Nare11, Day Eleven
Jan. 11th, 2011 11:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638086/1/I_Dont_Know_What_to_Name_This
[You see, I was at this 4-H awards thingy, and me and my friend were bored, so we decided to play a game. One of us was a Pokemon character, and they had to audition for a play. Well, it when on like that for a while, but then the ceremony started, so we had to be quiet. But I told my friend to write her audition down, and she was acting out May. I wrote a response, and from there... it's funny. ]
…
[BAD TORCHIC! *grinding Torchic's head into ground* (from "Now That's Flower Power, remember?)
*Stands up*
Stupid Torchic! I hope Drew DIES! And some other people! And I want to kill Drew too! ):) -May
Yeah, right. Tell us how you really feel! *gives May penetrating stare*
Ummmm... I WANT TO ummm ki...ll him yeah that's... how... I feel... -May
You want to kill me? O_o -Drew
...-May.
*tosses rose* Whatever. -Drew
*smiles evilly at May* Well?
Ummmmmmmmmm... -May
Oooh, did May get that rose from Drewsie? -Harley
NO COMMENTS -May
I LIKE FOOD -Ash
GO AWAY -May]
No. It isn't. It might be funny to you and your friend. That doesn't mean it needs to be posted here.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638132/1/Pokemon_Evolutions_Darkness_Rising
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Questions end in question marks. That's "?" if you're confused.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638250/1/Pokemon_Mystery_Dungeon_Explorers_of_Weirdness
It's okay, four letters.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[She sweat dropped. ]
Never do this.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638377/1/Pokemon_Mystery_DungeonTeam_StarGazers
This is the exact same opening as half the other mystery dungeon fanfics. It has not somehow become new and interesting during that time.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638398/1/Singing_Down_The_Moon
[It had been a long time, sine she had been crowned the Champion of the Isshu region. ]
No comma and it's "since". Proofread better.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638511/1/LyraSilver
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
This is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638557/1/The_Saboteur
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
Your dialogue sounds completely ridiculous, either overwrought or trying too hard with slang.
[It was Septh, my room mate. He looked at me with a dumb look on his face. What was his problem… Calling me an idiot… Humph "anyone in there" the drop-out said? He didn't look so smart himself, long white-hair, with a black shirt that read "I'm not stupid, I'm 'inteleegent'". ]
How on earth did any of this seem like a good idea?
[Meh, I'll just eat some Cereal… ]
Don't capitalize random words.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638691/1/Pikachu_Delivered_A_Team_Rocket_short
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Eh. In basic concept, this really isn't a new idea, and something like this even played out on the show with a different pokemon. And they do have a reason for going after Ash's pikachu in particular, that they think it's unusually powerful, so they should have given their explanation. Considering the amount of battles it's won, it's at least extremely strong. Not worth the effort they put in but not useless for anything but dinner either.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638808/1/Your_name
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638945/1/TwelveZero
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6639194/1/Aces_Story_A_Sonichu_fanfic
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6639206/1/Battle_For_Goldenrod_Tower
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6639221/1/Frostbite
[standing at about 5`8 ]
If you've given the height to the inch, it's exact, not "about".
[Short brown hair with dark brown eyes and he didn't have much of a build. ]
Your sentence structure is bizarre. Get a beta reader.
[journey`s ]
Don't use a ` for a ', and never use an apostrophe for a plural.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
["I don't want to go back to them. They were mean to me and teased me for being different than them! Even my own parents started to hate me! Remember that Glaceon that attacked me and the one you defeated?" to which Brad nodded and looked at his arm recalling the fight. "That Glaceon was my dad! My parents said I was an imperfection and that I needed to be erased from their life! If you didn`t save me then they would have done just that!" Too which she started crying heavily as she recalled the painful experience she just went through.]
This is far too over the top. You need a less emo backstory than "I'm so tragically special that my dad tried to murder me".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6639420/1/You_Are_the_One
[[A/N]: Most drabbles will be 1000 words or less.]
Drabble = 100 words. One hundred. The number between ninety-nine and one hundred and one. It does not mean any story that is not extremely long.
[May was staring at the small embers of a dark auburn mixed with topaz color float up into the air. ]
...what?
Mechanically, this is mostly okay but your prose dips into purple too many times.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6639875/1/Top_Rat
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Anyway, that's a pretty good explanation. I've heard the idea he lost his raticate - that it was Red's fault particularly I haven't heard, but then, it doesn't make much sense. Team Rocket works much better, and it does explain a bit why he might have taken over the old gym.
I don't think you should have used italics for the news, it makes it confusing because that's what you're using for Gary's internal voice. It's spoken and should get written like the other normal dialogue.
