Nare11, Day Twenty-four
Jan. 24th, 2011 11:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlahttp://www.fanfiction.net/s/6669189/1/Pokemon_Ghost_Black
Eh, that's a nice copypasta but you really should have cut off the end. It's much creepier just ending on him walking around a dead world.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6669216/1/Law_Breaker
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6669352/1/Home_Sweet_Home
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6669524/1/The_Cuties_of_Wigglytuffs_Guild
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[The giant Loudred ]
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
["If she wasn't like a sister to both of us, I'd kinda wonder why we let her join the team." Alex thought aloud, shaking his head to stop the ringing he'd remembered was still there.
Jet rolled to his stomach and pushed himself onto his feet. "I'm with you there Al, but I guess you gotta love her to understand why we keep her." He was speaking of the other guild members that couldn't understand how Callie had even become a member herself.]
Much as I hate the entire character type of the teehee crazy girl, you've managed to make it even more obnoxious by not even bothering with any narrative reason for her getting dismissed like this. So far, the only things she's done is figure out that earplugs will muffle the wakeup call to the point it's not physically painful and be energetic. That's not the sort of thing that requires special exceptions and condescension about how rules are getting bent because she's cute.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6669658/1/A_Beautiful_Friendship
[For the readers Knowledge: ]
It's "readers'" and don't capitalize random words.
[Have you ever been excited? Like really excited you can't sleep…at all? ]
No, I've never been excited about the fact I can't sleep. Proofreading, it's actually important. You've got a lot of these errors.
[The items I would need were supplied by my older sister, Micki. Thankfully she's been a trainer since she was ten. I'm sixteen and just now starting my journey, tomorrow. Of course, Micki has practically traveled the world of all five regions. Training her top six Pokémon to the max and then to participate in the Pokémon league to then find out that she could only get the fifth round before she lost.
But me, I'm different. I stayed in school to learn and how to hone the skills of strategizing any battle given. Although you can leave school at ten if you feel comfortable enough to take on the travels, I didn't make that choice. ]
Ugh, yet another of these.
Just look at what you wrote and think about it for a few seconds. Micki spent more than six years raising her pokemon. When your character starts, they will not be as good as Micki at sixteen, they will be as strong as Micki at ten, because knowing any possible battle combination doesn't change much when you're got a L5 pokemon with two moves. When your character has a year of experience, they will be around as good as Micki at eleven, because an entire year of battle practice is enough to also learn about strategy and moves, while actual Micki is as strong as they are right currently plus another year of experience.
This is why it's stupid to say your trainer was "studying".
You're jumping between past and present tense. Don't do that.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[And with her heading to Cinnabar Island, I won't see her until my journey comes full circle, unless, of course, I use the computer phones that are usually located at Pokémon centers in every town or so. ]
Oh no, they won't see her unless they use the obvious and easily available way of seeing her.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6670157/1/Shining_Cousins
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
["She then said that the army was stupid to begin with and that anyone who joins is a fool!" ]
Your dialogue is incredibly awkward. People don't sound like this when they talk.
["Damn you, Old Man. You and Ma couldn't have given me a brother, could you? No, the both of you had to give me a sister, who I know is filling Kamitsure's head with that shit!" exclaimed Matis. ]
Oh good, I was just thinking I hadn't seen enough sexism this month.
["Permission to gather water balloons and throw them at Kamitsure, Sir?" asked Denzi with a salute.
"Permission granted!" bellowed Matis.]
Yeah I'm just done.
Another block! If only people start doing this more I could actually try avoiding the fics beforehand.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6670217/1/Im_in_Love_with_You
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6670461/1/Pokemon_Emerald_Story_Walkthrough
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[living in Pallet town ]
Also, you capitalize all of a name, not half of it.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
It's "okay", four letters.
Anyway, that was boring and the same as every other Emerald-based fanfic. You could at least put some effort into describing things.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6670655/1/Pokemon_Ranger_Shadows_of_Almia
[Okami: Anyway, who should do the Disclaimer this time...?]
