Starr Region, Ch11-13
Jun. 26th, 2006 11:19 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
farlaTime to kill, so…
Last time on Starr Region, Boring!Elliot and crew wandered into a pitch black canyon while Main Character Amy whines.
Chapter Eleven (Titled Lovely Conversations Don’t You Agree) begins with one of the boring side groups who I don’t recognize. They meet Underage Trainer Ryan and his injured sneasel, which goes into convulsions after they treat it, for drama or something like that. Then they use perish song tomake it shut up knock it unconscious. With help like this, who needs poorly conceived villains?
We jump back to Main Character Amy, who has somehow managed to become separated from the group within a minute. Her calls go unanswered. If your companions manage to get that far away from you that fast the first time they get the chance, it’s probably a clue they’re trying to ditch you. It makes a lot of sense too – Main Character Amy comes in two flavors, whiny and spunky bitch.
Anyway, she slips down a hillside. Inside a canyon. She does hit her head, which makes me happy. She doesn’t seem hurt, which makes me sad.
What just happened would normally be really, really dangerous, and actually hurt. In a good story, it’d be used to create drama, add tension, make the characters seem realer, and generally get the reader to Give A Damn.
Anyway, she lands on another girl, who turns out to be a darkfic sue – black hair, an “Espeon with a black jewel and to black markings on her shoulder” and her name is Sin.
Does anyone else ever really, really wonder about the parents in these sort of stories? Because there actually are parents who would name kids things like this – homeless heroin users with five years of schooling and an utter apathy verging on hate toward their child, but that’s about it. And even most of them don’t name their kid things like this – most of the names are either original or, in the case of the poor girl saddled with Temptress, born of a spelling error coupled with parental ignorance of what the resulting name meant. You’d have to be a homeless heroin user who hated your kid and was also a Satanist to name you kid Sin.
Sin is bitchy, probably because her homeless heroin user Satanist mother didn’t raise her very well. But after a few lines, it’s understandable. Killing Main Character Amy is the sort of thing no jury would convict you for.
" Blonds." Sin said rolling her eyes. (A/N: No offense all you blonds, I know I know, you have more fun. My sister tells me this ALL the time!)
" I take that offensively!" Amy said
I would sincerely like to believe the joke is intentional, but I really have to wonder.
Amy refuses to leave Sin alone, despite saying at the beginning of the conversation she was going to leave Sin and go find her friends. She starts following the poor girl and babbling. Sin may be a darkfic sue, but no one deserves this.
Mercifully, it ends and we switch back to the other boring group, who are marveling over the fact a dragonite and latias have just shown up for no reason. Latias then vanishes for no reason either, and the dragonite sticks around forno reason plot contrivance oh hell, no reason.
Underage Trainer Ryan begs the dragonite to help his sneasel, who is now not only burned, but “manged”. God knows what they’ve been doing to the poor thing since we last left them.
The dragonite agrees to help, and for no reason the other trainers start chasing after it when it leaves. I guess they intend to catch it. While this is a far more reasonable response than Ash “Wow, there’s another rare pokemon I’ll make no attempt to catch” Ketchum, it’s pretty damn ungrateful.
Sadly, the interlude ends, and we’re back to Main Character Amy. At this point I think you could kill her slowly in front of a jury and they still wouldn’t convict you. She’s singing random snatches of song from, among other things, The Jungle Book.
Sin, probably from the brain damage of being a crack baby, doesn’t realize that if Amy won’t shut up, her espeon can make Amy shut up. For good.
Thankfully, that ends (it was pointless, yes), and we switch to Pokemon Are Like People But Stupider Dragonite and Latias, who discuss ‘twoleg’s. It’s like those horrible Indian stereotypes, but worse because it’s not even consistent. They go from Engrish to archaic to informal to formal to random to…yeah.
Chapter Twelve is titled Tolea the Magnificent. This is Not A Good Sign.
We open with Main Character Amy, who is still being whiny and demanding attention. She then demands to know why Sin is ‘such a jerk’. This is just a guess, but possibly it’s because she’s been harassing, bothering, getting in front of and blocking the path of, whining at, babbling to, and otherwise being the most irritating sue I’ve seen in a while.
Anyway, it turns out that Sin is really just mean because she’s scared of making friends (at least, that’s what Main Character Amy says, which is to say the author), which makes me die a little inside. I hate the whole ‘you REALLY want friends/love/sex/money/attention and you’re just displaying total disinterest or hate because you’re scared of it. Also the bully just wants to be your friend and Bush loves black people other than Condi.
