Nare11, Day Twenty-two
Jan. 22nd, 2011 11:58 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662356/1/Purpose
[But i hope that ]
Proofread.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[lso, she was a human…she could know something about time being paralyzed, since the rest of the human race "disappeared", (aka Dusknoir hurled them all into a time warp) prevented from having this knowledge spread. Grovyle longed to be able to see a sunrise, curious to know if they were as breathtaking as he had read in some books (stolen from Dusknoir's lair by yours truly) ]
The parenthesis are terrible writing on every level and shouldn't be there.
[He quickly used the move Strength to enhance his energy. ]
Not what the move does.
[It wasn't moralistic. ]
Just plain "moral" covers it.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Thoughts follow the same capitalization/punctuation rules as dialogue.
[Although he may seem cold and calculating on the outside, like the ogre in Shrek, Grovyle had multiple layers like an onion, each revealing another bit of kindness. ]
Stop breaking the fourth wall for shitty asides.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662393/1/All_Fun_and_Games
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662407/1/Marker_Trouble
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662589/1/The_Experiment
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662661/1/Wheres_the_love_for_Ditto
Wow, that was squicky. There's nothing like reading about rape written by someone whose kiddy grammar mistakes make them sound like a little kid. Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662748/1/Serperior_And_Lilligants_Sexy_Adventure
["What the- gah!" Lilligant tried breaking free, but she panted several times, still struggling to get out. Serperior's grip got tighter, prompting Lilligant to give up as she sighed, feeling exhausted. Serperior chuckled as Lilligant looked up, still shocked.
"I like that you still tried giving it your all after I squeezed you." Serperior commented as he winked at Lilligant. "I can appreciate that."]
There's something wrong with you.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662958/1/The_Adbridging_of_Gen_I
Your title is misspelled.
[This is my first fanfiction ever, so if you see problems, don't be afraid to tell me. This is going to be a deconstruction of the pokemon universe as a whole ]
That never bodes well.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
The Gen I games don't have any set age kids can become trainers.
[get a pokemon on your fourteenth birthday ]
And the kid in them is eleven, not fourteen.
["Gramps, where was you at. I'm tired of waiting." Blue complained.
"I was doing some important... work." he lied.
"We both know what that means, so you don't have to lie to us," I added. Oak glared at me. "Hmm, so you do. Nevertheless, you did not come to hear about my sex life, I presume."]
And my guess is proven right, it's another fic that's confused "deconstruction" with mentioning sex.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Anyway, that was pretty similar to plenty of other trainerfic.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663027/1/Belle_vs_Makomo_For_Cherens_Love
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663073/1/Testing_Deletability
Meh, decent but could be better. It's rushed, and I find the computer log unlikely, who programs in a "Conscious resistance detected" error message?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663182/1/Poisoned_Heart
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[He pulled out a small metallic ball with a large red button in the middle of its side. It looked rather like a silvery pokeball.
Its real use was quite different, though.
He pressed the button and every electronic device in Pallet Town stopped working. No more alarms or video cameras to worry about. ]
Yeah that's not at once ridiculous overkill for the situation and ridiculously overpowered for a character.
[Time for another device. Naturally, he had kept them from being affected by the EMM. A simple matter of preprogramming the EMM not to affect anything in his pack. ]
And wow, you've managed to make him even more overpowered.
I think the best part is how utterly pointless this entire thing is. You could have just said he didn't trip the alarm and that the pokeballs were labeled.
[He grabbed the last ball and walked towards the front door…and stopped.
Maybe it was pointless. Maybe it was vain. Probably it was stupid. But he wanted Oak to know who had stolen from him.]
A) When your character is pointing out his actions make no sense, it's a bad sign.
B) WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT? WHY MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT HOW HE DISABLES ALL THE CAMERAS IF HE LEAVES A SIGNED NOTE SAYING HE DID IT?
[He had then found a Beedrill hive and, using some honey, bribed them to guard him while he was in the forest. ]
Pretty sure beedrill don't work like that.
