Ph33r

[farla]

(Don't worry, my karma will dictate I get run over by a bus or something for this.)

Secondary Persona: Hii every1! Thanx SOOO much fro reading dis! i rote it at too am afetr gettting SUPUR SUGUR HIGH!!!!! He he he. R&R plez i think itz reely funie!

Primary Persona: ::twitch::

Secondary Persona: i kno itz not liek reelly gud but actully i dont bc i'm postin it LOL!!!! & i'm juzt sayin thiz so u'l reviuw adn say itz gud.

Primary Persona: ::twitch:: I know I'm the one writing it, but this HURTS. I always thought these things were done because it's fun for the writer without any regard to the readers' enjoyment, but no, it hurts to even write it. Gah! ::lunges at Secondary Persona and begins dismantling it for reabsorbtion. Secondary Persona doesn't mind because slapstick violence always happens in these sort of infuriating author notes and in order to mind it'd need to stop writing in script form, so Primary Persona encounters no opposition as she cannibalizes it (er, I mean, Primary Persona reabsorbs Secondary Persona like Naraku from IY and you'll just have to remember whatever the hell that's supposed to look like LOL)::

Secondary Persona: & rember itz jus fur fun so no flammes kthnx!

Primary Persona: How is it people can write these for fun, anyway?

(With the obligatory boring talking of author and other characterless names proceeding the story as an 'author note' out of the way, I present you my very original title)

Unoriginality #Unknown: Random Insanity
(Or, a Type of Story that is Frequently Used as an Excuse for Utter Crap)