Sin attacks Main Character Amy and they start fighting. But then Jewel screams somewhere off camera and they stop.
Amy “whipped blood from her cheek”. The author apparently meant this to show the seriousness of the fight, judging by the following author note telling boys that ‘girls can fight too’ but I just wonder where the blood came from, as there’s no mention of any pain or cut. Again, we see that it’s the way you deal with something that makes readers care, not the event itself.
Then Main Character Amy is hit over the head and faints. Finally, she’s quiet. But we don’t get to enjoy it.
We cut to the pokecenter the dragonite apparently dropped Underage Trainer Ryan off at, and…Tolea appears.
Ryan was just drifting off to sleep when a tall girl with choppy layered bright purple hair, and golden eyes, tore in, nearly colliding with a nearby nurse. She had on dark blue overalls with a lavender tanktop, and boots with wrap around belts on them, she had a purple knapsack hung over one shoulder.
Tolea is being chased by a bunch of boys because she stole their baseball. She acts random in what I guess is meant to be funny. She then gives them the ball back by “[chucking] it at a blond boy’s head” and hitting him in the face, which is apparently very funny. Because trying to severely injure some poor bystander you just stole something from is okay. She then sits down next to Ryan, who’s feeling miserable about his sneasel. She responds to this by babbling about herself and her companion Toby, because caring about other people is fornormal people suckers.
The sneasel is healed. Tolea randomly offers him a ride and they get on the backs of a manectric and an absol. I pity the pokemon’s spines. I also wonder if the manectric has static.
Main Character Amy wakes up and finds she can’t move. Now me, I think I’d notice being tied hand and foot, but it’s not the thing a character like these will notice until after they’ve tried moving and failed.
It turns out she’s with her companions, who are also tied up. At least, that’s what Amy thinks, and Elliot assures her that she is, indeed, tied up, which is helpful. He manages this without any of the panic you’d think he’d display. Ah, Elliot, how boring you’ve become.
Anyway, and Amy is the Main Character, she has to wake up and start giving orders before anything can happen. She orders Elliot to use Howler for light, and then Elliot finally realizes he can tell Howler to help get them loose. He doesn’t release his mightyena or Persian, who you’d think would be just as good at this, and no one else releases their pokemon.
We need the chainsaw of natural selection NOW.
The story jumps back to Tolea theObnoxious Magnificent. She’s in possession of a “real Ninetails” which is admittedly rather impressive, in that there’s no such thing. And then Underage Trainer Ryan decides to catch a charmander.
Now we reached Chapter Thirteen (Slashcat vs Charmander, Elliot vs Death). This is where it gets good, provided your definition of good, like mine, is very, very bad.
We start off back with Main Character Amy’s group. Elliot is free of the ropes just as a random guy shows up. He introduces himself as Death, chucks a sword at Elliot (who somehow catches without losing his fingers) and proceeds to have a swordfight with Elliot, I mean, Chosen One of Space. I can only guess that GamerGirlGG saw the summary to Xanthic Growlithe Contract and felt bad for Elliot, so she made sure to give him a special destiny first.
They slash at each other. I curse Pokemon: MASTER for glorifying swords. Dramatic sparks appear without notching the blade.
It turns out Elliot is a super 1337 swordsman but is also like totally kind to random homicidal strangers and is trying to not hurt the guy. He somehow manages to hit Death with ‘the butt of the sword” and things like that each time and I’m emailing Facia now and demanding she make Elliot kill someone just to get rid of the sacchariny taste of fake sueish goodness.
Like me, Death is pissed at Elliot’s behavior and starts attacking even more violently. Then we switch to Underage Trainer Ryan, who’s getting pwned by a wild charmander. Way to kill the drama there.
Ryan wins.
Ryan started doing this weird dance that my little seven year old brother does whenever he beats me at Spiderman. (A/N: I'm not good at all games! Besides, I don't play Playstation 24- 7!)
There are no words.
With the boring interlude over, we return to Boring!Elliot getting beat up. Or cut up. It takes a lot of skill to make a battle with sharp weapons boring, but the author is talented like that. Anyway he suddenly drops the goody-goody act and hacks off Death’s arm. Death screams for a bit then jumps up and stabs Elliot in the back.
Unfortunately, this actives hisSailor Space Transformation other personality, which is, apparently, way cooler. He gets up fine, looking really cool and adult, talks self-importantly and lops off Death’s head.