[He did have one time-sensitive issue to deal with, however. He was one of the few trainers that knew that individual Pokeballs could be traced to their owner. Which meant that as long as he kept Bulbasaur in this particular ball, his location might as well be printed in neon letters on every billboard in every city in the world. ]
Arg. Why do you keep inventing nonsensical problems only to solve them next paragraph? What on earth is the point?
And now pokemon translators. If those things are around, why aren't they on starter pokemon from the start? And why wouldn't bargaining things like he's doing be standard practice instead of the big deal you're acting like it is?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663499/1/Infiltrate
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Yes! One hit one kill! Okay one hit one KO but kill has a better ring, not that I would ever dream of killing a Pokemon! ]
If you have to write in corrections, just rewrite the damn sentence.
Battles are really not that interesting when there are no real stakes.
[He looks at me confuse. ]
Proofread.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663694/1/Bruams
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663800/1/People_Change
[As time goes by people seem to change. Everyone says people change. That nothing can stay the same, it all goes away. Well I believe that only a little bit. I believe that people don't change, but things around them change. Sounds weird right? But if you really ever think about people's attitudes don't even change really. The way they act, the way they talk, just everything about them. Nothing changes, but just around them changes. During the summer people started to become happy and cheery. Fall people become less cheery and serious. It's like the cold slapped them in the face to get them back to reality. And finally winter, the coldest season of them all. It seems as the temperatures go down so do peoples moods. It's as all the energy has been drained from them in all ways possible. Yet people blame each other for changing. Saying that if that person is changing, that they should also. But in reality why change at all? ]
This is incredibly repetitive. It's painful to try to read.
[~Flashback~ ]
Learn to write scene transitions.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[But i hope that ]
Proofread.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[lso, she was a human…she could know something about time being paralyzed, since the rest of the human race "disappeared", (aka Dusknoir hurled them all into a time warp) prevented from having this knowledge spread. Grovyle longed to be able to see a sunrise, curious to know if they were as breathtaking as he had read in some books (stolen from Dusknoir's lair by yours truly) ]
The parenthesis are terrible writing on every level and shouldn't be there.
[He quickly used the move Strength to enhance his energy. ]
Not what the move does.
[It wasn't moralistic. ]
Just plain "moral" covers it.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Thoughts follow the same capitalization/punctuation rules as dialogue.
[Although he may seem cold and calculating on the outside, like the ogre in Shrek, Grovyle had multiple layers like an onion, each revealing another bit of kindness. ]
Stop breaking the fourth wall for shitty asides.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662393/1/All_Fun_and_Games
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662407/1/Marker_Trouble
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662589/1/The_Experiment
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662661/1/Wheres_the_love_for_Ditto
Wow, that was squicky. There's nothing like reading about rape written by someone whose kiddy grammar mistakes make them sound like a little kid. Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662748/1/Serperior_And_Lilligants_Sexy_Adventure
["What the- gah!" Lilligant tried breaking free, but she panted several times, still struggling to get out. Serperior's grip got tighter, prompting Lilligant to give up as she sighed, feeling exhausted. Serperior chuckled as Lilligant looked up, still shocked.
"I like that you still tried giving it your all after I squeezed you." Serperior commented as he winked at Lilligant. "I can appreciate that."]
There's something wrong with you.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6662958/1/The_Adbridging_of_Gen_I
Your title is misspelled.
[This is my first fanfiction ever, so if you see problems, don't be afraid to tell me. This is going to be a deconstruction of the pokemon universe as a whole ]
That never bodes well.
Don't use ' for thoughts, it's too close to the " being used for dialogue, and the fact it's also used for contractions and possessives just makes things worse. As long as you put a "he thought" at the end you generally don't need any markers, anyway.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
The Gen I games don't have any set age kids can become trainers.
[get a pokemon on your fourteenth birthday ]
And the kid in them is eleven, not fourteen.
