Eridan Meta, Part Three

[farla]

On to Eridan's third pesterlog.





CC: W)()()()()(-E-E-E-E-EW.
CA: fef are you in
CC: Yea)(...
CA: that took forevver
CA: i wwas gettin wworried kinda
CC: Yes, it was a pretty close call, and got kind of complicated.
CC: But Sollux finally came t)(roug)(, and now I believe t)(e full c)(ain is complete!
CA: man that guy
CA: hes a fuckin drama machine it is fuckin pathetic

There's nothing particularly noteworthy about Eridan being so unaware that he's accusing other people of being dramallamas. What does, apparently, need repeating is that Eridan does not need provoking to be a dick.

The most charitable reading here is that Eridan was worried for Feferi and he's expressing that by being angry at Sollux. But bear in mind Feferi's fine here and Sollux came through, so it's a bit odd he'd pick now to have an outburst, and also nothing he says here is an accusation about Sollux's competence. This is straight up ad hominem: Feferi says Sollux got her in, Eridan replies with yes but he's also a pathetic drama machine.

CC: YOUR STUPID FIS)(Y FAC-E IS T)(-E DRAMA MAC)(IN-E T)(AT DO-ES NOT)(ING BUT W)(IN-E AND GLUB.

While Feferi may be motivated in part by her feelings for Sollux, that isn't necessary to explain her outburst here. This isn't Feferi not paying enough attention to poor Eridan's feelings. It's Eridan being infuriating and consequently Feferi losing her temper at him.

CC: 38P
CA: fuck SORRY

He doesn't sound particularly remorseful, either. One wonders how many times a similar scene has played out between them without it ever making an impact on Eridan.

CC: Anyway you s)(ouldn't say t)(at about )(im, )(e is a )(ero and )(e saved my life.

This, in contrast, probably does have more to do with her feelings for Sollux, although the fact he got killed trying to save her is likely a major factor.

CA: yeah sorry
CA: i wwas just really wworried and stressed out i thought you wwere dead
CA: and i didnt evven get to thank you for savvin my life or really for anythin

Personally, I think this is sincere - Eridan opens the conversation indicating he's been worried, so he isn't bringing this up only after Feferi gets mad at him. And this won't be the only time Eridan ends up thanking people for helping him out - he expresses gratitude quite often, really. It's just that gratitude doesn't mean much from Eridan. It doesn't seem to actually inform his actions, as we'll see when he later kills his friends.

CA: and i just spent all this time here wworryin and thinkin about stuff
CA: and i decided i havve something i wwant to tell you
CA: that ivve been meaning to get off my nub for a wwhile noww

Eridan has finally decided to confess. That's good.

What's less good is how he's doing it. Of all the times to have second thoughts, now is probably the best one. Feferi is clearly not happy with him. She's snapping at him for things he says and he doesn't seem to have much of an idea of why. Now would be a great opportunity to actually think about what he's doing here and how he should be acting if he wants her to like him. But then, by the look of things he'd had lots of great opportunities like that, and like those ones, this one will be ignored as well.

CC: O)(, really?
CC: T)(at's good! Actually, I )(ave somet)(ing I )(ave been meaning to say to you too.
CA: wwhoa really
CA: uh
CA: wwhat is it
CA: you go first

Eridan jumps at the chance to have Feferi confess instead of him. Again, it's not clear if this is because of a general problem he has with being up-front in a relationship or a specific problem he has with this one relationship.

CC: Mm, okay.
CC: But t)(is isn't easy to say!
CA: yeah i knoww
CA: its ok maybe i wwill understand more than you think
CA: wwe might evven be sayin the same thing
CC: Okay, I )(ope so.
CC: I t)(ink...
CC: Now t)(at we are bot)( in t)(is game, and )(ave left our world be)(ind...
CC: And you can no longer pose t)(e danger to our people t)(at you )(ad always planned to...
CC: I t)(ink it is not really necessary for me to be your moirail anymore.