Narrator: Our story begins with AM&B walking through the forest.
Misty: We aren't in a forest stupid narrator! ::kills narrator::
Ash, to Brock: Why did she do that? And why does it say what she did? Why not just write out a sentence? I thought this was supposed to be a storie. Wait, why was that misspelled?
Brock: It's humor.
Ash: How is that funny? It's stupid and random.
Brock: Exactly.
Misty: Shut the hell up Ash! I'm going to go marry pSyduck!
::Ash stares at Misty::
Brock: See? Misty is acting strangely. That's funny.
Ash: No it isn't. It's just lazy. Hey does it seem like there aren't enough commas?
Pikachu: Pika pika chu cha kachu pi pichu ka (Translation: Yes)
Ash: It looks like the author was too stupid to write a real story and they're just writing whatever comes to mind and claiming it's 'humor' to excuse the lack of plot and characterization. Why?
Brock: I like cheeze. ^_^
Misty: I don't know. Maybe out of the delusion other people will think it's good.
Ash: I suck!
Brock: No, if they cared about what other people thought, they'd try to tailor their story to get people to like it. For example, they might put less effort into purposefully misspelling words, and write in actual jokes.
Ash: But Brock, I thought you said it was funny.
Brock: I did. You see, if I have a consistent personality, even if that personality is already OOC, it's not as random as possible.
Misty: But randomness isn't necessarily funny or good.
Ash: Shut up Misty! Pikachu is so much cuter than you.
::Brock and Misty stare at Ash::
Brock: Uh...
Brock: I like cheeze.
Ash: Why do you have two lines in a row? And stop misspelling that! Writing like you're instant messaging someone isn't funny.
Brock: Yes, it is. If I was saying what I normally do, that wouldn't be funny. Ergo, if I say what I don't normally say, it is funny.
Ash: Ergo?
Misty: That's so stupid I don't even know where to begin.
Pikachu: Pika. (Translation: The author is going to keep writing out what I say and then writing out what it means, but she's not going to even try to match length or syllables, so it's actually a lot worse than writing just the translation or just the actual sounds)
Brock: Yeah, if you're so smart, why dont U rite it! This iz my styl u moronn. Adn itz ok if i mispel evre othr wrd bc itz jus my atristic lisense!!!
Ash: You mean like that when Warzy-chan (name modified to protect the guilty) emailed Farla to complain because she'd left a three line review pointing out a mistake in the title, explaining why it was wrong, and suggesting how to fix it?
Brock: Yes, exactly. There are no mistakes. If an author does something wrong, itz js my autictic styl n ur jus 2 dence two kno dat!
Misty: Farla's still annoyed by this, isn't she?
Ash: I think she'd prefer it if we understood she's more annoyed by the general trend than she'll ever be by any single author, even one who swears at her in barely-legible emails. She was dealing with two other 'authors' that same day, both of whom said the same thing.
Misty: I like cheeze.
Ash: As I was saying before the author lost track of what was going on and segued into the complaint about the way authors take comments, this is incredibly dumb.
Misty: But I was the one who spoke last about that.
Brock: Yes, but if you spoke, you'd be in line with previous comments, giving you a slightly consistent personality.
Misty: Which detracts from the randomness?
Brock: Hai! ^_^
Misty: But this is boring! It's just babbling on and on. There's no point.
Ash: How would you do any better?
Misty: I can understand the idea of stretching personalities for comic purposes. Take Giovanni, for example.
Giovanni: Must we?
All: Yes.
Misty: Now, if we simple take a random line, such as "Psyduck rule" and have him say it –
Giovanni: Psyduck rule!
Misty: - It's certainly random, right? But it has nothing to do with his personality. He could be Tai-
Brock: Ahem.
Misty: - Sorry, TaiCHI from Digimon, for all you Digimon fans who've never even seen it subbed but think you're cool by putting in the Japanese names. Anyway, if TaiCHI said the line, it would be just as random. So it's not funny.
Ash: But if he says the same thing as he normally would, that's not funny.
Misty: Right. So rather than completely disregard his personality, we merely intensify part of it to comical levels. For example, take his obsession with Mewtwo.
Giovanni: I am not obsessed.
All: Yes you are.
Misty: Now, to make this obsession humorous –
Giovanni: I'm not obsessed.
Misty: ::ignoring him:: - we can simply intensify it, then make it happen in a silly manner. For example –
Giovanni: This is stupid. I'm leaving. ::leaves::
Misty: ::still ignoring him:: As I was saying, you might have something like:
::Mewtwo rushes past, looking harried::
::a moment passes::
::Giovanni, a legion or so of rockets in tow, stampedes after him::
Misty: Now, if you had a more main humor plot, you could make this a subplot, with the story slowly progressing around the main one. So imagine we've been talking for a bit more. Now, here's how it could go next:
::Mewtwo rushes back into their view::
::Mewtwo spies twerps:: Hey, do you know anywhere I can hide?
Ash: Why?
Mewtwo: Giovanni's anti-psychotics have run out again, and he's trying to catch me. Keeps babbling about taking over the world.
Brock: Can't he just clone a new one?
Mewtwo: I offered to do that, but he started frothing and raving about how I'm the strongest and rarest pokemon in existence. I know I'm perfect and all, but I'd like him to give up.
Brock, to Misty: I thought you said character traits were supposed to be intensified? Mewtwo seems pretty OOC.
Misty: You mean out-of-character. I can't believe how lazy the author is to use abbreviations like this in the main story. And Mewtwo is like this for three reasons. First, he's acting as a foil for warped-but-IC, sorry, in-character Giovanni. It's okay for a few of the characters to be extra OOC - my God, the author is so lazy - as long as they're like that so that most of the humorously warped IC characters can interact with them. After all, MovieMewtwo would just blast Giovanni immediately, and ShowMewtwo would stand there and think about philosophy while Giovanni caught him, so the interactions don't work well.
Misty: ::takes a breath:: Second, Mewtwo doesn't have a wide range of intense characteristics. He was a cool but poorly developed character. I mean, destroying the world to take it over with clones? WTF? It's just stupid. He was the standard lazy villain. He had to threaten the world and they gave him a quick motivation. I have tried to keep what few actual traits he displayed – in this case, narcissism and his dislike for being owned by Giovanni.