Then the personality vanishes and Elliot wonders what’s up. His friends make vague comments about ‘someone’ who looks just like Elliot killing Death in various upset tones, and Kirra mutters about how she thought she was a little psycho. And Elliot now has a golden and presumably bloody sword in his lap. Luckily this is Boring!Elliot, so he doesn’t think anything of it.
More of this later, maybe.
Last time on Starr Region, Boring!Elliot and crew wandered into a pitch black canyon while Main Character Amy whines.
Chapter Eleven (Titled Lovely Conversations Don’t You Agree) begins with one of the boring side groups who I don’t recognize. They meet Underage Trainer Ryan and his injured sneasel, which goes into convulsions after they treat it, for drama or something like that. Then they use perish song to
We jump back to Main Character Amy, who has somehow managed to become separated from the group within a minute. Her calls go unanswered. If your companions manage to get that far away from you that fast the first time they get the chance, it’s probably a clue they’re trying to ditch you. It makes a lot of sense too – Main Character Amy comes in two flavors, whiny and spunky bitch.
Anyway, she slips down a hillside. Inside a canyon. She does hit her head, which makes me happy. She doesn’t seem hurt, which makes me sad.
What just happened would normally be really, really dangerous, and actually hurt. In a good story, it’d be used to create drama, add tension, make the characters seem realer, and generally get the reader to Give A Damn.
Anyway, she lands on another girl, who turns out to be a darkfic sue – black hair, an “Espeon with a black jewel and to black markings on her shoulder” and her name is Sin.
Does anyone else ever really, really wonder about the parents in these sort of stories? Because there actually are parents who would name kids things like this – homeless heroin users with five years of schooling and an utter apathy verging on hate toward their child, but that’s about it. And even most of them don’t name their kid things like this – most of the names are either original or, in the case of the poor girl saddled with Temptress, born of a spelling error coupled with parental ignorance of what the resulting name meant. You’d have to be a homeless heroin user who hated your kid and was also a Satanist to name you kid Sin.
Sin is bitchy, probably because her homeless heroin user Satanist mother didn’t raise her very well. But after a few lines, it’s understandable. Killing Main Character Amy is the sort of thing no jury would convict you for.
" Blonds." Sin said rolling her eyes. (A/N: No offense all you blonds, I know I know, you have more fun. My sister tells me this ALL the time!)
" I take that offensively!" Amy said
I would sincerely like to believe the joke is intentional, but I really have to wonder.
Amy refuses to leave Sin alone, despite saying at the beginning of the conversation she was going to leave Sin and go find her friends. She starts following the poor girl and babbling. Sin may be a darkfic sue, but no one deserves this.
Mercifully, it ends and we switch back to the other boring group, who are marveling over the fact a dragonite and latias have just shown up for no reason. Latias then vanishes for no reason either, and the dragonite sticks around for
Underage Trainer Ryan begs the dragonite to help his sneasel, who is now not only burned, but “manged”. God knows what they’ve been doing to the poor thing since we last left them.
The dragonite agrees to help, and for no reason the other trainers start chasing after it when it leaves. I guess they intend to catch it. While this is a far more reasonable response than Ash “Wow, there’s another rare pokemon I’ll make no attempt to catch” Ketchum, it’s pretty damn ungrateful.
Sadly, the interlude ends, and we’re back to Main Character Amy. At this point I think you could kill her slowly in front of a jury and they still wouldn’t convict you. She’s singing random snatches of song from, among other things, The Jungle Book.
Sin, probably from the brain damage of being a crack baby, doesn’t realize that if Amy won’t shut up, her espeon can make Amy shut up. For good.
Thankfully, that ends (it was pointless, yes), and we switch to Pokemon Are Like People But Stupider Dragonite and Latias, who discuss ‘twoleg’s. It’s like those horrible Indian stereotypes, but worse because it’s not even consistent. They go from Engrish to archaic to informal to formal to random to…yeah.
Chapter Twelve is titled Tolea the Magnificent. This is Not A Good Sign.
We open with Main Character Amy, who is still being whiny and demanding attention. She then demands to know why Sin is ‘such a jerk’. This is just a guess, but possibly it’s because she’s been harassing, bothering, getting in front of and blocking the path of, whining at, babbling to, and otherwise being the most irritating sue I’ve seen in a while.
Anyway, it turns out that Sin is really just mean because she’s scared of making friends (at least, that’s what Main Character Amy says, which is to say the author), which makes me die a little inside. I hate the whole ‘you REALLY want friends/love/sex/money/attention and you’re just displaying total disinterest or hate because you’re scared of it. Also the bully just wants to be your friend and Bush loves black people other than Condi.
