Nare11, Day Twenty-three
Jan. 23rd, 2011 11:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/6663806/1/The_Ambassadors
[Months of petty crimes and civil disputes, and suddenly they expected this sorry band of trainees to take down Cipher in a day? ]
Please don't invent your own plot holes.
[Sucking in his breath, Rowley hesitated. He should wait for reinforcements, or at least a partner… but no, he couldn't. He had to know. ]
...and why can't he wait, exactly?
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Near the bottom were a few cages with Poochyena in them. Rowley bend over to examine them, curious—then almost immediately leapt back with a shout of horror.
They had tiny human hands.]
For one thing, it's "bent" and "leaped". For another, so what?
Why is the dialogue all bolded?
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[She was a special project. Shipped the DNA all the way from Sinnoh. She ain't braggin', though," He snickered. "Uptight, ain't she?" ]
…
["And I mean, when she first started changing, I thought the ears were pretty cute," The boy described his crush on one of the other captives, who was eventually spliced with Meowth DNA. "But once her face got all squished up I kinda lost interest." ]
Yeah pretty much hating him more by the minute.
[The other man seemed distant for a while, then nodded firmly. "Right. We'll take care of that pretty quick. Can you lead us?"
"What do you mean, 'take care of it'?" Rowley questioned nervously.
"Put 'em out of their sorry misery," The officer nodded towards the Eevee girl, "If she could talk, do you think she'd want to live like that?"
"I can talk," Abby spoke up, pouting indignantly.]
So if you were going for absurdist black humor I guess this works. For anything else, not so much.
What exactly is so horrible about this? She doesn't look injured and she's not behaving like she's in pain. You keep having people react like this is the most horrible thing ever. People don't flip out at monkeys because they look kind of like people with fur. Moreover, given a lot of the pokemorphs were born human, they still legally have human rights. No one seeing a bunch of injured people would think the right response was to shoot them and put them out of their misery, and they wouldn't start trying to nitpick about how maybe they just looked like people but actually weren't.
You don't even do that to injured animals, for god's sake.
[He had scrunched up his eyebrows, apparently in pained inner turmoil. Was he supposed to feel sorry for her because of her intelligence, or hate her all the more? ]
Since when do you hate test subjects?
[The younger officer—Randy—gave a cry of shock, and instinctively drew his gun against the monster before him. ]
Or this. Why exactly are odd looking people so terrifying in a world that ALREADY HAS MONSTERS? Is she seriously more scary than a rhydon?
["'Least a couple dozen. Some of 'em… ain't gonna last much longer, though." The teen was bouncing again, nervous and excited, trying to remain serious while another smile was tugging at his lips. ]
...is he meant to be coming off as a sociopath here?
[No one told ya whether you should help us or not. It was just you and me at first, and ya coulda just... punched me in the face or somethin'. But ya didn't. You stuck around and even helped us convince the other people. You're a good person for that, mister. A real good person." ]
Not punching innocent people and leaving them to die is not actually some amazing display of goodness. What the hell.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664065/1/A_Pokemon_Story
Don't capitalize random words.
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664080/1/The_True_Nature_of_Nature
You're jumping between past and present tense. Don't do that.
[Melissa's eyes would crack open at odd hours of the night and morning, her sleep disturbed by the raging of her parents in the room next door. She didn't know why her parent's fought ]
If they're yelling so loud she can't sleep, how can she not know why they're fighting?
[It was driving her insane. She had begun to sleep in her classes, missing out on information essential to passing her tests. ]
Why doesn't she just sleep in the afternoon?
[None of the "always caring" teachers at school ever questioned her about her home life to figure out what was causing the bad grades. She figured they probably thought she was staying up too late while playing videogames. If she didn't know herself, she'd say the same thing. After all, she had a variety of videogame tees she wore to school every day. ]
That's bizarrely specific. Or, you know, they could just not have really noticed because they signed up to teach kids, not play social worker, or they could just assume it was one of the dozens of other reasons kids have for their grades slipping.
...and then she runs into some spirit of nature pokemon and now she's the spirit of nature what the fuck? That was pointless.
Blocked!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664094/1/Adventures_in_Sinnoh
Don't post character bios. If it matters, it belongs in the fic. If it doesn't, don't bring it up.
