pokemon Chronicles: The Kanto Story".
Now, I think that by now, we all know that if I owned pokemon, then Ash, Dawn, Team Rocket and all the other annoying little people would fall into a deep hole and never come out, and Gary would be that main character again like it used to be.
... How do you even watch Pokémon if you hate Ash, Dawn, /and/ Team Rocket? And Gary hasn't been shown in years and was never a... bzuh?
no subject
Date: 2010-04-17 08:20 pm (UTC)I must admit a certain sympathy in concept, but yeah, there's a difference between "Obviously I don't own pokemon because if I did I'd change it in X way" and "I'd return it to its early perfection, which is to say some sort of delusion I acquired, possibly through head injury."
To be charitable, they might mean supporting cast member, who are "main" compared to episode-of-the-day characters. But that's still pretty stupid.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-16 06:49 pm (UTC)Still, that's kind of ironic - they're writing based on an entirely voluntary play style but treating it as if they have no choice in the matter, and their story's apologism is about treating their trainer's entirely voluntary journey as if they have no choice in the matter and it's not their fault.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-16 08:30 pm (UTC)I googled it, and, yes. Yes, you do. Also you're only allowed to catch the first Pokémon you encounter on each route, so running out of Pokémon is a very real possibility. I guess I can see how it might be interesting to play Pokémon with a lose condition, but personally it would just drive me crazy.
no subject
Date: 2010-04-17 02:01 am (UTC)