Misty: ::takes another breath:: Third, Mewtwo's a pretty repressed character. So he's one of the few that can be given a completely reversed character (this still has bearing on his original characterization, so it's still not just randomness). Because we know that what the Movie and Show versions would do, having Mewtwo running around like a wimp is funny. To anarchistically draw a comparison with another show that some of the readers haven't seen because I'm evil, it's like having Sesshomaru running around kissing human girls, laughing, and being scared by mice. It's the total opposite of his original aloof personality.
Ash: ::nods:: That makes sense. So it's okay to have a few of the characters who are very reserved run around and act without their normal inhibitions.
Brock: Hey, why have we been talking about this? What about the plot?
Misty, Ash and Mewtwo: Plot?
Ash: This is a random insanity story that doesn't really have anything to do with pokemon other than the names written by someone dumb enough to think sugar is a hallucinogenic drug.
Misty:...well, you can have sugar rushes.
Ash: No, you can't. They actually did an entire study on that stupid urban legend. Sugar gives you energy. The sugar rush is just a psychosomatic effect.
Brock: Huh?
Ash: You know you've had sugar, and you 'know' sugar makes you hyper because everyone says that. So you act hyper. And since when do I know this stuff?
Mewtwo: Just like sugar pills, the usual placebo.
Misty: Right. So back to what I was saying. Warping and intensifying character traits is funny. Giving characters a reversed personality is also okay to a degree. In both cases, the humor has to do with their original personalities.
Ash: I liek chezeeez.
Brock: And this is different than just having a random character say something. Does anyone remember back when people were writing 'Things the Character Would Never Say' stories? The first few of those were reasonably funny. Like, Ash would say something about how he didn't really care about being a pokemon master, or Misty would say that tentacool were ugly. But then, people started writing them with just random lines coming out of the character's mouth.
Ash: Agumon is so cool!
Brock: Yes Ash, like that. ::pats head:: This wasn't funny, but people wrote it because it was easy and because other people were mindless sheep and kept praising them. Let me take a moment to remind you I hate you for doing that. And by 'I', yes, I'm speaking for the author, who is using me to promote her own beliefs. Don't you just hate it what that happens? Anyway, this behavior is the same as the random insanity stories. They have no redeeming features, but are written because it takes very little effort, and posted because people are dimwitted sheep who praise anyway.
Misty: So why is the author writing this if she hates them so much?
Ash: Because she's writing a parody. It's not easy, because these things are so dumb it's hard to exaggerate anything. They do a pretty good job of parodying themselves.
Brock: So she's writing these just to try to discourage the authors of these stories?
Ash: ::nods:: And also to encourage others to give them honest reviews. <---- pay attention to this.
Misty: But isn't that mean?
Brock: I believe the author is of the opinion that just because someone creates something does not automatically make it worthy of existing. Occasionally people produce long strings of letters with occasional punctuation and call them sentences. The fact someone took the time to create them does not make them worthwhile. Just as the finger painting of a five year old should not be placed on public display, bad stories shouldn't be posted. The finger-painting can be put on the fridge, and bad stories can be kept in notebooks and floppy disks.
Ash: But don't they have the right to do so?
Brock: The author would also like to take a moment to tell people that she believes people who don't understand their rights should lose them. People in America have the first amendment (freedom of speech, among other things), and the ninth amendment (citizens may do anything there are not laws against). Therefore, they may post. However, having and exercising a right are two (er, 2) different things. Just because you are allowed to post gibberish does not mean you should. One also has the right to smash their computer, but that doesn't mean one should. Unless you write stories like this. And Farla has the right to own guns, but I bet you don't want her to exercise it.
Misty: These sort of stories are horrible. Yes, it's not illegal, but common sense (or mercy) should dictate that they should not be posted. These kind of stories are written solely for the amusement of the author –
Authoress, in the mandatory stupid appearance: Actually, this has been a remarkably painful and unpleasant experience. ::vanishes again::
Brock: Well, in theory the authors enjoy writing them. Farla doesn't post everything she writes (some of the readers may be wishing she hadn't posted this) and other authors need to learn this.
Misty: But I thought the author hated these kinds of stories. Why would she write something that shouldn't be posted?
Ash: She does hate these. However, she writes conversations between characters when bored. This amuses her, but she doesn't expect others to be similarly amused.
Brock: Characters like us?
Misty: No, not us. She doesn't like us because our personalities have degraded too far. Season 3 Ash might have been written about, but not Season 6 Ash. She writes about characters she's created or sometimes canon characters whose personalities she's reinforced in her stories. For example, because she wrote about Gary in another story she's not going to plug, she might use him.
Brock: But Misty, we were all in that story.
Ash: Yes, we were, but you and Misty weren't used much, and she had me go insane. That's different from Gary, who just got more depth to his personality.
Misty: Wait, does that mean she wrote you OOC?
Brock: No, but if she posted a story where Ash started out like that and never explained it, that would be OOC. In the story that remains unplugged, Farla justified Ash's behavior. His hometown was destroyed, almost everyone he'd ever known was dead, Gary tried to kill him, Pikachu betrayed him twice, and two incredibly powerful supernatural creatures were actively trying to drive him insane. Keeping Ash in line with his starting personality would actually be more OOC because Ash may be cheerful, but he's not the kind of person who remains cheerful after a few thousand people die.
Misty: So there are a lot of exceptions in the world of storywriting?
Brock: ::nods wisely:: There are exceptions to everything except this:
Knowing you write bad stories does not prevent them from being bad. It also does not automatically make your bad story a parody. If it did, then you could murder people as long as you knew murder was wrong, and it would just be a subtle, post-modern comment about how bad murder was.
Misty: Wait, doesn't that apply to this story too?
Ash:.........maybe.