[damm ]
Spellcheck.
[-A few minutes later- ]
Learn to write scene transitions.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Generally awful, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664264/1/PokemonAshs_Father_Red_Ketchum
[I will appreciate any review you post weather it be a compliment or constructive criticism]
Weather is if it's raining. You mean "whether".
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664274/1/Meowths_Nine_Lives
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[Jessie looked at her injured companion. Whoever did this to him, they would pay.]
Uh, they did? Indirectly by kicking him into the Safari Zone?
That was pretty much plotless. It's just a series of events happening for no discernible purpose.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664394/1/The_Nature_of_Me
[Just a wile ago]
While.
[My parents moved to the planes ]
Plains. Get a beta reader, you've got a lot of these mistakes.
[my moms ]
Apostrophe for a possessive. Should be "mom's".
Write out numbers with letters.
Seriously, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664415/1/A_bit_of_a_mess
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
["You, my friend, are a full grown man who has a habit of flirting with teenage girls. Hm, now what does that say? Paedophile," Kate said, sarcastically but truthfully.]
Actually a pedophile is someone attracted to preteens. Also, if when she calls him a pedophile she's telling the truth, it's not actually a joke. Child rape isn't.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664992/1/Pokemon_Generations_What_we_really_are
[You still hear stories around the towns about how people used Pokémon to battle and win contests, but nobody does that anymore. You see, there was a breakthrough in the scientific world of DNA experiments and stuff like that. They found out how to really communicate with them, be like them, and have them act like us. Now Pokémon are just like house pets; nothing more. ]
That doesn't make the slightest bit of sense. "We learned how to makes them more like people, therefore we treat them less like people"?
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[a miss use ]
Misuse.
[There was once a single bread of human. ]
Breed. Get a beta reader.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Write out numbers with letters.
[she layed on her stomach ]
Laid. Seriously, get a beta reader.
[Their taking .ER!" ]
They're, and no idea what that last bit is supposed to mean.
And now they're randomly fighting because they're unlikeable assholes I don't want to read about.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665071/1/Pokemon_Kanto_Chronicles
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Stop using "spoke". It doesn't work like that.
[Now as you know, this world is inhabited by fascinating creatures known as Pokemon. People and Pokemon live together by supporting each other. Some people play with them, some battle. But, we don't know everything about Pokemon quite yet, which is why we have people like myself who study them everyday ]
This is stupid. Just because something's in the games doesn't mean you have to reference it.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665171/1/brand_new_start
This isn't a story, it's a summary.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665310/1/The_Time_has_come_for_Ash
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665554/1/His_Sister
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665554/2/His_Sister
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
[A few minutes later ]
Learn to write scene transitions.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665711/2/Speed_the_Buizel
Nonstory chapters are banned.
Look, you really, really shouldn't ask for characters. Doesn't work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don't fit together properly. It's like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you're going to end up with a mess.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665866/1/Pokemon_Battles_1_Lucario
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666125/1/Between_friends
Capitalize your title properly.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[Which Noctowl clumsily returned with an even bigger blush on her face. It was strange that she blushed though, after all Pikachu was a girl right? The only time she ever blushed before was around guys, she wasn't a lesbian, so why was she reacting this way to Pikachu's hug. ]
This is going nowhere good.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666177/1/The_Moonlight_Walk
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[(After the Wedding)I don't want to go do this but they said their vows and said their I do's]
Then why are you writing this.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666352/1/The_Legendary_DNA_Chronicles
[Key:
"Telepathic Speak"
'Telepathic Thoughts'
"Emphasized Telepathic Dream Speak"
"Emphasized Telepathic Speak"
"Emphasized Telepathic Thoughts"
"Telepathic Dream Speak"
"Normal Speak"
'Normal Thoughts'
"Emphasized Dream Speak"
"Emphasized Normal Speak"
"Emphasized Normal Thoughts"
"Dream Speak'
Normal Narrative Words
Emphasized Narrative Words]
Jesus fucking christ. How did a dialogue key half the length of your fic seem like a good idea.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Persevered the key's formatting just to make it clear it didn't even make sense originally.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666583/1/Giovannis_Resurgence
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
It's "okay", four letters.