["Gramps, where was you at. I'm tired of waiting." Blue complained.
"I was doing some important... work." he lied.
"We both know what that means, so you don't have to lie to us," I added. Oak glared at me. "Hmm, so you do. Nevertheless, you did not come to hear about my sex life, I presume."]
And my guess is proven right, it's another fic that's confused "deconstruction" with mentioning sex.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Anyway, that was pretty similar to plenty of other trainerfic.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663027/1/Belle_vs_Makomo_For_Cherens_Love
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663073/1/Testing_Deletability
Meh, decent but could be better. It's rushed, and I find the computer log unlikely, who programs in a "Conscious resistance detected" error message?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663182/1/Poisoned_Heart
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[He pulled out a small metallic ball with a large red button in the middle of its side. It looked rather like a silvery pokeball.
Its real use was quite different, though.
He pressed the button and every electronic device in Pallet Town stopped working. No more alarms or video cameras to worry about. ]
Yeah that's not at once ridiculous overkill for the situation and ridiculously overpowered for a character.
[Time for another device. Naturally, he had kept them from being affected by the EMM. A simple matter of preprogramming the EMM not to affect anything in his pack. ]
And wow, you've managed to make him even more overpowered.
I think the best part is how utterly pointless this entire thing is. You could have just said he didn't trip the alarm and that the pokeballs were labeled.
[He grabbed the last ball and walked towards the front door…and stopped.
Maybe it was pointless. Maybe it was vain. Probably it was stupid. But he wanted Oak to know who had stolen from him.]
A) When your character is pointing out his actions make no sense, it's a bad sign.
B) WHAT THE FUCK WAS THE POINT? WHY MAKE A BIG DEAL ABOUT HOW HE DISABLES ALL THE CAMERAS IF HE LEAVES A SIGNED NOTE SAYING HE DID IT?
[He had then found a Beedrill hive and, using some honey, bribed them to guard him while he was in the forest. ]
Pretty sure beedrill don't work like that.
[He did have one time-sensitive issue to deal with, however. He was one of the few trainers that knew that individual Pokeballs could be traced to their owner. Which meant that as long as he kept Bulbasaur in this particular ball, his location might as well be printed in neon letters on every billboard in every city in the world. ]
Arg. Why do you keep inventing nonsensical problems only to solve them next paragraph? What on earth is the point?
And now pokemon translators. If those things are around, why aren't they on starter pokemon from the start? And why wouldn't bargaining things like he's doing be standard practice instead of the big deal you're acting like it is?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663499/1/Infiltrate
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Yes! One hit one kill! Okay one hit one KO but kill has a better ring, not that I would ever dream of killing a Pokemon! ]
If you have to write in corrections, just rewrite the damn sentence.
Battles are really not that interesting when there are no real stakes.
[He looks at me confuse. ]
Proofread.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663694/1/Bruams
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663800/1/People_Change
[As time goes by people seem to change. Everyone says people change. That nothing can stay the same, it all goes away. Well I believe that only a little bit. I believe that people don't change, but things around them change. Sounds weird right? But if you really ever think about people's attitudes don't even change really. The way they act, the way they talk, just everything about them. Nothing changes, but just around them changes. During the summer people started to become happy and cheery. Fall people become less cheery and serious. It's like the cold slapped them in the face to get them back to reality. And finally winter, the coldest season of them all. It seems as the temperatures go down so do peoples moods. It's as all the energy has been drained from them in all ways possible. Yet people blame each other for changing. Saying that if that person is changing, that they should also. But in reality why change at all? ]
This is incredibly repetitive. It's painful to try to read.
[~Flashback~ ]
Learn to write scene transitions.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
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no subject
Date: 2011-01-23 06:36 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-01-23 07:14 am (UTC)Although I guess that one was kind of misandrist with the implication that only the ditto was getting raped and all the other pokemon were happy to take advantage of it.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-23 07:25 am (UTC)