Bits like this are why I find it so odd that a lot of AU fic has them together. Feferi hates being his moirail. She's poured everything into the relationship and gotten nothing in return. She kept it up this long because she believed it was "necessary", not because she enjoyed anything about it. As I said last time, this casts a very different light on her comments about him not really planning to kill everyone - if she really believed it, she'd have dumped him earlier, so it's more likely it's something she wanted to be true and was trying to convince herself of. With that in mind, the more likely trajectory for a no-Sgrub AU is Feferi convinces herself that he won't do anything because she can't take being his moirail any longer, and then Eridan massacres a whole lot of people. The only way I can see them staying together is if it ends up being an even more messed up on-again-off-again thing where she keeps trying to break up with him and he kills people until she takes him back.

If you take nothing else from this: Feferi tried her best to help Eridan until finally she couldn't handle it any longer. Do not say she's doing anything wrong when, after this point, she doesn't prioritize Eridan's precious little feelings. She's already done more of that than she ever should have had to.

CA: wwhoa
CA: wwait
CA: wwhat

Eridan is upset she's dumping him from the quadrant he doesn't want to be in.

Note here that this is a complete shock to him - Feferi's misery in the relationship is really obvious, but he never noticed it for all he claims to care about her.

It's entirely possible this was an understandable mistake. Eridan's way of relating to people seems extremely superficial, what with his ability to be apparently close friends to people without feeling any dissonance over his plans to destroy them. It's very common for people to assume other people function like they do, and if anything, that's more common among low-empathy murderers. So, Eridan may have felt that when Feferi said she cared about the landdwellers, it was the same sort of thing he meant when he said he cared about, say, Kanaya - it was true, but it wasn't like he'd ever change how he acted based on it. In that case, Feferi talking him out of killing people would be because she liked talking him out of killing people, and the idea she could be doing it not because she enjoyed it but because she didn't want him to kill people didn't occur to him.

Or Eridan can just be a regular self-centered dick here. Either one, really.

CC: 38(
CC: I am really sorry, -Eridan. It )(as just been so )(ard looking after you and keeping you out of trouble!
CC: It )(as taken its toll, and )(onestly I am really ex)(austed.

Feferi is breaking up with him as nicely as she can. She does not accuse him of doing anything wrong. And what she's saying here boils down to that she was miserable in the relationship. Which she was.

CA: fuck
CA: this isnt what
CA: i dont knoww i wwasnt expectin this at all
CA: im not sure i can handle this

Eridan takes rejection extremely badly. I would assume the same thing is going on here as with Vriska. He doesn't necessarily care about the relationship, but a rejection implies there's something wrong with him, and that's what he reacts badly to.

Looking at in in this light, it's sort of impressive he lasted as long as he did in Sgrub, but on the other hand it's possible that the constant rejections he experienced then might have been building up to some actual realization that he needs to rethink things, only for him to fall short at the last moment. Remember the old Veilstuck settings? It's interesting to consider how things might go down if they didn't get through the door to the new universe and were stuck together in the medium, but weren't in imminent danger from Jack either.

CC: I'm sorry!!! 38'(

Feferi continues to apologize to Eridan about the fact he's an emotional black hole.

CC: It will be t)(e best for bot)( of us. We can just sort of be...
CC: Regular friends instead.

This, though, is probably the same thing as when Feferi said Eridan didn't really want to kill people. She really wants there to be a solution that's good for everyone, in part, sadly, because she really does care for everyone including Eridan. So far, she's been sacrificing her own happiness to try to keep everyone else happy. She's burnt out and sees a chance to escape that, so she really wants to believe Eridan will be happy too. She doesn't want to hurt him but she just can't do this any longer.

CA: no
CA: please dont
CA: look im bein serious here dont do this
CA: i wont even use my weird accent while i type ok so you know im bein really dead serious and honest about this
CC: Uh...
CC: Okay, I am being serious and honest too. SEE?
CA: ok good
CA: are you sure you arent bein hasty about this youve just been through a lot
CA: i mean we are supposed to be fated to be moirails arent we
CA: isnt that how it works
CA: you cant just throw all that away cause youre sick of me

Eridan continues to argue desperately to stay in the quadrant he did nothing but bitch about. Note him claiming here that they're fated despite the fact we know he thinks no such thing. He also doesn't say anything about actually needing or appreciating her as a moirail, or say he'll work harder from his end.

Again

CA: you cant just throw all that away cause youre sick of me

In other words, you can't end the relationship just because you don't like it and it's making you miserable.

One wonders if Feferi tried to more delicately dial back the relationship at other times before and was met with this.

