10 reviews
Oct. 28th, 2011 11:27 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farla The Sapphire of Alternia
You ask what his problem is for why he’s calling at three in the morning. He explains there’s a murder, and Anarchy Repressor wants him on the scene
That final "him" should probably be a "you", unless you meant the cop to be calling to inform Sleuth that AR wants the cop at the scene. Also, there's way too many "he"s in this in general, so it's hard to tell what refers to the cop calling and what refers to AR. This would be solved by names or possibly just not having everyone in the conversation be male.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
“Do you ever sleep?” Problem Sleuth asks somewhat incredulously as he tries to shake himself into consciousness.
“Is that you, Problem Sleuth? I can’t sleep, not with private detectives like you needing rides. It keeps me up at night!” She says. “What do you need?”
So, does she just sleep during the day? Is there a lot of 3 am business? Are there buses during the daytime or something so there's less call for cars?
“No problem, Sleuth!” Transportation Deferrer giggles.
...why is she giggling? She seems like she's at least moderately serious about doing her job well, and giggling is a great way to tell everyone to dismiss you as an airhead.
Sleuth puts a cigarette in his mouth and lights it. Because the best way to gather evidence is to contaminate it with paper ash, but nobody does DNA analysis or anything like that because it’s pointless so it’s not like it matters anyway.
This seems pretty jumbled. It's confusing to start a sentence sarcastically then switch to actually explaining more seriously, and the bit about DNA evidence seems to be saying that DNA analysis isn't done because it doesn't work, when I think what it's trying to say is more like "it's pointless to worry about contaminating the scene because no one does DNA analysis anyway".
“Has the body been disturbed?” Sleuth asks.
“No, we just got here five minutes ago.” Repressor responds.
“And you didn’t waste any time making sure everybody knows this is a crime scene. Hell, I’m sure the office drones in downtown could look in this direction and know this is police business only.” Sleuth says.
...yes? Cordoning off an area so people don't mess with the scene is the right thing to do, isn't it? What does Sleuth think he should have been doing instead?
“My gut instinct tells me this is a hit, and if it’s from one of the gangs, I’d rather you take the lead on this instead of me.”
“Mighty brave of you, Repressor.” Sleuth says. “But if I find the killer you’ll take all the credit.”
“Of course. And then I’ll owe you one.” He smiles. Not like he ever paid back a favor.
Why wouldn't AR pay him back, and why would he steal credit in the first place? Why does Sleuth do it at all if he doesn't get anything out of it? Why don't they just pay him as a consultant?
The Midnight Crew’s got a monetary stranglehold on half the prosecutors in the town and the Felt’s got a familial stranglehold on the other half.
That's a weird choice. The Felt are the ones with the giant mansion and the vault Slick wants to raid. And the Midnight Crew are carapaces like the rest of the city with ties going back to Derse if there's a Derse in this at all, as well as being pretty terrifying in their own right. So, why wouldn't the Felt rule by money and the Crew by connections?
“The Midnight Crew doesn’t shoot people in the gut. They cut their victims up and then they shoot to kill. Or eat them. But that doesn’t happen very often.” He looked at Repressor, expecting surprise. There wasn’t any. “This guy bled to death in extreme pain. The guy who shoots people only does clean kills, from some sort of pride, and the guy who cuts people up didn’t do anything to this poor fella.”
...uh, Fin? Droog shot him up and he staggered off in extreme pain until he finally bled to death. And we see Slick in a gunfight during the intermission, he just likes to use knives a lot.
“The Felt are just brutes. Their victims are all horribly mutilated. There ain’t any finesse in what they do.”
That doesn't follow. You don't need finesse to shoot someone in the gut. And Snowman, at least, seems pretty good at measured hits. If their victims are always mutilated, that seems like it's more of choice of theirs to terrorize people.
“No.” Sleuth says. “If they were involved at all it wasn’t directly. It looks pretty amateurish.”
Well, there's also the fact that apparently doing it this way means they're off the suspect list, which is a good motivation to do things without their usual calling card.
...and now he's stealing the corpse' wallet so the police can't ID him because...?
“Whoever did it must have taken the wallet and ditched it somewhere.” Sleuth says completely straight faced.
But why is he doing this?
“Delivery boys don’t get shot in the stomach. No, I think this guy was a courier of some sort. Might explain why he was killed.”
...those words are basically synonyms. Even if you're trying to make a distinction between legal/illegal packages, someone delivering the first is in a great position to do some of the second on the side.
“But what for?”
“Beats me. Could be anything.” Sleuth says. “Could’ve been a briefcase full of boondollars or little old ladies’ fine china.”
“Dammit.” Anarchy Repressor swears. “This isn’t helping any.”
Sleuth spreads his arms wide in a shrug. “I don’t know what to tell you, Anarchy Repressor.” Sleuth says. “You need to ID the body. If you can’t do that, then the trail’s gonna go cold faster than this guy here.”
Uh...they have a list of people he was delivering things to. That should be more than enough to ID him as well as figure out what he might have been killed over and give a head start on potential suspects.
They just need to go to the people he was delivering things to - not hard at all, since the addresses are helpfully right there. If they can't produce any legitimate packages, then that answers question one, was he doing legal deliveries or not. It's likely some would know who he was, or at least his employer. That employer should have a list of all the packages, or failing that, they can get an idea of what might be stolen by finding out who he didn't get to before he was killed and asking them what they were expecting.
Also seriously why is Sleuth being such a colossal asshole about this? It's even stated that AR actually is a good cop, so it's not like he would be covering the killing up if he knew who it was.
...and now Sleuth is upping the dickishness even further by pretending he can't help with the case at all and can he go already because the thing is obviously impossible to solve. WHY?
Problem Sleuth: Whistle for a cab.
And when it came near the license plate said X368 J39. Were you expecting something else? That's always been the license plate for Transporation Deferrer's cab.
Wait, so she's just been circling the block or something in case he decided to whistle for her? This does not seem like a viable business strategy. Why didn't he just pay her to wait, or ask her to be back to pick him up shortly?
Chapter 2
Problem Sleuth gets out of bed four hours later without a single minute of sleep.
...why? It doesn't sound like he was just so caught up in thinking about the case, because there's no mention of that, and he should have plenty of practice by now getting back to sleep at weird hours.
roblem Sleuth sits down in his chair and pulls the Mysterious Carapace’s wallet from his coat and puts it on the desk. He opens the wallet and looks at the driver’s license. “Well, Movement Contractor, looks like you’re now Murdered Courier.”
It's really contrived for the term AR pulled out of thin air to just happen to match the guy's actual initials.
...why isn't PM the slightest bit sympathetic for an innocent dead person who did a similar job to hers? She was obviously fine doing private deliveries.
“Aren’t you being a little morbid about all of this? A man’s dead, and somebody killed him.” Sleuth playfully scolds. “And I don’t think the quality of his service had to do with why he got a bullet in his gut.”
“Don’tcha think if he was any good at his job he wouldn’t be dead in a dumpster?”
“Now, now, now,” Sleuth says. “That’s blaming the victim. Maybe I should tell Anarchy Repressor he should start looking into fanatical mailworkers as potential suspects.” He jokes.
They are basically flirting by seeing which of them can say the most assholish thing here. You've given Sleuth the lines a decent person would say, but then say he's just joking when he says them. And you've given PM...I don't even know. How does being good at the job of bringing packages mean you're good at not being shot by murderers?
...So PM tampered with the mail and carted around sticks of dynamite as a joke. And you know, dynamite itself may be a relatively stable explosive but it's not exactly safe stuff even still. Instead of just refusing to carry a ticking package in the first place.