Eh. I think this would have been stronger if you'd just focused on the poor grunt who joined up for a tyranitar. He was kind of amusing and I think if you'd spent more time fleshing out his section you'd have a good story, while the rest is just standard 2-D Giovanni. Even the bit about him being soaking wet is far better as an aside than when we actually get the explanation of why.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666587/1/My_Secrets
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667060/1/Reassurance
[The onyx-haired trainer ]
Please don't do this. Use names or relevant description.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667235/1/No_Greater_Love_Shown
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Wow, the filler just keeps going and going. Less explaining, more doing.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667359/1/The_Black_Latios
[a fifth-teen year ]
Fifteen.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
If you're going to translate pokemon speech, just do it, don't write out nonsense in front.
[Ash ran left and right, around corner and under arcs ]
Corners. And it's spelled "arches". Proofread better.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667467/1/A_New_Perspective
Ugh, chosen one fic. Look, if you start off your story telling people your main character succeeds, it's not especially suspenseful.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667486/1/The_Dark_The_Light
[I told myself i wouldn't write a new fic unless i finish at least one im writing right now but this came up right after i finished Mysterious Stranger. it started off as a drabble but i couldn't stop, more ideas came flooding in. ]
There is no capital letter shortage.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667503/1/Charm
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667724/1/Date_for_the_Night
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667738/1/Just_the_Beginning
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667792/1/Pokemon_Plus_Pursuer_of_the_Truth
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
This is incoherent. Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667887/1/Jake_the_Pokemorph
[Last month, I was living a normal, boring life. I had nothing to live for, so I ran away and gave myself up for military research. ]
A boring life is grounds for suicide now?
[The experiment was to help troops out at war by letting them transform into animals. And because of my dad's invention, they used pokemon instead of animals. You see, pokemon DNA is more complicated than Earth animals, and if pokemon transformations are possible, animals are definitely going to work. ]
That's the exact opposite of how science is done.
[One scientist had some charmander DNA acquired from the portal. They loaded it into a big needle, and I started hyperventilating. They carefully inserted the needle that had the special DNA, my new pokemorph DNA, and the charmander DNA mixed together into my arm. ]
Yeah it really wouldn't work that way.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[I was near pallet town. ]
Pallet Town is the town's name and therefore capitalized as such.
It's "rattata". If you aren't sure of a spelling, look it up.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6668140/1/Crazy_Love
[He just looked so – so – handsom, ]
Spellcheck.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[(A/N. I changed some of the lyrics to stop it sounding too lovey-dovey, so if you're looking for the lyrics, don't come here!) ]
Don't put author notes in your story.
...and now Ash has burst into song. It's almost impressive just how OOC this is.
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6668779/1/Project_Stun
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[The three scientists had managed to acquire a single DNA strand from Stun, and had decided to clone him.]
If he's powerful because he trained under Mew, then his DNA isn't going to do much.
["We could clone him, make him even stronger than he was. It'd be simple. Maybe merge his DNA with the DNA of a Legendary Pokemon.]
Okay, crash course in science. You don't say "let's do this AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS". You get the first thing done first. If there's a pokemon of unknown power, you clone it and only then try messing around with DNA merging on the next batch.
Also, if they've got legendary DNA, why aren't they just cloning those?
[The scientists had trained these Alakazams to imprint memories on their specimens, so this was no new task. Using information from everything the scientists could find out about Stun, the Alakazams took the information from the scientists and started to imprint memories onto the new specimen.]
No, they can't. Seriously, they're talking about the DNA of a myth. They know jack shit about him, and what they do know is going to be the irrelevant stuff. You can't imprint training under Mew if Mew's training is some secret special thing he had that no one else can emulate.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6668882/1/Hogwarts_Pokemon
Look, you really, really shouldn't ask for characters. Doesn't work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don't fit together properly. It's like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you're going to end up with a mess.
[Summary When a girl enters Hogwarts, that isn't given one house, but four, what do you think happens? She is three natured; A multi-Alice user, a Witch and a pokémon owner all in one. She doesn't fit in. ]
Well no, she's a massive sue.
Nonstory chapters are banned.
[Months of petty crimes and civil disputes, and suddenly they expected this sorry band of trainees to take down Cipher in a day? ]
Please don't invent your own plot holes.