CC: I am not sick of you, Eridan! I still really like you.

Later he murders her.

I just feel that can't be said too often. Later he murders her. He blows a hole through her chest and walks off. If he felt any remorse for this action, we don't see it. The relationship between Eridan and Feferi is not about Eridan pining desperately over his selfless love for Feferi who ignores him. It's about Feferi being kinder to Eridan than Eridan deserved until finally she's killed by him.

Consider that by the time of Sgrub, at least three of the kids have murdered large numbers of other kids - Vriska, Eridan, and Terezi. Aradia likely committed some murders as well, as even if it wasn't why she played Flarp it'd probably have come down to self-defense at some point. It's possible Tavros never did, but likely comes down to if he had to opportunity to do it - he kills Jade's grandfather and is willing to try to kill Vriska when he's convinced he needs to. The trolls live in a world where it's completely normal to kill other people if that's what you think is best at the moment. Feferi could have solved her Eridan problems at any point by killing him. She didn't because she cared about him - she wanted to protect everyone else but still let him be happy as well. Because of this, she'll end up killed by him.

CC: In order to be destined for moirallegiance, both people have to be on board, don't you think?
CC: But I cannot do it anymore. So I think it just wasn't meant to be all along.

Feferi continues to not blame him. Eridan is not and likely has never been on board with the moirallegiance, but she says nothing bad about how he's been acting.

This will not do anything to prevent Eridan's enraged outburst in a few lines.

CC: And really, you just don't need me anymore. You are free to do as you wish! We both are.

This is, remember, what Eridan actually wants. But he's still going to be angry that she's breaking up with him.

CC: I can't look after you anymore.
CA: I DIDNT EVER NEED ANYONE TO LOOK AFTER ME

Let's consider this bit.

Eridan is upset she's breaking up with him. But he's not saying he liked or appreciated the relationship, or that he needs her as his moirail. What he's saying is how dare she break up with him when he didn't even want it. This would be another point of overlap with the Nice Guy thing. Not only does he coin moirail-zoning with its obvious parallels to friend-zoning, but he's now doing something even more typical of them.

See, Nice Guys do not take rejection well. How can a woman be rejecting them as a friend when they were just putting up with her this whole time to try to get sex? They were the ones putting up with her and now the bitch thinks they weren't even good enough at it? It's like they paid her for sex and then she said they hadn't paid enough and walked off with all their money!

Clearly from Eridan's perspective, he was the one putting up with Feferi's stupid demands, not the one being demanding. So of course he's furious by this. Feferi is trying to explain that their relationship wasn't working, but Eridan never gave a damn about that, it was just something he was using.

CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble
CA: and really none of your fuckin business QUITE FRANKLY your majesty

Eridan never listened to Feferi. Just look at this. The problem with their moirallegiance is Eridan did not and never had any intention of considering what she said. He hated her telling him what to do and put up with it because he wanted her in another quadrant. And as I said, it's really not clear why he's so interested in her in a flushed way given he seems to have no respect for any of her beliefs. If Eridan was changing his mind about killing people, it is in spite of the fact he's ignoring Feferi.

CA: and the only reason i put up with stickin my flipper in this fuckin shithole quadrant with you was
CC: Was what?
CA: nevermind
CC: Tell me!
CA: ok fine
CA: i apologize for losin my shit over this i was just caught off guard is all

Some readings of Eridan assume that when presented with a difference in attitude between his outbursts and his apologies, his apologies better reflect his actual feelings. Some readings of Eridan seem to think he's Karkat.

I would say the far more likely thing is that Eridan's outburst represents his true feelings, as it matches up with his behavior toward Feferi, his internal narration saying he only doesn't kill people because it'd make Feferi unhappy, and his conversation with Kanaya about his feelings on the moirallegiance.

(An odd note here - right here and his previous conversation with Kanaya about quadrants are the only times he uses water-related terms. As I said last time, he seems to hate Feferi's quirk otherwise. Possibly there's some link between the two, with him associating his hated pale quadrant with the similarly loathed ocean and fish puns.)