Persevering Maillady: Leave in a jealous huff.
You double take between the woman who just walked in and this idiot’s dumbstruck face over and over. So that’s how it is.
What the fuck. PM is on good terms with the White Queen. She would at least recognize her and give her more of a name than "the woman". She certainly wouldn't be enraged by the fact a guy is paying attention to WQ, since that already happened in canon without her throwing a fit about it.
The fact he's completely dumbstruck is obnoxious, but that's not really a jealousy thing, that's a "oh my god the guy I was positive toward is actually a drooling fratboy" thing. O guess if PM is actually in somewhat of a relationship with Sleuth, him completely forgetting her like this would be upsetting, but in that case it's still not really fair to call it jealousy, since it's more getting into him being unfaithful.
Hm, so this is a setting where they're Alternian exiles.
“I don’t like getting flattered when business is involved. Makes me think a client’s going to try and stiff me for money. Or try to get me to take on something suicidal.” Problem Sleuth says, and feels a little ashamed about the backtalk.
The qualifier doesn't really do anything to help the fact he sounds like a smug dick with a chip on his shoulder. He asked why him, she said he was highly recommended, he then implies she's trying to butter him up to fuck him over later and that he's too smart for it. And then she apologizes for it. Why did he bother asking if he was going to use any positive reason she gave for picking him as a chance to insult her and be smugger-than-thou?
...and now for no reason she won't say what it is she wants him to find, because it's so much harder to keep something a secret if you tell someone in an empty room than if you ask them to run around trying to figure out what it is. That's not massively contrived and self-defeating in the least.
Wait, if HD is around and PS is still in touch with her, why is PM apparently hitting on him and jealous if he's interested in someone else? Did they break up and it was just incredibly amicable?
Sleuth is basically a Left Behind protagonist. He has the smug asshole pretending to be humble bit down perfectly.
Chapter 3
It reminds Problem Sleuth that it isn’t all bad in this town, that there are people who don’t cheat on each other and don’t have gambling debts and don’t have blood on their hands.
...how can he tell that random people he's walking by aren't cheating or gambling or even possessing metaphorical blood on their hands? I mean, I can see it just being nice to see people being happy, and nice seeing people doing something other than cheating/gambling/murdering, but if you could tell on sight who did those sorts of things, no one would need to hire him to stalk someone for days to try to find out.
And now he's breaking and entering the dead guy's house. You know, for all anyone knows at this point the guy might have family or a roommate or something.
Underneath the phone there’s a note: Call Jenna. Must be some kind of acronym.
...I thought Sleuth is supposed to be competent here. I mean, he's got a working phone and hasn't dismantled his desk or gotten locked in his room once yet.
you know that if a man is looking to hide something it’s going to be in the mattress.
Wait, this guy was murdered, and you don’t think he was expecting it. Why would he be hiding anything in his own apartment?
Uh. People don't usually wait until they think they're going to be murdered to start hiding things. If anything, worrying about a safe hiding place for money or whatever would probably be forgotten in favor of worrying about the whole about to be murdered thing.
Ugh, typing quirk dialogue. You really shouldn't need to rely on no capital letters to get across that it's Slick speaking.
How could they tell the door was unlocked and it was only the jammed doorknob keeping them out? It would help if Droog specifically said that he could see that the deadbolt wasn't thrown or something.
Why is he just hiding on the fire escape instead of running? He was just rummaging through things without even trying to hide that he was there, and they know someone's there because they know someone locked the door. So why not just run and hope he has enough of a head start to get away?
...and now he's planning to put the random stuff that might be evidence into the mail, even though if he gets away without them seeing him he won't need that, and even though if he doesn't get away it doesn't seem likely he could get far enough to drop off the envelope.
nobody messes with the mail in this town.
Also I just really can't believe that Slick would treat mail as like it's foreign embassy ground. Well, actually, I can, but only in the sense I don't think he'd give a shit about that either. Slick is someone who invades an omnipotent, unkillable demon's home in the hopes of jacking shit from his vault. He tears apart the fabric of time because he loses his temper and decides he wants to just get the door open fast. He is not living in fear of what postal workers will do if he steals some mail.
Also PM just messed with the mail last chapter, it's obviously not even a thing for them.
And now he's just running down the fire escape anyway. So all he accomplished was letting Droog get a good look at him.
Problem Sleuth turns a street corner and runs towards a mailbox. He throws the manila envelope inside and keeps running. He looks over his shoulder. He smiles. The Midnight Crew didn’t see his postal drop.
A cab coming down the street from the opposite direction honks its horn. It pulls a U turn in the middle of heavy traffic
So it was completely and utterly pointless to do that because he got away safely. Also, why does it matter they didn't see it if he's relying on the idea no one will touch the mail?
Also also, what, is she stalking him? If she's up and perky at 3 am, why is she also working during the day?
“Look, Slick, sometimes I’m just trying to give you a way to save face.”
...but Droog knows Slick and presumably should know that Slick would take it as an insult instead, and also no one but the Crew is there and they all know that Slick messed up there. There's no one to save face in front of around.
Chapter 4
The place is officially and blandly named Brightland Heights, but informally, and derisively, it’s known as New Prospit.
Considering how opposed the two sides are, as well as the fact people who get the chance are choosing to segregate themselves, why isn't there a reasonable chunk of the city who thinks "New Prospit" is a perfectly good idea?
It doesn’t sit right with Sleuth that the former elite would segregate themselves away like this. They weren’t members of the aristocracy anymore. Not formally anyway, and it bugged Sleuth that they still treated themselves like they were.
And this seems weird. How are they elites? The old power structure is gone with exile, as well as most things of value. If the former elites had the skills or connections to make new lives where they're in charge of things, that's still not the same thing as just coasting on the fact they used to be important. And if they are the rich and powerful, then it sounds like it's really more that other people treat them that way.
I mean, this is an intriguing idea, how much of the old society much reassert itself, but it wouldn't look exactly like exiled nobility in our world. Especially because it doesn't seem they even have an aristocracy. High ranked carapaces seem like they'd be generals. They certainly can't have had a hereditary aristocracy, at the least.
Plus, if the elite don't want to mingle, it seems like there'd be plenty of poorer Prospitians who wanted to get housing in Prospitian-only areas. Maybe the elites might make up the rich and prettiest center, but others would want to be close and unless they specifically bought out a huge ring of land they're not going to develop to keep the lower classes from being anywhere nearby, there should be a natural lessening of property values the further away you get until it's affordable.
“That’s a shame too. I think you’d look great with a top hat and waxed moustache.”
They don't have hair or even know what a mustache is. It's even commented on in the intermission.
Her home does little to distinguish itself from the rest in the neighborhood. Sleuth feels an odd bit of pride. She's the tip-top of the former elite and she's got a house just like everybody else, although it's still in the richest part of town full of people just like her.
He's impressed her mansion isn't even more extravagant than everyone else's mansion? Plus, while I am as hateful as the next hateful person about inherited wealth, it's pretty muddied here since exile means people rebuilt from scratch. If someone really is a valuable enough contributor to society that they've earned a lot of money, they can have a mansion if they want.
Sleuth wonders if she has a choice in the matter, considering her husband.
...why would her husband mean she doesn't have a choice? Does her husband's job require he be in this area, or do you mean her husband got to pick where they live because he's her husband?
“You may be the best one, but you ain’t the only taxi driver in this city.” Sleuth explains. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it. What could happen out here?” Sleuth neglects to mention that he’s worried they might’ve been tailed here. The Midnight Crew don’t let insults like the one Sleuth just gave them go unanswered. But it’s not just the Midnight Crew he’s worried about either. Causing trouble attracts attention, usually of the gun-toting mobster type.
WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T HE TELL HER THAT, THEN?
Aside from the fact that there's no reason not to be open with her, there's the even more pressing fact that he's refusing to tell her she might be in a lot of danger. If they were tailed, then it's quite possible she'll be attacked later too.
He steps inside. Whoever was here is long gone.
How can he tell just standing in the front doorway? You can't tell on sight that an apartment is completely empty, and this is a mansion. All he knows is the door was ajar, if someone else snuck in they seem like they're the subtle type who doesn't spend the entire time chanting HEY I'M HERE DOING STUFF.
Drawers of silverware, or goldenware as the case may be
No, probably right the first time. Gold is soft and odd. And silver tarnishes, so it's actually more of a status symbol to be able to keep it pristine in the first place.
It’s a recent photo, which doesn’t make much sense to Sleuth.
Huh. So that's going to be important?
Problem Sleuth: Remember obvious detail.
Wealthy Quantifier wasn’t wearing her necklace when she visited your office this morning, you big dumb dumb!
She certainly made a point to show you
...if the whole point of this runaround was just that, all she should have had to do was point at her neck and say that was the theft. I assume you wanted him here so he could describe the place, but checking out the scene of the crime so he could get clues as to who did it is normal procedure, he doesn't need an extra reason.
Wealthy Quantifier said she found it in the wasteland completely by accident, and only knows the legend through conversation with the surviving twelve members of that civilization.
That seems kind of silly. The queen happens upon the necklace for another queen? I suppose there's no way to tell if that's actually how it went, but even as a cover story it's hard to swallow. Even saying that it was her conversations with the children that let her know where to find it instead of just the backstory would have helped.
“We received calls about a mysterious person entering this home. Would you like to tell us what you were doing in there?”
The cab rolls up. “I’d love to, but here’s my ride.” He opens the back door to the cab. “Nice chatting with ya.” He says with a bit of a sneer.
Sleuth is supposed to be the high-CHA diplomat. He's being an unrelenting asshole to people trying to do their jobs.
The taxi pulls over to the side of the road and a cop walks up to the car, and looks through the rear passenger window. He signals to roll the window down. Problem Sleuth rolls it down at a deliberately slow pace with a smirk on his face.
Does he do anything but smirk and sneer?
Problem Sleuth rolls his head back onto the seat. He opens his wallet and pays the cab driver. “Thanks for keeping the meter running while we were stopped.”
Seriously. I can only hope we get to the part where the detective gets beat up by the goons fast.
They may not have eyebrows, but Sleuth definitely is still managing to sport a smarmbrow. I can picture it with every line that comes out of his smug, smirking mouth.
Chapter 5
So the whole interfering with police business to deliberately fuck up their investigation for what has yet to have any reason given beyond shits and giggles has finally come back to bite Sleuth in the ass.
...no wait AR just knows he's innocent. Because.
“He says,” Anarchy Repressor stands up straight and curls his finger and thumb around his eye in a mock-monocle. “‘Anarchy Repressor, I think you should solve the murder of that courier quickly.’” He says, mocking the deputy mayor’s voice.
...why is WV corrupt and incompetent and mockable? WV led a fucking rebellion.
I know you didn’t kill that courier. You sure as hell halted the investigation before it started, but you didn’t kill him. I don’t like throwing innocent men behind bars.
Hey, so, fun fact. Stopping a murder investigation by lying and fucking with the evidence is still a crime even if you didn't murder the person.
we realized that there were already cops on the scene dealing with a shoot out. Your handiwork?”
Sleuth looks over his trenchcoat. “No bullet holes. Can’t say if I’ve been in any shootouts today.”
Why is he such an unending dick?
I guess apparently constant lying got boring because now he's saying he was involved.
And god, AR actually needs to be told that the MC showing up before the police means that someone in the force tipped them off?
What do the Midnight Crew want? Anarchy Repressor’s dirty man probably tipped them off about Problem Sleuth’s wild speculation about what the courier was carrying, and they got interested at the prospect of it being something valuable.
That's really, really dumb of them. The don't need Sleuth to point out that if someone's a courier, they're probably killed over a valuable package. And it's not like he even speculated on particularly valuable or interesting things.
Do they really have enough of a population for a massive stock market, anyway? Wall Street isn't trading stocks based solely in NYC.
It was one of the first buildings constructed after the Midnight Crew gave up urban planning to people less interested in putting a secret gambling den on every corner and racing tracks in the middle of residential areas.
And it was a tragedy when they did so. Secret gambling dens for all!
Sleuth smirks.
ARG
Chapter 6
As he gets out he looks around. He scans the streets and alleyways and rooftops, and does a double take as he sees a patch of green and blue in his vision. He focuses on a green man in a solid blue top hat standing perfectly still on a rooftop, staring at, as far as Problem Sleuth can tell, his office.
The problem with the Felt is that they’re so damn conspicuous.
The Felt have two people who can spy on you from the past or the future so you never see them. They have a third person who's so fast he's a blur. The more reasonable guess here is that someone wants him to know he's being watched.
You do not need explicit command to deliver the mail. It something you are always doing and is the one thing you think about at all times.
While I suppose this is a more accurate PM than the one who showed up last time, it's a ridiculous caricature of her, and particularly stands out because none of the other characters so far show any similar obsession.
You are so attuned to the mail you can even tell what’s inside without opening it up.
Because to do that would be unethical!
But that's what she did when she disarmed the bomb.
Oh goodness somebody has pulled you into an alley you swing your letter opener in a wild fashion back and forth you won’t let them take the mail away because that’s the only thing they could possibly want from a woman in a cute uniform like yourself.
She sounds like a brain damaged child, and also wtf why is the post office sticking their female workers into "cute uniforms". This is like two steps away from comments about short skirts. You really should have just stopped at "woman", that was bad enough.
Also when PM swings sharp things it isn't "wildly" so much as "removing a head".
And now Sleuth is demanding she not do her job for the day because...he thinks she shouldn't go near him. Which is why he sought her out when all she was doing was going through her route, most of which does not involve him in any capacity.
“Deliver it to my apartment.”
Maillady’s eyes flick away from Sleuth. “And where would that be?” Maillady asks innocently.
“Oh, don’t play coy. I know you know where it is.
She delivers mail, why would she pretend she doesn't know where he lives?
and if anybody wants to look through your mail swing your letter opener at them.
Thank goodness he told her, because it's not like she was already doing that and could figure it out herself.
Persevering Maillady: Do what Problem Sleuth says.
It doesn’t feel right to just abandon him like this
But she was never involved in the first place!
“If I see any mobsters I’m getting the hell out of this cab and leaving you in here.”
What ever happened to helping out a stranger in need? Nothing, seems like, since nobody bothered doing it in the first place.
Yes, it is indeed an asshole move on Sleuth's part to get some innocent stranger involved even though he knows the guy has a good chance of getting hit in the crossfire.
Hey, it's the part where the detective gets beat up! Hi part!
...okay, let me see if I follow this. Sleuth drives the car into Boxcars, in a fine move in both practical and punning terms. He shoots toward Droog to get Droog to take cover and buy himself a second of breathing room. Then he somehow sprints across the gap in a split second and hits Droog in the head.
Droog is knocked over but still conscious and doesn't even seem stunned. He complains about his suit but seems to have been paralyzed because he doesn't put up the slightest struggle as Sleuth attempts to drag him back to the car, presumably with the intent of interrogating him later, one handed because he's still shooting to keep away Boxcars. Deuce then attempts melee combat, with predictable results. Droog is still paralyzed.