Don't capitalize words at random.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
And in the case of stuff you're copying verbatum from the games? Someone probably already has. In fact, a lot of someones probably already have, and you don't need to do it yet again in your fanfic.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6671317/1/Chillarmy_Tails
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[our family had only limited money and thus decided to set my little sister, of only ten years of age compared to my fourteen, with any Pokemon that she wanted, and of course she had to go for the expensive rare Eevee that was so lusted after by most of the school, so that there would be no money left for me to get a Pokemon. Of course concerning my parents' idea of me they probably wouldn't let me get a Pokemon anyway, even if it was a cheap Rattata at a pet store. ]
So it's an abuse sue today.
[She was quite big for her age, and pretty much reached five feet; she was only a couple of inches shorter than I was. She had a small slender frame and couldn't have weighted more than 80 pounds. ]
That's not slender, that's starving.
...and now it's just endless people being mean to your precious main character for no discernible reason. Wow, this is boring. What's really sad is you probably think this is some super clever parody of the concept, instead of being the exact same thing.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6671471/1/Of_Course_it_Happens_to_Me
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6671471/2/Of_Course_it_Happens_to_Me
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
Don't jump between third and first person.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6672122/1/Master_Triplets
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You're jumping between past and present tense. Don't do that.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[I deadpanned, "I don't want Bulbasaur. Grass types are hard to train! ]
No, bulbasaur is the easiest starter to raise. If you're going to make an excuse to avoid your character wanting one, make it a sane one.
...a pikachu, of course.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6672289/1/Help_Me_Drew
[Cat humans have been showing up just as long as humans can remember. You can have two normal humans having a child that is cathuman. They are seen as the lowest being, even lower then a cockroach. Some believe they are just as important to society as a normal human. Others think that they are nothing but amusement. They think they can enslave the cathumans. This is unfair to the beings. Just as the Africans' were enslaved a long time ago, the cat people are taking their place, as more and more appear. ]
Ridiculously over the top, and something that should be original fic rather than something you're trying to claim as fanfic.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Seriously? She's completely crazy, while he's still sane after years of being an abused slave, and now she needs his ~love~ to fix her? Ugh.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6672891/1/All_I_want_is_you
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673082/1/Pokemon_Mystery_Dungeon_my_version
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673637/1/Pokemon_The_Next_Generation
[But now, something else weird was happening. He opened the door and didn't recognize the woman standing there. ]
Then why did he recognize her voice as his mother's?
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[((Yes I know this is so natural: Someone teleported into the Pokèmon world. Just you wait. xD)) ]
Don't put author notes in your story. Especially not smug, idiotic ones.
[He could name them all. Bulbasaur, the Bulb Pokèmon. Type was mixed, Grass and Poison. Charmander, the Lizard Pokèmon. Type was Fire, and when fully evolved, Flying Fire. Squirtle, the Turtle Pokèmon. Type was Water Pokèmon, the only starter without a second type at any point in it's evolution change. ]
Yeah so can the rest of us. Just once I'd like to see someone do something other than recite the bare basics as proof they're a pokemon fan.
It's "okay", four letters.
Huh. So I guess it's interesting to see one of these where the main character actually reacts in a way to blow his cover - too many of them have the character catching on immediately and playing along. But he doesn't really have any consequences from his crazy outburst. Imagine if your sibling did this. You wouldn't just wonder if they had a fever, you'd be pretty disturbed, and I doubt you'd accept their vague later explanation that they hit their head as a reason why they're actually fine to go on a trip.