CA: but maybe its a good thing really
CA: actually i might a been proposin the same thing to be honest

Here is why Eridan's apologizing - not because it represents his true feelings and Eridan's outburst before was just the poor thing lashing out at how hurtful Feferi was, but because when he was about to say he didn't give a fuck about the moirail thing and just hung out with her because he had a red crush, he realized that asking her to be in the red quadrant together probably wouldn't work well while yelling at her about how much he couldn't stand her as a moirail. Eridan's apologies continue to make more sense as him trying to get things from someone rather than anything sincere.

CC: Oh?

One wonders what Feferi's thinking here - if Eridan regularly jumps between extremes like that to the point she doesn't even register it as odd, or if instead she has no idea what's going on and she's just going to wait for him to explain in the hopes it makes sense.

CA: yeah
CA: fef have you thought about
CA: since you dont wanna be pale with me no more
CA: the possibility a some other type of arrangement with me
CC: What do you mean?
CA: i mean
CA: somethin a bit more
CA: kinda reddish
CA: like
CA: brighter red
CC: 38O
CC: No, I hadn't thought about it!
CA: ok well what do you think about it
CA: now that youre thinkin about it

I would read Feferi here as hoping it gets dropped, with the exclamation mark meaning she's snapping at him. After all, she just got through saying he's exhausted her and it should be pretty obvious after that blowup (CA: i was totally fuckin fine my ambitions were noble/CA: and really none of your fuckin business QUITE FRANKLY your majesty ) that they're not really compatible.

Here's something to consider - has she really never thought about it? I could see it either way. She might be too worn out from focusing on her pale relationship with him to consider it, or she might have suspected and just really hoped it wasn't true because she didn't like him that way.

What we do know yet is conspicuously absent from this conversation is that Feferi is also interested in someone else. She likely doesn't want to hurt his feelings by saying so.

Anyway, we're now seeing our second instance of Eridan being tenacious about romance. It's likely the reason for this behavior after previously being so unwilling to mention anything is quite simple: confessing his red interests risked losing the pale quadrant without necessarily netting him her red, but now that she's dumping him from pale he has nothing to lose.

This line far more minor than his badgering of Kanaya earlier, but it's not starting well - saying she hasn't thought of it when she's clearly irritated was a point he could have backed off, but instead he's pressing for an answer. And it'll get worse from here.

CC: Um...
CC: I really don't know about that.
CA: why not i thought you said you liked me
CC: I do! But I don't know if it's really in that way.
CA: couldnt it be though

And here we go. Feferi is trying to say no nicely, Eridan is continuing to push.

CA: dont you think theres room in your collapsin and expandin bladder based aquatic vascular system for those feelins
CC: I've never had a chance to consider anything like that! I have just spent all my time worrying about you and trying to keep you from killing everybody or hurting yourself.
CC: It took all my energy.
CC: I don't think I have anything left for those feelings either.

This sums it all up nicely. Feferi: miserable in a relationship that she only stuck with because she's a kind person who cares about others. Eridan: completely fucking oblivious to that, refusing to take no for an answer.

Now it's time for Eridan to prove her point about how he's an exhausting dramallama.

CA: oh god
CC: What?
CA: im the biggest fuckin idiot who ever lived
CA: i cant BELIEVE i just opened up to you like a chump when i knew what was comin

This is known as being a manipulative fucker. Eridan is making it all about him. It is hypothetically possible this is just his natural impulse and its direct overlap with guilting people through emotional theatrics is coincidental - there totally are some people like that. But even if it isn't a conscious attempt to make her focus on him, it's still toxic behavior.

CA: i am one sad fuckin brinesucker
CA: overemotional sappy trash youre right im not better than anybody
CA: im worse than anybody
CA: EVERYBODY
CA: all the bodies
CC: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!
CC: God.
CC: Will you just clam up for once in your life?
CC: Always carping and carping and carping!
CC: You go completely overboard with your emotions, always looking to reel in drama wherever you can.
CC: I am up to my gills in it! I just can't salmon the strength anemonemore.

And as Feferi makes clear here, this is not a one-time occurrence, which really lends support to the idea Eridan is, at least to some degree, deliberately trying to get attention by doing this, even if he doesn't mean to be malicious about it. Feferi is the one who's been dealing with him for god knows how long, and she's reacting to this as if it's manipulative, not as if he just gets upset more easily than other people.