Sin attacks Main Character Amy and they start fighting. But then Jewel screams somewhere off camera and they stop.
Amy “whipped blood from her cheek”. The author apparently meant this to show the seriousness of the fight, judging by the following author note telling boys that ‘girls can fight too’ but I just wonder where the blood came from, as there’s no mention of any pain or cut. Again, we see that it’s the way you deal with something that makes readers care, not the event itself.
Then Main Character Amy is hit over the head and faints. Finally, she’s quiet. But we don’t get to enjoy it.
We cut to the pokecenter the dragonite apparently dropped Underage Trainer Ryan off at, and…Tolea appears.
Ryan was just drifting off to sleep when a tall girl with choppy layered bright purple hair, and golden eyes, tore in, nearly colliding with a nearby nurse. She had on dark blue overalls with a lavender tanktop, and boots with wrap around belts on them, she had a purple knapsack hung over one shoulder.
Tolea is being chased by a bunch of boys because she stole their baseball. She acts random in what I guess is meant to be funny. She then gives them the ball back by “[chucking] it at a blond boy’s head” and hitting him in the face, which is apparently very funny. Because trying to severely injure some poor bystander you just stole something from is okay. She then sits down next to Ryan, who’s feeling miserable about his sneasel. She responds to this by babbling about herself and her companion Toby, because caring about other people is for
The sneasel is healed. Tolea randomly offers him a ride and they get on the backs of a manectric and an absol. I pity the pokemon’s spines. I also wonder if the manectric has static.
Main Character Amy wakes up and finds she can’t move. Now me, I think I’d notice being tied hand and foot, but it’s not the thing a character like these will notice until after they’ve tried moving and failed.
It turns out she’s with her companions, who are also tied up. At least, that’s what Amy thinks, and Elliot assures her that she is, indeed, tied up, which is helpful. He manages this without any of the panic you’d think he’d display. Ah, Elliot, how boring you’ve become.
Anyway, and Amy is the Main Character, she has to wake up and start giving orders before anything can happen. She orders Elliot to use Howler for light, and then Elliot finally realizes he can tell Howler to help get them loose. He doesn’t release his mightyena or Persian, who you’d think would be just as good at this, and no one else releases their pokemon.
We need the chainsaw of natural selection NOW.
The story jumps back to Tolea the
Now we reached Chapter Thirteen (Slashcat vs Charmander, Elliot vs Death). This is where it gets good, provided your definition of good, like mine, is very, very bad.
We start off back with Main Character Amy’s group. Elliot is free of the ropes just as a random guy shows up. He introduces himself as Death, chucks a sword at Elliot (who somehow catches without losing his fingers) and proceeds to have a swordfight with Elliot, I mean, Chosen One of Space. I can only guess that GamerGirlGG saw the summary to Xanthic Growlithe Contract and felt bad for Elliot, so she made sure to give him a special destiny first.
They slash at each other. I curse Pokemon: MASTER for glorifying swords. Dramatic sparks appear without notching the blade.
It turns out Elliot is a super 1337 swordsman but is also like totally kind to random homicidal strangers and is trying to not hurt the guy. He somehow manages to hit Death with ‘the butt of the sword” and things like that each time and I’m emailing Facia now and demanding she make Elliot kill someone just to get rid of the sacchariny taste of fake sueish goodness.
Like me, Death is pissed at Elliot’s behavior and starts attacking even more violently. Then we switch to Underage Trainer Ryan, who’s getting pwned by a wild charmander. Way to kill the drama there.
Ryan wins.
Ryan started doing this weird dance that my little seven year old brother does whenever he beats me at Spiderman. (A/N: I'm not good at all games! Besides, I don't play Playstation 24- 7!)
There are no words.
With the boring interlude over, we return to Boring!Elliot getting beat up. Or cut up. It takes a lot of skill to make a battle with sharp weapons boring, but the author is talented like that. Anyway he suddenly drops the goody-goody act and hacks off Death’s arm. Death screams for a bit then jumps up and stabs Elliot in the back.
Unfortunately, this actives his
Then the personality vanishes and Elliot wonders what’s up. His friends make vague comments about ‘someone’ who looks just like Elliot killing Death in various upset tones, and Kirra mutters about how she thought she was a little psycho. And Elliot now has a golden and presumably bloody sword in his lap. Luckily this is Boring!Elliot, so he doesn’t think anything of it.
More of this later, maybe.
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