[I've been beaten by the Pokèmon League five times now. I always come back, give my Pokèmon to Professor Oak, and start over. ]
That's ridiculous.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673740/1/Blind_to_the_Truth
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Stop writing "*sigh*".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673770/1/Calm_Before_the_Storm
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[You see, in this world, only certain people, like Hato and Soru, can control Pokemon. Those individuals can also use Spirit Weapons, weapons whose shape can change on command. The people who are naturally born with the ability to use Pokemon are also given a unique job opportunity. They can choose to work for companies whose sworn goal is to establish a balance between people and Pokemon and work to eliminate those who threaten it. Hato and Soru both work for one such company named Poketto, but there are nine others scattered around the world that help do the same job.]
Huh. I guess that's different, but it seems like you've changed the setting to the point you're not really writing about pokemon.
[Okay," the female adult exclaimed. ]
Stop abusing epithets and don't use inappropriate speech tags. She's not exclaiming, she's just talking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673827/1/In_Your_Dreams
All bold is obnoxious to read.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Also, James is lying, the idea Meowth has a crush on Pikachu is just creepy given he regularly attempts to beat it up and kidnap it.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673907/1/E_Pluribus_Adeku_Rise_of_a_Champion
[PROLOUGE ]
SPELLCHECK.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674040/1/The_Definition_of_Weakness
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Nonetheless, they still made it to the small port Pueltown was so proud of in time to take a leap of faith off the edge, over the water (with Horatio screaming all the way) and-yes! - onto the boat.
The first thing they did was look for a hiding spot.]
So absolutely no one saw this? Also, most large boats have high enough sides you can't just jump into them from the dock.
When used in place of a name, it's written Dad, not dad. It's only in constructions like my/her/the dad that it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[Then again, I'm very happy too…to be gone from her crazily strict father! ]
If her father doesn't even know she has a pokemon, why would her pokemon act like he's interacted with the guy?
I guess that this is a different sort of plot, but your trainer is just the same flat, irritating hyper non-character as in so many other fics, which makes me not want to read about her.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674079/1/Together_Well_Make_a_Promise
Why did you bold the first letter of every paragraph? It's really annoying.
[It was all fine in the kingdom of Juliet until this stupid fever came along and infected the entire world. A useless thing called Pokémon. I don't really understand what it is, but everyone seems to adore it. ]
See, that's not how popularity works. The popular kids don't just declare what the right thing is, they move along with existing trends. If something new becomes popular, they get into it because they know it's social suicide not to. I get that you're really bitter about the mean popular kids, but they did actually put in effort to get that position, it doesn't just happen.
[That stupid Kevin didn't attend to a party with me to stay home and watch the cartoon. ]
Also, seriously? They're in high school and acting like this? It's a kid's show. Accept this.
Dialogue is written with quotation marks, ", not dashes.
It's "okay", four letters.
You've got a lot of other minor grammar errors, get a beta reader.
[PC Rotom says: Don't be afraid, Juliet. I was observing you and I know all about you. The Ice Queen.]
God do I hate that phrase. Could you maybe not imply the problem is that she doesn't want to sleep with you?
[analise]
Spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674093/1/Did_I_ever_want_to_get_linked
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674374/1/The_Emerald_Saga
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674466/1/Rise_of_a_New_Exploration_Team
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
["Sorry about probing your mind instead of asking you how you got here." ]
Then why probe her mind instead of asking?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674839/1/New_Beggings_in_Kanto
It's spelled "beginnings".
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Pallet is the town's name and therefore gets capitalized.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's "okay", four letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674896/1/Our_Adventures_In_Isshu
Opening your story with a character getting up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Yet another overage trainer because of yet another overprotective mother who yet again failed to get a pokemon and raise it in the intervening years because he's yet another moron.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[beggining]
Spellcheck.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674980/1/Comatose
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6675000/1/Pokemon_A_New_Master
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6676013/1/Youre_My_Best_Enemy
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Write out numbers with letters.
[Leaf was 12 years old. She had recently obtained her Trainer's License, and now she could have her own Pokémon. Professor Oak had originally said she had to wait until she was 15, but for some reason for another he had agreed to let her start earlier on two conditions that he would tell her about when she arrived. ]
Trainer start at ten.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
["I would like you two to travel together."