[You see, I was at this 4-H awards thingy, and me and my friend were bored, so we decided to play a game. One of us was a Pokemon character, and they had to audition for a play. Well, it when on like that for a while, but then the ceremony started, so we had to be quiet. But I told my friend to write her audition down, and she was acting out May. I wrote a response, and from there... it's funny. ]
…
[BAD TORCHIC! *grinding Torchic's head into ground* (from "Now That's Flower Power, remember?)
*Stands up*
Stupid Torchic! I hope Drew DIES! And some other people! And I want to kill Drew too! ):) -May
Yeah, right. Tell us how you really feel! *gives May penetrating stare*
Ummmm... I WANT TO ummm ki...ll him yeah that's... how... I feel... -May
You want to kill me? O_o -Drew
...-May.
*tosses rose* Whatever. -Drew
*smiles evilly at May* Well?
Ummmmmmmmmm... -May
Oooh, did May get that rose from Drewsie? -Harley
NO COMMENTS -May
I LIKE FOOD -Ash
GO AWAY -May]
No. It isn't. It might be funny to you and your friend. That doesn't mean it needs to be posted here.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638132/1/Pokemon_Evolutions_Darkness_Rising
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Questions end in question marks. That's "?" if you're confused.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638250/1/Pokemon_Mystery_Dungeon_Explorers_of_Weirdness
It's okay, four letters.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[She sweat dropped. ]
Never do this.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638377/1/Pokemon_Mystery_DungeonTeam_StarGazers
This is the exact same opening as half the other mystery dungeon fanfics. It has not somehow become new and interesting during that time.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638398/1/Singing_Down_The_Moon
[It had been a long time, sine she had been crowned the Champion of the Isshu region. ]
No comma and it's "since". Proofread better.
Write out numbers with letters.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638511/1/LyraSilver
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
This is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638557/1/The_Saboteur
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
Your dialogue sounds completely ridiculous, either overwrought or trying too hard with slang.
[It was Septh, my room mate. He looked at me with a dumb look on his face. What was his problem… Calling me an idiot… Humph "anyone in there" the drop-out said? He didn't look so smart himself, long white-hair, with a black shirt that read "I'm not stupid, I'm 'inteleegent'". ]
How on earth did any of this seem like a good idea?
[Meh, I'll just eat some Cereal… ]
Don't capitalize random words.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638691/1/Pikachu_Delivered_A_Team_Rocket_short
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Eh. In basic concept, this really isn't a new idea, and something like this even played out on the show with a different pokemon. And they do have a reason for going after Ash's pikachu in particular, that they think it's unusually powerful, so they should have given their explanation. Considering the amount of battles it's won, it's at least extremely strong. Not worth the effort they put in but not useless for anything but dinner either.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638808/1/Your_name
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6638945/1/TwelveZero
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6639194/1/Aces_Story_A_Sonichu_fanfic
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6639206/1/Battle_For_Goldenrod_Tower
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6639221/1/Frostbite
[standing at about 5`8 ]
If you've given the height to the inch, it's exact, not "about".
[Short brown hair with dark brown eyes and he didn't have much of a build. ]
Your sentence structure is bizarre. Get a beta reader.
[journey`s ]
Don't use a ` for a ', and never use an apostrophe for a plural.
Write out numbers with letters.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
["I don't want to go back to them. They were mean to me and teased me for being different than them! Even my own parents started to hate me! Remember that Glaceon that attacked me and the one you defeated?" to which Brad nodded and looked at his arm recalling the fight. "That Glaceon was my dad! My parents said I was an imperfection and that I needed to be erased from their life! If you didn`t save me then they would have done just that!" Too which she started crying heavily as she recalled the painful experience she just went through.]
This is far too over the top. You need a less emo backstory than "I'm so tragically special that my dad tried to murder me".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6639420/1/You_Are_the_One
[[A/N]: Most drabbles will be 1000 words or less.]
Drabble = 100 words. One hundred. The number between ninety-nine and one hundred and one. It does not mean any story that is not extremely long.
[May was staring at the small embers of a dark auburn mixed with topaz color float up into the air. ]
...what?
Mechanically, this is mostly okay but your prose dips into purple too many times.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6639875/1/Top_Rat
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Anyway, that's a pretty good explanation. I've heard the idea he lost his raticate - that it was Red's fault particularly I haven't heard, but then, it doesn't make much sense. Team Rocket works much better, and it does explain a bit why he might have taken over the old gym.
I don't think you should have used italics for the news, it makes it confusing because that's what you're using for Gary's internal voice. It's spoken and should get written like the other normal dialogue.