Only now does Slick appear for some reason. Instead of stabbing right off, he tries to beat Sleuth down before remembering that he's got knives and putting one to Sleuth's throat. I know they want to talk to Sleuth, but his tongue will still work even if he has a knife through a limb.
Chapter 7
“my point is” Slick pauses. “i think its time you start spilling your guts in a metaphorical sense before you start spilling your guts in a literal sense” Slick twirls a switchblade around in his fingers before it disappears into his deck.
That is a surprisingly clever threat for Slick. He's usually shit at witty lines.
And now Sleuth is lying about knowing what the package was, because getting beaten up is part of some plan of his.
“Problem Sleuth is probably bluffing about knowing what the courier was carrying.”
“probably” Slick asks. “i dont think ive ever heard you use that word before”
“Or maybe he isn't bluffing. I can’t tell." Droog says.
How can he not tell? It's incredibly obvious. Droog can figure out everything else, but not a transparent bluff?
"Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter what Sleuth knows because the Felt know more.
This, though, is a properly insightful observation. I'm with Droog. Killing Sleuth is definitely the best idea now.
Chapter 8
When it comes to surveillance, the Felt have options. Itchy runs around so fast nobody can see him. Doze can look at a single location for days. Trace can look into where somebody’s been and Fin can look into where somebody’s going. Clover’s so damn lucky he just knows things. And then Die can jump to timelines where people are dead to find out if the Felt there learned anything from them. Hell, if Snowman feels up to it, she can teleport to wherever she feels like.
And that’s not to say they’re slouches at typical surveillance. The muscle are all conspicuous in a crowd but they know how to follow somebody if it’s not an issue that the target knows they’re being tailed. And they know how to do stakeouts, if letting everybody know a bunch of green hulking brutes are gazing at them through binoculars isn’t an issue. They know their stuff. Except for Eggs and Biscuits. They don’t know how to do anything, but they’re dangerous for other reasons.
So true!
“So I looked a little bit into your past while Itchy followed you around. Funny what I saw. Confirmed what we were already thinking at the time.”
Sleuth glares and refocuses his gun on Trace. “And what’s that?”
“That you’re looking for Wealthy Quantifier’s missing necklace.” Trace says.
...yeah, see, that's why just telling him he needed to look for the damn necklace would have been a lot smarter than telling him to go poke around her house.
...what the hell now they actually fall for him just saying that no, he isn't looking for the necklace?
Chapter 9
“Maybe when you clean up a bit, you’ll come back.” The receptionist says.
“But I’ll need a reason to do that.” Problem Sleuth says with a smirk as he walks to the elevator. “You got one?”
“Oh,” The receptionist reciprocates the smile. “A few.”
...that was kind of completely out of nowhere. Why does everyone want to screw him?
You can see everything from up here. The whole city. Every single inch. And it goes on for miles. Residential blocks, apartments, industrial districts. Office buildings, movie theaters. Race tracks, casinos. It’s breathtaking.
And then beyond it. Wasteland. Mountains devoid of vegetation. The occasional ruin. It’s humbling. The rest of the planet is like that. Completely dead, and right here is the only spark of life.
Yeah so I'm not sure they can really run a stock exchange or whatever. Also...how on earth are they feeding themselves if there's nothing but city pavement and then desolation?
“Problem Sleuth,” Keynoter says in a chastising tone. “Wealthy Qauntifier is a very independent woman. Her leaving the city on a whim is perfectly normal.
Yeah if you have to say she's "a very independent woman" to explain why she's capable of doing things of her own free will, she's probably not.
So, she thinks secrecy is so important she won't even say it in his office, but he's fine blabbing about it and her disappearance to her husband in his office.
You got the Midnight Crew and Snowman on one side, and then you got the big man and his wife on the other side.
I am pretty sure Snowman and the Midnight Crew aren't on the same side.
Also, there's something really irritating about WK getting referred to directly and with an extra word to emphasize he's important, while WQ is just the wife.
Hey, looks like it's the next time the detective gets beat up. Crowbar! May you be competent and prone to violence.
You know what would make this better? If Sleuth started getting random guys thinking he's hot as well. Then it's just an amusing sueism.
I'm curious here what the initial comments were when this was posted. The bit about the Felt here, and the bit about PM earlier, both have a retconny flavor to them, like someone complained and he tried to adjust.
Chapter 10
“What?” Sleuth asks. “Is it Itchy? Do you need to get away from his smell first?”
“Fuck you, Problem Sleuth.” Itchy pipes up.
Crowbar grins at the comment.
Wow, a few lines in and already they're failing to present a united front. Not a good sign there.
“I hope they didn’t bring bad news back to the mansion.” Sleuth says with a smirk.
Crowbar’s expression goes blank. “That’s the thing.” He says. “Snowman had a few things to say about that. Since Fin and Trace weren’t anywhere nearby, well.” Crowbar trails off with a toss of his head. “She took it out on me.”
That seems pretty random. I mean, the Queens are supposed to sit back and wait until the end. They can't be flipping out at the least little thing. Plus, she can teleport, it can't be that hard to target the people she's actually mad at. In fact, couldn't she have just voiped and gone right to the source of her irritation, namely, Sleuth?
“Are you sure you want to do this, Sleuth? This thing has killed before.” He says, patting his crowbar in his hand. “I don’t think you’ll last long.”
“But you’re not gonna kill me. Else how would I tell you where the Sapphire is?”
This seems like one of the various things an effigy is for. Crowbar can beat him into a bloody pulp, wait for him to get put back together, then do it all over again.
She heard Wealthy Quantifier’s place was robbed and ordered us to start looking for the Sapphire of Alternia.” Crowbar explains.
“Immediately after?” Sleuth asks.
“Immediately after.” Crowbar says.
“The hit on the Midnight Crew?”
“Also Snowman.”
Hurrah for her being proactive about things. Less hurrah for why does she care so much about the necklace? If she wanted Slick dead, she'd kill him, so why send other people out to shoot him and his gang?
“You just about killed me and now you’re looking to finish the job. Do you think I’d really lie in a situation like this?” Sleuth asks.
“Honestly, you’re a damn good liar.” Crowbar says
You keep saying this, but it's really not shown well in the text at all.
Okay, so if Die can check that easily what he says while getting beaten to death, why beat Sleuth half to death first?
It’s odd that Snowman is the one who spurred the Felt into action, although now that Sleuth knows this the sudden aggression from them isn’t all that surprising. If Snowman had her way all the time, or if she bothered to care, the Felt would be leaving a trail of blood across the whole city in pursuit of goals less valuable than the Sapphire of Alternia. She always did believe in striking fast and hard.
Maybe, but since when did she believe in going all out after every little thing? She barely shows up in the Intermission, and she leaves Slick alive each time. Simply a pricey necklace doesn't seem like a big deal. If she wanted it so badly, she could have just attacked WQ when she had it on her neck. Snowman's unkillable, WQ isn't.
I have to admit, I am dimly approving of violent trail of blood Snowman, provided she has some reason for it. But we can already see the cracks here: she's being set up as irrational and capricious and temperamental and all those fun words. And I'm sure "if she had her way" will lead somewhere very irritating.
You ask what his problem is for why he’s calling at three in the morning. He explains there’s a murder, and Anarchy Repressor wants him on the scene
That final "him" should probably be a "you", unless you meant the cop to be calling to inform Sleuth that AR wants the cop at the scene. Also, there's way too many "he"s in this in general, so it's hard to tell what refers to the cop calling and what refers to AR. This would be solved by names or possibly just not having everyone in the conversation be male.