[Sucking in his breath, Rowley hesitated. He should wait for reinforcements, or at least a partner… but no, he couldn't. He had to know. ]
...and why can't he wait, exactly?
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Near the bottom were a few cages with Poochyena in them. Rowley bend over to examine them, curious—then almost immediately leapt back with a shout of horror.
They had tiny human hands.]
For one thing, it's "bent" and "leaped". For another, so what?
Why is the dialogue all bolded?
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[She was a special project. Shipped the DNA all the way from Sinnoh. She ain't braggin', though," He snickered. "Uptight, ain't she?" ]
…
["And I mean, when she first started changing, I thought the ears were pretty cute," The boy described his crush on one of the other captives, who was eventually spliced with Meowth DNA. "But once her face got all squished up I kinda lost interest." ]
Yeah pretty much hating him more by the minute.
[The other man seemed distant for a while, then nodded firmly. "Right. We'll take care of that pretty quick. Can you lead us?"
"What do you mean, 'take care of it'?" Rowley questioned nervously.
"Put 'em out of their sorry misery," The officer nodded towards the Eevee girl, "If she could talk, do you think she'd want to live like that?"
"I can talk," Abby spoke up, pouting indignantly.]
So if you were going for absurdist black humor I guess this works. For anything else, not so much.
What exactly is so horrible about this? She doesn't look injured and she's not behaving like she's in pain. You keep having people react like this is the most horrible thing ever. People don't flip out at monkeys because they look kind of like people with fur. Moreover, given a lot of the pokemorphs were born human, they still legally have human rights. No one seeing a bunch of injured people would think the right response was to shoot them and put them out of their misery, and they wouldn't start trying to nitpick about how maybe they just looked like people but actually weren't.
You don't even do that to injured animals, for god's sake.
[He had scrunched up his eyebrows, apparently in pained inner turmoil. Was he supposed to feel sorry for her because of her intelligence, or hate her all the more? ]
Since when do you hate test subjects?
[The younger officer—Randy—gave a cry of shock, and instinctively drew his gun against the monster before him. ]
Or this. Why exactly are odd looking people so terrifying in a world that ALREADY HAS MONSTERS? Is she seriously more scary than a rhydon?
["'Least a couple dozen. Some of 'em… ain't gonna last much longer, though." The teen was bouncing again, nervous and excited, trying to remain serious while another smile was tugging at his lips. ]
...is he meant to be coming off as a sociopath here?
[No one told ya whether you should help us or not. It was just you and me at first, and ya coulda just... punched me in the face or somethin'. But ya didn't. You stuck around and even helped us convince the other people. You're a good person for that, mister. A real good person." ]
Not punching innocent people and leaving them to die is not actually some amazing display of goodness. What the hell.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664065/1/A_Pokemon_Story
Don't capitalize random words.
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664080/1/The_True_Nature_of_Nature
You're jumping between past and present tense. Don't do that.
[Melissa's eyes would crack open at odd hours of the night and morning, her sleep disturbed by the raging of her parents in the room next door. She didn't know why her parent's fought ]
If they're yelling so loud she can't sleep, how can she not know why they're fighting?
[It was driving her insane. She had begun to sleep in her classes, missing out on information essential to passing her tests. ]
Why doesn't she just sleep in the afternoon?
[None of the "always caring" teachers at school ever questioned her about her home life to figure out what was causing the bad grades. She figured they probably thought she was staying up too late while playing videogames. If she didn't know herself, she'd say the same thing. After all, she had a variety of videogame tees she wore to school every day. ]
That's bizarrely specific. Or, you know, they could just not have really noticed because they signed up to teach kids, not play social worker, or they could just assume it was one of the dozens of other reasons kids have for their grades slipping.
...and then she runs into some spirit of nature pokemon and now she's the spirit of nature what the fuck? That was pointless.
Blocked!
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664094/1/Adventures_in_Sinnoh
Don't post character bios. If it matters, it belongs in the fic. If it doesn't, don't bring it up.
[damm ]
Spellcheck.
[-A few minutes later- ]
Learn to write scene transitions.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Generally awful, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664264/1/PokemonAshs_Father_Red_Ketchum
[I will appreciate any review you post weather it be a compliment or constructive criticism]
Weather is if it's raining. You mean "whether".