...
"NO WAY IN HELL!" Leaf and Gary yelled together.]
It's been a while since I've seen this terrible trope. Hadn't missed it.
[Oak nodded. "Good! Oh, and the Pokedexes have a special link between them, so I know when you're not in the same town or on the same route together. So don't try leaving Pallet together and then splitting up." ]
Most didn't go to quite this level of inanity, though.
Eh, that's a nice copypasta but you really should have cut off the end. It's much creepier just ending on him walking around a dead world.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6669216/1/Law_Breaker
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6669352/1/Home_Sweet_Home
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6669524/1/The_Cuties_of_Wigglytuffs_Guild
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[The giant Loudred ]
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
["If she wasn't like a sister to both of us, I'd kinda wonder why we let her join the team." Alex thought aloud, shaking his head to stop the ringing he'd remembered was still there.
Jet rolled to his stomach and pushed himself onto his feet. "I'm with you there Al, but I guess you gotta love her to understand why we keep her." He was speaking of the other guild members that couldn't understand how Callie had even become a member herself.]
Much as I hate the entire character type of the teehee crazy girl, you've managed to make it even more obnoxious by not even bothering with any narrative reason for her getting dismissed like this. So far, the only things she's done is figure out that earplugs will muffle the wakeup call to the point it's not physically painful and be energetic. That's not the sort of thing that requires special exceptions and condescension about how rules are getting bent because she's cute.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6669658/1/A_Beautiful_Friendship
[For the readers Knowledge: ]
It's "readers'" and don't capitalize random words.
[Have you ever been excited? Like really excited you can't sleep…at all? ]
No, I've never been excited about the fact I can't sleep. Proofreading, it's actually important. You've got a lot of these errors.
[The items I would need were supplied by my older sister, Micki. Thankfully she's been a trainer since she was ten. I'm sixteen and just now starting my journey, tomorrow. Of course, Micki has practically traveled the world of all five regions. Training her top six Pokémon to the max and then to participate in the Pokémon league to then find out that she could only get the fifth round before she lost.
But me, I'm different. I stayed in school to learn and how to hone the skills of strategizing any battle given. Although you can leave school at ten if you feel comfortable enough to take on the travels, I didn't make that choice. ]
Ugh, yet another of these.
Just look at what you wrote and think about it for a few seconds. Micki spent more than six years raising her pokemon. When your character starts, they will not be as good as Micki at sixteen, they will be as strong as Micki at ten, because knowing any possible battle combination doesn't change much when you're got a L5 pokemon with two moves. When your character has a year of experience, they will be around as good as Micki at eleven, because an entire year of battle practice is enough to also learn about strategy and moves, while actual Micki is as strong as they are right currently plus another year of experience.
This is why it's stupid to say your trainer was "studying".
You're jumping between past and present tense. Don't do that.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[And with her heading to Cinnabar Island, I won't see her until my journey comes full circle, unless, of course, I use the computer phones that are usually located at Pokémon centers in every town or so. ]
Oh no, they won't see her unless they use the obvious and easily available way of seeing her.
"Your" is possessive, as in, your story, "you're" means "you are".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6670157/1/Shining_Cousins
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
["She then said that the army was stupid to begin with and that anyone who joins is a fool!" ]
Your dialogue is incredibly awkward. People don't sound like this when they talk.
["Damn you, Old Man. You and Ma couldn't have given me a brother, could you? No, the both of you had to give me a sister, who I know is filling Kamitsure's head with that shit!" exclaimed Matis. ]
Oh good, I was just thinking I hadn't seen enough sexism this month.
["Permission to gather water balloons and throw them at Kamitsure, Sir?" asked Denzi with a salute.
"Permission granted!" bellowed Matis.]
Yeah I'm just done.