Dialogue is written as "Hello," he said or "Hello!" he said, never "Hello." He said or "Hello." he said or "Hello," He said or "Hello" he said. The only exception to this is if the next sentence doesn't contain a speech verb, in which case it's written as "Hello." He grinned, never "Hello," he grinned or "Hello," He grinned. Note that something isn't a speech verb just because it's a sound you make with your mouth, so generally stuff like laughed or giggled is in the second category. Furthermore, if you're breaking up two complete sentences it's "Hi," he said. "This is it." not "Hi," he said, "this is it." or "Hi," he said "this is it." And if you're breaking up a sentence in the middle, it's "Hi. This," he said, "is it." If there's no speech verb in the break, you use a dash, like "Hi. This - " He looked around. "- is it."
“Do you ever sleep?” Problem Sleuth asks somewhat incredulously as he tries to shake himself into consciousness.
“Is that you, Problem Sleuth? I can’t sleep, not with private detectives like you needing rides. It keeps me up at night!” She says. “What do you need?”
So, does she just sleep during the day? Is there a lot of 3 am business? Are there buses during the daytime or something so there's less call for cars?
“No problem, Sleuth!” Transportation Deferrer giggles.
...why is she giggling? She seems like she's at least moderately serious about doing her job well, and giggling is a great way to tell everyone to dismiss you as an airhead.
Sleuth puts a cigarette in his mouth and lights it. Because the best way to gather evidence is to contaminate it with paper ash, but nobody does DNA analysis or anything like that because it’s pointless so it’s not like it matters anyway.
This seems pretty jumbled. It's confusing to start a sentence sarcastically then switch to actually explaining more seriously, and the bit about DNA evidence seems to be saying that DNA analysis isn't done because it doesn't work, when I think what it's trying to say is more like "it's pointless to worry about contaminating the scene because no one does DNA analysis anyway".
“Has the body been disturbed?” Sleuth asks.
“No, we just got here five minutes ago.” Repressor responds.
“And you didn’t waste any time making sure everybody knows this is a crime scene. Hell, I’m sure the office drones in downtown could look in this direction and know this is police business only.” Sleuth says.
...yes? Cordoning off an area so people don't mess with the scene is the right thing to do, isn't it? What does Sleuth think he should have been doing instead?
“My gut instinct tells me this is a hit, and if it’s from one of the gangs, I’d rather you take the lead on this instead of me.”
“Mighty brave of you, Repressor.” Sleuth says. “But if I find the killer you’ll take all the credit.”
“Of course. And then I’ll owe you one.” He smiles. Not like he ever paid back a favor.
Why wouldn't AR pay him back, and why would he steal credit in the first place? Why does Sleuth do it at all if he doesn't get anything out of it? Why don't they just pay him as a consultant?
The Midnight Crew’s got a monetary stranglehold on half the prosecutors in the town and the Felt’s got a familial stranglehold on the other half.
That's a weird choice. The Felt are the ones with the giant mansion and the vault Slick wants to raid. And the Midnight Crew are carapaces like the rest of the city with ties going back to Derse if there's a Derse in this at all, as well as being pretty terrifying in their own right. So, why wouldn't the Felt rule by money and the Crew by connections?
“The Midnight Crew doesn’t shoot people in the gut. They cut their victims up and then they shoot to kill. Or eat them. But that doesn’t happen very often.” He looked at Repressor, expecting surprise. There wasn’t any. “This guy bled to death in extreme pain. The guy who shoots people only does clean kills, from some sort of pride, and the guy who cuts people up didn’t do anything to this poor fella.”
...uh, Fin? Droog shot him up and he staggered off in extreme pain until he finally bled to death. And we see Slick in a gunfight during the intermission, he just likes to use knives a lot.
“The Felt are just brutes. Their victims are all horribly mutilated. There ain’t any finesse in what they do.”
That doesn't follow. You don't need finesse to shoot someone in the gut. And Snowman, at least, seems pretty good at measured hits. If their victims are always mutilated, that seems like it's more of choice of theirs to terrorize people.
“No.” Sleuth says. “If they were involved at all it wasn’t directly. It looks pretty amateurish.”
Well, there's also the fact that apparently doing it this way means they're off the suspect list, which is a good motivation to do things without their usual calling card.
...and now he's stealing the corpse' wallet so the police can't ID him because...?
“Whoever did it must have taken the wallet and ditched it somewhere.” Sleuth says completely straight faced.
But why is he doing this?
“Delivery boys don’t get shot in the stomach. No, I think this guy was a courier of some sort. Might explain why he was killed.”
...those words are basically synonyms. Even if you're trying to make a distinction between legal/illegal packages, someone delivering the first is in a great position to do some of the second on the side.
“But what for?”
“Beats me. Could be anything.” Sleuth says. “Could’ve been a briefcase full of boondollars or little old ladies’ fine china.”
“Dammit.” Anarchy Repressor swears. “This isn’t helping any.”
Sleuth spreads his arms wide in a shrug. “I don’t know what to tell you, Anarchy Repressor.” Sleuth says. “You need to ID the body. If you can’t do that, then the trail’s gonna go cold faster than this guy here.”
Uh...they have a list of people he was delivering things to. That should be more than enough to ID him as well as figure out what he might have been killed over and give a head start on potential suspects.
They just need to go to the people he was delivering things to - not hard at all, since the addresses are helpfully right there. If they can't produce any legitimate packages, then that answers question one, was he doing legal deliveries or not. It's likely some would know who he was, or at least his employer. That employer should have a list of all the packages, or failing that, they can get an idea of what might be stolen by finding out who he didn't get to before he was killed and asking them what they were expecting.
Also seriously why is Sleuth being such a colossal asshole about this? It's even stated that AR actually is a good cop, so it's not like he would be covering the killing up if he knew who it was.
...and now Sleuth is upping the dickishness even further by pretending he can't help with the case at all and can he go already because the thing is obviously impossible to solve. WHY?
Problem Sleuth: Whistle for a cab.
And when it came near the license plate said X368 J39. Were you expecting something else? That's always been the license plate for Transporation Deferrer's cab.
Wait, so she's just been circling the block or something in case he decided to whistle for her? This does not seem like a viable business strategy. Why didn't he just pay her to wait, or ask her to be back to pick him up shortly?
Chapter 2
Problem Sleuth gets out of bed four hours later without a single minute of sleep.
...why? It doesn't sound like he was just so caught up in thinking about the case, because there's no mention of that, and he should have plenty of practice by now getting back to sleep at weird hours.
roblem Sleuth sits down in his chair and pulls the Mysterious Carapace’s wallet from his coat and puts it on the desk. He opens the wallet and looks at the driver’s license. “Well, Movement Contractor, looks like you’re now Murdered Courier.”
It's really contrived for the term AR pulled out of thin air to just happen to match the guy's actual initials.
...why isn't PM the slightest bit sympathetic for an innocent dead person who did a similar job to hers? She was obviously fine doing private deliveries.
“Aren’t you being a little morbid about all of this? A man’s dead, and somebody killed him.” Sleuth playfully scolds. “And I don’t think the quality of his service had to do with why he got a bullet in his gut.”
“Don’tcha think if he was any good at his job he wouldn’t be dead in a dumpster?”
“Now, now, now,” Sleuth says. “That’s blaming the victim. Maybe I should tell Anarchy Repressor he should start looking into fanatical mailworkers as potential suspects.” He jokes.
They are basically flirting by seeing which of them can say the most assholish thing here. You've given Sleuth the lines a decent person would say, but then say he's just joking when he says them. And you've given PM...I don't even know. How does being good at the job of bringing packages mean you're good at not being shot by murderers?
