5 reviews

[farla]

Only the Good (Vriska (Terezi, Bec Noir))

Nicely described and I like how you write her, but, Vriska couldn't give chase. Bec Noir teleports to the meteor once he has her trail, then teleports back with the bodies shortly after.

Moray Eels (Droog, Slick (CD, Stitch, Snowman))

There's a plot hole where Slick gets his arm ripped off while Droog is still with the effigies and should have noticed, and it's hard to believe Droog would take it quite this badly, but it has Snowman making Slick's life worse and that's what's really important in life.

In light of the rest I think we're supposed to be agreeing that Snowman is evil evil evil for doing this to innocent baby Slick, but hey, death of the author.

Green Eyes (Slick (Snowman))

Trumped (DD (SS, HB, CD, Sleuth))

It's nice to see Sleuth get a chance to really be cool and hardboiled. The image of him sitting calmly through Slick's rant is a good one.

Die's Not so Obscure Interest (Snowman (Die, Crowbar))

Kind of amusing, but it doesn't really go anywhere. They're just saying general stoner babble to each other, and Crowbar takes off again before they can say anything specifically inane to him.

Keep the Plates Spinning (PS (SS, Kanaya))

Kanaya has the same non-voice as the verse's Aradia does.

Deep Thoughts About Hands (Crowbar (Die))

This one's a lot better. The idea of Die messing around with his pins while high is funny and terrifying, and Crowbar makes for a perfect straight man contrast.

The Dignitary and the Handmaiden (DD (Aradiacester))

This reads weirdly. It's hard to put my finger on, but it sort of feels like the story's just treading water. Their conversations have a lot of repetition, and nothing's really changing between one scene and another. And she seems way too helpless - she's out of the mansion, surely it's a more productive use of her time to run off and try to find a way to kill herself than it is to keep arguing with someone who's refused?

And I think it'd help to put more thought into Droog's actions. Why release her, of all things? If he thinks there's something important about her he might as well take her back to the hideout or at least put a little effort into making it hard for her to be found, and it's not like he's actually got a thing about not killing kids. He seems entirely too nice here.

The best way I would describe this one is where you're trying to write a story but you don't actually know what about. The author has a thought (What if Droog and Aradiacester met?) and doesn't have any real answer. They also seem to want to avoid Droog doing anything actually awful but haven't thought of a good reason why in the story. So the characters all feel like they're just figures being moved around.

THE TALK (Karkat, Sollux, DD, Tavros, Die, Eridan, Nepeta, Snowman, PS (Slick, CD, Aradia, HB, Terezi, Crowbar, AD, Vriska, PI, Kanaya))

Die seems to have been beaten to death with the uke stick. Also, the girls were far more likely to have their version written from the viewpoint of their guardian, who are naturally mostly males. As is so often the case, hell if I can tell you what that actually means.


Vriska (Terezi, Bec Noir)
Droog, Slick (CD, Stitch, Snowman)
Slick (Snowman)
DD (SS, HB, CD, Sleuth)
Snowman (Die, Crowbar)
PS (SS, Kanaya)
Crowbar (Die)
DD (Aradiacester)
Karkat, Sollux, DD, Tavros, Die, Eridan, Nepeta, Snowman, PS (Slick, CD, Aradia, HB, Terezi, Crowbar, AD, Vriska, PI, Kanaya)

Three of nine.