Another block! If only people start doing this more I could actually try avoiding the fics beforehand.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6670217/1/Im_in_Love_with_You
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6670461/1/Pokemon_Emerald_Story_Walkthrough
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[living in Pallet town ]
Also, you capitalize all of a name, not half of it.
When used in place of a name, it's written Mom, in any other constructions like my/her/the mom it's written as such.
It's "okay", four letters.
Anyway, that was boring and the same as every other Emerald-based fanfic. You could at least put some effort into describing things.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6670655/1/Pokemon_Ranger_Shadows_of_Almia
[Okami: Anyway, who should do the Disclaimer this time...?]
Don't capitalize words at random.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
And in the case of stuff you're copying verbatum from the games? Someone probably already has. In fact, a lot of someones probably already have, and you don't need to do it yet again in your fanfic.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6671317/1/Chillarmy_Tails
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[our family had only limited money and thus decided to set my little sister, of only ten years of age compared to my fourteen, with any Pokemon that she wanted, and of course she had to go for the expensive rare Eevee that was so lusted after by most of the school, so that there would be no money left for me to get a Pokemon. Of course concerning my parents' idea of me they probably wouldn't let me get a Pokemon anyway, even if it was a cheap Rattata at a pet store. ]
So it's an abuse sue today.
[She was quite big for her age, and pretty much reached five feet; she was only a couple of inches shorter than I was. She had a small slender frame and couldn't have weighted more than 80 pounds. ]
That's not slender, that's starving.
...and now it's just endless people being mean to your precious main character for no discernible reason. Wow, this is boring. What's really sad is you probably think this is some super clever parody of the concept, instead of being the exact same thing.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6671471/1/Of_Course_it_Happens_to_Me
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Also, this is far too short for a first chapter. You don't need to start a new chapter with each new scene. This should go in front of your next chapter, not by itself.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6671471/2/Of_Course_it_Happens_to_Me
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
Don't jump between third and first person.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6672122/1/Master_Triplets
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
You're jumping between past and present tense. Don't do that.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[I deadpanned, "I don't want Bulbasaur. Grass types are hard to train! ]
No, bulbasaur is the easiest starter to raise. If you're going to make an excuse to avoid your character wanting one, make it a sane one.
...a pikachu, of course.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6672289/1/Help_Me_Drew
[Cat humans have been showing up just as long as humans can remember. You can have two normal humans having a child that is cathuman. They are seen as the lowest being, even lower then a cockroach. Some believe they are just as important to society as a normal human. Others think that they are nothing but amusement. They think they can enslave the cathumans. This is unfair to the beings. Just as the Africans' were enslaved a long time ago, the cat people are taking their place, as more and more appear. ]
Ridiculously over the top, and something that should be original fic rather than something you're trying to claim as fanfic.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Seriously? She's completely crazy, while he's still sane after years of being an abused slave, and now she needs his ~love~ to fix her? Ugh.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6672891/1/All_I_want_is_you
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673082/1/Pokemon_Mystery_Dungeon_my_version
Terrible, get a beta reader.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673637/1/Pokemon_The_Next_Generation
[But now, something else weird was happening. He opened the door and didn't recognize the woman standing there. ]
Then why did he recognize her voice as his mother's?
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[((Yes I know this is so natural: Someone teleported into the Pokèmon world. Just you wait. xD)) ]
Don't put author notes in your story. Especially not smug, idiotic ones.
[He could name them all. Bulbasaur, the Bulb Pokèmon. Type was mixed, Grass and Poison. Charmander, the Lizard Pokèmon. Type was Fire, and when fully evolved, Flying Fire. Squirtle, the Turtle Pokèmon. Type was Water Pokèmon, the only starter without a second type at any point in it's evolution change. ]
Yeah so can the rest of us. Just once I'd like to see someone do something other than recite the bare basics as proof they're a pokemon fan.
It's "okay", four letters.