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664274/1/Meowths_Nine_Lives
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Do not use " for thoughts. Ever. It just looks like your character is talking to themself.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[Jessie looked at her injured companion. Whoever did this to him, they would pay.]
Uh, they did? Indirectly by kicking him into the Safari Zone?
That was pretty much plotless. It's just a series of events happening for no discernible purpose.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664394/1/The_Nature_of_Me
[Just a wile ago]
While.
[My parents moved to the planes ]
Plains. Get a beta reader, you've got a lot of these mistakes.
[my moms ]
Apostrophe for a possessive. Should be "mom's".
Write out numbers with letters.
Seriously, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664415/1/A_bit_of_a_mess
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
["You, my friend, are a full grown man who has a habit of flirting with teenage girls. Hm, now what does that say? Paedophile," Kate said, sarcastically but truthfully.]
Actually a pedophile is someone attracted to preteens. Also, if when she calls him a pedophile she's telling the truth, it's not actually a joke. Child rape isn't.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6664992/1/Pokemon_Generations_What_we_really_are
[You still hear stories around the towns about how people used Pokémon to battle and win contests, but nobody does that anymore. You see, there was a breakthrough in the scientific world of DNA experiments and stuff like that. They found out how to really communicate with them, be like them, and have them act like us. Now Pokémon are just like house pets; nothing more. ]
That doesn't make the slightest bit of sense. "We learned how to makes them more like people, therefore we treat them less like people"?
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[a miss use ]
Misuse.
[There was once a single bread of human. ]
Breed. Get a beta reader.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Write out numbers with letters.
[she layed on her stomach ]
Laid. Seriously, get a beta reader.
[Their taking .ER!" ]
They're, and no idea what that last bit is supposed to mean.
And now they're randomly fighting because they're unlikeable assholes I don't want to read about.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665071/1/Pokemon_Kanto_Chronicles
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Stop using "spoke". It doesn't work like that.
[Now as you know, this world is inhabited by fascinating creatures known as Pokemon. People and Pokemon live together by supporting each other. Some people play with them, some battle. But, we don't know everything about Pokemon quite yet, which is why we have people like myself who study them everyday ]
This is stupid. Just because something's in the games doesn't mean you have to reference it.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665171/1/brand_new_start
This isn't a story, it's a summary.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665310/1/The_Time_has_come_for_Ash
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665554/1/His_Sister
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665554/2/His_Sister
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
[A few minutes later ]
Learn to write scene transitions.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665711/2/Speed_the_Buizel
Nonstory chapters are banned.
Look, you really, really shouldn't ask for characters. Doesn't work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don't fit together properly. It's like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you're going to end up with a mess.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6665866/1/Pokemon_Battles_1_Lucario
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666125/1/Between_friends
Capitalize your title properly.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[Which Noctowl clumsily returned with an even bigger blush on her face. It was strange that she blushed though, after all Pikachu was a girl right? The only time she ever blushed before was around guys, she wasn't a lesbian, so why was she reacting this way to Pikachu's hug. ]
This is going nowhere good.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666177/1/The_Moonlight_Walk
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[(After the Wedding)I don't want to go do this but they said their vows and said their I do's]
Then why are you writing this.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666352/1/The_Legendary_DNA_Chronicles
[Key:
"Telepathic Speak"
'Telepathic Thoughts'
"Emphasized Telepathic Dream Speak"
"Emphasized Telepathic Speak"
"Emphasized Telepathic Thoughts"
"Telepathic Dream Speak"
"Normal Speak"
'Normal Thoughts'
"Emphasized Dream Speak"
"Emphasized Normal Speak"
"Emphasized Normal Thoughts"
"Dream Speak'
Normal Narrative Words
Emphasized Narrative Words]
Jesus fucking christ. How did a dialogue key half the length of your fic seem like a good idea.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Persevered the key's formatting just to make it clear it didn't even make sense originally.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666583/1/Giovannis_Resurgence
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
It's "okay", four letters.