...So PM tampered with the mail and carted around sticks of dynamite as a joke. And you know, dynamite itself may be a relatively stable explosive but it's not exactly safe stuff even still. Instead of just refusing to carry a ticking package in the first place.
Persevering Maillady: Leave in a jealous huff.
You double take between the woman who just walked in and this idiot’s dumbstruck face over and over. So that’s how it is.
What the fuck. PM is on good terms with the White Queen. She would at least recognize her and give her more of a name than "the woman". She certainly wouldn't be enraged by the fact a guy is paying attention to WQ, since that already happened in canon without her throwing a fit about it.
The fact he's completely dumbstruck is obnoxious, but that's not really a jealousy thing, that's a "oh my god the guy I was positive toward is actually a drooling fratboy" thing. O guess if PM is actually in somewhat of a relationship with Sleuth, him completely forgetting her like this would be upsetting, but in that case it's still not really fair to call it jealousy, since it's more getting into him being unfaithful.
Hm, so this is a setting where they're Alternian exiles.
“I don’t like getting flattered when business is involved. Makes me think a client’s going to try and stiff me for money. Or try to get me to take on something suicidal.” Problem Sleuth says, and feels a little ashamed about the backtalk.
The qualifier doesn't really do anything to help the fact he sounds like a smug dick with a chip on his shoulder. He asked why him, she said he was highly recommended, he then implies she's trying to butter him up to fuck him over later and that he's too smart for it. And then she apologizes for it. Why did he bother asking if he was going to use any positive reason she gave for picking him as a chance to insult her and be smugger-than-thou?
...and now for no reason she won't say what it is she wants him to find, because it's so much harder to keep something a secret if you tell someone in an empty room than if you ask them to run around trying to figure out what it is. That's not massively contrived and self-defeating in the least.
Wait, if HD is around and PS is still in touch with her, why is PM apparently hitting on him and jealous if he's interested in someone else? Did they break up and it was just incredibly amicable?
Sleuth is basically a Left Behind protagonist. He has the smug asshole pretending to be humble bit down perfectly.
Chapter 3
It reminds Problem Sleuth that it isn’t all bad in this town, that there are people who don’t cheat on each other and don’t have gambling debts and don’t have blood on their hands.
...how can he tell that random people he's walking by aren't cheating or gambling or even possessing metaphorical blood on their hands? I mean, I can see it just being nice to see people being happy, and nice seeing people doing something other than cheating/gambling/murdering, but if you could tell on sight who did those sorts of things, no one would need to hire him to stalk someone for days to try to find out.
And now he's breaking and entering the dead guy's house. You know, for all anyone knows at this point the guy might have family or a roommate or something.
Underneath the phone there’s a note: Call Jenna. Must be some kind of acronym.
...I thought Sleuth is supposed to be competent here. I mean, he's got a working phone and hasn't dismantled his desk or gotten locked in his room once yet.
you know that if a man is looking to hide something it’s going to be in the mattress.
Wait, this guy was murdered, and you don’t think he was expecting it. Why would he be hiding anything in his own apartment?
Uh. People don't usually wait until they think they're going to be murdered to start hiding things. If anything, worrying about a safe hiding place for money or whatever would probably be forgotten in favor of worrying about the whole about to be murdered thing.
Ugh, typing quirk dialogue. You really shouldn't need to rely on no capital letters to get across that it's Slick speaking.
How could they tell the door was unlocked and it was only the jammed doorknob keeping them out? It would help if Droog specifically said that he could see that the deadbolt wasn't thrown or something.
Why is he just hiding on the fire escape instead of running? He was just rummaging through things without even trying to hide that he was there, and they know someone's there because they know someone locked the door. So why not just run and hope he has enough of a head start to get away?
...and now he's planning to put the random stuff that might be evidence into the mail, even though if he gets away without them seeing him he won't need that, and even though if he doesn't get away it doesn't seem likely he could get far enough to drop off the envelope.
nobody messes with the mail in this town.
Also I just really can't believe that Slick would treat mail as like it's foreign embassy ground. Well, actually, I can, but only in the sense I don't think he'd give a shit about that either. Slick is someone who invades an omnipotent, unkillable demon's home in the hopes of jacking shit from his vault. He tears apart the fabric of time because he loses his temper and decides he wants to just get the door open fast. He is not living in fear of what postal workers will do if he steals some mail.
Also PM just messed with the mail last chapter, it's obviously not even a thing for them.
And now he's just running down the fire escape anyway. So all he accomplished was letting Droog get a good look at him.
Problem Sleuth turns a street corner and runs towards a mailbox. He throws the manila envelope inside and keeps running. He looks over his shoulder. He smiles. The Midnight Crew didn’t see his postal drop.
A cab coming down the street from the opposite direction honks its horn. It pulls a U turn in the middle of heavy traffic
So it was completely and utterly pointless to do that because he got away safely. Also, why does it matter they didn't see it if he's relying on the idea no one will touch the mail?
Also also, what, is she stalking him? If she's up and perky at 3 am, why is she also working during the day?
“Look, Slick, sometimes I’m just trying to give you a way to save face.”
...but Droog knows Slick and presumably should know that Slick would take it as an insult instead, and also no one but the Crew is there and they all know that Slick messed up there. There's no one to save face in front of around.
Chapter 4
The place is officially and blandly named Brightland Heights, but informally, and derisively, it’s known as New Prospit.
Considering how opposed the two sides are, as well as the fact people who get the chance are choosing to segregate themselves, why isn't there a reasonable chunk of the city who thinks "New Prospit" is a perfectly good idea?
It doesn’t sit right with Sleuth that the former elite would segregate themselves away like this. They weren’t members of the aristocracy anymore. Not formally anyway, and it bugged Sleuth that they still treated themselves like they were.
And this seems weird. How are they elites? The old power structure is gone with exile, as well as most things of value. If the former elites had the skills or connections to make new lives where they're in charge of things, that's still not the same thing as just coasting on the fact they used to be important. And if they are the rich and powerful, then it sounds like it's really more that other people treat them that way.
I mean, this is an intriguing idea, how much of the old society much reassert itself, but it wouldn't look exactly like exiled nobility in our world. Especially because it doesn't seem they even have an aristocracy. High ranked carapaces seem like they'd be generals. They certainly can't have had a hereditary aristocracy, at the least.
Plus, if the elite don't want to mingle, it seems like there'd be plenty of poorer Prospitians who wanted to get housing in Prospitian-only areas. Maybe the elites might make up the rich and prettiest center, but others would want to be close and unless they specifically bought out a huge ring of land they're not going to develop to keep the lower classes from being anywhere nearby, there should be a natural lessening of property values the further away you get until it's affordable.
“That’s a shame too. I think you’d look great with a top hat and waxed moustache.”
They don't have hair or even know what a mustache is. It's even commented on in the intermission.
Her home does little to distinguish itself from the rest in the neighborhood. Sleuth feels an odd bit of pride. She's the tip-top of the former elite and she's got a house just like everybody else, although it's still in the richest part of town full of people just like her.
He's impressed her mansion isn't even more extravagant than everyone else's mansion? Plus, while I am as hateful as the next hateful person about inherited wealth, it's pretty muddied here since exile means people rebuilt from scratch. If someone really is a valuable enough contributor to society that they've earned a lot of money, they can have a mansion if they want.
Sleuth wonders if she has a choice in the matter, considering her husband.
...why would her husband mean she doesn't have a choice? Does her husband's job require he be in this area, or do you mean her husband got to pick where they live because he's her husband?