Huh. So I guess it's interesting to see one of these where the main character actually reacts in a way to blow his cover - too many of them have the character catching on immediately and playing along. But he doesn't really have any consequences from his crazy outburst. Imagine if your sibling did this. You wouldn't just wonder if they had a fever, you'd be pretty disturbed, and I doubt you'd accept their vague later explanation that they hit their head as a reason why they're actually fine to go on a trip.
[I've been beaten by the Pokèmon League five times now. I always come back, give my Pokèmon to Professor Oak, and start over. ]
That's ridiculous.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673740/1/Blind_to_the_Truth
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
"Its" is possessive, as in "its story" and "it's" means "it is".
Stop writing "*sigh*".
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673770/1/Calm_Before_the_Storm
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[You see, in this world, only certain people, like Hato and Soru, can control Pokemon. Those individuals can also use Spirit Weapons, weapons whose shape can change on command. The people who are naturally born with the ability to use Pokemon are also given a unique job opportunity. They can choose to work for companies whose sworn goal is to establish a balance between people and Pokemon and work to eliminate those who threaten it. Hato and Soru both work for one such company named Poketto, but there are nine others scattered around the world that help do the same job.]
Huh. I guess that's different, but it seems like you've changed the setting to the point you're not really writing about pokemon.
[Okay," the female adult exclaimed. ]
Stop abusing epithets and don't use inappropriate speech tags. She's not exclaiming, she's just talking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673827/1/In_Your_Dreams
All bold is obnoxious to read.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Also, James is lying, the idea Meowth has a crush on Pikachu is just creepy given he regularly attempts to beat it up and kidnap it.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6673907/1/E_Pluribus_Adeku_Rise_of_a_Champion
[PROLOUGE ]
SPELLCHECK.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674040/1/The_Definition_of_Weakness
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[Nonetheless, they still made it to the small port Pueltown was so proud of in time to take a leap of faith off the edge, over the water (with Horatio screaming all the way) and-yes! - onto the boat.
The first thing they did was look for a hiding spot.]
So absolutely no one saw this? Also, most large boats have high enough sides you can't just jump into them from the dock.
When used in place of a name, it's written Dad, not dad. It's only in constructions like my/her/the dad that it's written as such.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
[Then again, I'm very happy too…to be gone from her crazily strict father! ]
If her father doesn't even know she has a pokemon, why would her pokemon act like he's interacted with the guy?
I guess that this is a different sort of plot, but your trainer is just the same flat, irritating hyper non-character as in so many other fics, which makes me not want to read about her.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674079/1/Together_Well_Make_a_Promise
Why did you bold the first letter of every paragraph? It's really annoying.
[It was all fine in the kingdom of Juliet until this stupid fever came along and infected the entire world. A useless thing called Pokémon. I don't really understand what it is, but everyone seems to adore it. ]
See, that's not how popularity works. The popular kids don't just declare what the right thing is, they move along with existing trends. If something new becomes popular, they get into it because they know it's social suicide not to. I get that you're really bitter about the mean popular kids, but they did actually put in effort to get that position, it doesn't just happen.
[That stupid Kevin didn't attend to a party with me to stay home and watch the cartoon. ]
Also, seriously? They're in high school and acting like this? It's a kid's show. Accept this.
Dialogue is written with quotation marks, ", not dashes.
It's "okay", four letters.
You've got a lot of other minor grammar errors, get a beta reader.
[PC Rotom says: Don't be afraid, Juliet. I was observing you and I know all about you. The Ice Queen.]
God do I hate that phrase. Could you maybe not imply the problem is that she doesn't want to sleep with you?
[analise]
Spellcheck.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674093/1/Did_I_ever_want_to_get_linked
Capitalize your title properly.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674374/1/The_Emerald_Saga
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674466/1/Rise_of_a_New_Exploration_Team
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
["Sorry about probing your mind instead of asking you how you got here." ]
Then why probe her mind instead of asking?
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674839/1/New_Beggings_in_Kanto
It's spelled "beginnings".