Comments

Re: Eek

[farla.livejournal.com]

Ah yes. I remember the reviews back in Articuno's 'glory days'. I'm not sure if Warlorn-chan was honestly glad Articuno returned, or just trying to annoy me.

It was only one story, and I know because it was mine. He posted a short story I'd written, 'Disobedience' as 'Disobedience - My Way', my story with edits and an exceedingly stupid ending. I told him to delete it, he replied by saying I can't do anything, ha ha ha, and that he'd take it down in three days but he'd post it somewhere else and there was nothing I could do to stop him. He didn't take it down after a week and I reported him. Then later I found it posted on The Pokemon Tower. I reported this and when the webmaster tried to check on it, he unleashed a storm of lies (it was his friend who'd written it, he'd had no idea...) that did not manage to prevent him from getting kicked off there.

And I believe the reason there are only currently three stories has something to do with the fact I emailed Zapdos Articuno to find out if he was Articuno. He denied being Articuno with a story filled with contradiction and said that Articuno had only left because people were being mean to him in reviews. Then I said who I was and who I knew he was and there hasn't been anything more from him.

Re: Eek

[ember-reignited.livejournal.com]

Okay, now I have to know - what did he do to "Disobedience"?

Re: Eek

[farla.livejournal.com]

He wrote a continuation where the charmeleon survived by hanging onto a rock, and a Nurse Joy and Officer Jenny happened to be standing right there, so they rescued the charmeleon and the Officer Jenny arrested him and he got put in jail for a few days as punishment. And his pokemon were all mad at him (because why would you take his pokemon away after he tries to kill one?) and then he says he's sorry and they forgive him.

I think I've still got a copy. It was incredibly bad.

Re: Eek

[ember-reignited.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Well, at least it's less terrifying than the reviewer who thought that the charmeleon deserved what he got for being hubrisitic and daring to question the will one of the almighty gods of battle. Things like that make me wish there was some way to blacklist people so that they'd never be allowed to own pets. They also make me wish I could get away with murder, but that's a whole separate issue.