“You may be the best one, but you ain’t the only taxi driver in this city.” Sleuth explains. “I’ll be fine, don’t worry about it. What could happen out here?” Sleuth neglects to mention that he’s worried they might’ve been tailed here. The Midnight Crew don’t let insults like the one Sleuth just gave them go unanswered. But it’s not just the Midnight Crew he’s worried about either. Causing trouble attracts attention, usually of the gun-toting mobster type.
WHY THE FUCK DOESN'T HE TELL HER THAT, THEN?
Aside from the fact that there's no reason not to be open with her, there's the even more pressing fact that he's refusing to tell her she might be in a lot of danger. If they were tailed, then it's quite possible she'll be attacked later too.
He steps inside. Whoever was here is long gone.
How can he tell just standing in the front doorway? You can't tell on sight that an apartment is completely empty, and this is a mansion. All he knows is the door was ajar, if someone else snuck in they seem like they're the subtle type who doesn't spend the entire time chanting HEY I'M HERE DOING STUFF.
Drawers of silverware, or goldenware as the case may be
No, probably right the first time. Gold is soft and odd. And silver tarnishes, so it's actually more of a status symbol to be able to keep it pristine in the first place.
It’s a recent photo, which doesn’t make much sense to Sleuth.
Huh. So that's going to be important?
Problem Sleuth: Remember obvious detail.
Wealthy Quantifier wasn’t wearing her necklace when she visited your office this morning, you big dumb dumb!
She certainly made a point to show you
...if the whole point of this runaround was just that, all she should have had to do was point at her neck and say that was the theft. I assume you wanted him here so he could describe the place, but checking out the scene of the crime so he could get clues as to who did it is normal procedure, he doesn't need an extra reason.
Wealthy Quantifier said she found it in the wasteland completely by accident, and only knows the legend through conversation with the surviving twelve members of that civilization.
That seems kind of silly. The queen happens upon the necklace for another queen? I suppose there's no way to tell if that's actually how it went, but even as a cover story it's hard to swallow. Even saying that it was her conversations with the children that let her know where to find it instead of just the backstory would have helped.
“We received calls about a mysterious person entering this home. Would you like to tell us what you were doing in there?”
The cab rolls up. “I’d love to, but here’s my ride.” He opens the back door to the cab. “Nice chatting with ya.” He says with a bit of a sneer.
Sleuth is supposed to be the high-CHA diplomat. He's being an unrelenting asshole to people trying to do their jobs.
The taxi pulls over to the side of the road and a cop walks up to the car, and looks through the rear passenger window. He signals to roll the window down. Problem Sleuth rolls it down at a deliberately slow pace with a smirk on his face.
Does he do anything but smirk and sneer?
Problem Sleuth rolls his head back onto the seat. He opens his wallet and pays the cab driver. “Thanks for keeping the meter running while we were stopped.”
Seriously. I can only hope we get to the part where the detective gets beat up by the goons fast.
They may not have eyebrows, but Sleuth definitely is still managing to sport a smarmbrow. I can picture it with every line that comes out of his smug, smirking mouth.
Chapter 5
So the whole interfering with police business to deliberately fuck up their investigation for what has yet to have any reason given beyond shits and giggles has finally come back to bite Sleuth in the ass.
...no wait AR just knows he's innocent. Because.
“He says,” Anarchy Repressor stands up straight and curls his finger and thumb around his eye in a mock-monocle. “‘Anarchy Repressor, I think you should solve the murder of that courier quickly.’” He says, mocking the deputy mayor’s voice.
...why is WV corrupt and incompetent and mockable? WV led a fucking rebellion.
I know you didn’t kill that courier. You sure as hell halted the investigation before it started, but you didn’t kill him. I don’t like throwing innocent men behind bars.
Hey, so, fun fact. Stopping a murder investigation by lying and fucking with the evidence is still a crime even if you didn't murder the person.
we realized that there were already cops on the scene dealing with a shoot out. Your handiwork?”
Sleuth looks over his trenchcoat. “No bullet holes. Can’t say if I’ve been in any shootouts today.”
Why is he such an unending dick?
I guess apparently constant lying got boring because now he's saying he was involved.
And god, AR actually needs to be told that the MC showing up before the police means that someone in the force tipped them off?
What do the Midnight Crew want? Anarchy Repressor’s dirty man probably tipped them off about Problem Sleuth’s wild speculation about what the courier was carrying, and they got interested at the prospect of it being something valuable.
That's really, really dumb of them. The don't need Sleuth to point out that if someone's a courier, they're probably killed over a valuable package. And it's not like he even speculated on particularly valuable or interesting things.
Do they really have enough of a population for a massive stock market, anyway? Wall Street isn't trading stocks based solely in NYC.
It was one of the first buildings constructed after the Midnight Crew gave up urban planning to people less interested in putting a secret gambling den on every corner and racing tracks in the middle of residential areas.
And it was a tragedy when they did so. Secret gambling dens for all!
Sleuth smirks.
ARG
Chapter 6
As he gets out he looks around. He scans the streets and alleyways and rooftops, and does a double take as he sees a patch of green and blue in his vision. He focuses on a green man in a solid blue top hat standing perfectly still on a rooftop, staring at, as far as Problem Sleuth can tell, his office.
The problem with the Felt is that they’re so damn conspicuous.
The Felt have two people who can spy on you from the past or the future so you never see them. They have a third person who's so fast he's a blur. The more reasonable guess here is that someone wants him to know he's being watched.
You do not need explicit command to deliver the mail. It something you are always doing and is the one thing you think about at all times.
While I suppose this is a more accurate PM than the one who showed up last time, it's a ridiculous caricature of her, and particularly stands out because none of the other characters so far show any similar obsession.
You are so attuned to the mail you can even tell what’s inside without opening it up.
Because to do that would be unethical!
But that's what she did when she disarmed the bomb.
Oh goodness somebody has pulled you into an alley you swing your letter opener in a wild fashion back and forth you won’t let them take the mail away because that’s the only thing they could possibly want from a woman in a cute uniform like yourself.
She sounds like a brain damaged child, and also wtf why is the post office sticking their female workers into "cute uniforms". This is like two steps away from comments about short skirts. You really should have just stopped at "woman", that was bad enough.
Also when PM swings sharp things it isn't "wildly" so much as "removing a head".
And now Sleuth is demanding she not do her job for the day because...he thinks she shouldn't go near him. Which is why he sought her out when all she was doing was going through her route, most of which does not involve him in any capacity.
“Deliver it to my apartment.”
Maillady’s eyes flick away from Sleuth. “And where would that be?” Maillady asks innocently.
“Oh, don’t play coy. I know you know where it is.
She delivers mail, why would she pretend she doesn't know where he lives?
and if anybody wants to look through your mail swing your letter opener at them.
Thank goodness he told her, because it's not like she was already doing that and could figure it out herself.
Persevering Maillady: Do what Problem Sleuth says.
It doesn’t feel right to just abandon him like this
But she was never involved in the first place!
“If I see any mobsters I’m getting the hell out of this cab and leaving you in here.”
What ever happened to helping out a stranger in need? Nothing, seems like, since nobody bothered doing it in the first place.
Yes, it is indeed an asshole move on Sleuth's part to get some innocent stranger involved even though he knows the guy has a good chance of getting hit in the crossfire.
Hey, it's the part where the detective gets beat up! Hi part!
...okay, let me see if I follow this. Sleuth drives the car into Boxcars, in a fine move in both practical and punning terms. He shoots toward Droog to get Droog to take cover and buy himself a second of breathing room. Then he somehow sprints across the gap in a split second and hits Droog in the head.