CA: i cannot
CA: BELIEVE
CA: you are doin the fish pun thing while youre breakin up with me
CA: real nice
CA: whoops i mean REEL nice

Although Eridan's acted as if the pun thing is insincere, from what we see with Equius (and Vriska, for whatever that's worth) troll quirks tend to increase when emotional. Equius slips into horse puns when flustered, and Vriska's quirk is moderate when she's pretending to be in control and fine with things and 8r8ctic8lly unre8888le when she's upset. Here, Feferi's pun outburst goes hand in hand with her losing her temper. This paints Eridan's complaining about it in a really bad light - he's demanding Feferi keep any evidence of her own emotions out of this and pay attention to him. It's like someone shouting at you but getting mad if you raise your voice back.

Really it's impressive just how many things Eridan manages to tick off for an emotionally abusive relationship in such a short time. (As I know people tend to throw around that term with varying levels of understanding, I want to clarify here that I don't mean Eridan is setting out to be abusive. But that doesn't change the fact that this isn't how you should treat people and that it isn't good for Feferi or anyone else to be treated like this.)

CC: HEHEHE, sorry.
CC: But really, this shouldn't be as bad as it sounds.
CC: When all is said and done, I am still your friend.

Again, he's going to end up killing her! Just want everyone to remember that.

CC: We have left our world behind. Everyone is dead, and there's no use in worrying about it now.
CC: It's over! It is time to play this game and focus on building something new and ------EXCITING.
CC: So )(ang in t)(ere, -Eridan.
CC: I )(ave to go now! Sollux is in serious trouble, and I )(ave to go )(elp )(im.

Yes, Feferi just sat through that entire thing first before going to see Sollux. Eridan does not feel at all grateful she was willing to put this first.

CC: BY------------------------E!
CA: wwait
CA: dont go

cuttlefishCuller [CC] ceased trolling caligulasAquarium [CA]

CA: glub

We then see Eridan bopping his head in frustration.



And Feferi...

Comments

[farla.livejournal.com]

Including people saying she's bad for not putting up with it enough!

[raichu100.livejournal.com]

I didn't even realize how true that was until I read this.

Thank you for writing this meta! Eridan is truly the only troll who I really don't like on any level (beyond being able to make fun of him for being so ridiculous). You articulated so well why he is a douchebag, something which I've thought for a long time but never analyzed in so much depth.

Also, a note: I rather do like Eridan <3< Feferi as a pairing. (I'm not sure how to make the spade symbol show up with html. ;-;) But I'm not sure if Feferi would want to put up with him enough even for that. It just doesn't seem likely.

[farla.livejournal.com]

Eridan <3< Feferi doesn't make sense on the canon timeline, I'd say (Eridan/Anyone is pretty shaky, since all the characters who know what he did have stated that they find no romantic aspect it, so it's likely everyone would end up on platonic hate. Maybe Equius or something might manage it.) But it works fine at any point prior to the whole murdering thing.

Hm, actually, I wonder how things would have gone if Eridan hadn't gone for blackrom with Sollux and getting her to flip to ashen? Feferi seems far more interested and irritated with him than Sollux was, and she'd also have presumably been more willing to be in a quadrant that didn't require her to break a quadrant she was already happy with.

[raichu100.livejournal.com]

Getting Fef to be ashen for Eridan and Sollux? That actually seems unlikely to me. idk, I have a hard time seeing her happy with that arrangement - I feel like she'd find Eridan is butting in to her relationship and trying to mess it up and that would piss even her up, after she's put up with so much.

But yeah, you might be right about the platonic hate thing. It's kind of a hard thing to understand, heh, since we're not trolls and have no idea what romantic hate feels like. (No one does, since it doesn't actually exist...so there's no reference point for it.)

[learntwocook.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how to make the spade symbol show up with html. ;-;

The ASCII code is "& spades;" only without the space. The unicode is...something. You can probably look it up somewhere. I don't really use unicode though, much more trouble than it's worth.

Or you could just copy this: ♠

[raichu100.livejournal.com]

♠

Okay, I tried that and it didn't work before, so I must have misspelled it. lol woops. thanks! I know that's how you do it for ♥

So does it work that way for clubs and diamonds?

♣
&diamonds;

ETA: evidently only clubs? weird.

[learntwocook.livejournal.com]

& diams;

[raichu100.livejournal.com]

♦

sweet, thanks!