Eh. I think this would have been stronger if you'd just focused on the poor grunt who joined up for a tyranitar. He was kind of amusing and I think if you'd spent more time fleshing out his section you'd have a good story, while the rest is just standard 2-D Giovanni. Even the bit about him being soaking wet is far better as an aside than when we actually get the explanation of why.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6666587/1/My_Secrets
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667060/1/Reassurance
[The onyx-haired trainer ]
Please don't do this. Use names or relevant description.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You really should use said more. Said is invisible. You should only use other words occasionally, when you mean to draw attention to how it's being said.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667235/1/No_Greater_Love_Shown
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Wow, the filler just keeps going and going. Less explaining, more doing.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667359/1/The_Black_Latios
[a fifth-teen year ]
Fifteen.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
If you're going to translate pokemon speech, just do it, don't write out nonsense in front.
[Ash ran left and right, around corner and under arcs ]
Corners. And it's spelled "arches". Proofread better.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667467/1/A_New_Perspective
Ugh, chosen one fic. Look, if you start off your story telling people your main character succeeds, it's not especially suspenseful.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667486/1/The_Dark_The_Light
[I told myself i wouldn't write a new fic unless i finish at least one im writing right now but this came up right after i finished Mysterious Stranger. it started off as a drabble but i couldn't stop, more ideas came flooding in. ]
There is no capital letter shortage.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667503/1/Charm
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667724/1/Date_for_the_Night
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667738/1/Just_the_Beginning
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667792/1/Pokemon_Plus_Pursuer_of_the_Truth
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
This is incoherent. Get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6667887/1/Jake_the_Pokemorph
[Last month, I was living a normal, boring life. I had nothing to live for, so I ran away and gave myself up for military research. ]
A boring life is grounds for suicide now?
[The experiment was to help troops out at war by letting them transform into animals. And because of my dad's invention, they used pokemon instead of animals. You see, pokemon DNA is more complicated than Earth animals, and if pokemon transformations are possible, animals are definitely going to work. ]
That's the exact opposite of how science is done.
[One scientist had some charmander DNA acquired from the portal. They loaded it into a big needle, and I started hyperventilating. They carefully inserted the needle that had the special DNA, my new pokemorph DNA, and the charmander DNA mixed together into my arm. ]
Yeah it really wouldn't work that way.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[I was near pallet town. ]
Pallet Town is the town's name and therefore capitalized as such.
It's "rattata". If you aren't sure of a spelling, look it up.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6668140/1/Crazy_Love
[He just looked so – so – handsom, ]
Spellcheck.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[(A/N. I changed some of the lyrics to stop it sounding too lovey-dovey, so if you're looking for the lyrics, don't come here!) ]
Don't put author notes in your story.
...and now Ash has burst into song. It's almost impressive just how OOC this is.
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6668779/1/Project_Stun
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[The three scientists had managed to acquire a single DNA strand from Stun, and had decided to clone him.]
If he's powerful because he trained under Mew, then his DNA isn't going to do much.
["We could clone him, make him even stronger than he was. It'd be simple. Maybe merge his DNA with the DNA of a Legendary Pokemon.]
Okay, crash course in science. You don't say "let's do this AND THIS AND THIS AND THIS". You get the first thing done first. If there's a pokemon of unknown power, you clone it and only then try messing around with DNA merging on the next batch.
Also, if they've got legendary DNA, why aren't they just cloning those?
[The scientists had trained these Alakazams to imprint memories on their specimens, so this was no new task. Using information from everything the scientists could find out about Stun, the Alakazams took the information from the scientists and started to imprint memories onto the new specimen.]
No, they can't. Seriously, they're talking about the DNA of a myth. They know jack shit about him, and what they do know is going to be the irrelevant stuff. You can't imprint training under Mew if Mew's training is some secret special thing he had that no one else can emulate.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6668882/1/Hogwarts_Pokemon
Look, you really, really shouldn't ask for characters. Doesn't work right. You get people doing all sorts of characters, and they may each be fine but they don't fit together properly. It's like trying to complete a hundred-piece puzzle by taking fifty of the pieces from fifty other puzzles. They may all be good puzzles, and you may pick only the prettiest pieces, but you're going to end up with a mess.
[Summary When a girl enters Hogwarts, that isn't given one house, but four, what do you think happens? She is three natured; A multi-Alice user, a Witch and a pokémon owner all in one. She doesn't fit in. ]
Well no, she's a massive sue.
Nonstory chapters are banned.