Droog is knocked over but still conscious and doesn't even seem stunned. He complains about his suit but seems to have been paralyzed because he doesn't put up the slightest struggle as Sleuth attempts to drag him back to the car, presumably with the intent of interrogating him later, one handed because he's still shooting to keep away Boxcars. Deuce then attempts melee combat, with predictable results. Droog is still paralyzed.
Only now does Slick appear for some reason. Instead of stabbing right off, he tries to beat Sleuth down before remembering that he's got knives and putting one to Sleuth's throat. I know they want to talk to Sleuth, but his tongue will still work even if he has a knife through a limb.
Chapter 7
“my point is” Slick pauses. “i think its time you start spilling your guts in a metaphorical sense before you start spilling your guts in a literal sense” Slick twirls a switchblade around in his fingers before it disappears into his deck.
That is a surprisingly clever threat for Slick. He's usually shit at witty lines.
And now Sleuth is lying about knowing what the package was, because getting beaten up is part of some plan of his.
“Problem Sleuth is probably bluffing about knowing what the courier was carrying.”
“probably” Slick asks. “i dont think ive ever heard you use that word before”
“Or maybe he isn't bluffing. I can’t tell." Droog says.
How can he not tell? It's incredibly obvious. Droog can figure out everything else, but not a transparent bluff?
"Whatever the case, it doesn’t matter what Sleuth knows because the Felt know more.
This, though, is a properly insightful observation. I'm with Droog. Killing Sleuth is definitely the best idea now.
Chapter 8
When it comes to surveillance, the Felt have options. Itchy runs around so fast nobody can see him. Doze can look at a single location for days. Trace can look into where somebody’s been and Fin can look into where somebody’s going. Clover’s so damn lucky he just knows things. And then Die can jump to timelines where people are dead to find out if the Felt there learned anything from them. Hell, if Snowman feels up to it, she can teleport to wherever she feels like.
And that’s not to say they’re slouches at typical surveillance. The muscle are all conspicuous in a crowd but they know how to follow somebody if it’s not an issue that the target knows they’re being tailed. And they know how to do stakeouts, if letting everybody know a bunch of green hulking brutes are gazing at them through binoculars isn’t an issue. They know their stuff. Except for Eggs and Biscuits. They don’t know how to do anything, but they’re dangerous for other reasons.
So true!
“So I looked a little bit into your past while Itchy followed you around. Funny what I saw. Confirmed what we were already thinking at the time.”
Sleuth glares and refocuses his gun on Trace. “And what’s that?”
“That you’re looking for Wealthy Quantifier’s missing necklace.” Trace says.
...yeah, see, that's why just telling him he needed to look for the damn necklace would have been a lot smarter than telling him to go poke around her house.
...what the hell now they actually fall for him just saying that no, he isn't looking for the necklace?
Chapter 9
“Maybe when you clean up a bit, you’ll come back.” The receptionist says.
“But I’ll need a reason to do that.” Problem Sleuth says with a smirk as he walks to the elevator. “You got one?”
“Oh,” The receptionist reciprocates the smile. “A few.”
...that was kind of completely out of nowhere. Why does everyone want to screw him?
You can see everything from up here. The whole city. Every single inch. And it goes on for miles. Residential blocks, apartments, industrial districts. Office buildings, movie theaters. Race tracks, casinos. It’s breathtaking.
And then beyond it. Wasteland. Mountains devoid of vegetation. The occasional ruin. It’s humbling. The rest of the planet is like that. Completely dead, and right here is the only spark of life.
Yeah so I'm not sure they can really run a stock exchange or whatever. Also...how on earth are they feeding themselves if there's nothing but city pavement and then desolation?
“Problem Sleuth,” Keynoter says in a chastising tone. “Wealthy Qauntifier is a very independent woman. Her leaving the city on a whim is perfectly normal.
Yeah if you have to say she's "a very independent woman" to explain why she's capable of doing things of her own free will, she's probably not.
So, she thinks secrecy is so important she won't even say it in his office, but he's fine blabbing about it and her disappearance to her husband in his office.
You got the Midnight Crew and Snowman on one side, and then you got the big man and his wife on the other side.
I am pretty sure Snowman and the Midnight Crew aren't on the same side.
Also, there's something really irritating about WK getting referred to directly and with an extra word to emphasize he's important, while WQ is just the wife.
Hey, looks like it's the next time the detective gets beat up. Crowbar! May you be competent and prone to violence.
You know what would make this better? If Sleuth started getting random guys thinking he's hot as well. Then it's just an amusing sueism.
I'm curious here what the initial comments were when this was posted. The bit about the Felt here, and the bit about PM earlier, both have a retconny flavor to them, like someone complained and he tried to adjust.
Chapter 10
“What?” Sleuth asks. “Is it Itchy? Do you need to get away from his smell first?”
“Fuck you, Problem Sleuth.” Itchy pipes up.
Crowbar grins at the comment.
Wow, a few lines in and already they're failing to present a united front. Not a good sign there.
“I hope they didn’t bring bad news back to the mansion.” Sleuth says with a smirk.
Crowbar’s expression goes blank. “That’s the thing.” He says. “Snowman had a few things to say about that. Since Fin and Trace weren’t anywhere nearby, well.” Crowbar trails off with a toss of his head. “She took it out on me.”
That seems pretty random. I mean, the Queens are supposed to sit back and wait until the end. They can't be flipping out at the least little thing. Plus, she can teleport, it can't be that hard to target the people she's actually mad at. In fact, couldn't she have just voiped and gone right to the source of her irritation, namely, Sleuth?
“Are you sure you want to do this, Sleuth? This thing has killed before.” He says, patting his crowbar in his hand. “I don’t think you’ll last long.”
“But you’re not gonna kill me. Else how would I tell you where the Sapphire is?”
This seems like one of the various things an effigy is for. Crowbar can beat him into a bloody pulp, wait for him to get put back together, then do it all over again.
She heard Wealthy Quantifier’s place was robbed and ordered us to start looking for the Sapphire of Alternia.” Crowbar explains.
“Immediately after?” Sleuth asks.
“Immediately after.” Crowbar says.
“The hit on the Midnight Crew?”
“Also Snowman.”
Hurrah for her being proactive about things. Less hurrah for why does she care so much about the necklace? If she wanted Slick dead, she'd kill him, so why send other people out to shoot him and his gang?
“You just about killed me and now you’re looking to finish the job. Do you think I’d really lie in a situation like this?” Sleuth asks.
“Honestly, you’re a damn good liar.” Crowbar says
You keep saying this, but it's really not shown well in the text at all.
Okay, so if Die can check that easily what he says while getting beaten to death, why beat Sleuth half to death first?
It’s odd that Snowman is the one who spurred the Felt into action, although now that Sleuth knows this the sudden aggression from them isn’t all that surprising. If Snowman had her way all the time, or if she bothered to care, the Felt would be leaving a trail of blood across the whole city in pursuit of goals less valuable than the Sapphire of Alternia. She always did believe in striking fast and hard.
Maybe, but since when did she believe in going all out after every little thing? She barely shows up in the Intermission, and she leaves Slick alive each time. Simply a pricey necklace doesn't seem like a big deal. If she wanted it so badly, she could have just attacked WQ when she had it on her neck. Snowman's unkillable, WQ isn't.
I have to admit, I am dimly approving of violent trail of blood Snowman, provided she has some reason for it. But we can already see the cracks here: she's being set up as irrational and capricious and temperamental and all those fun words. And I'm sure "if she had her way" will lead somewhere very irritating.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2011-10-29 03:47 am (UTC)But no, because she's a woman, Jim decided to write her getting all ~hysterical~ at the first sign of danger.
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Date: 2011-10-29 04:26 am (UTC)