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Pallet is the town's name and therefore gets capitalized.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
It's "okay", four letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674896/1/Our_Adventures_In_Isshu
Opening your story with a character getting up for the day is generic and horribly, horribly overdone, and to be perfectly honest it's so incredibly dull and boring a start that even if I hadn't seen it, very literally here, hundreds upon hundreds of times before, I would still tell you you should have started at some other, interesting point.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Yet another overage trainer because of yet another overprotective mother who yet again failed to get a pokemon and raise it in the intervening years because he's yet another moron.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
[beggining]
Spellcheck.
It's really easy to overrely on dialogue to tell your story. Dialogue is easy to write - not only have you heard people talking all the time, but you also talk yourself and you can easily imagine talking about what's happening in your story. The problem is that this doesn't mean that dialogue is actually moving the story along or interesting to read. You need to strip out unnecessary conversations and spend more time on narration, describing the setting around them, the actions they're taking and what they're thinking.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6674980/1/Comatose
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6675000/1/Pokemon_A_New_Master
There are four thousand stories just on this site in this category with "pokemon" in their title. There are three hundred "chronicles", more if you include misspellings, almost as many with "begins" and "beginning", and god knows how many "Character Name"'s whatever. There are almost five hundred with "legend". There are over eight hundred with "journey", seven hundred and fifty with "story", two hundred with "quest", and nine hundred and fifty with "adventure". "Kanto" and "Sinnoh" shows up two hundred times, with "Johto" and "Hoenn" around one hundred and fifty. "Saga", "region" and "champion" come in at around a hundred. What I'm getting at here is that you want to choose an original title that has to do with your story in particular, not something that indicates it's yet another story about a pokemon trainer.
Paragraphing has rules. You start a new paragraph with a new subject. The goal is not to divide your story up into even blocks. Also, a new speaker means you start a new paragraph.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Write out numbers with letters.
http://www.fanfiction.net/s/6676013/1/Youre_My_Best_Enemy
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
Write out numbers with letters.
[Leaf was 12 years old. She had recently obtained her Trainer's License, and now she could have her own Pokémon. Professor Oak had originally said she had to wait until she was 15, but for some reason for another he had agreed to let her start earlier on two conditions that he would tell her about when she arrived. ]
Trainer start at ten.
You wouldn't capitalize animal or mouse or dragon, so you shouldn't capitalize words like pokemon or pikachu or charizard. The only time you should capitalize it is if you're using it as the pokemon's name, ie, Ash's pikachu is called Pikachu. This is because you only capitalize when it's a proper noun, which are the names of places or things. Similar reasoning should be applied to any other words you're thinking of capitalizing, like telephone or trainer. Or professor.
["I would like you two to travel together."
...
"NO WAY IN HELL!" Leaf and Gary yelled together.]
It's been a while since I've seen this terrible trope. Hadn't missed it.
[Oak nodded. "Good! Oh, and the Pokedexes have a special link between them, so I know when you're not in the same town or on the same route together. So don't try leaving Pallet together and then splitting up." ]
Most didn't go to quite this level of inanity, though.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-01-25 05:29 am (UTC)This was a good idea. I made the mistake of clicking the link and reading all the way to the end. These are the last two lines:
"I'm thankful that I only have Denzi. The teen years will at least be easy," shuddered Matis. "The worst a teenage boy could do is ruin some teenage girl's life. Raising a teenage girl is damn impossible."
Tessen could only let out another jolly laugh.
...ahaha oh God, that cat people story. Haven't seen much race fail in this category, but I can't say it's a welcome change.
no subject
Date: 2011-01-25 11:08 pm (UTC)There's something oddly charming about the total lack of fuck-giving in the catpeople story. "Hey so family friend who was cruelly forced into evil racial slavery, oh you don't need to call us master we're good people who aren't prejudiced, okay now fix our daughter, she got all depressed for some reason so we figured we should go buy you."